Atonement
x
[A/N at the end]
"Pete, d'you reckon they'll ever forgive me?" Sirius whined as he slumped in his chair and exhaled tiredly. He knew he probably looked like shite but it wasn't his fault. It was his friends' fault for being so mean to him, which in turn had greatly messed with his already irregular sleeping schedule.
He had spent countless nights going through the events that had occurred two weeks ago, and for the life of him he couldn't figure out why James and Remus were so miffed with him. All he had done was seize the perfect opportunity to play a prank on Snape – what made this time any different to the times that James had hexed the prat?
Snivellus had been sticking his gigantic nose into their business and Sirius had heard Evans and him talking about where Remus went every month. So, as a way to get the smarmy twat to back off, he had devised the perfect plan: he would tell Snape how to go down the tunnel under the Whomping Willow and hopefully one of two things would happen; the sight of a werewolf would scare his pants off and Sirius could threaten to sic the werewolf on him if he didn't bugger off about the whole thing, or he'd be eaten by Remus. Either way, Snivellus would shut his gob – it didn't matter which one would do it.
Of course, the ploy would've gone as planned if James hadn't found out and barged in and ruined the entire thing. If he had just waited a couple of minutes, Snape would've been a problem of their past. James had berated him for hours about how stupid the whole thing was, but he wasn't exactly a saint when it came to matters concerning Snivelly.
When Remus had come to, he and James had formed an 'anti-Sirius Black' club and promptly ignored him. Save for one incident in the Great Hall where James had lost his temper and they'd had a shouting match just before dinner. The only thing that the school was talking about was that fight and he was sick of it – it had been three days and nobody had shut up about it yet!
The common room was quiet, it was a beautiful Saturday morning and there was a quidditch match, Hufflepuff against Ravenclaw. Usually, he loved watching quidditch, but only if he was watching it with his best mate. And considering how he and his best mate were having a lengthy row, he had decided against watching the match. Which was okay because Peter was clueless when it came to quidditch and wanted to stay in anyway. Plus, he couldn't stand the whispers that followed him everywhere he went. The serenity was nice for a change.
"Sure they will, they're already cracking under pressure," Peter muffled as he sucked on his sugar quill and flipped his page with his other hand. "You know, you could just talk to them…"
Sweet, innocent, pure little Peter. Sirius loved Peter, he brought them snacks, kept things light, and could be counted upon when he needed a laugh -usually at Peter's expense. But sometimes his friend could be a real idiot.
Because no, Sirius couldn't just talk to James and Remus. If he did that, he would essentially, by default, be conceding that what he'd done was despicable and he had too much pride to see their smug little looks when they realised that. He'd never hear the end of it!
He may not be a real Black, but by the power of Merlin he had the pride of one.
Besides, quite frankly he had no idea what all the fuss was about anyway. All he had done was plan out an excellent prank that would've been a success had it not been for James.
Sure, Snape was shaken for the first two days afterwards but so what? Since when had they ever cared about his wellbeing. Plus, he'd sworn to keep the whole thing a secret, especially the bit about what he'd seen. Which was all that mattered anyway!
"Wormy, we've discussed this a hundred times. I can't just talk to them…" Sirius droned. "How many times do I have to keep telling you that!"
"Well, I'm just saying! You're all acting barmy and I'm tired of being passed around, I'm not an owl, mate." He had a point. A whiney one, but a point nonetheless. Peter stopped sucking on his quill and spread his book, face down, on his lap as he looked at Sirius with his watery blue eyes. "Want to know what I think about this whole episode?"
"Not really, no," Sirius joked. Peter simply glared at him and he shrugged, clearly a sense of humour wasn't something that he possessed. "Fine, but I swear, Pete, if you start whining about being an owl, I'll turn you into one."
"Sod off," Peter retorted as he leaned forward. The sugar quill falling onto the carpet, forgotten. "Seriously though, listen." Sirius nodded reluctantly and sighed loudly. "Quite frankly, I think you're being a bit unreasonable mate…"
"Unreasonable is my middle name, Sirius Unreasonable Black. Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?"
"I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you!" Peter shouted, exasperated.
"And I'm trying to avoid it!"
