I did this for school. I was given an assignment to write my own House script. :) So this is what I have! Enjoy!
Alice: Are you finished yet?
Noah nods and puts down his yogurt.
Alice: Brush your teeth before you go to school.
Scene cut to Noah brushing his teeth in the bathroom. Noah spits and sees lots of blood. He opens his mouth and looks in the mirror, and sees that his gums are swollen and bleeding.
Noah: Mommy! Help!
Theme Song...daa daa daa daa
House is in his office, dressed in Rolling Stones gear, playing with his yo-yo while the ducklings watch him through the glass walls. Cuddy enters.
Cuddy: Case. Now.
House looks up from his yo-yo, then looks back down and attempts to do "Walk the Dog." Cuddy grabs the yo-yo. House makes a sour face at her, then sits in his chair.
Cuddy: Seven-year-old boy presented with–
House: Don't want to hear it. Got a Rolling Stones concert today, and I'm going to be out by five.
Cuddy: You're going to a Stones concert?
House: Yup. And I didn't have to wait in line for tickets. I paid a homeless guy fifty bucks to wait for me.
Cuddy: I don't remember you clearing this with me.
House looks pleadingly at Cuddy. Cuddy rolls eyes.
Cuddy: Fine. Leave Cameron, Chase, and Foreman when you go. And leave your pager on. You're still on-call tonight.
Cuddy throws the file down on the desk and leaves. House sighs and grabs the file. Scene cut to House in front of the white board.
House: Differential diagnosis for a spoiled, rich white boy with a mild fever, leg pain, and bleeding gums.
Foreman: It's some type of leukemia.
Cameron: It's very obviously leukemia. Why are we on this case?
Foreman:(mutters to Cameron) Cuddy's making him.
House: Because spoiled, rich boy–
Chase: Noah.
House:Noah'smommy gave lots of money to the hospital. So Cuddy is making me diagnose a kid who obviously (mocks Cameron) has acute myelocytic leukemia. Do a bone marrow biopsy.
Chase: A bone marrow biopsy? That's an awfully painful test to go through if it isn't leukemia. We should draw blood, check for anemia and other symptoms first.
House glares at Chase.
Foreman: Were you not listening at the beginning of the differential?
Chase: Oh, come on. There must be a hundred different things that could cause leg pain.
Cameron: And the bleeding gums?
Chase: Gingivitis. He probably doesn't brush his teeth enough.
House: Rich white boys usually don't have mothers who let them get away with not brushing andflossing their extra-perfect teeth twice a day. You should know that from experience.
Chase rolls his eyes.
Cameron: The file says there was a lot of blood.
Chase: And the leg pain? If it was bone pain it would be severe.
House: Fine. Indulge Chase. Run a CBC, and get x-rays to check for thin bones.
Ducklings pick up files and exit. Scene cut to Noah's room. Cameron is trying to draw blood.
Noah: I don't want a needle inside me!
Cameron points to the IV.
Cameron: They put this in when you came in. You can't even feel it, right? This is just like that. It won't hurt, I promise.
Cameron draws the blood.
Cameron: See? That didn't hurt, right?
Noah shrugs.
Cameron: We're going to be back to take some pictures of the leg that's hurting later.
Noah: Is that gonna hurt?
Cameron: No. You won't even be able to feel it.
Cameron smiles and exits the room. Scene cut to Cameron, Foreman, and House in House's office. Foreman puts up the x-rays and turns on the light box.
Foreman: The bones are thin, as you'd expect with leukemia.
Chase enters carrying lab results and hands the sheets to House.
Chase: ...You were right. He has anemia and thrombocytopenia. Everything points to leukemia.
House: Great. He has leukemia. And I have a concert waiting for me.
House gets up to leave.
Cameron: Should we do a bone marrow biopsy to be sure?
House:(still moving towards the door) Go ahead.
Cameron: You're leaving?
House:(calls over his shoulder as he leaves the room) Yup!
House exits the room, leaving the ducklings looking very confused.Scene cut to House walking down the hallway quickly. Wilson stops House.
Wilson: Hold on. Where are you going? You have a patient.
House: He'll be yours soon. He has leukemia.
Wilson: Let me see the file.
House: You know, the Stones are waiting for me. I paid damn good money for this ticket.
Wilson: The sooner you hand the file over, the sooner you can...wait a minute. Tick-et? As in, singular? If you're going to see the Stones, why wasn't I invited?
House: Because you bailed on me for the monster trucks. Why would I invite you this time?
Wilson:(sighs)Just show me your patient's file. If you hand him off now, you don't have to worry about him during the show.
House takes Wilson back to the office and hands him the file. Wilson looks over the file.
Wilson: Did you even look at the lab work?
House: ...No.
Wilson: You can't be thinking acute myelocytic. He has no elevated SED rate, white cells and hemoglobin are normal...all this kid has is a little anemia and low platelets. And low platelets aren't seen with AML.
