Disclaimer: I do not own Gorillaz. Nor 'The Big Bang Theory' quote in N.14.
The Dummies Guide to: Living With Gorillaz
1. No-one enters Noodle's room, EVER. (Warning: Deviating from this will result in CDs being thrown at your face and eventual unconsciousness)
2. Look inside their fridge at your own risk, there could be people in it.
3. Accusing the band of being fictitious may cause death.
4. If you suspect criminal activity within the group, then it's probably Murdoc.
5. Do not attempt to contact the spirits inhabiting Russel's soul (It happened once, no-one survived).
6. If you eat an éclair infront of 2D, good luck. If you watch a whale program infront of him, pray to God.
7. For safety and security reasons, always wear a helmet.
8. For hygiene and social reasons, always wear clothes.
9. Make sure you lock your bedroom door when sleeping, there could be dire consequences.
10. Whereby gender is concerned, both sexes will find living in their environment extremely difficult.
11. Murdoc may ask you to sign a contract, DON'T. You will probably end up without a soul and may experience visits from Satan.
12. Gorillaz accepts anyone; no matter their race, gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, disability or age. However if you are a hippie, you will be denied.
13. It is advised that you bring your own toilet paper, cleaning fluids and domestic products. Half of the stuff in that place goes missing and is not to be trusted.
14. If in a crisis, think of yourself as being attached to another object by an incline plane wrapped helically around an axis… screwed.
15. Never disregard suspicious activity such as; banging on doors, talking walls, hovering cutlery or weird orbs floating nearby. If this is reported, the apartment may need an exorcist.
16. If in the above, the exorcist finds no paranormal activity, then you may need medication.
17. If you begin to hallucinate that your life has turned into a horror film, then don't worry, because it has. And you're not hallucinating.
18. For whatever reason, if you try to escape- it will end badly.
19. If you see the Winnebago as an opportunity to hang out with your friends, Murdoc will only see it as a chance to get laid.
20. Keep an emergency contact with you at all times, though it probably won't help.
21. It is recommended that you should be 18+ years of age before trying to live with Gorillaz. This helps to prevent any possible childhood trauma or psychological distortion.
22. It should be noted that only stupid, daring or insane people would think of sharing a confided space with said individuals. And reading this proves that you are one (or more) out of the three.
23. All of the above is complete nonsense, why would you listen to a set of guidelines anyway? No-one ever follows them.
(Mind you, what I've just said should be nonsense, since it's part of the list. Never mind).
*Reading and acknowledging this guide may cause side effects such as; deterioration of health, loss of sanity, violent behavior and unpredictable mood swings. Remember that Gorillaz cannot be held responsible, and you cannot claim compensation.*
END