"Shhh," Morgan said softly as he hovered over the trembling body of the young man to whom he had confessed his love to exactly a month ago. Supporting most of his weight on one arm, Morgan reached out and brushed the stray strand of hair that had fallen across his forehead, back in place. He then reached out and wiped away the tears. "Shhh. It's okay," Morgan said softly, concerned with the true fear that he saw in Reid's eyes.
This was the second time they had tried to go all the way in their relationship since Morgan had revealed to Reid his true feelings and found out the younger man was a virgin. To establish the ultimate feeling of intimacy between them instead of just the make out sessions. It was also the second time Reid had dissolved into tears, just like that first night.
Reid clenched his left hand in a fist and pounded the bed next to him. "I'm sorry," he managed to get out through his ragged breathing.
Morgan could hear the raw emotion in his voice. The real desire mixed with the fear and frustration.
"Shhh, don't apologize," Morgan soothed. "Try to calm down before this turns into a panic attack," he told Reid softly, concerned at the ragged, heavy, gasps Reid was taking.
"I want to do this, I do," Reid told Morgan his right hand reaching up, his fingers soon resting on the back of Morgan's neck, holding on as if he was trying to keep Morgan from leaving him. "I want to show you just how much I love you but I can't seem to control this."
"It's okay, Pretty Boy. I know you love me," Morgan told him softly, "and I'm not going anywhere. Now take a few deep breaths and try to calm down," hating to see his friend and lover in so much distress.
Reid closed his eyes, his hand staying around Morgan's neck, as he tried to follow Morgan's instructions. Morgan brushed more tears away talking softly to the younger man, feeling relief as Reid's breathing became easier. Convinced that the episode of emotional distress had passed for the most part, Morgan let his head fall, gently resting his forehead against Reid's, relishing the feel of Reid's warm breath on his bare skin.
"Let's try it again," Reid whispered softly.
Morgan wanted so much to take him up on that offer, the pressure of his swollen manhood, pressing against the unyielding material of his jeans. His desire was second to his concern for Reid though. He didn't want to watch the younger man go through another episode like the one he had just had. Didn't want to push too hard and chance a complete panic attack.
"No, not right now," Morgan said softly, even as he fought against the urge of just going for it. Of getting rid of the clothes that separated them from the complete intimacy that two lovers shared.
Morgan knew Reid was feeling the same desire as he was, as there were certain things that you just hand no control over. He could sense the pressure of Reid's own manhood as his body lay close against the younger man's.
How could two people feel so much desire and yet something keep them apart.
"Please. Just do it. I'll be fine once we've started," Reid said, his voice trembling with fear.
Morgan was aware of Reid's hands reaching toward his own pants, ready to move the scene along himself if Morgan wouldn't.
Morgan straightened up, shifting his position to kneeling on the bed, as he straddled Reid's thighs. He took a hold of Reid's wrists and kept the kid's hands away from their target.
"Don't you want me?" Reid asked, his face dissolving into an expression as if he had just been hit, his voice having a broken quality to it.
"Yes, Reid, I want you," Morgan said, his voice getting husky, "but not like this. I want your first experience with this to be pleasurable, not something that is forced upon you. Not something your just trying to get over with."
Morgan got up from the bed. Looking down, he saw that Reid had put an arm across his eyes. Morgan realized the young man was crying just before Reid spoke.
"Don't just leave me. Not like they did."
"Like who did, Kid?" Morgan asked, standing at the foot of the bed.
"The football team."
The three words were barely audible but suddenly realized what this was about even if Reid wasn't able to put everything into perspective. Not wanting to lay back down on the bed, not sure he could deal with his own desires in that position, Morgan gently prodded and maneuvered Reid so that he was sitting upright at the end of his bed.
"Reid, when was the last time someone saw you naked?" Morgan asked, kneeling in front of him.
"What?" Reid said, wiping tears away and looking at Morgan confused. "What does it matter?"
