My first song fic so I hope it all fits. The song is 'Johnny, Remember Me' by John Leyton. You should listen to it to get the feel for it – it is quite chilling.

When the mist's a-rising
And the rain is falling
And the wind is blowing cold across the moor
I hear the voice of my darlin'
The girl I loved and lost a year ago

He opens his eyes, waking up from a restless sleep. His puffy eyes widen and a smile pulls at the edges of his mouth. The expression is too unfamiliar for his mouth and his grin vanishes. He focuses on the person lying next to him. She is facing away from him so he can't see his face but he would recognise that thick mane of wild hair anywhere.

'Ziva,' he hisses, the name bringing tears to his bloodshot eyes. The tears from his last bout of sobbing have only just dried on his cheeks. 'Ziva,' he repeats, willing her to turn over. The tears are flowing freely down his face now and he makes no attempt to stop them, they have become too commonplace to even register now. 'Ziva,' he forces her name through his choked sobs.

She finally rolls over and her sorrowful eyes bore into his. Somewhere deep inside him he knows that this is impossible, that there is no way on earth she can be here because she is not on earth; she is in heaven, or hell, or wherever you go once you are... He can't bring himself to even think that word.

'Ziva,' he breathes, ignoring the faint hiss that he is imagining this. 'Ziva.'

She smiles and a glow falls on her, illuminating her and giving her a ghostly luminosity.

'Ziva,' he begs, his weak voice barely audible. Not that it matters since she can't hear you, a voice reminds him drily. His eyes plead with her. 'I need you,' he whispers. 'Please don't leave me.' He reaches out his fingers and lets out a wail of desperation as his fingers pass right through her.

She smiles again. 'Remember me, Tony,' she murmurs softly. She is close enough for him to feel her breath on his face if she was real and the absence of warm air hitting his cheeks painfully reminds him of his hallucination and fresh tears appear in his eyes.

Johnny remember me

Tony gulps, staring blankly at the expanse of bare white sheet beside him. His eyes close and his head hits the pillow once more, his hands tearing at the sides of the pillowcase in his frustration. He lets out a chilling cry and chokes on his tears. He lets the sobs overpower him and he spreads his arms and legs waiting for the grief to consume him.

Her parting words haunt him. She voiced his greatest fear after her death: that he will forget her and move on like he did with Kate. He rarely thought about Kate once the immediacy of her loss had subsided. He never wanted to lose the memory of Ziva or let her feel like has been left behind.

Yes I'll always remember
Till the day I die
I'll hear her cry
Johnny remember me

His chest finally stops heaving and his guttural howls die down. He props himself up on one elbow. He glances around his chaotic room. He hasn't tidied up since he stormed into his room the evening of hearing of her... His thoughts stutter to a halt.

She is staring at him from her perch on his dresser. She is swinging her legs and watching him with interest. He sits up and returns her gaze. 'Ziva,' he begins. 'I...' His voice fails him and he contents himself with gazing adoringly at her.

She laughs and the sound fills the gloomy room. He smiles tentatively and leans forward. He continues to watch her, his heart swelling with joy at her presence. He refuses to admit to himself that she isn't really there. He blinks quickly, scared that she'll have disappeared when he opens his eyes but she is still there, regarding him with an amused smile.

His eyes well up with tears and he lets them fall, his leg noting each drop landing on it. He feels the tears trail down his leg and create a circular damp patch on the bed which continues to grow as the tears keep flowing.

Her eyes remain dry but the smile has evaporated. Her face is expressionless and her legs are still swinging monotonously.

He does nothing, says nothing, hears nothing, sees nothing. Even after her death, he cannot voice his feelings. She is dead but he is still in the rut of denial and hiding. Their lifelong game of hide and seek should be over but instead it has become an eternal game which extends beyond both their lives.

The patch of damp on his sheet has swelled up and spreads from directly below his face in a large circle expanding almost to the edges of the bed. He continues to stare at her, silent and motionless.

Then, suddenly she is gone, and he is staring at the wall above his dresser. A pigeon resting on his windowsill gives a squawk of fight and is gone in a flap of wings, alarmed by the howl of rage coming from inside the apartment.

Tony balls up his fists and releases his rage on his wall, pounding it relentlessly with his fists, screaming her name repeatedly. Exhausted, with bruised hands and tearstained cheeks, he falls down into the warmth of his bed. Curling up, his screams of 'Ziva!' become a mantra which he moans into his pillow. 'Ziva...Ziva...Ziva...Ziva...Ziva.'

