A/N: I got this idea from Bella's great m-vid called '45'. I hope I do this as much justice.
Title: 45
Summary: Booth reflects
Rating: K+
Disclaimer: I don't own 'BONES'. Nor do I own the song, which is "45" by Shinedown. Plotline © WolfMyjic 2007
Thanks to unaBella for making such a great m-vid that I wanted to write something using the same idea. Thanks to Goldy for beta'ing this for me.
Send away for a priceless gift
One not subtle, one not on the list
Send away for a perfect world
One not simply, so absurd
Seeley Booth sat on dry sand staring out over the ocean. The city glowed behind him, and the light of the stars danced across the waves. He drew his legs up to him, resting his arms atop his knees, and then scanned the horizon. There was nothing for as far as the night allowed him to see. Booth drew in a deep breath, filling his lungs with the salty air. He let his eyes drift closed as he held the air in until his chest began to burn, and then slowly released it through his nose. He opened his eyes, as a smile tugged the corners of his mouth. Right now, the world was perfect. Booth gave a disgruntled chuckle at the thought. A perfect world? No such thing. But he still could shake the feeling. He glanced at his watch. At two in the morning on a deserted stretch of beach--the world was perfect.
In these times of doing what you're told
You keep these feelings, no one knows
What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart
He let his mind wander, drawn out by the crash of the waves. He didn't often allow himself to think about the past. Booth tried to block it as much as he could. Sure, from time to time, something would come up that caused him to think back, but most of the time--most of the time he would jerk his mind back to the present, knowing that once he started thinking he wouldn't stop. Today, however, he allowed himself to think--to go back to his years in the Army and his stay in Hell. He tried to convince himself that he was following orders, that the kills that he had done were beyond his control, but his heart didn't believe his mind. Booth shook his head at the thought. What happened to me? He asked himself.
Booth jumped slightly when a hand touched his shoulder, but didn't look up as his visitor sat down beside him. "How did you find me?" he asked.
"You were talking about this place the other day," Temperance Brennan said. "Are you okay? Because you left in a hurry."
"I'll be okay," he answered, his eyes still watching the ocean through the still gloom. They sat in silence, allowing the peacefulness of the sea to calm their nerves.
And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,
Swimming through the ashes of another life
No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Staring down the barrel of a 45
"You ever feel lost?" Seeley finally asked, causing Temperance to turn her head to look at him.
"All the time," she answered truthfully. "The case, it really got to you, didn't it?"
"He was just a kid, Bones," Seeley said.
"He was twenty two. Weren't you already in the Army by then?"
"Yes, but…"he let the thought trail off. "I thought I was grown then. Thought I would join the Army and make a name for myself. I never expected…never expected to see what I saw, or do the things I did."
"You did what you had to do," Temperance told him.
"That's just it. It feels like it was another life and I'm swimming through the ashes. There're times…when I still feel like I'm staring down the barrel, waiting for my target."
Send a message to the unborn child
Keep your eyes open for a while
In a box high up on the shelf, left for you, no one else
There's a piece of a puzzle known as life
Wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight
"You shouldn't second guess yourself," Temperance said. "You did what you thought was right."
"No, I did what I was ordered to do."
"You made the world better…for Parker."
"Did I?" Seeley questioned. "Did killing those people make the world a better place? Did watching all those innocent men die make it a better place?"
"You have to believe it did. If not, then you'll be consumed by guilt."
"Guilt," he repeated, looking over at her. "That's one piece of the puzzle I do have." Seeley turned back to the ocean, his brown eyes dark with haunted memories. Temperance watched him for a moment, before letting her own eyes drift back to the sea.
What ever happened to the young man's heart
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart
Everyone's pointing their fingers
Always condemning me
And nobody knows what I believe
"The hardest part," Seeley said softly. "Is that everybody points fingers. Condemning me for what I've done. Never once thinking that nobody can condemn me more than myself."
"You can't let them win," Temperance said. "You did what you had to do."
"Easy to say, but hard to live with."
Temperance glanced over at her friend through the night. "I know," she said softly and then turned back to the water. They sat like that for a moment before she laid her head on his shoulder, offering his tortured soul the only comfort she come think of--friendship.
Thanks for reading.