"Do you want us all to get along again or what?" Peter hissed.
"I'm not the one holding a grudge!" Sirius defended himself. "If they'd just get their heads out of their arses and talk to me again, I'd have no problem setting everything aside."
Peter shook his head in amusement and a ghost of a smile crept along the corners of his thin mouth. He darted his tongue out and licked his top lip nervously as he quirked an eyebrow at Sirius.
"Alright, maybe I should rephrase that …" Peter explained as he shuffled in his seat and leant his elbows forward onto his thighs. "Do you have any idea why they're miffed with you?"
"I mean, come on, mate, I don't see what the big deal is! Nobody got hurt," Sirius scoffed as he ran a hand through his hair, fully aware that Mandy Miller was eyeing him from the window seat. He made a note to chat her up when Peter was done playing God. "And you have to admit it was an excellent prank! Even if it didn't work."
Peter's watery blue eyes widened at what Sirius said, his book and sugar quill forgotten as he shook his head in disbelief a few times.
"What do you mean it didn't work?"
"Well, I just don't think he actually saw Remus as a werewolf…Which was the whole point of it," Sirius explained as he fiddled with a loose piece of wool on his jumper. A jumper, which Remus had given him last Christmas, lovingly knitted by his mum. Sirius' stomach churned uncomfortably as he fingered the loose end and his heart tightened – he didn't know why. Sirius raised his head and felt his stomach churn even more as Peter looked at him funnily. It was the same look that James and Remus had the day after 'the incident.'
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
Peter opened and closed his mouth a few times and shook his head for good measure before he finally shut his book – sugar quill wedged inside it disgustingly – and spoke, "You know, I actually understand why they're pissed at you…"
"Don't tell me you're going to go spare too…" Sirius joked lazily as he ran a casual hand through his hair. "I don't think I could live without you, Wormy," he added for dramatic effect as he leant towards Peter with a grin on his face. His friend merely scoffed and stood up with his book in his arm, eyebrows furrowed and his lips in a thin line disappearing behind his face.
Peter's eyes searched his for a while and the scrutiny made him feel like he was a child again. He tried to tamp down that feeling but it bubbled underneath his chest and Sirius wanted to get out.
"You really don't get it do you?" Peter shook his head and laughed mirthlessly. "That prank was fucked up mate, really sick. You could've really ruined Remus' life! It would've destroyed him; you know that don't you?" Well, Sirius hadn't thought of it like that, actually… "And he could've killed Snape. Prat or not, you would've been a murderer, and do you know what they do to murderers?" Peter scoffed and an ugly sort of look clouded his features. It was a look that made Sirius' skin crawl.
"It was just a joke! You said yesterday that you understood!" Sirius pleaded. The look in Peter's eyes didn't go away, and he felt more and more like a piece of dung the longer it stayed on Peter's face.
"I didn't know that you meant for it to be so sick… And the worst bit is you still don't get it. I have stuff to do, see you at dinner." Peter decided irritably as he stormed up the stairs, a few purple drops of liquid splattering onto the stairs as his sugar quill melted between his book. Sirius' stomach dropped and he felt cold as the door clicked shut upstairs.
x
The rest of the morning went by in a blur. After Peter had stormed off, Sirius had tried to read a book to no avail; instead, he had ambled down to the kitchens, nicked some pastries, cake and biscuits, and then visited Hagrid. Either Hagrid had been speaking to his friends or he was in a bad mood because he had been short with Sirius throughout their half-hour conversation and told him to 'get it together' before he walked back to the castle.
As he walked back to the castle, he replayed what Peter had said to him and everything that James and Remus had told him. He had been so adamant that they were just ganging up on him that he hadn't considered the possibility that they were - right. Maybe he had been monumentally stupid by playing that prank?
Snape, for all his vices and faults, could have been really hurt. He could've died, even. And Remus – Sirius' heart clenched uncomfortably – Snape could have exposed his secret to everyone and he would've been expelled. Banished from Hogwarts. James was right all along. Sirius, for the first time, felt grateful for what his best friend had done and all of the resentment he had towards him for ruining his prank melted away. If James hadn't interfered and stopped the whole sordid affair from happening, he – Sirius, and even more so Remus – would've been a murderer.
