Author's Note: set after the first season. AU second I guess you could call it. Tommy is with Sadie, Jude isn't with Jamie.
The rest is explained throughout the story. This chapter is short. It's late. And I wanted to get this out there so I'm not all OCD with it in school tomorrow. I don't own jack, so no suing. Not instant star, not Paramore or that song. I don't own glossip girl, that chick that writes the series 'The Clique' owns it.

Read along. Don't forget to review.

Chapter One: Don't Know You Anymore

Jude stood in studio A playing her electric guitar. So much had happened over the last forty eight hours and she wasn't sure how much more she could take. There was a threat to her contract, and a hard blow finding out her album sales were in the toilet. She strummed her guitar, playing 'My Sweet Time'. She knew the crowd would've liked that better if she played that instead of 'Stupid Girl'. But in all ironies, that's what she was. A stupid girl.

A stupid girl that kissed her producer at her first performance.

A stupid girl that dated her best friend after her other best friend already did.

And it was a stupid girl who kissed her producer again after she found out her boyfriend cheated on her with her nemesis.

Jude laughed the thought off, feeling tears build up behind her eyes. She was always at fault for her boy mishaps, and maybe it was always her fault that her parents were arguing, or at least it felt that way. She looked at her reflection in the glass. Her hair mussed, her eye make up smudged, and she looked an utter mess. Jude noticed the way her cheeks were sitting, they looked...grotesque. She set down her guitar, and pick to pinch her cheeks between her fingers. "Gross..." she whispered to her reflection and shook her head, crinkling her nose.

She looked to her right, out into hospitality to see her sister and producer having a spit swapping contest in the middle of G-major. The utter urge to throw up came to Jude's mind. She turned her head, prodding her cheeks again then lifting her shirt to poke her stomach. It jiggled slightly, leaving a slight imprint on her stomach where her finger had just previously been. She pinched her sides, frowning because she couldn't see her ribs.

Her hands quickly dropped to her sides hearing the sound booth door opening, and Tommy appeared a few minutes later behind the soundboard. He set the binder on the board, sitting down in the swivel chair and putting on a pair of headphones. "You ready to record, Jude?" he asked, and she spotted some lip gloss still glittering on his lower lip. No doubt it was Sadie's cinna-bun by glossip girl. No. Doubt.

She nodded, picking up her electric guitar and slinging it over her shoulder. "Yeah, it's called conspiracy..." she said, into the mike slipping on her headphones. She beings picking a soft but constant chord variation, growing louder and rougher with seconds and soon her voice broke through.

"Please speak softly for they will hear us.
And they'll find out why we don't trust them.
Speak up dear 'cause I cannot hear you
I need to know why we don't trust them. "

She played, not looking at Tommy. But looking more at her reflection she loathed in the glass.

"Explain to me this conspiracy against me, yeah
and tell me how I lost my power, oh yeah"

She banged her head back and forth a few times, wanting to bounce on her toes but, she knew she'd save that for the music lay down.

"Where can I turn 'cause I need something more
Surrounded by uncertainty I'm so unsure...
Tell me why I feel so alone
'cause I need to know to whom do I owe"

She rolled her head back still playing, getting into it. She was oblivious to Tommy's presence and couldn't care less about him anymore. He was with her sister, why not forget about him?

"Explain to me this conspiracy against me, yeah
and tell me how I lost my power, oh yeah"

She felt so helpless, so hopeless. Her dad was gone, her mom was off doing god knows what with god knows whom. Darius was trying to be a dictator to G-major, Tommy and her sister...and now Jamie and Kat? She felt like she'd been hit with a ton of bricks.

"I thought you would make it.
Because you said that we'd make it through.
And when all security fails you'd be there to help me through."

She thought Tommy would be there when she hopped off the bus, but he wasn't. It was Sadie, and Jamie. Jamie who belonged to Kat, and Sadie who belonged to Tommy...or more like vise versa. She wanted to see Tommy's face, the only thing that had held her together during the tour was him and now he was off busy doing something. Or someone.

"Explain to me this conspiracy against me, yeah
and tell me how I lost my power, oh yeah"

She trailed off, tears falling silently from her face. Tommy looked sad and bewildered behind the glass. He didn't expect that from her, but then again he never expected half of what she gave him. He wanted to take her in his arms, stop her tears and kiss the pain away. Damn the work place. He thought to himself. Jude kept her tearful eyes on him, and she seen the expression on his face. Deciphering it as another emotion, she got up snatching her satchel from the stool. "I've got to go..." she mumbled grabbing her black hoodie, and putting it on. "We can lay down the music tomorrow..." she said before walking out of the studio into the rain.

"Great..." she mumbled as the rain met with her porcelain cheeks. She yanked the hoodie up over her head but, it made no attempt to stop the rain from wetting her. After a few blocks of trying not to get wet, she gave up walking out in the rain as if it was an everyday thing. Her makeup was smudged and her hair stuck to her face, but she felt fresh. And clean. She felt amazing. She half heartedly wanted Tommy to come after her and stop her, ask her what was wrong because she was sure that for this limited time, she'd tell the truth.

She'd tell him how much she wanted him, how she dreamed of his arms around her. His lips on hers in a devouring kiss. She'd tell him how she dreamt of him every night on the tour bus and woke up many nights crying because he wasn't there beside her. She'd tell him how she hated him with Sadie, because all she wanted to go was control him like he was a trophy boyfriend or something. She'd tell him that she missed her father and wanted her parents to get back together. She'd tell him everything and he'd hold her, kissing her forehead and rubbing her back reassuring her things would be fine.

But that was just a fabricated dream she'd weaved into her brain.
A small little wish her heart seemed to make no matter how hard she tried not to.
A big part of her wanted to drop dead, to stop breathing and disappear. She'd see who would care then, right?

See who would cry, and come to her funeral. See how many people would try to save her, or how many would not go on without her.

It is then she surely thinks she's insane.

"Mom! I'm home!" she called out, walking into the living room. She dropped her bag onto the couch and shook her wet hair. She heard a muffled sound come from the kitchen and she walked through the double doors to see her mother and Darius Mills on their dining room table, doing the dirty.

"Oh.My.God." was all she could manage to sputter out.

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