Camping Of The SOLDIERs, a final fantasy vii fanfic

The Camping Of The SOLDIERS

Inspired by the Spongebob Squarepants episode,"The Camping Episode."

Warning: OOC characters!!

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII nor that Spongebob Squarepants episode.

-NNN-

A happy and contented Sephiroth came out of the bathroom and he entered his bedroom. There on his coffee table laid a cup of milk and a book called"How To Obliterate Your Colleagues In 3 Minutes".Actually,he was not only happy because it's weekend tomorrow,but...

"Ah,at last,the weekend without Genesis and Angeal is here!!",he chuckled to himself. He went over to his calendar on the wall with a drawing of 2 certain people having campfire,"It's the weekend Genesis and Angeal go camping!!",he had a toothy grin on his face,"Wouldn't it be great if they get lost in the forest and NEVER COME BACK?"

An imagination cloud appears on top of Sephiroth's head. There was Genesis and Angeal in there at the forest and in this imagination scenery(which Sephiroth had thought of)Genesis looked at Angeal and said frantically,"Angeal...I'm scared.",-End Of Imagination Cloud-

"Wooohooo!!!That would be great!!", Sephiroth exclaimed. After that he went off to his bed,"Ah,Sephiroth,you waited a long time for this. A soft bed. A warm milk. A nice book to read."He then makes a stupid expression of Genesis' face and stated,"And two whole days of no....LOVELESS!!LOVELESS!!!HAHAHAHHAH!!!!"

Sephiroth sighed happily as he settled down and started to read his book.

Suddenly,Sephiroth heard something familiar....and annoying to his senses. It was laughter of two certain MEN. Sephiroth wore a grim face as he told himself,"What the..?"

-NNN-

On the other side of Sephiroth's backyard,Genesis and Angeal are laughing happily to their heart's content as they read a book with a flashlight held by Angeal as their light,"BAHAHAHAHAH!!BAHAHAHAH!!",they both laughed. And note that this was the first time Genesis had read another book aside from Loveless.

Just then,Sephiroth's head popped out of the tent's opening inside,"Genesis!Angeal!Aren't you two supposed to be camping!?!",he asked in ire.

"We are camping, Sephiroth.",Genesis replied with a smile.

"Genesis,it's not camping if you're ten feet away from your ShinRa headquarters.", Sephiroth said. What he said was true. Literally.

"Come on, Sephiroth. It doesn't matter where Genesis and I camp as long as we're outside,right?",Angeal told Sephiroth,"While you good city folks are safe at home reading books....we're out here,fighting the primitive forces of nature. Wanna join us?"

Sephiroth frowns as he said with a deadpan tone,"NO."

"Okay,have fun inside.",Genesis said. Sephiroth left the two while Genesis and Angeal continued reading and giggling.

A few seconds later,Sephiroth's head popped inside the two other SOLDIERS' tent again.

"What do you mean have fun inside?",he asked them,feeling insulted.

"Have fun inside,see you tomorrow.",Genesis simply replies as he had this simple expression on his face.

".",Sephiroth said,finally at ease. He left the tent again while Genesis and Angeal were back at reading again.

But,after a few seconds,Sephiroth appears before Genesis and Angeal for the THIRD time,"You little snakes!I see what you're doing!",Sephiroth shot in full annoyance.

"What?",Genesis asked. They were in fact,innocent.

"You're saying I can't take it!So that you guys can go around ShinRa headquarters the next day and humiliate me by telling all the other SOLDIERs that I,Sephiroth the Great General,COULDN'T EVEN GO CAMPING!!"

"But all we--",Genesis attempted to say something,but Sephiroth interfered." No!You guys think I suck!You think your little 'have fun inside' challenge is gonna make me camping with you two!BUT THAT IS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!There's no way I'm going to spend the whole night camping with you two simpletons!Besides,so what if I can't go camping!I'm still the greatest general of ShinRa SOLDIERs and won't get fired from work. Get used to it!",Sephiroth protested and he left the tent with an irate mood.

