AN; First, I would just like to say thank you to all who may be reading this. This is my first fanfiction ever so it's a pretty big moment for me right now. I know that there are a lot of Edward lovers out there but I don't want anyone to get confused. I love Edward too, but for some reason I've just always had this desire to push Bella and Jacob together, to see what their future might become you know? Anyways, enough of my ramblings. Please review, I would love to get everyone's opinions.
i always say how i don't need you
but it's always going to come right back to this
please, dont leave me.
-Pink, please dont leave me.
Ever since Sam had carried me out of that forest everything changed. It took months to come to the realization that Edward wasn't coming back. I wish I could say that it took months for my heart to heal but the healing part was something I was still working on.
"Bells? Jacob's here." Charlie yelled up the stairs. At first Charlie was struggling with my newly found depression, threats of going back to live with my mother seemed to come into our conversations more than often. But after being pressured to get out and live again I found that Jacob was able to make me forget about all the pain if only for a little while. Charlie finally started to realize that I wasn't going anywhere, before I had stayed in hopes of Edward's return but now I stayed because I wouldn't run away from my problems. I made my way down the stairs as quickly as possible without falling over my own feet, I was amazed at how something so simple as walking could be a challenge for me. It barely took my eyes a second before they locked onto Jacob, I found myself biting down on my lip in a failed attempt to hide my smile. How did he do it? How was Jacob able to make me smile, he didn't even have to try. In one swift movement Jake had walked across the room and scooped me into his arms, this was exactly what I loved about every time we met. Being in those strong arms, the warmth from being so close to him and most importantly that safe feeling I get every time I'm near him. I know I shouldn't feel this way, but I could never shake the feeling.
"Bells, I've missed you." He blurted out finally and his grip seemed to let up as he set me back down onto the floor. I couldn't help but roll my eyes, there was that damn smile again on my face as clear as day; he was ridiculous.
"You saw me yesterday." I couldn't think of many days that Jake and I weren't together. He had become not only my best friend, but the only person I seemed to depend on.
"Bella if I didn't know better, are you saying you didn't miss me?" He pressed a hand to his heart like he had been wounded and I couldn't help but laugh. He was certainly getting much better at twisting my words around to his advantage.
"I always miss you." I confessed. It was hard to even look at Jacob as I said the words and clearly by his expression and lack of comebacks he wasn't expecting to hear it either. But it was true whether I was able to admit it or not that something inside of me ached when we parted. Something was telling me that Jacob was good for me. Now all I wanted was for Jacob to say something, to reassure me that what I was feeling wasn't as stupid as it sounded. But instead Charlie cleared his throat as he came into the living room and I found myself taking a step back from Jacob to look at my father.
"I'll have her back at a decent hour Charlie." But before Jacob could continue Charlie shook his head and held up a hand.
"Just bring her back to me in one piece, you kids have fun." I knew that Charlie wouldn't make the rules with Jacob very strict. Charlie always had this hope that by pushing Jake and I together that we would become something more. Charlie trusted that Jacob would respect me and treat me like I deserved and I knew Jacob would do just that and more but for some reason my heart seemed to be defective, completely and utterly useless.
I hated when things became so silent between Jacob and I, sitting in his truck I struggled to think of something to bring up. Jacob and I didn't have issues having conversations, we could talk about anything for hours, but I could tell that Jacob was thinking strongly about something. My eyes quickly scanned over his tan face hoping to notice something that would help me realize what he was thinking about. But I was afraid of looking for too long and I brought my eyes back to the road.
"I hope you don't mind I was hoping that we could show up to the fire tonight." I really enjoyed the fires over in La Push, the only problem was that many people didn't enjoy my presence. Leah would have me banned completely if possible and well Billy wasn't exactly fond of the way Jacob seemed so attached to me, but there wasn't much I could do. My choices were simple; go to the fire and get to spend time with Jacob or go home and let the silence slowly tear me apart?
"Jake, I wish you would stop worrying. You know I enjoy the fires in La Push." But I noticed that he seemed to not believe me. "What?" I couldn't help but ask as he gave me a look I didn't really like, was he really questioning my honesty?
"Bella you just sit there, sure you talk with Emily but I don't think I've ever seen you so shy before. I don't want to go and you not have a good time." It really got to me every time Jacob was so concerned about my well being, about whether I was happy or not. Didn't he ever think about himself? The kind of happiness he deserved?
I shook my head. "Jacob, as long as I am with you I am having a good time." Once again the words sounded so much better in my head, but out loud they sounded like another confession.
It was easy to say that I spoke too soon, this fire wasn't exactly like all the others. Leah had really out done herself this time, I knew she hated me but this was really low. Jacob had failed to mention that Leah had invited her cousin, Jessica. Apparently Jessica was new in town and Leah had volunteered Jacob to show her around. What I didn't seem to understand was Leah incapable of showing her cousin around? Apparently the showing couldn't wait and I found myself sitting by Emily unsure of when Jacob would be coming back. I knew the smart decision was to ask someone for a ride home but instead I excused myself and started the long walk home.
It wasn't long before I heard Jake's truck getting close behind me, but I didn't even bother looking back. I wanted him to go home, go back to Jessica. God, I couldn't even understand why I cared. So Jacob was interested in a girl who wasn't me, wasn't this suppose to be a good thing? We could hang out without all of the awkwardness.
