Her breath clouded in front of her, coming out in a puff of smoke. Maybe if she was younger, she would've compared herself to a fire breathing dragon, but now, Bonnie didn't pay it any mind. She was more concerned about other things, more important and pressing matters.
Most sixteen year olds worried about exams, school work, popularity or friends, but those things weren't troubling her. In fact, schoolwork was the least of Bonnibel's worries – she was probably considered to be the smartest girl in her school – and popularity wasn't something she particularly cared or worried about. Judging by the amount of parties she was invited to and the people she was associated with, if she bothered with her social status at all, she didn't have anything to worry about. No. It wasn't the typical high school drama and uncertainties that were freaking her out.
It was her boyfriend.
Bonnibel had been with Braco for almost six months, and every time he did something nice for her, took her on a date or even looked at her, she didn't feel what she was supposed to. She didn't feel her stomach jump. She didn't feel butterflies. Her face didn't flush and she didn't feel a warm rush of love through her chest. She didn't even feel neutrality.
All she felt was guilt.
It was her friends who had gotten them together; Elle in particular. Considering Bonnibel had been single for her entire life and had 'never shown any interest in wanting to date anybody' – Bonnie was kind of shocked when all of her friends agreed with her – she had been sent on multiple useless dates. Every single one went horrifically, and that was probably down to how Bonnibel had purposely been trying to put her dates off by acting repulsively.
At least, until her friends found Braco.
Naturally, when her friends told her that they'd found her another date, Bonnibel had gone in with no expectations, and intentions to irritate the boy so much that he'd leave and she could enjoy the night in peaceful solitude. But once Braco had started talking to her and she'd realised they had a lot in common, she was a little stunned that she wasn't immediately repulsed. She didn't know what she was thinking, maybe that what she'd finally solidified to be certain in her head was false, but she soon realised that it wasn't romantic attraction she'd been feeling. It was just happiness, at finding another scientist. All she'd wanted was to be friends.
But he'd wanted more. So when he'd asked her to be his girlfriend, she accepted, thinking that it wouldn't be complicated. That she'd get her friends off her back. That maybe he'd fix her.
It hadn't worked. And she felt so guilty.
Bonnibel was trying not to think about him, but nothing worked. Everything always came back to him and her guilt, that sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach and the transparent hands wrapped around her neck.
She heard a shuffle to her right, and let out another breath of air, watching as it clouded around her. A leg scraped against hers and a voice spoke up. "Hey. You called me?"
"Um, yeah," Bonnibel glanced down at her feet and nodded, "I needed to talk to someone about a personal thing. I hope you don't mind."
"Why didn't you call Lady? She's your best friend." Marceline's eyebrows furrowed together in an adorable frown and Bonnie felt her stomach lurch. "I kind of figured you'd talk about personal stuff with her."
"You'll see why when I tell you," Bonnie's fingers curled around Marceline's wrist and she pulled her friend towards her house. Bonnie breathed a sigh of relief when she felt the comforting warmth of her home, something that had felt smothering just fifteen minutes prior. "Besides, I've known you longer than I've known Lady. Sure, we've… grown apart, but I still…"
Bonnibel trailed off and hoped that Marceline wouldn't comment. She kept quiet as she watched Marceline untie her shoelaces, teeth clamped down on her bottom lip in concentration. Swallowing a lump in her throat, Bonnie carefully grasped Marceline's wrist again and guided her towards her bedroom.
They sat down on Bonnibel's pristinely made bed, Marceline glancing around her room and taking in any changes. Really, there weren't many – in fact, Marceline was the one that had changed. Bonnibel felt guilty for things that had happened in the past, and she had to admit that she used to be rather high strung.
Marceline broke the silence. "What'd you want to see me for?"
Bonnie picked at a loose thread on her duvet. "I needed to admit something and I figured you'd understand. Our friends can be kind of… um, I don't feel like they'll get this."
"Okay?" It came out more like a question than a statement, and provided Bonnie with absolutely no security. "Go on then."
