DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS NOR DO I OWN THE SONG WHAT HURTS THE MOST. THEY ARE THE PRPERTY OF DISNEY & SQUEENIX AS WELL AS RASCALL FLATTS RESPECTIVELY.
I hear you in every thought and see you in every dream.
But even we were together you never heard or saw me because it was only ever him.
Wasn't it? Where did I go wrong? What did I do?
I'm not so sure anymore.
But at least I have a story to tell, to share. Or maybe a song, whatever it is, it shall be "the Flurry and the Melody."
I can take the rain,
on the roof of this empty house.
That don't bother me.
I sigh as I stare out the window, sitting on the cold wooden floor of the apartment we once shared. Boxes strewn around me, some empty but most full. I can hear the pitter-patter of rain drops falling on the roof and against the window pane. It doesn't really bother me, this near endless rain because in a way it's almost like the sky is crying with me, or at least for me.
I can take a few tears;
now and then and just let 'em out.
I'm not afraid to cry,
every once in a while.
I haven't cried since the night that you left. I think I cried all of my tears at once that night, I think Sora cried too. I wish both of my little brothers were hear with me, but it wasn't bad enough that you shattered my heart. You did it for my brother, for Roxas. Every time I think of the way he used to smile when he came over I always thought it was because he was so happy to see me, but now I know that that smile was only ever for you. I wish I could smile again, just like he did.
Even though,
going on with you gone.
Still upsets me,
there are days every now and again.
I pretend I'm okay,
But that's not what gets me.
It's been two months since you left, so why can't I get you out of my head. I keep remembering the little things, the way you'd kiss me tenderly when I was scared or worried or the way that you would just hold me so that I knew that I was loved. I will never feel this again, will I? You were the only one for me and yet you threw me away. I've tried to smile, to at least pretend that I'm okay. But you broke me, and I don't think that I can ever be whole again.
What hurts the most;
was being so close.
And having so much to say,
and watching you walk away.
And never knowing,
what could've been.
Everything was fine that morning, what changed? I still remember it so clearly. I got up before you and made breakfast, you took a shower before eating and left for you morning class. I hung around the apartment until my class started at two. It was all so normal, just like every other Friday. But then when I came home, you were already packed and halfway out the door. Was it because I never said 'I love you' or was it something else, I had so much to tell you that day but you just kissed my forehead and said 'I'm sorry' before walking out the door. We never even had a chance to know what our future could've held if we'd stay together. What could've been if you hadn't left me? I curled up on the floor and cried myself to sleep in the entryway that night.
It's hard to deal,
with the pain of losing you.
Everywhere I go,
but I'm doing it.
I don't know what's wrong with me; every little thing reminds me of you. Hell, I can't even walk past Old Spice in the grocery store without stopping to smell it. I watched a documentary on pyrotechnics for two hours because it reminded me of your love for fire and I could almost feel you sitting next to me, watching it with me. But I guess the most painful thing about all of this; I have to see you happy with someone else nearly every day. I was so stupid to move back in with Cloud, Sora and Roxas but I never fathomed that my little brother was the reason you left me. Why did you do this to me?
It's hard to force that smile,
when I see our old friends.
And I'm alone.
I saw the gang the other day; I guess you didn't tell them. I could feel the pain of you leaving over and over again in my chest when Marly asked me where you were. I managed to smile through the tears as I told them, I don't know why but they don't blame you for what you did and in a way neither do I. I just know that it's so hard and that it hurts so much.
Still harder, getting up, getting dressed.
Living with this regret,
but I know if I could do it over.
I would trade; give away,
all the words that I saved in my heart.
That I have left unspoken.
Cloud was so worried for the first few weeks, I barely ate, I barely spoke and when I did it was just one word and so, so monotonous. I don't think I even slept. I just sorta sat in my room, distancing myself from everyone and everything. Sora tried to cheer me up but it never worked. I wish I could go back in time and stop you from leaving or at least say this three little word, I wish it didn't take me so long to realise and I'm sorry for that. I guess I really am that slow. But there is so much in my heart and in my head that I wish I could tell you, but I can't. Not anymore.
What hurts the most;
was being so close.
And having so much to say,
and watching you walk away.
And never knowing,
what could've been.
I miss you so much, all the time. But I know I can never have you again. You're so near and yet you won't even look at me. I wish that I could tell you how much I miss you, but I don't have the guts to do it and I don't want to hurt Roxas as much as you've hurt me. I know that you'll take good care of him, so why am I so uneasy? Is it jealousy or loathing? I'm not so sure.
And not seeing that loving you,
is what I was trying to do…
It's taken me so long but I know not what was wrong and what was missing. I didn't love you until you were gone, I liked you and was attracted to you but I never loved you. Not until now and I'm sorry for that and I wish I could've told you sooner.
I love you, Axel…
A/N: If you're reading this and you have read my story Sorrow please, please, please go to my poll and vote because then I can finally post the next chapter. Other than that if you haven't read it, read it. Also tell me what you think of my first ever KH songfic -love it? hate it? either way R&R~