"Bella, you're being foolish." Jacob had the window down and was yelling in obvious hopes of speaking sense into me. It was pointless because I never once stopped walking but Jake wasn't giving up. He pulled his truck over on the shoulder of the road and started running towards me. Finally stepping in front of me, Jake placed his hands carefully on my shoulders to stop me. "Bella, what the hell?"
I was mad, so mad that he was able to do that to me. Just because he has superhuman strength doesn't mean that he could use it on me whenever he wanted. "Go home Jake." I struggled trying to break free of his grip but he didn't move which meant neither did I.
"Tell me what I did?" Jake pleaded. "Is this about Jessica?" I didn't even like the sound of her name rolling off his tongue and that's when I realized, when it finally hit me. Perhaps my heart is broken, mangled, and in many ways useless but whatever was left of it attached to Jacob. I wasn't sure if you could call it love, but I was certainly jealous of Jessica.
"You left me there Jake, you just up and left." It felt almost too familiar the feeling of being left, it surely wasn't the same thing, but it still hurt just the same.
"What was I suppose to do, ditch Jessica?" Jake's voice raised as he spoke but I couldn't seem to see things from his side. Why did he owe anything to Jessica, he had known her a whole what? Five minutes. I was a girl he knew his entire life but apparently there was something more important about her.
"Jake, I don't know what exactly is going on in that mind of yours, but I came here tonight to spend time with you. I don't care about Jessica ok? Jessica is a big girl, capable of showing herself around town. She doesn't need you to hold her hand and give her the step by step tour. If anyone should be showing her around town how about her damn cousin? Leah is doing this to piss me off." I finally blurted out, I was so angry. I don't believe I had ever been so upset with Jacob over anything before but this really did it.
Jacob didn't seem to react as quickly as I expected. He seemed to be replaying the words I said over and over again in his mind. But the silence, the anticipation to what he would say next was killing me. "What are you saying Bella?" I didn't like his question, I didn't even know how to answer it. What was I saying? Before I could even try and throw something together, he spoke again. "I can't believe it, Bella you're jealous." The smirk forming across his face was enough to make me regret this entire conversation, he would never let this go.
"No." I answered almost too quickly.
"Admit it Bells." He pushed, but he didn't understand, this was a line that we couldn't cross. But nevertheless I let out a sigh.
"Seeing you with her, I didn't like it." I couldn't believe I let those words escape my mouth. But Jacob smiled and I could tell this was huge to him.
"Was that so hard?" More than you know Jake, more than you know.
We didn't go back to La Push, besides I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to let me around Jessica again. Obviously Jake wasn't trying to push his luck tonight, I felt relief as we pulled up next to my house. I would be able to sit with my thoughts for awhile because I wasn't sure what I was doing. I was surprised as Jacob found it appropriate to walk me to the door, I knew Jake was a good guy but seeing him as a gentleman, now that was still something I had to get use to.
There was something in Jacob's eyes I had never seen before as he stared down at me. I inhaled sharply, I may have not been the smartest person in the world but I was smart enough to know that Jacob was going to kiss me. He was moving slowly towards my face, allowing me the time I needed to run away scared. I knew I should have, that not allowing this to happen would be the smart thing, but for once I wanted to see what it would be like. I had known Jake for so long but I had never thought about his lips or at least not like this. The next thing I knew I could feel his hot breath against my skin and I felt myself growing impatient, I just wanted him to do it already.
Patience was never something I seemed to have much of and so I found myself moving quickly onto my tip toes and removing the rest of the space between Jake's lips and mine. I couldn't explain it because I believed kissing Edward had been the best it got, but Jacob's lips made my legs fall weak, my stomach tightened with all the excitement of welcoming something new. Jacob made me feel alive. When we finally separated from each other I couldn't help but look up at Jake, there was no taking that back. I was afraid that perhaps it wasn't what he expected, but could a kiss really change all he thought about me? From the smile the formed almost instantly across his lips I took that as a no. He was about to speak but I really just wanted tonight to end on a good note. I put a finger quickly to his lips and shh-ed. "Let's not say anything. I don't want to ruin this. Call me tomorrow?" And with a nod I watched as Jacob got back into his truck and drove away. I let my back hit against the front door, I couldn't believe I was allowing myself to fall for Jacob. I got control of myself before finally entering the house.
"Charlie, I'm home." Then I realized I had done it again, I don't know how many times Charlie had stressed that I called him dad. "Dad?" The lights were on which meant he had to be home somewhere. Why was he giving me the silent treatment; then I heard it, the tv. I moved quickly into the living room, I wasn't sure what I was going to tell Charlie but I was happy like unbelievably, indescribably happy and I had to share it with someone. But when I noticed Charlie on the couch something wasn't right, to the normal eye he looked asleep but if you paid attention you could tell that his chest wasn't moving; was he even breathing? I started to panic, tears fighting against my eyes. I shook him quickly over and over again. "DAD." Then I stopped and searched for a pulse, relief washed over me when I felt the pulse, but it was very faint and so I hurried to the phone and dialed 911. "Don't you dare leave me." I told Charlie as I pressed the phone to my ear.
AN; as soon as I get into the swing of things I will be posting previews for each new chapter. If anyone has any ideas they would like to suggest to throw into this story feel free to contact me. Reviews are praised. What is going to happen to Charlie? What do you want to happen to Charlie? More importantly what is going to happen to Bella and Jacob?