James Potter was having a horrible horrible night. He hated these stuffy Pure Blood parties. He hated the patronizing way the older wizards spoke to him, as if being a professional Quidditch player were just a passing hobby - a rebellious phase, if you will - and that any day now he'd come to his sense and go into the ministry just as his father had done. Never mind that he was one of the top Chasers in the league, or that he was on record time and time again saying that No, he was not going to be an auror so please stop asking.
As if dealing with his parents' deaths hadn't been enough, it stoked the fire more. If one more distant aunt came up to him and told him that it was time to stop all this nonsense now that he had inherited the Potter fortune he was going to scream.
Downing his third glass of champagne he skirted the edges of the party, looking for a way out. Sirius - his one lifeline at functions like this - had abandoned him to go snog the coat check women, so he had to brave the crowds on his own. He wouldn't have even come to the stupid event if it hadn't been for the team's sponsors.
It was as he was nearing the doors to the garden that someone snagged him by the sleeve reeling him back in. Plastering a fake smile on his face, he turned around. A petite witch stood before him, looking up gleefully, her dark hair just brushing the shoulders of her lavender dress robes. "James Potter?" She asked, eyes sliding over him. "That's you, right? Chaser for the Montrose Magpies?"
"Yeah, that's me." The witch was pretty, he had to hand her that. Her face was round, and her eyes were green. Not strikingly green - not the way they would've been if she was, say, ginger - but pretty all the same.
She held out a hand for him to shake. "I'm Vanessa Litfield, part time reporter for The Daily Prophet."
He shook her hand, but said "I'm not doing interviews tonight, sorry."
"A bit conceited, are we?" She laughed, shaking her head. "I didn't approach you for an interview, Mr. Potter. You just seemed lonely and in need of quality conversation."
"And you figured you could provide me with that conversation?"
"Well, I am known for being good with my words." she winked.
"We'll see then." He nabbed two champagne flutes off a passing tray, handing one to her. "Show me what you've got."
Vanessa, it turned out, took that to heart and babbled on for a good hour. James didn't mind it, though, because it kept other potential conversation partners at bay. He could endure a pretty girl's incessant chatting no problem. In fact, he was coming to find that he quite liked talking with her. She didn't seem to take anything too seriously, which he found refreshing.
"Can I see you again, Mr. Potter?" she asked as the party dwindled down.
He shrugged, pretending to think on it.
"Are you going to leave a girl hanging?" she laughed, nudging his shoulder. "I need a response quick, my roommate is making her way over to fetch me."
He decided that he wouldn't mind spending more time with her. Maybe he'd enjoy it. He'd been in a bit of a dry spell recently, anyway. "I suppose so," He joked. "Well, alright. Owl me and we'll set something up."
"That's romantic," she rolled her eyes. "I can see why you're swarmed with women."
He opened his mouth to reply - with what, he wasn't sure, not after he caught sight of the women approaching them. No, it couldn't be, he thought. But it was.
The willowy red-head reached out, tapping Vanessa on her shoulder. James, too busy taking in the sight of her,missed their exchange. She stood just as she had five years previously at Hogwarts - just as sure, just as beautiful, her hair just as red. Her eyes just as green. Her freckles had faded out for the most part, and her face more angular. She wore a set of deep purple robes, just the right color to offset her pale skin.
"Are you ready?" she asked Vanessa, her voice just as musical as it had been the last time they spoke. Vanessa looked from the girl beside her, to James, and finally the red-head did as well. Her expression mirrored his, he was almost certain. The surprise, the confusion. It was all there, scrawled across her beautiful features. He was always able to read her so easily, five years didn't erase that.
He wanted to speak, to greet her, to at least say something. But instead, he just gawked. How could he not?
"Do you two know each other?" Vanessa asked, looking between the two.
It was her who recovered first, naturally. She shook her head, laughing it off. "Nah, he just looks familiar, is all."
"Well, he's a famous chaser. You've probably seen him in the Prophet."
"A famous chaser, huh?" She looked him over in that knowing way that made his insides twist up in knots. "Seems fitting."
Recovering at last, James extended his hand. "James Potter," he said. As if she didn't already know that. As if he didn't feel kicked in the gut the moment she feigned ignorance.
