Chapter 1 – Steps
Residential Life
Spring was in full swing, and Charlotte Karev could not have been happier. She was moving on to a new adventure. Having said goodbye to the love of her life, Matt, had been heartbreaking. She had loved him so deeply and she continued to love him. However, Charlotte simply didn't see how she could follow her dreams and remain with Matt. His vision of their future differed so greatly from hers. Because she loved him, she had decided to break up with him. As she said to him, he deserved someone who wanted the life he desired.
Charlotte was determined to leave the sadness and grief in Seattle. Moving to Los Angeles provided a new start. As far as Charlotte was concerned, this chapter of her life would be a time of joy, fun, and adventure. Modeling contract in hand, she would be free of her father's overprotective eyes and rules.
The move and transition to Los Angeles went well for Charlotte. Her agent Sasha had managed to book multiple print ads, and Charlotte, of course, relished the attention. Landing contracts with a makeup line and a perfume company, Charlotte's modelling was evolving far more quickly than typical. Her ability to charm the upper management with her impeccable manners combined with her playful and daring behavior with others made her an agent's dream client. Charlotte Hadley, as Sasha had renamed her, was experiencing the beginnings of a brilliant career. Her new name, in Charlotte's estimation, was yet another way of recognizing that she was beginning a new chapter in her life.
Charlotte's move had been far more challenging for Alex than anyone else. He often sent texts and left voicemails for his daughter. The messages were usually answered with a brief "so busy, Dad, but doing great. Love you!" With Charlotte away, there was no longer a breath of life and joy in the house. Alex and Jo continued to be stressed as they tried to conceive. Life was heavy for Alex.
Charlotte spent her first two weeks in Los Angeles living in an apartment complex for young models. She found the supervision and the catty behavior of her fellow models to be oppressive. After two weeks in the model apartments, Charlotte convinced Alex to let her move into her own place with a nanny. There was really no great name for the women in their 20s and 30s who lived with young models and promised to see to their care, safety, and health. Once Charlotte understood that all the young models who lived on their own had some sort of oversight and called their caretaker a nanny, Charlotte was able to get over feeling as if she were 5 and under the care of a babysitter.
Reluctantly and with complaint, Alex had flown down to interview nannies and help Charlotte move into a new place. Charlotte's new friends were living in a complex where the residents were a mix of young models and actors, production staff, and non-Hollywood types. Given her contract, Charlotte was able to easily afford the rent in the gated, highly secure complex.
After interviewing what seemed like 100s of potential nannies, Alex hired Ivy Brighton-Greer. Ivy was in her mid-20s and had been raised in London. Her manners and charm were impeccable, and her references were impressive. She had served as a nanny for two other young models who both spoke highly of her and whose parents adored her. Synchronicity and comradery were instantly apparent between Ivy and Charlotte.
After settling details and spending a week with Charlotte, Alex headed back to rainy, gray, springtime Seattle. While in LA, their time together had buoyed Alex's spirit. He was able to catch up on her adventures, and he loved hearing all her stories. Laughing frequently with her brought home just how desperately he missed his daughter.
Returning to hospital life in Seattle was difficult. In the first few days back, Alex found himself ill tempered and cranky more often than not. The required meeting on Alex's schedule shortly after his return did nothing to lighten his mood. Meetings were the bane of Alex's existence.
At this particular meeting, the attending physicians were gathered in the Conference Room. The group had been meeting for nearly 3 hours, and Owen was hoping to funnel the discussion down to the few final candidates for Chief Resident. The discussions and arguments were beginning to recirculate. Owen sighed heavily as Webber continued his third round of advocacy for his selected resident.
Each attending had a unique approach and his or her own feelings associated with this annual event. Arizona eagerly looked forward to this meeting each year; it was fun considering which residents would excel as Chief Resident. She loved pondering the possibilities and imagining how each resident would handle the various tasks of the post. Derek also imagined each resident and how he/she would fill the role. He would create a grid, write each candidate's name in the far left column and then ask himself, "What one skill or ability does this resident still need to learn?" Once he determined the answer for each of the candidates, he would then ask himself if the position of Chief Resident would offer the challenge that particular resident needed. Meredith usually went with her observations and with her gut – for years, she had watched these residents grow and learn. Determining Chief Resident was usually a clear process for her; the best candidate usually seemed obvious. Like Alex, Callie dreaded this meeting. She found the repetitious droning on and on to be tiring. Sudoku was her friend as she sat in the room waiting for the vote to be called. Bailey spent her time observing the other doctors and considering their input. Her approach was to enter the room without a particular candidate in mind and to let the conversation guide the outcome.
This year was Alex's first year at the meeting that would select a Chief Resident. His "c'mon already" mindset yearned for quick decisions and less discussion. As the meeting drug on and on, Alex wondered to himself if he would end up dying in that room. No meeting should last three hours. Besides, he wanted to check in on his patients in the PICU and NICU. He used every ounce of self-control to keep from bellowing, "For God's sake, a baby's life is more important than all this talk, let's just decide already!"
Meredith looked at Alex and nudged him on the elbow. He turned to her with an angry expression and mouthed, "What?"
She whispered back, "You looked like you were about to fall asleep."
Alex rolled his eyes as he interrupted Derek's plea that Jo be selected, "She does have strong skills, no doubt about it, but imagine Edwards as Chief Resident. She seems like a natural." Alex hoped to steer the conversation away from Jo's name again. The last thing he wanted was Jo to be chosen; serving as Chief Resident would mean less time with her and more tears from her.
