At Acen, a Dog-Tier Jade drew a picture of PI in a lampshade with DD turning it on, the caption reading "HOT YAOIS". I said I would write a fic, and after finding a long patch of time where I can sneak on...I did it. My first slash fic. And it's so bad.
I REGRET EVERYTHING AND NOTHING.
Why did he listen to Problem Sleuth. While he was your friend and your leader, the man did not think ahead often. Getting you and Ace stuck in very sticky situations, and then you have to solve puzzles to help everyone get out of there. You are Pickle Inspector, you are peeved, and trapped in Daimonds Droog's house.
"It will be a simple task. Slip in, plant the voice recorders, and get out." Problem Sleuth said, looking up at the outrageously tall Inspector. Words often made things seem simple, and now you are regretting spacing out and just casually taking this task. According to the schedual of Diamonds Droogs daily activities (Written by Sleuth, memorized quickly by you) he would be home from the Midnight Crew's hideout in five minutes. You are SO. DEAD. You are locked in the house of a gangster who will surely kill you, and it was your fault.
Maybe...not all is lost. A hiding place is what you need. Something that you can blend into or hide in until you can somehow slip out the door. You can do this Pickle, you totally got this.
Diamonds Droog returns home from planning the next Bank heist that will surely go wrong in some way, shape, or form. He is tired, and not in the mood for any bullshit. So when he walks into his living room and sees Pickle Inspector, he is angry. But...also intrigued. The Inspector is standing there, with a lamp shade on his head. This is a very, very sad sight. He is trying to hide from you, in your own house. But it's Pickle Inspector, and maybe this is normal for the man who always has his head in the clouds.
You realize that the lamp is still under the shade with him. And so, you turn on the lamp. It immediately turns on, and you are face-to-face with a lit up Inspector. He looks like he is going to cry or pee his pants, both appropriate in this situation. But, you think you have a much more fun idea...
Problem Sleuth is in his office panicing with Spades Slick. The recorder was placed properly, and sound was pouring into the room. But after, some "oh dear"s and "Oh no"s and Droog's entrance, things took a turn for the worst. You can HEAR Pickle MOANING LIKE A BITCH. You feel like crying. He is having intercourse, hot yaois, with Diamonds Droog. And by the sounds your hearing, it's good stuff.
You would never make such noises, oh god how do you turn them off?
This was some shipping plan Boxcars had told Slick, as he and you are a very violent but somewhat functional and undercover couple. Unfortuanately, Boxcar's ships carry the wrath of zeus translated into sex noises.
You are not going to be able to stop hearing theese for awhile. But at least Spades is sharing you pain.
That is until the two of you engage in a passionate make-out session.