"Nice to meet you," she took his hand, and he saw the slight color stain her cheeks. He felt the heat of her skin radiating through him. "I'm Lily Evans."
"She works at the Prophet with me." Vanessa explained. "She's one of our best columnists." But James already knew that. He read everything she wrote.
Lily tugged on her friend's arm, pulling her towards the door. "We really need to be going, Nessa."
"All right, don't get your knickers in a twist." She let Lily pull her away, only pausing to call over her shoulder. "I'll owl you for that date, Mr. Potter!"
James only nodded in reply, as he watched Lily Evans walk away from him for the second time.
"Wait, you've got a date with Lily Evans's roommate?" Sirius asked the next day. He sat at the small kitchen table in the flat they shared, poking at his eggs. "How the hell did that happen?"
James leaned back in his chair, running his hand through his hair. "I don't really know. I mean, I know, but I didn't realize she was Lily's roommate. How could I have?"
Sirius still wore the same shocked expression he had when James first told him a half hour before. "And you're telling me she pretended she didn't know you?"
James nodded, "She didn't even miss a beat." He had stayed up the whole night, replaying that moment again and again. Lily Evans had pretended she didn't know him.
"Whatever it is you did to her, Prongs, it must've been bad."
"But I didn't do anything to her." James insisted, just as he had ever since the summer after their Seventh Year.
"You don't just break it off for no reason. Well, alright,I would, but Evans wouldn't. You two were..." Sirius looked down at the table. "You two were different."
That was what Sirius had always said. When James and Lily had first started dating he pulled James aside and told him not to blow it, because they were different. James just brushed it off then but as their relationship grew he started to feel it. They were different. They were the real deal, at least to him anyway.
They were inseparable. Head Boy and Head Girl, always together, always touching. They held hands where ever they went. They would study in the common room and she's drape her legs over his lap. It was like they couldn't get enough of each other. He still sometimes rolled over at night, grasping for someone, for a comfort that just wasn't there.
That's why, to him, it seemed natural to think about the future - to think about their future. After two months out of Hogwarts, out on their own, he bought a ring without a second thought. A ring that still lay buried in the drawer of his nightstand. He had it all planned out - a nice dinner, a night in, and then he'd bring out the ring.
It didn't exactly go that way...
The dinner was nice, and they always enjoyed staying in. But the moment he brought out that ring, things went sour. Lily's face paled, and her words died on her lips. There was no smile, no giddy excitement, only what James recognized as pure dread.
"James," she had said, barely above a whisper. He still knelt on the ground in front of her, starting to feel a bit like a tool. "James, no..."
No. That words shot through him, and echoed around his mind. No. Two letters, one syllable, and everything he knew was shot to hell. She stood from her seat at the table, shaking her head frantically. "I can't...No, we can't...I just need time." she moved back, closer and closer to the door with each word. He got to his feet and reached out for her, but she slipped from his grasp, grabbing her coat. "I just can't right now, James. I -" She looked from him to the ring, tears brimming her eyes. "I'll write you," and then she was gone, shoving her way out of the door so quickly that it was still ajar, giving him a perfect view of her retreating back as she hurried down the stairs, and far away from him.
it was a week later when the letter came. It was sweet and cordial, of course, but it still stung all the same. She couldn't be with him anymore, she explained. They would just never work, and she was sure he'd move on sooner rather than later anyway. People grow apart, James she had written. And he supposed that's what had happened, right under his nose, while he was blissfully unaware.
Back in the present, with Padfoot at the kitchen table, and an impending date with Vanessa Litfield, James couldn't get those memories out of his head.
Vanessa owled him within the next week, and that Friday afternoon he found himself aparating to her flat. He knew this was a horrible idea, but he couldn't stay away. He had liked Vanessa alright, hadn't he? This was not about Lily Evans, he told himself. Not in the least. He was past all of that. It had been five damn years, for Merlin's sake!
Vanessa answered the door, grinning broadly. "Mr. Potter!" She exclaimed. "How charming to see you."
"You can call me James, you know." He told her, stepping into her flat.
She laughed loudly, "I suppose I can."
