Prologue

"I could never allow you to die instead of me!"

"Captain….? Captain!"

He was jolted from the echoing thoughts that rattled his brain, seeing that the blonde in front of him had been trying to get his attention, leaning on the desk with a look of worry in her eyes. That was a look she was good at faking.

"Captain, are you alright? You've been staring at your paperwork for almost five minutes without even moving your pen." As she'd said, he'd been staring at the paperwork he was supposed to be filing as his mind wandered back to those words…

They continued to echo through his mind, over and over, and the flashes of the girl dying in his arms continued to play through his mind along with them. 'I could never allow you to die instead of me'. Those were the last words she ever spoke.

The captain simply closed his eyes and made a noise of acknowledgment to her earlier statement. The lack of words sent the busty lieutenant into a pouty fit. She leaned over the desk and pouted in his face, the look practically begging for answers,

"What is wrong, Taicho—?" The captain shot her an icy glare at the title, staring at her with a scowl as he spoke,

"I'm fine. Just drop it, Lieutenant."

He hated it when anyone would call him 'taicho'. He was fine with 'Captain', or simply 'Hitsugaya', but a nerve was always struck when someone said 'taicho'. Ever since his late Lieutenant had died, it pained him to hear that word again. The only time he was okay with it was when that girl, or Ichigo had called him that- though Ichigo rarely called him anything but Toushiro anyways. Those were the only times he was okay with it after his lieutenant's death… not that it mattered now anyways.

The lieutenant looked at him in concern, sighing as she spoke softly as to not upset him any further, "Tai-… Captain… It's been nearly a year since your former lieutenant's death… Shouldn't you be over this by now? It was fine when Senna or Ichigo called you by that title…" He winced faintly at the first name, closing his eyes again as his face contorted to that of someone trying to stave off a headache. The woman in front of him took this as a sign that he was beyond annoyed with her at the moment. That wasn't necessarily the case, however. The name 'Senna' just brought on even more painful memories that he'd rather have shoved to the back of his mind.

"Even if I'd wanted to, those two wouldn't have listened if I asked them not to say it anyways." In reality, he didn't want to ask them. He knew they were doing it to try and cheer him up about it, "And anyways, that's beside the point, Lieutenant Matsumoto."

With one last attempt to get her point across, the lieutenant squeaked out one last remark, "I'm sure Lieutenant Kuchiki wouldn't mind someone else besides those two called you that."

That night, he stared up at the moon as he did each night. Sleep was something that held no sanctuary anymore, and so his only escape was the empty night sky. He imagined at this moment the young substitute would have crawled up onto the roof where he was perched,

"What're you doing up here, Toushiro? Shouldn't you be getting some sleep?"

He looked down and sighed, staring at the tiles of the roof to his quarters. It was ironic; he had always gotten annoyed of how Ichigo would call him by his given name, rather than use his title as he should have, and yet… right now, he would give anything to hear him say his name again…

Anything.

He looked back up at the moon, searching it, as if that would yield the answers he needed, or bring forth one of the faces he'd longed to see again.

Rukia, Ichigo, and Senna…