My Little Brother, Shakil
Kush was sitting in the darkness when she found him, staring blankly at an empty page. Absentmindedly he rolled a pen between his thumb and forefinger. There were silent tears within his eyes. She pushed the bedroom door closed behind her, the soft click catching his attention in the otherwise silent room. He was glad it was her. He didn't need to hide his tears from her, didn't need to be strong for her like he did his mother who was falling apart without her youngest son. 'How is she?' He asked, his few words choked with emotion. 'Asleep, for now.' Denise softly replied as she crossed the room towards the window.
Denise looked out across the square which felt quieter than usual. She cast her eyes down to where flowers had been left with messages of condolence outside the house. She'd become so caught between supporting Kush and Carmel that she'd barely even acknowledged her own grief for her future brother in law, Shakil. The mother within her could not even begin to imagine losing a child, her own son given up only with the knowledge and assurance that he would have a better life elsewhere. Something which she knew Carmel could take no comfort from, her son cruelly taken from her with no reasoning at all.
Behind her Kush began to write before he screwed up the sheet of paper, letting it fall to the growing pile beside him. 'You should be writing this, you're better with words than me.' Kush's quiet words broke the silence which had remained between them. 'You don't need to be good with words to write something that comes from the heart.' Denise softly replied before padding back across the bedroom. She unclipped her earrings as she walked, placing the hoops on to the bedside table. 'It's not an exam, there's no right or wrong answer.' She slowly continued in his silence, catching the still unconvinced look in his eyes as she sat beside him and curled her legs beneath her.
'I don't even know where to start.' He sighed with a light shake of his head. 'He was my little brother, I shouldn't be writing his eulogy.' Kush blinked back tears, resting his head against her shoulder as he spoke. He felt Denise's hand cover his and found himself playing with the engagement ring on her finger. 'He was gonna be my best man.' Kush told his fiancée. A light gasp escaped her lips which slowly became a gentle sigh, her thoughts briefly turning to Kush on their wedding day without his brother beside him. 'That was the last time I spoke to him.' Kush paused before a light smile emerged upon his lips. 'He wanted to know if you had any fit bridesmaids lined up before he said yes.' He said, a brief chuckle escaping Denise's lips. 'Start with that.' She told him, softly kissing his cheek.
Kush considered her suggestion for a moment, looking across at her beside him. 'You reckon?' He asked to which she softly nodded. 'This says to..' He began reaching for his phone before Denise caught his hand to stop him. 'This isn't written by Google, adapted by you. This is written by you, his big brother.' She placed her hand against his cheek as she spoke slowly with carefully chosen words. 'You don't need to follow a plan, Kush, there's no rules.' She softly smiled at him. Briefly he met her gaze before letting his eyes fall closed, her thumb lightly catching a single tear which fell against his cheek.
Denise uncurled her legs from beneath her, feeling Kush's arms slipping around her waist and pulling her close. It was almost as though he'd felt her about to move away but she had no intention of leaving him. Instead she gently placed her legs over his. 'Anyway, you're the biggest rule breaker I know.' She softly smiled noticing the ghost of a smile flicker over his lips. 'And so was Shakil.' She added more seriously, hating to refer to him in the past tense. Denise let a soft silence fall between them which after a short while she gently broke. 'Listen, you don't need loads of generic nice words that make him sound like some kind of Saint.' Denise spoke slowly, carefully picking her words. 'It should be real. It should be honest to who he was. Your childhood memories. The reasons you asked him to be your best man.' She spoke slowly, carefully still, before letting the soft silence fall back between them. She felt Kush nuzzle against her neck and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
Slowly the fog in his mind began to clear ever so slightly, the familiar scent of her perfume comforting him. He pulled away from her with a faint smile upon his lips. 'When I was about 17 I kicked a football through mum's kitchen window.' He told her. 'Shaks would've only been about 3 or 4 but, he told her it was him.' Kush paused before lightly shaking his head. 'She knew it wasn't but he wouldn't give up, y'know.' Denise returned his soft smile. 'He always looked up to you.' She said, her hand lightly brushing against the side of his face. 'I remember you coming to bed at like 2am because you'd been playing that games console with him.' Kush softly kissed her cheek. 'The way you'd wind up your mum, you always stuck together.' She said. 'Unless I needed him on the stall and I'd have to bribe him to help.' His words caught in his throat a little. 'I can't believe he's gone, D. He should be here, playing his awful music, giving everyone cheek.' He buried his head in her neck, his words barely audible. Denise kissed his cheek as she hugged him, her own tears falling silently against her cheeks.
Into the small hours the couple comforted each other, sharing memories of the teen taken far too soon. When darkness ultimately gave way to morning light, Kush read through the eulogy he'd written with Denise during those hours before slipping it into his jacket pocket. The funeral was slowly approaching and as he began to knot his tie Denise appeared beside him. 'Here.' She said, lightly taking the material and tying it for him before placing her hands on his shoulders. Kush pushed her hair away from her face. 'I don't know what I'd do without you.' He whispered. The pair of them sharing a gentle kiss.
Throughout the church service she held his hand, letting go only when he moved to give his eulogy for his little brother. Stood facing the church full of family, friends and neighbours Kush glanced towards his brother's coffin. With a deep composing breath he unfolded the pages of his eulogy noticing Denise's handwriting at the top of the page where she'd simply written 'I love you, D x.' He looked to where she'd moved across to take his place beside his mum and, catching his fiancée's supportive gaze, began to read. 'My little brother, Shakil..'