"Okay..",Genesis said."Have fun inside."

"That does it!",Sephiroth screamed infront of Genesis and Angeal as he resurfaced in the . He went to his house and packed some things,"I'll show those guys what I'm capable of doing!"

Genesis and Angeal on the other hand,were giggling with excitement,"Sephiroth's gonna camp with us...!",they chirped to each other as they went of out of their tent.

Sephiroth returned with a huge knapsack full of things used for camping. "Now you see how a real--",he was cut short when his bag smashed over him due to its heaviness. He landed on the ground face-first."--Camping expert does it!",he continued while trying to stand up. When he finally got out,he took something from his knapsack and he confidently showed the thing to Genesis and Angeal.

"My remote control-self-assembling-tent.",Sephiroth smirked proudly,"Watch and leeeearn."

Upon hearing this,Genesis took out his binoculars while Angeal took out a pencil and a memo pad. Sephiroth tossed the remote-control-self-assembling-tent into the air while he pressed a button. Unfortunately,the remote-control-self-assembling-tent failed to assemble itself and landed dead-on into the ground.

"That was great,Sephiroth!",Genesis said,honestly amazed with Sephiroth's demonstration.

"But how do you get inside?",Angeal inquired.

"Yeah it's all crashy looking",Genesis added.

"That's because it's not put up yet,you dorks!"Sephiroth scowled. The two idiots haven't realized it malfunctioned,he thought. He picks up the contents,fuming with anger. He gnashed his teeth irritatingly as he tried to set up the remote-control-self-assembling-tent MANUALLY. However,he accidentally ripped the tent cloth apart,making Sephiroth gape open.

"Customization!",Genesis exclaimed,deciphering Sephiroth's accidental ripping of the cloth as....customization.

"Genius!",Angeal said as he writes something on his notepad.

Sephiroth now slapped his tent repeatedly with a stick while jerking up and down furiously.

"He's tenderizing the tent!",Genesis shouted.

"Of course!",Angeal shouted too while he jotted down something on his notepad again.

Sephiroth was tangled in the tent and now tries to break free.

"WRITE THAT DOWN!WRITE THAT DOWN!",Genesis frantically commanded Angeal.

"Gee!",Angeal exclaimed as he anxiously writes in his be told,what he's really doing was playing tic-tac-toe on his notepad.

Sephiroth kicks the tent and surprisingly,it was finally set up. But,before Sephiroth could smile triumphntly at the sight of the remote-control-self-assembling-tent which had been set up by kicking,it collapsed. Sephiroth laughed nervously and felt embarrassed,but of course he wouldn't show it and he rolled the tent away. He came back with a sleeping bag and gently laid it on the ground while saying,"But what could be better than just lying out under the stars."

Genesis and Angeal clapped in unison as they cheered Sephiroth. As they sit down in front of the campfire together,Sephiroth asked,"I suppose you guys are gonna stew up some sticks and branches,right?"

"Nope. We're eating something better."

Genesis took out a bag of marshmallows."Marshmallows..!"

Genesis took a piece of marshmallow and ate it."Yum,yum. Just like what the astronauts eat!",he stated in full joy. Genesis and Angeal were now wearing glass bowls on their heads.

"TSSSSSKK!!!Rhapsodos to Hewley!I read to you,over!",Genesis said as he was trying to imitate the sounds made the problems in radio frequencies through the"TSSSKK!"sound.

"TSSSSSKK!!!Hewley to Rhapsodos!I want one,over!",Angeal replied.

"TSSSSSKKK!!!Rhapsodos to Hewley!Me too,over!"

"TSSSSSSSKK!!"

Sephiroth was starting to get annoyed again.

"TSSSSSSSKK!!"

"TSSSSSSSKK!!Rhapsodos to Hewley,help yourself,over!",Genesis finally said as he handed down the marshmallows bag to Hewley.

"ALRIGHT!",Angeal chirped loudly as he eats the marshmallow in his mouth,breaking the glass bowl he wore."Hewley to Rhapsodos!The deliciousness has landed!"