But he wasn't listening. Instead he was taking everything in. His eyes swept every surface they could. That was where Lily sat; where Lily ate...He had to shake his head to dispel all of the thoughts.
"We have to be quiet," Vanessa explained, leading him into the sitting room. "My roommate got in late last night and is still asleep. She doesn't even know you're coming round today."
So Lily was there, asleep. He could still remember what it was like to wake up and find her in his arms, her head on his chest and arms circled tight around his waist. He could still remember the feeling of her heartbeat next to his. "I'll keep it down."
Vanessa proved to be just as chatty as she had been the night of the party, as she started to prepare lunch. James helped the best he could, but ultimately was just useless in the kitchen. After two burned chicken breasts, Vanessa banished him to the counter.
"I'm not usually this rubbish," He swore, but she insisted he stay put.
"And here I thought Quidditch payers were meant to be smooth." she said.
After the cooking was done and they settled in to eat, James felt his tension slowly fading away. If he focused on Vanessa and her button nose - on her amusing stories and wide eyes - then he could almost forget that his first love was sleeping just down the hall. They were halfway through seconds and a story about a handsy bartender when there was a sharp rap at the kitchen window. A tawny owl sat just outside, a scroll tied to one of its feet. "Oh, hell," Vanessa sighed, trudging over to let it in.
"Everything okay?" James asked as she padded back into the room, scanning over the letter.
She nodded, "Yes, I just have to pop back into the office for a bit. There's a story they have to get to print before five tonight."
"Oh, well, I'll just..." James began to stand up, but she placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down.
"Nonsense, I'll only be out for a few. Just stay and finished up."
James knew that wasn't a good idea, but Vanessa wouldn't hear it. So that's how he ended up sitting there, picking at his food, while Vanessa apparated off to work.
At least Lily's asleep, he thought to himself. But the universe must have taken that as a challenge, because no less than twenty minutes later he heard a door down the hallway creak open and soft footsteps thudding towards him.
"Nessa?" Lily's sleepy voice called out, entering the room before she did. "Is there any of that hangover potion left o...ver?" She trailed off as she stood in the mouth of the hallway, her bleary eyes registering that it was not her roommate seated in front of her, but a very real James Potter.
James looked at her, her red curls messy and twice their normal size. She wore a long sleeve jersey of black and white, the sleeves coming way past her fingers. On the chest was familiar crest of a bird holding a twig - not just any bird, James noted, but a magpie. He couldn't stop the grin spreading across his face as he took her in. The jersey stopped mid thigh, and her legs were bare, but that wasn't why he was smiling. No, that wasn't just any Quidditch jersey. "You're a Montrose Magpies fan, are you?"
Lily still stood frozen, but her cheeks flushed. "I dabble," she said at last. "I think they're alright."
"I heard they've got a few good Chasers," he went on. She was wearing his Quidditch team's jersey. How could someone who claimed to not even know him get away with that? "Interesting that Vanessa didn't find it suspicious that you couldn't recognize a member of the team you like."
She crossed her arms over her chest, covering up the crest. "I don't like them." she said. "I just think they're alright. I mean, they've won the League Cup thirty-two times. Even I have to find that impressive."
James stood, taking a step towards her. She inched back, holding out a hand to stop him. "What are you even doing here, Potter?"
"Back to surnames? That is so fifth year, Evans." He played it off, not showing how much it bothered him. He gestured to the dishes on the table, "I had a date with your roommate."
"Oh," she looked uncomfortable at that. "And where is my roommate?"
"She got called off to work."
"And you're still here because...?"
He shrugged. "She asked me to stay."
Lily didn't say anything else, just turned around and started back towards her room. He couldn't let her go like that, though, not now that he was face to face with her again after all of this time. He took off after her, catching her just as she turned into her room. "Lily, wait," He paused at the doorway, afraid to follow her inside. "Why did you pretend you didn't know me?"
She had her back to him, riffling through her wardrobe for something to wear. "I don't want to talk about this."
"Well, I do. I've got a lot I want to talk to you about." he crossed his arms, leaning on the door frame.
"James, no." She cut him off. She kept her back to him, but he swore he saw her hands grip the side of her wardrobe tightly. "It's best if we pretend we don't know each other."