"Humor me," Morgan said, holding Reid's gaze. When the younger man didn't answer he continued. "It was when the football team stripped you and tied you to the goal post wasn't it?" Reid nodded. "And when I start to take things further than just kissing and no shirts, you're back there again aren't you?"
Reid nodded again. "I know you would never do something like that to me but . . . I can't stop it. I suddenly feel their hands on me, holding me down, pulling my clothes off. My calls for someone to help me just met with laughter. The ropes biting into my bare skin. I'm sorry."
Morgan wrapped his arms around Reid as he dissolved into another round of tears.
"Stop apologizing, Kid," Morgan told him softly. "There is nothing to be sorry about. Nothing to be ashamed of," he told him, rocking him gently as he held onto the small frame of the man he loved, wondering how anyone could have hurt him so badly.
When the tears had subsided again, Morgan let him go. Holding him at arm's length, Morgan looked at Reid's tear stained face. He had an idea of how to proceed but he knew Reid needed a bit of time to regain some composure.
"Why don't you go splash some water on your face, Kid."
"You won't leave?" Reid asked, a little kid quality to his voice.
"I'll be right here, Pretty Boy," Morgan promised him.
Reid nodded and stood up. Wiping at his eyes, Reid headed toward the bathroom. Morgan listened as he turned the water on, letting it run for awhile. As Reid freshened up a bit, Morgan laid back down on the and waited for Reid to come out of the bathroom. When he did come out, Reid walked slowly toward the bed and sat down on the edge, looking at Morgan.
"Maybe it will be better for you if we switch places," Morgan suggested. "Let me show you that there is nothing to be afraid of."
"I -I- I don't know . . . I wouldn't be sure what to do," Reid admitted looking down at the bed.
"I can talk you through it if necessary," Morgan told him, reaching out and resting his hand over top of the one Reid had resting on the bed.
"I thought you liked to be in control."
"I do," Morgan replied without hesitation. "However, I'm thinking that in this case, you need control of the situation. Besides, you're about the only one I would agree to surrender control too."
Morgan waited for an answer. When one wasn't forth coming, he thought Reid wasn't going to take him up on the proposition but then Reid shifted position. Slowly, hesitantly, Reid climbed onto the bed and slowly crawled across the bed toward where Morgan lay. Morgan laid back, relaxing as Reid straddled his body.
This time, it was Reid's lips exploring Morgan's throat and naked torso. It was a different feeling then what Morgan was use to but as it got him near Reid, it was worth it. Eventually, Reid's explorations found their way down to the top of Morgan's jeans. Once again, Morgan's jeans felt awfully tight and he couldn't control the sigh of relief he felt as Reid's fingers undid the button and slid down the zipper, release his manhood from it's prison.
He felt Reid's hands start to try to slide his pants and boxers down. Shifting his body to aid the effort, Morgan felt the articles of clothing slide down, completely exposing his private regions. He let out a groan of pleasure as he felt Reid's tongue hesitantly move across the top of the shaft of his penis. He could sense the uncertainly in his partner and that in itself turned him on.
"You're doing fine, Pretty Boy," Morgan told him, his breathing starting to increase with the feelings of ecstasy he was feeling.
Reid's mouth continued to explore Morgan's man hood. Morgan let out a groan of pleasure as he felt Reid's mouth cover the tip of his penis.
Suddenly Reid backed off. Morgan opened his eyes to see a panic look on Reid's face. "Did I do something wrong?" Reid asked before Morgan could ask what was wrong.
Morgan couldn't help but give a small laugh at the question. His sweet Pretty Boy, always concerned for those around him.
"Oh, no, Pretty Boy, you were doing everything just right. That was a groan of immense pleasure," Morgan told him. He saw Reid nod slightly as he lowered his head once again.
As he felt Reid's mouth envelop his manhood again, Morgan closed his eyes and gave into the feelings. This had definitely been worth waiting for and while he still might have to wait to show his lover just what being on this side of this act felt like, Morgan knew he could continue to wait. Wait until the demons that haunted Reid from his childhood lessened enough to allowed Reid to feel comfortable enough to be completely vulnerable to someone.