"Well you two astronauts can have marshmallows.I'm gonna eat a can of Golden Saucer Barnacle Balls.",Sephiroth stood up and goes back to the ShinRa headquarters when he was stopped by Genesis,"But Sephiroth,didn't you take your can opener with you?"

"Why even bother?",Sephiroth said flatly,"We're just 10 feet away from ShinRa headquarters."

"But this is the wilderness!",Genesis protested and frowned,"It just doesn't seem to fit the camping spirit."

"You better listen to Genesis,Sephiroth.",Angeal scoffed.

"Alright,fine!",Sephiroth snorted as he sat down again."Give me that!",he took the bag of marshmallow away from Genesis' hands. Sephiroth took a piece of marshmallow and pierced it on a stick. Angeal also took one and pierced on the stick,too. They both hold it on the campfire. Suddenly,Angeal's marshmallow was burnt,and Angeal panicked,"HOT,HOT!!",He blew the marshmallow away only to land on Sephiroth's face. Sephiroth tried to hold his anger and wiped his face. He continued roasting his marshmallow while Angeal made a new one. However,it burns again,and Angeal blows it AGAIN,and lands on Sephiroth's face AGAIN. Sephiroth wiped off the marshmallow on his face angrily when Angeal screamed again. He blew his burning marshmallow once more,but Sephiroth was able to avoid it. He chuckled victoriously after dodging the marshmallow but...the burnt marshmallow came back and splashed on the back of Sephiroth's head.

Sephiroth mumbled a few curses then proposed,"Okay,instead of spitting burned food on me,what else do you guys do for fun?"

"Well,after a long day of camping,it's nice to end the day by playing a nice campfire song.",Genesis said as he took out his guitar. He started strumming the guitar chords as he told the general,"I call this one the campfire song song."

Genesis then starts singing:

Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song

Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG

AND IF YOU DON'T THINK THAT WE CAN SING IT FASTER THEN YOU'RE WRONG

BUT IT WILL HELP IF YOU JUST SING ALONG...

Sephiroth suddenly yelped when Angeal hums to his ear:

BAM-BAM-BAMMMMMM

Genesis continued singing again,but in a faster tone:

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG

Angeals tries to catch up with singing the song but he fails(oh well still,he continues)as Sephiroth wore an annoyed look on his face.

AND IF YOU DON'T THINK THAT WE CAN SING IT FASTER THEN YOU'RE WRONG

BUT IT WILL HELP IF YOU JUST SING ALONG

C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG

Genesis then calls out Angeal's name to sing,"Angeal!"

SONG!C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G!

However,he did it frantically that he failed to sing properly.

Genesis then points enthusiastically at Sephiroth,"Sephiroth!"

Sephiroth did not sing. He just kept his mouth shut.

Genesis,however,complimented his silence by saying a happily-pronounced"Good!"

Now Genesis is on a stage still with his guitar,singing in a rock-star gesture(Well maybe in a Gackt-manner). Angeal's on drums.

IT WILL HELP!

Genesis jumps off the platform in a rock-star manner,too.

IF YOU JUST SING ALONG...!!!!

Genesis smashed his guitar back and forth like he's out of his mind while Angeal came over,smashing the drum on ' head popped out of the drums and screamed(in a rock-star manner..errr..Gackt manner again:)

OOOH YEAAAAAAH!!

Both of them sat down back infront of the campfire with Sephiroth as they sighed,"Isn't that relaxing?"

"NO!",Sephiroth yelled irately."This is relaxing...",He then took out his trumpet and started to play so...uh....poorly.

"OH NO!",Genesis took a marshmallow and aimed it at Sephiroth.

"I'll save you,Sephiroth!"

He threw the marshmallow and it went to the trumpet hole,down to Sephiroth's mouth and got stuck on his throat. Sephiroth was choked,and jerks around. Genesis came over to him and asked,"Sephiroth!Are you ok?"