"Best for whom?"
"For Vanessa, and for us."
James Potter was pretty good at pretending Lily Evans didn't exist, it turned out. After all, he had been doing it for five years. Weeks passed, and he found himself out with Vanessa more and more. He spent quite a few days in that flat of theirs, much to Lily's chagrin.
"Lily doesn't like you." Vanessa told him one day, as they sat in his kitchen, waiting for Sirius to return with Firewhisky.
"She doesn't?" He asked, the picture of nonchalance.
Vanessa shook her head. "She keeps asking me if I'm still seeing you. She won't come right out and say it, but her tone is so...bitter. Haven't you noticed that she's always either working late or stepping out for a bit whenever you're around?"
Of course he had. He hadn't had a moment alone with her since that first afternoon. Lily made sure of it. "Not really," he said.
"Well, I want my boy and best mate to get along. I'll have to do something to change her mind about you."
"Don't bother," James told her. "Really, just don't."
Two months. He had been "seeing" Vanessa for two months. He didn't feel guilty, per say, because he genuinely enjoyed her company. Also, having a bird to bring to Ministry parties fended off all of those damned questions. He never called her his girlfriend, or pretended it was more serious than it was. They didn't talk about their feelings, or spend any nights together. They almost had, five weeks in, but James put a stop to it, claiming it just didn't feel right. Vanessa had agreed, and they hadn't pushed the issue since.
One thing was sure; he wasn't keeping her around just to see Lily. He had barely seen her in those two months. If it wasn't for those brief glimpses of red hair swishing around the corner or out the door, he'd forget she lived there altogether.
"James!" Vanessa exclaimed on Tuesday as he opened the door to her flat.
He paused, halfway through the door. "What did I do to earn such enthusiasm?"
She bounced to her feet, bounding across the room and into his arms. Her lips crushed against his, pushing him into the door, their momentum closing it. Startled, he griped her upper arms and pulled her away. She beamed up at him. "I know!" she said excitedly.
"I'm going to need a little more information than that," He said, his hands still on her arms.
"About you and Lily!" She explained, and his stomach dropped.
He picked his next words carefully. "What about me..and...Lily?" He tried to keep his face neutral Merlin, he wasn't even guilty!
"How to get you two to get along, you dolt!" She playfully shoved him in the chest before spinning on her heel and heading towards the couch. "We're going to have a get together on her off day, right? You'll bring Sirius and those other friends you always talk about? And I'll invite a few girls from work. Oh, she'll have to warm up to you then. You're absolutely charming at a party."
There's no way the Marauders would let them get away with pretending they don't know each other. "Do you think that's a good idea?" He asked. "My mates can be pretty rambunctious."
Vanessa snorted, "Then they'll fit right in with the company Lily usually keeps. I swear the girl can't pick a good bloke for the life of her."
James didn't want to hear about this. He assumed that Lily had been going on dates a lot of those times she rushed out the door as soon as he got there, and he wasn't naïve enough to believe she'd been living like a nun ever since they split, but that didn't mean he wanted to know. "Still, I don't even know if I can find a night that we're all free."
"Please?" Vanessa asked, placing a hand on his chest as she looked up at him with her big green eyes. "Do it for me?" she stood on her tip toes, pressing her lips to his jaw.
"Fine," he sighed, his eyes slipping closed. "I'll see what I can do."
That was how he ended up at The Leaky Cauldron that next Thursday night, sitting at a table in the back with his mates.
"Let me get this straight," Remus was saying, gesturing with his half empty mug of butterbeer, "We're to pretend that we don't know Lily?"
"It makes about as much sense to me as it does to you." Sirius told him. "Lily hasn't been around the few times I was, so I've never had to outright lie about it yet."
"But she's Lily Evans," Remus continued. "The Lily Evans. I can't just pretend like she's some stranger."
"She practically is," James pointed out. "You haven't even seen her in five years. People change, Moony."
"But the past doesn't!" He insisted.
Sirius shrugged, downing the shot of Firewhisky in front of him. "It apparently does for Evans."
Remus looked at him then at James. "Merlin, Prongs, what did you do to her that made her wish she'd never known any of us?"