And as the heaviness of guilt weighed his chest down, Sirius remembered the looks on their faces when he had tried to explain himself all those times. Remus had it when he had come back from the hospital wing, James had it when he had finished arguing with him in the Great Hall, and Peter had it when he stormed off earlier. He knew what it was was: disgust.
They were disgusted with him. Disgusted because he was so capable of ruining so many lives under the guise of a 'harmless' prank. Disgusted because despite everything they had tried to tell him he still couldn't understand why what he'd done was so bad. Disgusted because he had thought it was funny.
Sirius had always prided himself on his assuredness and confidence, and yet as his friends' faces flashed in his mind, with that look in their eyes, he had never hated himself more than he did then. He was a despicable person for ever letting it go that far, for being disappointed when it hadn't gone as planned, and for being short with his friends when all they tried to do was make him see why it could've gone so wrong.
Peter, Remus, and James were the best people he knew and he was incredibly lucky to have him. And he had quite possibly lost all three of them because of his arrogance and cruelty. He deserved to be treated the way they were treating him, and yet… He couldn't help but plan a way to get back on their good sides. Sirius gasped audibly as he remembered something that he'd overheard Lily Evans saying a month ago, and he dashed to the kitchens.
x
Sirius jumped in fright as a loud crash echoed around him and his heart beat frantically in his chest. He rubbed his eyes and made out three shapes heading out of the dormitory, laughing with one another. His stomach churned again and this time he felt his pinky twitch in anger, or perhaps it was jealousy. He should be with them; and yet, he was still in bed with his blanket wrapped around his waist.
He had decided to have a nap after lunch, furious and sad about not being able to sit with his friends. As much as he loved hanging out with Marlene and Gwenog, there were things that he could only talk about with the lads.
Yawning a final time, Sirius stretched his arms above his head and groaned as his bones cracked loudly. His stomach grumbled and he checked his watch while putting it on. He had slept most of the day away and quickly changed into an old pair of jeans and the jumper from Remus' mum as he brushed his fingers through his hair and slipped his loafers on. Wand in his pocket, Sirius shuffled down the stairs – halfway down he cursed under his breath, ran back to the dormitory, retrieved a small brown package and rushed to the Great Hall.
As Sirius sprinted out of the portrait hole he collided with someone and swore loudly,earning himself a telling off from the Fat Lady, as he offered the person a hand and stood up. James' glasses were hanging precariously from his ear and Sirius stifled his laughter as he stepped back, hand outstretched, James took it and pulled himself up.
"Thanks," James mumbled as he fixed his pants and put his glasses back on. Remus and Peter flanked him as they walked towards their couch in front of the fireplace. Sirius watched as Peter pulled out a box of Exploding Cards and cleared the coffee table. "It's rude to stare."
Sirius choked on his spit and coughed violently, gasping desperately for air as Remus came by and hit his back a few times. As was struggling to breathe, the small brown package he had gone back for dropped out of his pocket and tumbled to James' feet. Tears in his eyes, Sirius dived for the package too late.
"You alright?" Remus asked, his eyes betraying concern. Sirius nodded.
"D-don't open that…" he wheezed as James inspected the brown package curiously.
"Is there something dangerous in here?" He asked, his thick black eyebrows furrowing like two caterpillars – honestly, his wife will seriously needed to trim those. "Knowing you, it probably is, eh? It's something that'll kill me, right? Your kind of joke?" James sneered and Sirius flinched as if his friend had physically hit him, but he probably deserved that though.
Remus stood next to James and shot him a warning look. They huddled together, whispering and hissing incoherently to one another as Peter tried awkwardly to avoid Sirius' gaze. Finally, James sighed and put his hands up in surrender, while Remus looked triumphant.
"It isn't something dangerous, is it?" Remus asked tentatively. A sceptical smile hovering on the fringes of his thin mouth.
Sirius hesitated before he opened his mouth. Technically speaking, the contents of the package weren't supposed to be dangerous, however given his ability to muck things up, it in fact could be dangerous.
