"You're allowed to celebrate, Four. You were first, for God's sake. You deserve this more than the rest of us." Zeke hasn't stopped taunting me since the rankings were displayed in front of the entire faction. I was proud of myself, of course, but I don't think my success warrants such celebration. I have lost myself here. I am turning into a monster. In everybody else's eyes, though, I am something of a legend. I don't want to relish in my victory - a cold shower and a hamburger sound much more appealing than a night of shouting, drinking, and awkward conversations. But Zeke and Shauna were insistent. And I couldn't say no.
"You know I hate this kind of thing," I say wrenching my elbow from Zeke's grip as he drags me through the ebbing crowd in the Pit. I cringe at every hand that claps me on the shoulder, at every pair of eyes laid on me, sometimes followed my a voice calling out my name.
"That's not true. You've never even been to a real party," Shauna replies. I sigh.
"That game of Dare didn't count?"
"Of course it didn't, pansycake! You're a real Dauntless now, you need to go to a real Dauntless party," Zeke says, glancing at Shauna. "We're members now. We're finally allowed in the bars. Even we've never been to a real party. First time for everything, right?" There is some comfort in not being the only one experiencing something new, but at least Zeke and Shauna have grown up surrounded by Dauntless shenanigans. I still cover my ears at the loud music thumping from the Pit late at night. A month has not been long enough to adjust to Dauntless life. I have no idea how much time I will need.
We shove our way through the Pit's pathways until we finally reach a glass doorway at the end of a dark hall. I've never been in this hallway before, but the crowd here is just as plentiful as it was by the Chasm. Shoulders rub shoulders and toes step on toes and the crowd drags me in like a magnet, despite my efforts to remain on the outskirts. I recognize Cameron, the Erudite girl from my initiate class who I never really spoke to, her arm slung across the shoulders of a tall, bulky man as she stands nearby. Shauna yells out "Victoria! I was looking for you!" before grabbing the shoulder of a girl with a messy bun who Shauna never mentioned looking for. She is out of my reach, out of my sight before I can say anything to her. Even Zeke strays from my side, dragged away by two guys I vaguely recognize from the cafeteria. He mouths a brief Sorry in my direction before being whisked away, deeper into the crowd.
I still have no idea where we are, or what we're doing here. I can see through the frosted glass over the heads of the others - the place, whatever it is, seems to be closed, with a few dark figures darting back and forth between tables. I turn around, plotting my escape when a hand taps me on the shoulder. I take it as an accident and continue walking, but whoever it was immediately calls my name. I turn to look at her - she's tiny, but somehow commands the attention of everybody surrounding her. Her dark hair is wavy and brushes her shoulders as she speaks. It's like she's overflowing with energy.
"Hey, nice job today. Glad to be done with initiation?" she asks me. I pause, hesitant. I have no idea who she is, and making small talk isn't my forte.
"Thanks. Yeah, I guess I am." She nods at me.
"That was the worst month of my life. It only gets better after this." She smiles, taking a sip from a bottle I hadn't noticed she was carrying. She holds it out to me, eyebrows raised in question, but I shake my head. "I'm Aria, by the way. I finished initiation last year."
"I'm Fo- "
"I know who you are," she says with a laugh. "Everybody knows who you are. And I'm friends with Shauna. Zeke too, depending on who you ask."
It's strange that she knows my name, but stranger that she knows my friends. I want to ask her how she knows me; I wish I knew how to talk to people. I'm not as awkward as I was a few weeks ago, but conversation with strangers will probably never be my strong suit. The sarcasm and ease and joking nature of Dauntless banter just doesn't come naturally to me and my Abnegation-wired brain.
"Oh," is all I manage to get out. A swig from that bottle suddenly seems like a great idea. "Do you know where we are?" The way she bites her lip before laughing at me tells me all I need to know.
Despite the tacky name, Flames is supposedly the place to be for young Dauntless members. Everybody comes here from the day they finish initiation to the day they decide to settle down and finally act like adults - and I have a feeling that won't happen to some of these people for a very long time. It was Aria who rattled off all this information as she dragged me into the dark room with her, introducing me to people whose names I immediately forgot. When she found herself a guy to dance with, I quickly retreated to a booth in the back of the club. They must serve food here, but nobody seems interested in sitting down to eat. It's all laughing and dancing and drinking, the sounds of excitement drowned out by music that makes my head throb. Even if I wanted to leave, I'm not sure I could - the crowd is too large, too tightly packed, too drunk to move out of my way.