"I keep telling you guys, I didn't do anything." They didn't know, of course, that he has proposed. He supposed they'd take the mickey out of him if they did. He watched as Sirius motioned Tom over to pour another shot. "Please don't drink too much. If you get drunk then you'll blow our cover."
It was that moment that the girls walked in. Vanessa was talking with a small blonde witch, laughing away. Lily walked in behind her, but she wasn't alone. There was a wizard with her. He had short brown hair that stuck out a bit at the front, and was nearly as tall as James. His hand lingered on Lily's waist as he helped her through the door.
"Can you get me a shot, Tom?" James asked before Tom walked away.
"I thought we couldn't drink too much tonight, Prongs." Sirius quipped.
"Shut it, Padfoot."
Vanessa flounced to the table, plopping herself down next to James and planting a kiss on his cheek. "I see you all started without us," she said as she surveyed the empty and half empty glasses son the table.
"We're all about the pre-gaming." Sirius told her. "How are you, Vanessa?"
"I'm lovely, thanks." Vanessa beamed. She gestured to the blonde witch next to her. "This is Marjorie LeFevre, she works with Lily and I at The Prophet. She does local interest pieces."
"Anything about young wizards who give us hope was probably written by me," Marjorie admitted.
"Oh, those are my favorite pieces." Sirius lied, smirking at her. His favorite to make fun of, James thought.
Lily and her bloke finally made their way over to the table, laughing to themselves. They sat down between Marjorie and Remus, completing the circle. She didn't even look at Remus. She was too busy grabbing the arm of her date and looking up at him as he spoke. Unable to look at them anymore, James slammed back his shot, gesturing Tom over for another one.
"Lily," Vanessa called out, gaining the redheads attention. "Stop being rude."
"I'm sorry," Lily said, though she didn't sound it. "Antony was just telling me a thrilling story about a raid he led the other day."
"A raid?" Remus asked, intrigued.
Antony nodded, his arm slipping around Lily's shoulders. "I'm an auror."
Of course he was. James tossed back another shot.
"What as the raid about?" Marjorie asked.
"Well, we found a supposed group of leftover You-Know-Who supporters." Antony explained, leaning forward. "We've found a handful of leftover devotees over the past two years. You know, people refusing to believe he was really defeated by that infant."
"That's thrilling," Marjorie said. "How could they not believe it? He just vanished off the face of the Earth."
Now it was Lily's turn to order a shot.
"The whole lot's delusional, obviously." Antony told her. "The Ministry would know if You-Know-Who was ever coming back.
Lily downed her shot and clapped her hands together suddenly, drawing everyone's attention. "Let's talk of something more cheerful!"
"Oh, right," Vanessa said, turning back to James. "You haven't introduced your friends yet."
"Yeah, Prongs, you haven't introduced us," Remus said.
"Just treating us like wallpaper over here," Sirius added.
"Prongs?" Vanessa asked as Tom came back to pour Lily another shot. "What kind of nickname is that?"
Lily was only half paying attention, watching her shot glass refill, that she began unthinkingly "Oh, it's bec-" she seemed to catch herself then, grabbing the glass before Tom was even done pouring it and shooting it back. Tom looked aghast and left in a huff, the bottle still on the table. "That's a good question, Nessa." She recovered, slamming the glass onto the table and reaching for the bottle again. "What kind of nickname is Prongs?"
James heard Remus utter "Smooth" under his breath and saw Lily shoot him a death glare. Luckily, Vanessa seemed to miss all of this.
"My favorite animal is a stag," James explained. "It's pretty lame, but we were fifteen when we came up with it."
"It's cute," Vanessa assured him, her hand on his shoulder.
"Adorable," Antony said, snickering into his drink. "Do your friends have nicknames too?"
"No," Sirius said, glaring at Antony. "We do not."
"This is my best mate Sirius Black," James said, gesturing to Sirius. "And that's my other best mate Remus Lupin."
"Ta," Sirius said, nodding at Lily.
"Hullo," Remus said.
"This," James gestured to the redhead, "is Vanessa's roommate Lily Evans."
"Evans...Evans…" Remus repeated, looking at her quizzically. "Why does that name sound familiar to me? What do you think, Padfoot?" he was lucky he was too far away for James to kick.