"Well, traditionally, it's not…" James' eyebrows furrowed again, Peter shifted nervously on his feet, and Remus bit his lip. Sirius' eyes hovered a little too long on Remus' mouth and James coughed, his eyes dancing with mirth. "Blimey, you know what, just open the damned thing!"
Without a second of doubt, James eagerly picked up the brown paper package and started poking it at its sides. The paper crinkled and as James poked it again, his finger stabbed right through the wrapping paper and touched something that made him recoil in shock. His pointer finger dipped in a brown gooey something, he held it up to his nose and smelled it tentatively. A few seconds later, and to the utter disgust and shock of Remus and Peter, James licked the brown goo off his finger and a wide smile split his face, dimples pinching his cheeks.
Not bothering with offering an explanation, James tore open the package and his smile grew into a grin as he eyed the large pile of chocolate fudge and half-baked brownies. Sirius had cut them into squares, but they must have melded together at some point. Not entirely surprising considering he had probably sat on them.
"What's this all about?" James gestured to the fudge, Sirius could tell from the way he tapped his finger on his knee that he was itching to dig into it. "You're not trying to poison us are you?" Remus shot James a glare and Sirius snorted in amusement.
"It's a peace offering."
"A peace offering?" Remus repeated skeptically, his baby blue eyes pinning him with a scrutinising look.
"Yeah, I made those myself," he announced proudly as he puffed his chest out. James and Peter looked at one another as they rolled their eyes at him. "I did! I spent the entire afternoon in the kitchens baking them for you," he admitted.
"If this is your idea of getting us to forgive you, it's not going to work. If you think we're going to feel flattered that you baked us food and spent the day in the kitchens for us, you've got the wrong idea, Black," Remus spat as he placed his hands on his hip and lowered his eyebrows a fraction of an inch. "We need to know that you understand why we're so angry with you. Bribery isn't exactly a reassuring signal of you learning anything."
"I'm not trying to bribe you into forgiving me…" Sirius fiddled with the same loose string on his jumper from earlier and stopped as Peter poked his arm with an encouraging look in his eyes. "I know now that what I did was wrong, b-"
"It was unbelievably stupid," James interrupted. Sirius cocked an eyebrow at him and rolled his eyes. "Well, it was mate, you're my best friend but, Merlin's beard, you're a twat sometimes."
"Are you going to let me finish my speech?" Sirius replied, aggravated. James groaned loudly and dramatically, but urged him to continue. Remus mouthed a quick apology and Peter shook his head as Sirius cleared his throat. "So anyway, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry. I should never have put you in that position. It's thanks to you all that I'm not in Azkaban, and, Moony, I'm sorry for putting you in such a dangero-"
"Yeah, alright, we get it you sodding arse, you're sorry. You admit that you're a prat, and that we were right. Don't go soft on us now, you're a Marauder and Marauders don't kiss arses," James teased in an drawl. "Now, the really important thing is whether we can dig into this nosh," James interrupted again. He didn't have that guarded look in his eyes anymore and he gave Sirius the first genuine smile he'd received in weeks. Sirius hadn't realised how happy James and his friends made him until now. "Sorry Padfoot, I loved the speech, truly, incredibly inspired. But we're brothers, we could never stay mad at you for too long."
"So - do you forgive me?" Sirius asked hesitantly, bracing himself for the worst.
James was already digging into the fudge as Remus and Peter nodded and hugged him tight. His bones were probably cracked but it didn't matter, he had his friends back now.
"Agrippa's left tit, YES! You're a daft idiot! If you don't shut your gob and let me dig into that…" James pointed at the pile of fudge and brownies. "I'm never going to speak to you again."
Sirius didn't even get to reply because, in a flash, Peter and James had already dug into the impossibly huge pile of chocolate. It was a disgusting sight to see, but it was completely hilarious and Sirius hadn't laughed in weeks!
"You didn't actually bake those did you?" Remus said as they both watched their idiot friends fight over the chocolate mess.
"Nope, I nicked them from Flitwick's tin," Sirius admitted.
Author's Note
Word Count: 3,470
Written for the Houses Competition
House: Ravenclaw
Category: Themed
Prompt: [Object] Baked goods
I hope you all enjoyed this story x
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Until next time, Andy x