Disclaimer: Note to anybody who thinks about litigation way too much: I obviously don't own any Vulcans. Because if I did…

Boys Will Be Boys

"Vulcans do not believe in violence."

"Vulcans never bluff."

"Vulcans do not make threats: Threats are illogical."

Uh, huh.

He'd been making pronouncements, again, and the boys had let him. Just sat there and let him. Did they really not even get what a unique individual he was?

How would those boys like to be lumped together like that? Based on her own statistical analysis, she could make some observations about human male Star Fleet officers that would curl your hair! For the purposes of list-making, she decided just to abbreviate "human male Star Fleet officers" to "boys" because - Duh.

Boys took foolish chances and had bad luck. Bad, bad, bad, bad luck.

- In fact boys were really just lucky that they had competent female human Star Fleet officers to monitor their frequencies and thereby rescue their landing-party-risk-taking asses. Oh, and Vulcans. They were lucky to have Vulcans.

Boys ignored good advice and made snap decisions (to "ignore Uhura, she's being a killjoy. Let's beam down right now, Bones, c'mon!") dependent upon, it seemed, whether there might be awesome waves, big climbable rocks, or attractive female aliens (not necessarily in that order) to encounter on strange new worlds.

- This meant that they ignored their Vulcans.

- This also meant that boys beamed down to planets already not thinking clearly and thus risking the lives of themselves, their friends and their crewmates. Including Vulcans (who don't like water or climbing, and who are not allowed to appreciate attractive female aliens on strange new worlds, thank you very much).

Boys do not adequately appreciate human female Star Fleet personnel.

- Obvs. Except their butts in their uniforms.

Boys feel threatened by successful powerful human female Star Fleet personnel.

- Even when the said personnel have just hauled their asses out of a seriously unpleasant situation that was about to transpire relative to some big rocks, awesome waves, and attractive female aliens. On a strange new world.

- Also, being rescued causes boys to say really harsh and hurtful things about the aforementioned personnel and the enjoyableness of their company.

Which is okay because:
- Yay! Vulcans do not appreciate water or, well, you know – but they do dig successful powerful human female Star Fleet personnel. A lot. (Did I mention: 'Yay'?)

Boys were boring.

She decided to make a different list, based on her own, personal observations of Vulcans. Well, Vulcan, really, but she has observed him a lot. A lot. Really. Because, well, damn.

Vulcans were more fun than boys.

- Smarter

- Stronger

- Hotter

Okay. Sooooo distracted.

Try again.

Start with something really obvious. And innocent.

Because if she spent too much time really thinking about her own particular Vulcan, then she'd think about how long his legs were, and how his ass looked in his uniform, and how he'd lock eyes with her as he sloooowly peeled that uniform off - and how, underneath, he was hot, hot, hot - and how he'd… damn.

List, remember? 'Innocent.'

'Vulcans have pointy ears.'

Oh, 'and eyebrows that go up like this.'

- Vulcans were also really, really private, so she thought maybe she shouldn't actually write down how when she went like this: *** on her Vulcan's ear, his skin would heat a little, his lips would part, and she could hear him breathing. And how his eyes would darken, and how he'd reach for her, and then he'd…

Damn.