Sirius leaned forward on his elbows, eyes narrowing as he scrutinized Lily's face. "I dunno, Moony, she does look familiar."
"You've probably seen her in The Prophet," Vanessa told them. "She writes the front page often."
"No…" Sirius trailed off. "I don't think that's it…Say, Prongs, doesn't she look like that old bird from school?"
James kicked Sirius's shin viciously as Lily's eyes went wide. Vanessa and Antony looked around confused, trying to suss out what had just happened.
Sirius glared at James, but James was already downing another shot. As was Lily. "Sorry, I must be mistaken." Sirius said after a beat.
"Did you all go to school together?" Marjorie asked, causing James and Lily to both down another shot.
"James, Sirius, and I, yeah," said Remus, coming to the rescue.
"That's so amazing." Vanessa said. "I don't know any of my old school friends anymore. So it's always been the three of you?"
A different kind of silence fell over the table and the marauders all exchanged looks. It was Remus who spoke first, "There used to be four of us." He said. "Our friend Peter, Wormtail we called him, died around two years ago."
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Vanessa said sympathetically.
"Don't be," Sirius said bitterly. "He died right before You-Know-Who fell. It turned out he was in league with them all. He became a Death Eater right under our noses. Got himself blown up on one of their missions."
Lily deafly brought her hand to her mouth, her face white with shock. Her green eyes found James' and he nodded slightly. "Peter?" she mouthed, just to be sure.
James nodded again.
Lily downed another shot.
"You should slow down there," Antony told her, reaching up to push the bottle away from her. "We don't want you to get too sloppy now."
"I didn't mean to bring anything painful up," Vanessa said.
"S'alright," Sirius told her. "It doesn't really bother us anymore. In fact, now we just pretend that we never even knew him. What do think about that, Lily?"
James downed another shot. This was going to be a long night.
James could barely stand as Vanessa unlocked her apartment and they stumbled through the door. "Careful now," She was saying as she closed the door behind them. "You're doing fine."
James glasses were askew and he could barely make out anything in the dark around him. "Really fun night," he slurred. "Sorry I'm such a mess."
"You're fine, James." She assured him, leading him to her room. "I really think Lily's warmed up to you."
James highly doubted that. He allowed himself to be dragged into Vanessa's room, and didn't even object as she pulled him towards her and pressed herself against him.
"I know I had a good night," she said. "Your mates are hilarious."
"Oh, yes, talk more about my mates as you rub yourself against me. That's lovely."
Vanessa burst out laughing, stepping away from him to slip off her shirt. "Is this better?" she asked.
"Oh, loads," James closed the space between them and swept her into his arms, their lips crashing together. His lips were just making their way down to her collarbones when he heard the front door open again.
He froze, listening to the muffled giggles and thuds of two unmistakably drunk people stumbling towards Lily's room together.
"James?" Vanessa asked, looking down at him. "Is everything alright?"
"No," he said, letting go of her. "I can't…we can't do this. I – I'm drunk, this isn't fair to you."
She tried to keep him there, her hands clinging to his shirt front. "What are you talking about?"
He broke her grip, groping towards the door. "I have to leave. I'm sorry, Nessa."
"You can't!" she said, once again grabbing his shirtfront. "You're drunk. If you apparated right now then you'd splinch yourself!"
James ended up sleeping on the couch. He counted his lucky stars that he couldn't hear Lily through the walls. He couldn't do this anymore. He had to know why she left and why they were pretending. They had carried this too far. They were nearly twenty-six years old, dammit, it was about time they acted like it.
The sun was bright the next morning, spilling in through the living room window, and causing James to wince as he opened his eyes. "Dammit," he said as he groggily sat up. He'd fallen asleep in his glasses. Luckily, they hadn't broken.
His head was pounding and he just wanted to go home. He thought about apparating out, but that wasn't fair. He owed Vanessa an explanation and Lily owed him answers. It was as he was thinking this that he heard Lily's door creak open. Great, he thought, we can end this all right now.
But it wasn't Lily who came stumbling into the room, it was Antony. The auror padded into the room, hastily buttoning his shirt. He paused a moment when he saw James, at least having the decency to look sheepish. "G'morning." He said.