It takes me nearly an hour to decide I don't want to be the only sober one here, and I squeeze through the crowd and to the bar in the center of the room. I don't even know what to ask for - I've only ever drank whatever was in that flask when I got my tattoo, and from the bottles Zeke smuggled for Shauna and me to drink with him at our hiding place in the Chasm. I stand, uncomfortable and alone, resting my hand atop the bar. I'm posing as Dauntless. I may be good at fighting and facing my fears, but I don't truly fit in with them.
It's a relief when a somewhat familiar face finally emerges from the crowd, sitting on the bar stool next to me. "Hey Four," says Aria, waving down the bartender with a snap. She asks him for her "usual" and he turns away with a nod. I finally sit down, not really wanting a conversation, but definitely not wanting to seem like more of an outsider than I already am.
"Aria. Hey." She raises her eyebrows at me, but the expression quickly fades.
"That's my sister. I'm Isla." My cheeks flush immediately. She's taller than Aria, with smaller eyes. The bartender is back almost immediately, handing her a glass with a pale liquid and some ice cubes; she sips and glares at me over the rim of the cup.
"Oh. Sorry. You two look really similar."
"Twins. I can kick her ass any day of the week, though." She tilts her head. "You getting a drink?" Admitting my cluelessness about Dauntless life is easier with my friends. It seems like an insurmountable task when I'm talking to a complete stranger. It would be easier to not get anything, but she would laugh at me. And I'd be the only sober person in a half-mile radius. So I swallow my pride and talk.
"I'm… not sure. What to get." I clear my throat. "Just a beer, I guess?" She smirks and waves the bartender back over again - I don't miss the twinkle in her eye as she mumbles something to him that I can't catch, and wouldn't understand even if I heard. His face is tired and dull, but he moves quickly and efficiently as drunk teens incessantly flag him down for more alcohol. He could certainly use an assistant - which reminds me of the fact that I have to choose a job this week. I haven't given much thought to what I want to do. I could see myself training the transfers, like Amar, but that's probably only because I don't know what jobs are available for me here. At least I know I won't be bartending with this man.
We all did the same thing in Abnegation - took care of the factionless, helped in the hospital and the schools, and picked up whatever odd jobs none of the other factions wanted to deal with. Only a few lucky ones got to work in the government. The middle seat in the council had my name written on it since the day I was born. I wonder who will sit in it now.
The bartender hands Isla something that looks nothing like the simple beer I asked for, and she slides the tiny glass over to me. I pick it up nonchalantly, thanking her briefly before bringing it to my lips. I barely get a sip in when she pushes her hand over the bottom of the glass, dumping the liquid down my throat. It burns, more than I feel like it should, and I slam the glass down with a cough. It takes me moment to catch my breath and spit out, "What the hell was that?"
"It's a shot, idiot," she says, laughing. "God, I love transfers. You guys are too entertaining." She looks at me like an unknown creature she's trying to identify. "Where are you from, anyways?" The question is casual, but I immediately tense. I twist my face before answering.
"Does it matter now?"
"I guess not." She shrugs. "I was born here. Thought I'd go to Candor for a while. Changed my mind when I found out about their initiation. Truth serum doesn't exactly sound appealing." I'm tempted to remark that forcing teenagers to beat each other to a pulp isn't appealing either, but I keep my mouth shut. I have to play the part.
"Isla Holt, huh?" Zeke asks as he stumbles into the bathroom. I followed him here after seeing him trip over his own feet trying to walk on his own - I make a mental note to keep a tighter leash on him the next time he drags me to a place like this. If there is a next time.
"What about her?"
"She's an interesting one. She used to hang out with my friends and me. You know, typical stupid stuff. Jumped first last year, I think. Nope, that was Aria. Maybe. I don't know." He steps into one of the stalls, his slurred sentences fading off. A rambling drunk. Fantastic. "There's two of them, too, if you're into that." My face gets hot, and I'm glad he can't see me.
"No, no, not like that. Not at all. We were just talking. Kind of. She did the talking." I cringe as he stumbles out of the stall, one hand clinging to the door for support. "Why don't we head back to the dorm. You're… we could use the sleep. Long day."
"Mm, sure. Not like that. Okay, Stiff."
"You're not allowed to call me Stiff anymore. And no, not like that."
"I saw you getting her a drink. Looked like like that to me."
"No, she got me one. It was nasty." He stops washing his hands and looks at me, eyes wide.
"Seriously? You're the worst with girls, man. How am I supposed to get you to lose your virginity before the next round of initiates comes around?"
"Let's head back. Seriously, Zeke."
"It's a rule. And since you certainly don't strike me as the hookup type, I've gotta find you a girlfriend." I grab his elbow and drag him out of the bathroom, praying that we don't run into Isla. Or Aria. Whichever one it was, I'm sure Zeke would find some new way to embarrass me.