Sephiroth started to chew the marshmallow out of his throat. Genesis on the other hand,was trying to help him,"That's it,chew...chew...then swallow.",when Sephiroth got hold of his breath,Genesis asked again,"There...better?"

Sephiroth screamed in resentment,"BETTER!!!??!!I was playing with my trumpet until you shoot that junk food into my windpipe!"

"I'm sorry Sephiroth but you shouldn't play trumpet wildly in the wilderness. It might attract...",Genesis looked around,then he whispered to Sephiroth's ear:"Turks."

"A turk?",Sephiroth said,pretending to be afraid,"You mean like the ones that..DON'T EXIST!!?!"

"What do you mean?",Genesis was worried.

"There's no such thing!It's just a myth!"

"Oh no,Sephiroth!Turks are real!They say so in the Midgar inquirer!",Genesis informed him. Then he showed Sephiroth the newspaper."I married a Turk!?",Sephiroth questioned as he read the frontpage headline."Yeah!And Fake Hojo monthly,too!",Angeal said as he took out another broadsheet.

"That's the most stupidiest thing I've ever heard!",Sephiroth crossed his arms."Well maybe it's stupid,but it's also dumb!",Angeal said to Sephiroth;there is no difference between those two adjectives anyway.

"Angeal's right,Sephiroth. The turks are no laughing matter!There was one time I knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,

who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy,who knew this guy's cousin...!!",Genesis stated.

"Alright!I know!Yes,I shouldn't have played my trumpet don't you tell me all the things that I shouldn't do so I will not attract a turk?",Sephiroth said.

"Okay,'t play with your trumpet badly."

"Uh-huh."

"Never turn your weapons back and 's their natural prey."

"You're kidding."

"Don't stomp take that as a challenge."

"Go on!"

"Don't ever eat Rufus Shinra's homemade cakes!"

"Sponge cakes or rolled cakes?"

"Sponge!"

"Okay,what's next?"

"Never ever wear a hot pink bra."

"Especially if it's not underwire!"

"Or clown shoes..or a panty hose..and never,ever,ever,ever,ever pig squeak!!"

Genesis and Angeal both screamed in panic."Wow!I didn't know there are so many things that can attract a turk!",Sephiroth exclaimed,"You know,I have a strange feeling that we are all in danger."

"We are?",Genesis and Angeal both hugged each other tightly in fright.

"I don't know.",Sephiroth said in a scared tone. Then he quickly went back to the headquarters and when he came back,he's now wearing a hot pink bra,clown shoes and panty hose while holding his masamune back and forth and a plate of Rufus Shinra's homemade sponge cakes.

"JUST A FEELING!",Sephiroth smiled evilly.

Genesis and Angeal both widened their eyes in fear and surprise,"No."

"Yes...!"

"No!"

Sephiroth then started squeaking like a pig while the other two pleaded,"SEPHIROTH PLEASE DON'T!"

Sephiroth ignores them and continues to do things that'll attract a Turk.

"Genesis,what do we do?An Turk will come here and get us for sure!",Angeal said,holding his fingers on his mouth.

"I know!Let's draw an anti-Turk ring dirt circle!",Genesis said as he took out a stick and drew a circle on the ground they're standing at.

"Good thinking!",Angeal told him,then he holds up an issue of Fake Hojo monthly and said,"All experts say it's the only way to save yourself from a Turk attack."

Sephiroth came over to them and laughed like a maniac who has screws all loose,"You guys are so gullible!See?I did everything that attracts a turk and nothing happened!If turks really do exist,how come one never shows up?",he smirked.

"Maybe it's because you're wearing an underwire hot pink bra?",Genesis said with anxiety on his face.

"Oh,sheesh how silly of me!",Sephiroth then replaces the lingerie he wore with a hot pink bra with no underwire,"You mean like this?",then a turk rips the hot pink bra from Sephiroth and puts it on his head.

Then the turk(this type of turk wears a shade,is bald,and is a big,big man:read:he's Rude.)roared loudly at Sephiroth;the poor general shocked at the sight of the creature.

"Should I start running now...?"