"Morning," said James bitterly.
Antony seemed to feel the need to explain himself. "It's not really what it looks like, you know? Lily, she's asleep and I have work to do. She's a nice girl and all, don't get me wrong, but I'm not really looking for that right now. You're a Quidditch player, right, so surely you know what it's like. Too many women, can't be tied down."
James just looked at him, not dignifying him with an answer. Antony grew increasingly more and more uncomfortable under his gaze until he finally scampered out of the flat.
What was Lily doing messing around with a git like Antony anyway? James got to his feet, storming down the hall to Lily's room, not even both to knock on the door before barging in. "Lily," he called, "Your boyfriend left."
Lily was still in bed, clad in her Montrose Magpies jersey, her hair a bird's nest. "Go away, James." She muttered, shoving her head under a pillow.
"I will not," he said, shutting her door behind him.
She sat up then, glaring at him. "What do you want?"
"Just thought I'd tell you that Antony left. He snuck out while you were asleep." He couldn't keep the anger from his tone.
"Good," Lily told him. "That's what I wanted him to do. Shouldn't you be in Vanessa's room anyway?"
"No, because I couldn't do it. I slept on the couch."
"What do you mean you couldn't do it?" Lily asked incredulously, looking up at him. "I know you know how."
"I couldn't be with her, knowing you were a couple rooms over. I can't be with anyone else knowing that you're in the world, in my world again."
Lily climbed to her feet, confused. "Why not?"
"Because I'm still in love with you, Lily!" as soon as the words left his lips he knew them to be true. He'd only been pretending this whole time, but he couldn't fight it anymore. He loved her, always had and always will.
Lily stopped, her expression blank as she stared at him. "But…but I broke your heart!" she said at last.
"Yes, you did." He told her, his hand flying to tangle itself in his hair. "You ripped it out, but that doesn't mean I ever stopped loving you!"
"I turned down your proposal!" she went on, pacing now. "I broke up with you by owl!"
"All of that is true." He assured her. "And I think I've got a right to know why."
"Why?" she wheeled on him, looking frantic. "James, there was a war going on!"
"The war? You broke it off with me because of the war?"
"They had just banned marriage between Pure Blood sand Muggle Borns, James, and there you were willing to risk it all to marry me anyway! I was a giant target on your back and you didn't care! One of us had to!"
"You could've just said!"
"You wouldn't have let me go and you know it." Tears were springing to her eyes now. "I had to make you believe I didn't care anymore – that I wanted out."
"You thought it was easier to destroy me than to explain-"
"Would you have listened?" she interrupted him. "Would you have let me go?"
"Of course not-"
"Then I did what I had to!"
"So where were you when the war ended?" he asked. "If that was the only reason you left, then where were you?"
"How was I supposed to know?" she asked, taking a step towards him. "How was I supposed to know that it would all be over soon, that Alice and Frank Longbottom's child was going to bring down Voldemort? It seemed like I had barely left, just started living on my own when the war ended. I couldn't go back, James. I broke your heart, why would I even think for a second you'd take me back? You'd just accepted your position with the Magpies – you were moving on with your life!"
"I never moved on!" James yelled, eyes boring down at her. Couldn't she see that? "Sure, I got a job and I dated around, but I never moved on, Lily. How could I when I didn't even understand why you left?"
"I'm sorry, alright? Is that what you want to hear?" Lily was full on crying now.
"Why did you pretend you didn't know me? Why all the lies to Vanessa?"
"Because I didn't want to get in your way!" Lily exclaimed, scrubbing at the tears on her cheeks. "I didn't expect to see you and I panicked. I was going to tell Vanessa everything when we got home, but she kept going on about how charming you were. I realized that…that…"
"What, Lily? What did you realize?"
"That I couldn't stand in the way of your happiness, even if I still love you. That it wasn't fair for me to break your heart again. So I stood back and watched you date my best friend and I said nothing!"
James's pulse sped as he ran what she said through his head again. He couldn't quite believe what he'd just heard. "Wait," he said uncertainly, afraid it had all been in his head. "Lily, did you just say you still love me?"
Lily stopped too as she realized she had, in fact, just said that. "Well, yes, but it's too late now, isn't it? I mean, after everything?"