"I don't want to be with Braco anymore." Bonnie's voice was quiet and cracked as she finally admitted it. "It's- uh, I never wanted to be with Braco. Not in the way that I am."
Marceline's face twisted into a frown again, and Bonnie felt that odd flutter again, shifting uncomfortably. "What do you mean? Why did you say yes to him when you didn't want to be with him? That doesn't make sense, Bon."
Hearing the old nickname made Bonnibel's face flush bright red, and she knew that Marceline noticed. "I- um, see, this is why I called you and… just promise that you won't judge me for anything?"
"I promise." Marceline's cold hand landed on Bonnie's and she gave it a comforting squeeze. "Tell me what's up."
Bonnie met Marceline's green eyes and her vision distorted. She willed herself not to cry as she sucked in a deep breath. "I'm gay. That's why I don't want to be with Braco."
She waited for Marceline to retract her hand, to move away from her and create more distance between them. Instead, she did the opposite. Marceline wrapped her arms around her, and Bonnibel melted into the touch, realising how much she'd missed this. How much she'd missed Marceline.
"Hey, it's alright," Marceline squeezed her comfortingly, "I know that coming out isn't easy."
"I'm- it's not even that. I feel so bad about leading him on, but I can't like him. I wish I could." Bonnie rested her head on Marceline's shoulder. Strawberries. Dusk. Earth. Marceline. "I like a girl. I like girls."
"Welcome to the club." Marceline's little joke actually got a laugh out of her, which was surprising. "I'm glad that you told me. I know that we don't really talk as much since middle school, but-"
"I regret that. I regret pushing you away so much. I just- it was then when I was questioning things and you were so close to me and I started to develop feelings and it was so…" Bonnibel let out a breath, "scary. You were my best friend and suddenly I thought of you in a different way. So I resolved to push you away. Then you started changing, hanging out with different people and getting into different things and I realised it was too late to get you back so I just resolved to be hostile. And I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," Marceline's fingers traced patterns on her skin, "I'm not going to hold that against you. It's not like we completely stopped talking. We have the same friend group."
"Yeah, but you have Keila and everyone too," Bonnibel pointed out, cringing when she brought Keila up, "Tell Keila that I'm sorry for all of the out-of-line things I've said. I was just…jealous."
Marceline laughed, all light and relaxed. "Why were you jealous of Keila?"
"Because she was so close to you. She took my place and even though it was my own fault, I decided to blame her." Bonnie murmured. "Even after we grew apart, I was so defensive about you having other female friends. Especially after you came out as bi. I've always- I never really realised how strong my feelings were and then I was so horrible to you… I care about you. A lot. I'd like to spend more time with you. Get closer again. Go back to what we used to be like. If that's alright."
"No," Marceline's response made Bonnibel's stomach drop and she froze, "I don't want to go back. I want to go forward."
Bonnibel blinked in confusion and her gaze flicked down to her feet. "Oh. I understand. Sorry, I shouldn't have-"
"Let me finish, nerd," Marceline rolled her eyes and squeezed Bonnie's knee. "I want to go forward with you. Things can be different. If that's what you want."
"Different… as in… gayer?" Bonnie quickly scrambled to make amends for that. "Sorry, that was my horrible attempt at a joke. I'm pushing a lot of boundaries here. Sorry."
"I mean, I was going to go for something different. Maybe… 'slightly more homosexual'. But if you want to put it that way, then sure." Marceline's smile told Bonnie that she wasn't lying.
Keeping her excitement contained, Bonnibel jumped up and opened her bedroom door.
Marceline frowned. "Where are you going?"
"Um…I have to call my boyfriend," Bonnie paused, correcting herself, "ex-boyfriend. Then I have something else to do, but I might not get around to it for a while."
Marceline's frown twisted into a kind of inquisitive half-smile. "What's the other thing you have to do?"
Bonnie tapped her fingers against bedroom door in a rhythmic pattern and sent Marceline a teasing smirk. "My new girlfriend."