Two songs and a tweet inspired this. I'm rather enjoying writing Mentalist again and after publishing my big bang a few days ago I wanted to write from the mind of Lisbon again – why I adore writing her POV I don't know, but I do!
I don't own anything. : )
Put your future in good hands - your own – Author unknown
Teresa Lisbon knew from the moment she accepted Patrick Jane onto her team that he was a dangerous man, haunted by his own past and reckless to the point of being fired – if he wasn't so damn good at his mentalist stuff. Those skills were like a free pass to continue his personal quest for revenge, a revenge that Jane wanted so badly that he was going to drag Lisbon, Cho, Rigsby, and Van Pelt right down with him. And whatever they got dragged into, Lisbon was going to get the worst of it.
She'd accepted that a long, long time ago.
Of course, Jane was adamant, at least out loud, that he'd always save her, always protect her, always make sure that his personal ambition did not ruin the life and career of the person who was bending over backwards to help him succeed. He'd shot a piece to the Red John puzzle and Lisbon had watched the man who had been about to send a bullet through her fall to the ground, the sound of the gunshot signaling not the end of her life, but the realization that Jane would set aside his revenge to keep her safe. And dammit, he was right, she'd given him more leeway after that.
She'd be lying if she said she could name a time when Jane hadn't given her deniability in one of his shenanigans; she had to give him that, too. He was certainly doing his best to protect her and he'd continue to do so as long as such protection was in his power, but Patrick Jane, consultant, ex con man, was not all powerful. Red John was just as intelligent and just as obsessed, and he had the edge when it came to letting others get in the way of his goal. Jane never tried to hide his affection for Lisbon in public, going out of his way to antagonize her and make her smile and dammit, if Red John missed that she'd start buying lottery tickets because her luck was off the charts.
That was the one risky thing she'd done for Jane that he had never given her deniability for. Caring for him. Feeling that painful empathy whenever Red John got away or that dreadful anniversary passed or any other thing happened that made Jane break, even temporarily. Letting them share that bowl of ice cream in public. Telling him that she cared about him, albeit indirectly, in a barn rigged with cameras. Risking her career time and time again, bending the rules so that Jane might get his way – at least to some extent. And her team, seeing Lisbon go out on these limbs for Jane and caring for Jane themselves, followed her, every time, into whatever dangerous scenario that Jane led them all towards. They were like lemmings. It was almost sad.
And even if one day Lisbon thought enough was enough – even if she said her good byes and backed away from the widower, guiding her team away with her, moving towards a place where they could work without this killer watching them and planning where to strike next to further mess with Jane's mind – even if they left him to do it on his own, sooner or later, and likely the former, they'd be caught right back up into it again. Because they'd tried this once before, against their will of course, and Lisbon remembered all too clearly – she'd never actually be able to forget – what had happened to the team assigned to take the Red John case. It wasn't like Jane could pick up a new team either; the higher powers had tried that before, too and he'd just flat out told them that if Lisbon wasn't employed by the CBI and he wasn't working with her "you will continue to have a problem."
And when Patrick Jane gave an ultimatum like that, the CBI bent like a young tree in gale force winds.
So she was stuck, trapped in this endless tragedy that had come from Red John choosing to kill, Jane choosing to mock him, Red John choosing to retaliate, Jane choosing to get revenge.
That was the part of the story that everyone knew. If Lisbon were to explain that, what had been in the papers and on the screens, she knew she'd get eyes rolled at her for stating what everyone knew.
But it was more than that. It wasn't just about Jane versus Red John anymore.
Because Jane hadn't just chosen to avenge his family even if succeeding meant his own death. He'd also chosen Lisbon as the woman who could help him get there. Lisbon, who after losing her mother and living through her father's darkness found herself with yet another person that she needed – and wanted – to help, even though she wasn't entirely certain she'd fixed herself yet. Maybe that was why they worked so well together, they both understood personal loss in ways that those who hadn't gone through it couldn't possibly understand.
But one way or another, they'd found themselves with a shared ambition, to find that notorious serial killer and…well, they differed on what to do once they did find him. She could never have deniability when it came to Red John, Jane, in all his carefulness, had been much to reckless that time.
But she really didn't care; she didn't stop to think how unfair it was on a regular basis, but her own future was out of her hands. Red John would torment Jane as long as he lived. Jane would try to find Red John as long as he lived. Jane refused to work without Lisbon and the CBI refused to work without Jane.
Lisbon – and by default her team – was going to see the Red John thing through to the end, regardless of whose end would actually signify the end. They were going down right there next to Jane because stubborn loyalties and woven the five of them so close together that even should Lisbon reconsider and turn and look back, the Point of No Return would no longer be visible, even as a speck on the horizon. Not that she really minded, it had come to the point where she wanted the bastard dead as much as almost anyone, but it was slightly terrifying to know that even if something changed her mind there was nothing she could do about it.
No, when it came to Patrick Jane and the hunt for Red John, Teresa Lisbon was in far too deep. They all were.
"It was a thousand to one, and a million to two, time to go down in flames and I'm taking you."