Was it? He didn't know. He still loved her and she still loved him, but there were so many things between them. Years of silence and bitterness, the past few months, even Vanessa. How would they even begin to explain this to Vanessa?
"I…I don't know." He told her. "So much has happened and I don't know." He couldn't look at her – didn't want to see her standing there, crying like that. It would've been easier if she didn't care, then he could just finally move on and be done with it. But she did care. Even worse, she had a good and caring reason for leaving him, so he couldn't even hate her for that. "I'll…I'll write you."
He left then, the irony of his last words not lost on him at all.
Vanessa was walking out of her room as he entered the living room. "James?" she said, her eyebrows knitting together. "What are you doing?"
"James, wait!" Lily called, padding out of her room after him, still clad in her Magpies jersey.
"Lily?!" Vanessa exclaimed. "What is going on?"
"I'm sorry," James told her truthfully. He really did like Vanessa, and maybe in another life – one without Lily Evans – they could've made it together. He rushed from the flat.
"Lily," he heard Vanessa say again as the door swung shut behind him. "What did you do to James?"
It was three months before he saw Lily Evans again. Three months where he tried his best to move on. He had his answers and now he could close that part of his life for good. It was another boring ministry party, filled with more people telling him to follow in his parents' footsteps.
James hovered by the bar, bored out of his mind. Sirius was with Remus, helping him deal with his furry little problem, but James had a professional obligation to keep. He had just about made his mind to say fuck it all and leave anyway when he spotted her.
She was by the entrance, laughing at something someone had said, a champagne flute in her hand. Her hair flashed brilliantly as she tossed it over her shoulder. Three months and all it took was seeing her once to unravel any progress he'd made. He was still completely and totally in love with her.
The person she was talking to walked away and her eyes fell on James. She froze before steeling her face and crossing the room.
"Mr. Potter," she said formally. "It's been a while."
"It's been too long," He told her, stepping forward.
"You didn't write." She said. "I didn't expect you to, but it hurt all the same."
"I didn't know what to say." It was the truth. "How are things?"
"Well, I told Vanessa everything." Lily tucked her hair behind her ear. "She was pissed, and rightfully so. We don't live together anymore. We're still friends, but it's not the same."
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. I'm the one who keeps mucking everything up." She chewed her bottom lip, looking up at him. "Do you…Do you still feel the same way about me?"
"Of course I do. I can't stop." He was done. He was done pretending or staying away. He loved Lily and he wanted Lily. As long as she felt the same way then why weren't they together? They were both single, both ready. "Do you?"
"Of course I do, James. I expect I'll always love you." She looked down at her feet. "Do you think that maybe...we could…?"
"I still have the ring," he said suddenly, stopping her short.
"What?" her eyes shot back to his face.
"The ring," he repeated. He couldn't believe he was saying it – was putting himself in this position once again. "I still have it. It's in my dresser drawer back at my flat. I've saved it all this time. It…it's yours. If you still want it, that is."
Lily was speechless, blushing so much that her skin matched her hair. "Are...Are you asking me to marry you?"
"Well, technically I've already asked once before. I'm just hoping for the right answer this time." The longer she was silent, the more he regretted his decision. She was going to turn him down again, wasn't she?
"Yes!" Lily cried, throwing her arms around his neck. "Yes, James, I will marry you!"
Her shrieks caught the attention of the witches and wizards around them and before they could even so much as kiss they were being pulled apart and congratulated by ministry officials.
"Maybe you can finally get him out this Quidditch phase and into the Ministry," someone was saying as they shook Lily's hand.
"Are you kidding?" Lily said, looking back at James. "James is an amazing chaser. Why would he ever quit Quidditch?"
"That's what I've been saying!" James said, pulling his fiancé away from the crowd. "Hey Evans," he whispered as he dragged her away. "What do you say we get out of here?"
"Alright," she said. "From what I hear you have a ring to show me, anyhow."
"Oh yes. I only hope the sight of it doesn't send you running this time."
"Oh, it won't," she told him earnestly. "You'll have a hard time getting rid of me now."
He grinned down at her, his heart threatening to burst with happiness, "Like I would ever want that."