'Yes,' a disembodied voice replies from above him. He rolls over onto his back and is confronted by her face floating above him.

'Ziva,' he cries. 'Don't leave me again,' he half begs half scolds.

She shrugs and stares down at him, her voice sincere. 'Don't forget me and I will never leave you.'

'I could never forget you,' he promises. 'Ziva...' His voice catches in his chest but he forces out his long buried sentiment. 'I love you,' he whispers.

She does not reply and closes her eyes. He opens his mouth to repeat himself but she is gone.

Well some day I guess
I'll find myself another little girl
To take the place of my true love
But as long as I live I know
I'll hear her singing in the sighing of the wind
Blowin' in the tree tops way above me

A tiny ringing rouses Tony and his hand automatically searches for his phone on his bedside table. He feels nothing but screwed up tissues so he sits up. His nose is red and running and his eyes are aching but he hauls himself out of bed to locate the sound. He isn't quite sure what he will do once he finds his phone; shut it up or answer it. He flings piles of crumpled, unwashed clothes aside and kicks heaps of tissues out of his way. The phone keeps ringing persistently until finally he finds it.

Gibbs, the screen reads. Tony considers it for a few moments. He hesitates before answering, half expecting Ziva to mock him. Holding the vibrating phone in his hand, his mind goes back to the first time he met Ziva. Kate was taunting and playing with him from atop her desk and he was joking with her. Ziva had appeared and not been at all unnerved by his odd spectacle. She was never unsettled by anything he threw her way. She is immovable. He winced, realising that he was thinking about her in the present tense. She was past tense now; she shouldn't be but she was. Maybe it was time to face that.

His eyes go back to the phone. Gibbs hasn't given up on him yet. With a reluctant, faint smile faltering on his face, Tony flips open his phone.

'Yes?' he asks quietly.

'Tony,' Gibbs harsh voice comes through the phone. 'Where are you?'

Tony blinks, the question catching him off guard. 'What?' he mumbles incoherently. 'Wha–?'

'Your bereavement leave ended today,' Gibbs informs him, his voice gradually growing kinder. 'Did you forget?'

'Oh,' is all Tony can manage to muster.

'Are you coming in or not?' Gibbs asks.

'I...I...I don't know,' Tony finally answers.

'Well, decide quickly,' Gibbs orders, hanging up.

The phone drops from Tony's hand. 'I can't do this anymore,' he announces, hoping Ziva can hear. 'I can't lose everything again.' He takes a step forward. 'I can't go in to work and pretend like everything is normal. I can't. I can't do it.' For the first time since the funeral when the flood gates opened, Tony's eyes remain dry. 'I can't do it,' he murmurs. 'I can't move on.'

A chill passes over him and he turns to find Ziva pressing her nose up against the glass of his window, her hands resting where the pigeon had previously been. Instinctively he runs across the room, stumbling over the mess, and wrenches the window open. 'Ziva,' he pants, breathless from the sudden dash. He steps back and she floats through the open casing. 'Ziva, I can't do it,' he admits, sitting beside her on the bed.

'Tony, I am gone,' she states flatly.

'I know,' he sighs. 'I know. But I will never forget you,' he insists. She shakes her head sadly and evaporates. His shoulders slump and his hopeful eyes lose their momentary spark. His heart aches for her and he cannot shake the overwhelming longing.

His phone rings again and he scrambles across the room to pick it up. 'Yes?' he inquires again, though this time a little more annoyed by the interruption and less willing to listen.

'Tony, it's McGee,' McGee explains. He waits to hear an answer but, getting nothing, continues. 'Are you coming in?'

'McGee,' Tony starts but his voice tails off. He makes a quick decision. 'McGee, I can't. I quit.' The words coming out his mouth sound alien and he grimaces at the sound he is making but he does not regret his choice.

He hears a gasp from the other end. 'Tony,' McGee falters. 'You don't mean that,' he assures him. 'You just need some more time, you are still grieving.'

Tony's nostrils flare. 'And you aren't?' he shouts into the phone. 'Have you forgotten about her already?' He stamps his foot. 'She was Ziva, McGee! You can't just move on! She was Ziva!'

'Tony, that's not what I meant,' McGee appeases, scared by the fury in Tony's voice. 'I just meant...'

'I quit, McGee,' Tony insists loudly, cutting across McGee's apology and jabbing at the end call button.

Will be continued...if you review...