Both times Bellamy held onto her, it was the most powerful thing he had ever felt. The first time, he was safe, he was loved, he was coming home. The last time, he was dying, he was drowning, he wasn't breathing.
There are many things he can say, right now, in this instant, as she clings to him, as her body holds his and begs for a reason she can convince it to stay. He can say anything in the world. He is sure she would stay if he asked her to. He knows that as he knows his own name. He has already repeated the end of their exchange in the woods that night.
If you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you. You're forgiven.
He needed to hear more from her. He had to know he was needed, otherwise he would have given up, would have willingly lain down and died. She nearly commanded him, ordered him to return with her to protect their people.
He wants her to stay. Oh, he wants her to stay with him. But he cannot command her the way she did him. That is not what she needs. What she needs now is something he doesn't want to give, something that is crushing his heart and cutting off all air to his lungs. He can't breathe.
"May we meet again," she whispers into his ear. She's pulling away, she's walking away, she's going away for who knows how long. She's on her way. She's almost gone.
The words almost slip out. He almost lets them. He wants to shout them after her, wants to throw them as hard as he can at her retreating back. Anything to bring her back to him, to make her stay, to make her okay.
I need you.
Dammit, Princess, I need you.
I can't get through this without you.
What we've done…
I can't.
I can't do it.
I need you here.
But he doesn't let them escape. He grips them tightly, shoves them into his pocket, and swears that he will not do this to her. If he opens his mouth, he will only hurt her, so he closes his pocket and takes the weight of those words on his own shoulders, where he will carry them until she is ready for him to share them with her.
She needs to go. But God, why does it have to hurt so much? Why does he have to feel as though she took his heart with lips pressed to his cheek and she is carrying it away with her? Why does he have to let her go?
It's the only way she will ever be able to deal with the scars on her soul. When he met her, he was the one with the troubled soul, the wounds that would never really heal. But now? Now, he can hardly imagine the weight on her shoulders. She is a million times stronger than Atlas ever was. He only held the physical weight of the world. Her shoulders bear the weight of lives, of other souls, of hearts she is responsible for breaking.
She needs him to let her go.
So that is what he does. As utterly as it destroys him, Bellamy lets her go.
He swallows hard.
He looks away from her golden hair and shattered halo.
He doesn't tell her he needs her. He doesn't tell her he loves her.
He only says, "May we meet again."
And they will. He will see her again. It is the only thought that will keep him going. He will see his Princess again.