House: Well, blame Chase. He probably screwed up the test.
Wilson: How can you screw up a CBC?
House: It's leukemia. Now, I really have to get going.
Wilson: You know, a few hundred years ago, there was a tribe of Native Americans in Washington...
House: Here we go. Story time!
Wilson: Every time their medicine man got a diagnosis wrong and had a patient die, they would round up on him and kill him.
House: Well, I can imagine they had a problem with job recruitment.
Wilson: House. You need the right diagnosis or you're going to get sued by this mother. Start thinking outside the box. No way is it leukemia.
House: Well, it's been a few hours since we last stuck a needle in the patient. We should probably go through with the bone marrow biopsy.
House exits the room again. Wilson sighs and follows. House is almost out the front door when the ducklings approach House from behind.
Cameron: House, we can't do the biopsy. We have a problem.
House hesitates, then sighs and turns around.
Foreman: The kid won't stay still.
House: He's seven years old! Strap him down!
Chase: He's...a lot tougher than he looks.
Wilson gives House a commanding look.
House:(grumbles)I paid four hundred dollars for my ticket...
Cameron gives House a desperate look.
House: Fine. But I'm guessing Cuddy is not going to reimburse me for the tickets.
Wilson sighs and gives House the look of defeat. Scene cut to the procedure room. The ducklings walk in with House and Noah starts screaming.
Noah: NO! NO NEEDLES!
Cameron shoots House a smug look.
House: And what am I supposed to do?
Foreman and Chase both shrug. Cameron sighs. House walks over to Noah.
House: STOP IT!
Noah stops screaming and looks at House in fear. House turns back the ducklings.
House: See? How hard was that?
Cameron walks towards Noah.
Cameron: This needle will hurt a little bit, but it will get you better.
Noah: I don't want it to hurt!
House: Well, kid, I don't want my leg to hurt. Deal with it. Now, I'm sure it would be a pleasure to stay and help you, but I have a Stones concert to go to.
Noah: Who are the Stones?
House rolls his eyes and starts to leave. Cameron notices something on Noah's leg and pulls up his gown.
Cameron: House! Wait!
House turns around.
House: What this time?
Cameron: He has a rash on his leg.
Foreman, Chase, and House gather around the leg.
Foreman: It looks like petechia. That's still consistent with leukemia.
Cameron: That's not all.
Cameron points to Noah's head. The blonde hair is turning red at the base. Foreman takes a penlight and examines it closer.
Foreman: He's bleeding from the hair follicles.
House: Because he has thrombocytopenia. Also consistent with leukemia.
Chase: Are you sure? This particular leukemia shouldn't cause this. This kid is progressing way too quickly. He was fine four days ago.
House: He had no noticeable symptoms four days ago. That doesn't mean he was fine. It's leukemia. Restrain him and finish the biopsy.
House exits. Jump forward to Foreman performing the bone marrow biopsy. Cameron and Chase are watching. Noah is screaming.
Noah: Stop! Stop! Stop!
Cameron: We have to do this, Noah. We have to do this to make you better.
Noah starts squirming again.
Foreman: Chase, will you hold him down?
Chase holds Noah still while Foreman finishes the biopsy. Foreman nods.
Foreman: That should be enough. You can let him go now.
Chase lets go of Noah and undoes the restraints. Noah is crying. Scene cut to Chase and Cameron in the lab performing the tests on the marrow.
Chase: That kid's a real screamer.
Cameron: He's seven. He was in pain. Give him a break.
Chase: His pain is my pain.
Cameron rolls her eyes and adjusts the microscope.
Cameron: What the hell...?
Chase: What is it?
Cameron: There's no sign of any leukemia in his marrow.
Chase: It's got to be leukemia. What else could it be?
Cameron shrugs and directs Chase to look in the microscope.
Chase: This makes no sense. We've got to page House.
Cameron: He's not going to like that...
Scene cut to House at the concert arena. He is about to go in, but his cell phone starts ringing. House picks it up.
House:What?!
Cut back to the ducklings standing over the speaker phone in the conference room. Cut between House and ducklings for the conversation.
Chase: Biopsy was totally clean. No leukemia.
House: Redo it.
Cameron: It took half an hour to get him to stay still enough for the first one!
House: Can't you people go three hours without me?
Foreman: I didn't screw up this biopsy. This kid's got something else wrong with him, and his bleeding problem is getting worse.
House: Start him on coagulants.
Foreman: Already did.
House:(mutters under breath) I can't get no satisfaction...
House hangs up, puts his ticket back in his pocket and pushes to back of the line. Scene cut to House entering the conference room and looking very irritated.
House: You three must really like me if you keep calling me back here. Frankly, I'm flattered.
Chase: We didn't want to call you but...
