Author's note: Gu Zheng is a Chinese style harp-like instrument that belongs to the zither family of string instruments, though I only call it harp-like because I can.
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When people saw her as she strode confidently to wherever destination she was headed to, all they saw was the prodigy child of Fire Lord Ozai and the perfect Princess of the Fire Nation. They compared her to her failure of a brother, the banished prince, and nodded to themselves as they considered her to have been blessed and her own brother cursed. She was obviously the favored child of the two siblings, and they always assumed that her childhood had been filled with nothing but praise from her father, and that he must be the first thing she thinks of when the word childhood crosses her mind. People always believed what they wanted to believe, and she never cared enough to correct them because who were they and what did they matter to her?
On the contrary, whenever thoughts of her childhood came to mind, the first thing she always did was categorize her childhood into two parts: before the fire, and after the fire. When she thought of her life before the fire, she always remembered the gentle, comforting touches of the woman who gave birth to her; the one who looked at her with the most loving smiles reserved only for her and her brother. She had always paid close attention to her mother, hoping that when she grew up she would be just like her.
The next thing she remembered was the scowling face of her older brother; the unburned, gentle, yet still angry face of her one and only brother. He had always hated whenever she followed him around like a seal-pup turtle, but he always kept his pace slow so she was never too far away, and whenever she fell, he was always the first to run to her side and pick her up. She affectionately called him Zuzu, and though he hated the name, his name had been her first word, and he accepted it with a pride only an older brother could have.
Next were the two most important people in the world to her besides her mother and brother: her best friends Ty Lee and Mai. They were her first friends that were the same age as her, and one of the first to treat her like a real person and not a member of the royal family. She thought fondly back to the games they played together with Zuzu, and not for the first time, wished she could travel back to that time when everything was more simple and a lot more free.
Before the fire, there was something that held a higher slot in her memory than the flame that her father loved. Whenever she passed the courtyard that housed the turtle ducks, she would always pause for a second or two and listen intently for the sound of the string instrument that now existed solely in her memory. The soft, haunting notes would drift by, and her eyes would soften almost inconceivably as she thought fondly of the music lessons between mother and daughter; the private time that she had cherished and wished to never end.
Her fond memories ended there, and everything that she recalled from her childhood after that was based around the fire that haunted her every move and the harsh, cold touch that came from the man she knew as her father. These memories were those that were after the fire. Her eyes would gain a faraway look as she remembered the countless hours of training, the rift between her beloved mother and brother caused by the fire that burned everything it touched, and the lost years of childhood that she could never gain back. The fire was the cause of everything, though if she dug a bit deeper she knew that it was more like her father was the reason that everything turned out all wrong.
As she continued to dwell on her past, though more specifically on her father, her thoughts turned more and more bitter and she drudged up her memories with a sense of detachment that she knew was her own defense mechanism. She had learned early on it was better to look at things without feeling anything from them; it lessened the pain to a tolerable dull ache that she so skillfully now ignored.
Her father…The first thing that he had taken away from her was her mother. Ever since he had discovered her gift with the fire when she was around five, she had been thrown into a training regime that was made for someone double her age. He was molding her into the perfect weapon, and at that time she hadn't known any better and had followed him without question because he was her father and he loved her, and merely wanted the best for her, didn't he?
The private music lessons with her mother were a far and distant dream, and all she caught from her mother were the worried glances thrown at her as she followed her father obediently. She yearned to reach out and grab her mother's gentle hands; longed for the gentle touch that would take away the pain that her daily lessons with her father caused. He was not a patient man, and though she was a genius in the art, one mistake and a harsh flame to the back would correct any errors made on her part. Any sign of weakness and she would be further punished with another whip. She learned quickly to hide her pain from anyone, adopting a mask of indifference for each and everything merely because it was easier than trying to explain to her mother why she always moved so slowly when she knew she was supposed to be at the table fifteen minutes ago.
As the years passed, the close relationship between mother and daughter had drifted further apart as her father stepped more on her life, and though she wanted nothing more than to run into her mother's loving arms, the stern face of her father stopped her cold and she merely learned to glare at the woman every time treacherous thoughts of crying to her entered her mind. Her mother could only watch helplessly from the sidelines as her baby girl was pulled further and further away. And before she could reconcile with her mother, before she could tell her she still loved her and 'please don't ever leave me?' something happened. Her only cousin was dead, and then shortly after, her grandfather was dead, and then her father was declared the new Fire Lord, and the woman she still loved fiercely was gone and a small part of her that was untouched by the hate imposed from her father died.
Around the same time she had begun to lose her mother, she had started to lose her brother as well. She was a true prodigy they had called her, and though she had beamed with pride at their words, her brother would scowl darkly at her, and she knew that this was different than his normal scowl. He boiled with jealousy at the ease she learned the forms, and would merely glare when she tried to show off the new moves that their father had taught her earlier that week.
'LOOK ZUZU! Look what I learned,' she would call to him, and though he always watched as she performed her move perfectly, she never received the praise she so highly sought from her brother. She pushed herself harder and harder, hoping to impress him with her skill as he struggled to keep up with her, and she unconsciously widened the gap between them until it turned into a chasm and no she didn't mean for it to happen but it did and she wanted to take it back and 'Zuzu, please don't hate me, please?'