"Yeah, Hallins would be a great possibility too. He is phenomenally organized and diligent," Alex affirmed, again keeping the conversation focused on anyone but Jo.
Meredith wrote a note on her legal pad and moved the paper in front of him. What are you up to?
Alex glanced at the words and tried to respond by looking puzzled. Nothing, he wrote back.
Meredith slid the pad back and wrote, B.S. You keep steering the conversation away from Jo.
Alex read the note as Meredith slid the pad in front of him and mouthed, "Shut up." He turned away and offered insights about how another candidate would be a fantastic fit for the role.
Meredith pursed her lips and wrote, Alex. Fess up. What's your deal?
Alex grumbled and moved the pad onto his lap. He scrawled his response,
I don't want her stuck in an office setting up playgroups and playdates for residents and attendings, listening to everyone whine about their placements.
If she's doing any playing, I want it to be with me.
As CR, she'll be even busier than the other 5th years and I'll never see her.
She's a surgeon not a secretary. She needs to be in the OR.
People would eat her alive. She's too nice to be CR.
Meredith read the notes quickly as Hunt called out, "Are there any final thoughts to be shared? Please do not repeat yourselves. I'd like to hear from those who haven't provided much input."
Meredith caught Hunt's eye and he called on her before someone else began speaking. "We have many great residents to choose from this year. In their own way, each one would bring something to the role and would also gain valuable learning from it. One name that has been brought up in passing but not fully discussed yet is Jo Karev. Dr. Karev is a fine surgeon with already honed skills in the OR. Serving as Chief Resident would provide an opportunity for her to gain other skills she will need as a doctor in the years to come. She needs to learn how to be firm without being emotional and how to express her expectations effectively. This post would offer her an opportunity to deeply address her growing edges."
Nearly all the other doctors in the room nodded in agreement. Alex kicked Meredith under the table and interjected, "I know Dr. Karev better than anyone here, and I can say with confidence that Chief Resident is not a fit."
Meredith wrote on the legal pad, WTH, Alex? Don't compromise someone's education just because you're worried about the frequency of sex and snuggles. Alex grabbed the pad to read Meredith's words as soon as she stopped writing, then he ripped out the paper, crumpled it up and stuck it in his lab coat pocket.
Owen could feel both the tension and the exasperation rising, so he announced, "We'll take a 10 minute break then re-gather to vote. If you have further input you want to share, feel free to discreetly share your thoughts with your colleagues out in the hallway or in here." The doctors all scooted their chairs from the table and began to filter out of the room. Some called up to their units, others began to walk a lap in the halls, and the last few grouped together and headed to the cafeteria for some coffee.
As Alex approached the stairwell, Meredith and Arizona each approached him, simultaneously calling out, "Alex!" Alex turned to see them approaching and shook his head as he headed down the stairs.
Meredith called out, "Dammit, Alex. Give me 60 seconds. That's all I ask."
Alex stopped but continued facing down the stairs. As he looked at his watch, he responded, "Fine. Go." Meredith stood right in front of Alex and began reading him a riot act. Arizona joined in the tirade, advocating for Jo as the most natural fit. At exactly 60 seconds, Alex began walking down the stairs again. He called out, "Thanks for the input, doctors. We're done."
Meredith and Arizona began their own conversation, talking about how Karev had lost professional perspective and about how great the Chief Resident post would be for Jo.
The group of attendings gathered back in the conference room minutes later. Before any more speeches or arguments could be shared, Owen explained, "Each of you have a piece of blue paper in front of you. Please write the name of the resident you would like to see as next year's Chief Resident. Then pass the papers toward me, and we'll see if there is a clear consensus."
Everyone did as Owen requested, and then Owen reviewed the votes. Every single paper, except one, listed Jo's name. The one exception stated, Anyone but Jo Karev in Alex's familiar scrawl. Owen sighed, looked at Alex, and then announced, "We have a tremendously clear consensus. Dr. Karev will serve as Chief Resident next year. Let's keep this under wraps until I post it at 6:00pm. Thanks everyone."
Alex hightailed it out of the conference room and headed down the stairs to the cafeteria. He was already a few minutes late to meet Jo for lunch. He texted her, On way. Jo wrote back, I've got a table and grabbed for both of us. Just come to our regular spot. xxoo. . Alex grinned and guffawed at the emoticon frenzy. Jo was both darling and nauseating when she used all the cutesy stuff.
At lunch, Jo was giddy with anticipation about the upcoming Chief Resident posting. She knew better than to ask Alex questions about the meeting, other than whether or not the meeting was done. As he took a big bite of his burger, he nodded that it was and said, with a mouthful of food, "Three freakin' hours of blah, blah, blah. I thought I was going to die."
He swallowed his bite as Jo giggled in response, "Sounds like a barrel of monkeys."
Alex ran his hand through his hair and yawned, "And I feel like crap. I've got a pounding headache and my shoulder is all out of whack from sleeping weird. I'm gonna go home and try to get some sleep."
Alex stood up and leaned in to kiss Jo, who asked, "You'll come back for the posting tonight? I'll want you there whether I'm appointed or someone else is."
Alex just closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he mumbled, "We'll see."
Jo stood up, looked at Alex with loving concern, and stroked his cheek, then his forehead. "I hope you feel better, babe. I love you."
Alex responded, "Yeah, me too," as he kissed her forehead and as their lips met in a goodbye kiss.