House: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, if mama's boy doesn't have leukemia, what does he have?
Foreman: He still has the fever. It must be an infection.
House: Thanks. That narrows it down.
Cameron: Maybe it's not an infection.
House: So it is or it isn't. You guys could have speculated pointlessly without me here.
Cameron: He hasn't eaten any of the hospital served food since he got here.
Foreman: And your point is?
Chase: So he's a picky eater. Lots of seven year olds are.
House: Especially ones who are neglected by their parents and not fed a proper diet from birth.
Foreman: You've been calling him spoiled from the start. What makes you think he's neglected?
House: He doesn't know who the Stones are!
Foreman scoffs, Chase chuckles, and Cameron rolls her eyes.
Cameron: Which is not symptomatic of anything. Loss of appetite, fever, bone pain, and problems with the gums, on the other hand, could be histiocytosis.
House: And you just want to ignore that fact that his head is bleeding?
Cameron is silent.
Foreman: He is the right age...his x-rays and blood work looked right. And he's been losing weight, also a symptom of histiocytosis.
House: Well, it's the only theory we have. Recheck his bone marrow, look for Langerhan's cells this time. And start him on corticosteroids.
Scene cut to Cameron explaining the diagnosis to the mother.
Cameron: We believe Noah has Langerhan's cell histiocytosis. Histiocytes are cells that are produced normally in the body, but Noah's body is producing too much. We're checking to see if he has Langerhan's cells in his bone marrow. But right now, we need to give him corticosteroids.
Alice: And what will those do?
Cameron: They're anti-inflammatory drugs. If Noah doesn't respond to the medication, he may need to go through chemotherapy or radiation. But if it comes to that, we have an excellent Head of Oncology here.
Alice: Oncology...so, he has cancer?
Cameron: No, but it behaves similarly.
Alice: When will you know if he has this...thing?
Cameron: Not too long. An hour, maybe.
Scene cut to Foreman and Chase in the lab. Chase finishes preparing the slide and Foreman puts it under the microscope.
Foreman: Damn.
Chase: Wrong again?
Foreman: Yup. This kid's gonna die.
Scene cut, House and the ducklings are in the lab running a differential.
Foreman: What the hell is this?
Cameron: I was wrong, which means you were probably right about the infection. We should start him on broad-spectrum antibiotics.
House: Narrow-spec is always better. We need to find the infection
Foreman: Should we just start guessing? How many thousand infections are there?
Chase: Sure, there are plenty of infections, but how many would cause swollen gums?
Cameron: Congenital syphilis?
House: No. That wouldn't explain the weight loss or lack of appetite.
Foreman: Maybe it actually is leukemia.
Chase: Did you miss the boat or something? No leukemia in his marrow or blood.
House: ...Boats...one of you, go check his fingernails.
Scene cut to Foreman and Chase examining Noah's fingernails. They are brittle, cracked, and yellow at the tips. The ducklings share the confused but impressed look. Scene cut back to the ducklings walking back into House's office.House is throwing a ball against the wall. He stops when the ducklings enter.
Chase: His fingernails are definitely abnormal.
House: We assumed loss of appetite was a symptom because he hasn't eaten any of the hospital-served food. What if someone else was bringing him food?
Cameron: The ridges on his nails...you're thinking heavy metal poisoning?
House. No. Scurvy.
Foreman:Scurvy?That's almost nonexistent in the US now!
House: We were right about him. He was either neglected or spoiled. You put a seven-year-old in charge of their own diet, and he'll end up stuffed full of animal crackers and drained dry of vitamin C.
Scene cut to Foreman talking to the mother.
Foreman: We're pretty sure your son has scurvy.
Mom: Pretty sure?
Foreman: Well, we can't test for it. We'll just have him consume something heavy in vitamin C, and if it helps, he just had a vitamin deficiency.
Mom: Scurvy is what...what sailors get, right?
Foreman: Anybody can get it if they don't take in enough vitamin C. Does Noah eat a balanced diet?
Mom: Ever since he started first grade, he was very picky. I let him eat yogurt and bread, and cookies and milk. That's all he eats. I thought it would be okay for him, that he'd stop being picky when he got older...
Foreman sighs. Scene cut to Foreman reporting back to House. House is listening to the Rolling Stones on his headphones. Foreman's lips are moving but you hear nothing. House takes off his headphones.
House: Say that again?
Foreman: Noah's mom feeds him yogurt, bread, milk and cookies for his full diet.
House: Feed him some orange juice, give him IV nutrients. 300 milligrams of vitamin C should do it.
Foreman nods and leaves. Can't Always Get What You Want is playing in the background while Foreman makes Noah drink orange juice and Chase hangs a new IV bag. House is on the floor of his office again, listening to the Stones. Fade out, end episode
If you liked it, please send in a review:) Good reviews might help me get a better grade. :P