Even though he envied her, she still loved her brother. She tried to help him control the fire that came easily to her, but he pushed her away and she dealt with it like any normal child who didn't understand what was happening: with insults and snide remarks. As they grew older, her words grew harsher and his hate grew deeper and her father encouraged their sibling rivalry and she grabbed onto it because it was turning into the only thing she knew. 'You'll never catch up to me' she had sneered to him, while secretly in her head she begged him to step up and exceed her because she didn't want to be alone anymore; he was her older brother and she wanted to follow him because he was older and she looked up to him more than she ever let on.
And then one day, he had overstepped his boundaries in a war meeting and had been banished, doomed to forever search the world for a legendary relic that hadn't been seen in over 100 years: the Avatar. She had been there in the sidelines during that fateful Agni Kai, and though there was something akin to delight on her face as she watched her older brother burned by their dear father, if anyone cared to look closer, past that mask and the walls that surrounded her, they would have seen the horror in her eyes and the spark inside her dull even more. As it was, her mask was strong enough to fool everyone, including the Fire Lord, and no one noticed the pain that only she herself could barely see.
As she had watched him step into the hulking metal ship that would become his prison, her face betrayed no emotion. For a brief second their eyes connected, and though she tried to convey to him the feeling of loss she felt, she knew that whatever bond they had had as young children was critically severed and his one good eye had coldly glared at her before he turned and disappeared into his new home. He saw nothing but a selfish, arrogant girl that had something he always wanted, the favor of that one person whose opinion meant the world to him: their father.
She had stared at the metal ship as it carried away her older brother and coincidentally her fuddy duddy Uncle, and even when it was long gone and everyone who had gathered to see the banished prince had left, she had stood there, staring long and hard at nothing and feeling more alone than she had ever felt in a long, long time.
Sometime in between when she had lost both her mother and her brother, she had lost her two best friends as well, though her memories were unclear on when that had happened. All she remembered was attending the Royal Fire Nation Academy for Girls with them shortly after her mother's disappearance, and then one day she was pulled back home and she never saw them again.
Months had passed, and then her brother had been banished and there remained only two things that still kept that little bit of hope in her heart alive: her mother's Gu Zheng that she secretly hid in one of the abandoned rooms of the palace, and her fire that offered a warmth that no one else could give her.
Despite having only around a few months of practice with the harp-like instrument, she knew it like the back of her hand; she was a true prodigy and excelled at everything that she did. She had memorized the movements her mother performed as she would pluck the strings expertly and she herself could easily mimic the actions. For a few minutes every day, she would be whisked back to the days when everything was alright with her world, back when everything she held close to her heart held her closely back. All too soon however, the notes would fade, and everything would come crashing down and she would glance at the instrument sadly, before quickly easing her face back into the mask of nothing. She would then cover the object with a cloth, and with the utmost care, would carry it back into its hiding place, and she would leave the room for the day knowing that if she disappeared for too long, one of her advisors would come looking for her and they would know and then they would take it away.
And then, after a particularly harsh training session in which her father had overlooked the entire lesson, making her practice every move until it was perfect because perfection was all he sought from her, she had limped tiredly to the room, hoping to lose herself to the past and away from this hell she now called her life. The first sign that something had been wrong was that the door to the room was slightly ajar. She felt the dread seep into her heart as she pushed herself into the open space, because she knew, always, always to close the door behind her and to never, ever leave it open. A quick glance around and she noted that the room looked the same as always: boxes were lined up against the wall, with a few scrolls lying around the floor and even the dust looked untouched. She, however, knew better.
With heavy footsteps that seemed to echo all around her, she approached the small crevice in the wall that housed her secret treasure. She kneeled painfully and knew without looking that it would no longer be there. Tears, something that she hadn't shed in a long time ran down her face as she blindly reached into the empty space, hoping beyond hope that no, it was just her imagination and it would still be there, it was just misplaced. She sat there for an unknown amount of time. Sat there until her legs had gone numb, matching the feeling of numbness that had spread throughout the rest of her body, until finally she took in a deep, shaky breath before standing up slowly. She wiped at her face angrily, and with one last glance at the hole in the wall that now symbolized her own heart, she headed for the exit and left the room, closing and locking the door behind her. There would be no reason to return here anymore. She slowly walked down the hall and felt another part of her slowly fade away.
The next day, her fire had turned to a cold blue and she had clung to it because it was all she had left and she would die before she would ever let him take that away.
People always assumed that she had a nice, easy childhood merely because she was the Princess; the prodigy; the one considered to be born under a lucky star. They never saw the way her shoulders would slump ever so slightly as she carried too much responsibility for someone her age. They never saw the pain in her eyes that were hidden by the countless walls she had created long ago so that no one could ever hurt her so badly again. They didn't realize she was drowning, and the ones that once could have saved her were now long gone, taken away from her by that one man. All they saw in her was the perfect weapon, and she let them, because sometimes that was all she herself could see.
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Author's note: I had this crazy long rant that was too crazy long so I just removed it. I'll be brief: this is my first fanfic on the site, this is AU storyline/timeline, characters will be OOC because I'm bad at writing them in character, I tend to write really long run on sentences and tend to use italics too much, and I'm sorry if my writing is too confusing because I merely make this up as I go along. The title of the story doesn't make sense now because it ties in to the ending (yes I've already thought about it), and I can't guarantee I'll ever finish this story because I'm so bad at finishing things that I start. Though! I think this could be a one-shot but could be so much more. Oh bother. And it's annoying because I keep rereading this and I keep changing stuff and I should just stop or I'll never get very far.