Summery: Ginny Weasley suffered from depression during her last years at Hogwarts, and after she graduated. When she finally gets her self back up again, what happens when she suffers from a bad relationship, and decides to move to Paris to get away? Rated T for suggestive themes, language, etc. Romance/Drama.
Authoress' Note: As for a disclaimer, I do not own, nor did I think up any of JK Rowling's characters, spells, locations, etc. I am not making any money off of this, blah, blah.
Please note: I did make up Colin's sister. Because it isn't mentioned that he has one, I totally made one up. ) Julia is a character of mine, as there will be a few other characters that are my creations.
Things I'll Never Say
Chapter One
'I have a good life. I'm happy. I've got a good, well paying, enjoyable job. I've got a boyfriend who spoils me. My family is there for me. I've got friends who love me.' Ginny Weasley told that to herself often. After battling depression, it was important.
And it was all true. She was twenty-two, and a star writer for "Be You" magazine. She lived in a spacious, well furnished flat with her boyfriend of two years, Colin Creevey. One of her best friends was married to her brother, and she had friends she could go to if she needed someone to talk to.
She was beautiful, sophisticated and well off. She was living perfectly.
--
'Good morning!' Jessica, the young secretary called.
'Good morning,' Ginny called back, waving. She walked quickly towards her office, her heels tapping lightly on the floor as she went. With a coffee in one hand, and file folders in the other, she let herself into the room she called her office. Ginny Weasley was dressed in a pair of hip hugging black pants, a while long sleeved button-up shirt, and a pair of heels. Her straightened red hair was tied almost lazily behind her head, and a few strands escaped.
'You're late,' a voice commented as Ginny shut her office door behind her. Ginny grinned.
'Only by two minutes,' she responded.
'Three and a half.' Ginny's best friend and editor was perched on Ginny's desk, flipping through a pile of photos. Lavender Brown, even though pretending to be cross, was smiling at the photos in her hands.
'I was on the phone with me mum,' Ginny said, hanging up her jacket and plopping her briefcase down on the desk. Stretching, she made herself comfortable in her chair. 'What's up?'
'Just wondering if you had those photos Stan needed.'
Ginny groaned. 'Shit. I left them at home. When do you need them?'
'By two.'
'Alright, I'll pop back home at lunch and get them.'
'Thanks, doll.' Lavender stood, giving Ginny a big smile. 'Speaking of home. How are you and Colin doing?'
'Doing?' the red-head repeated. 'Fine, I suppose.' She paused dramatically. 'Although, I think it may be soon. He's taking me to the Lovue for supper tonight!'
'Oooh. You don't say!' She let out a little squeal. 'Well, dress nice then. And when he pops the big question, try not to start giggling. That's what I did, and I just made Thomas nervous!'
Ginny grinned. 'I'll keep that in mind.'
'G'luck!' And with a wink, she was gone.
With a shake of her head, Ginny booted up her computer. Grinning at the picture of her and Colin on sitting on her desk, she started into her work, and didn't think of Colin until lunch. There was no time. With a job like hers, she was running around all day.
Ginny had been pleased when the apartment they had chosen was so close to work. But now she was extra glad. If those photos weren't on Lavender's desk by two, they could both lose their jobs. She and Colin had moved in together almost a year ago, after they had been dating for six months. The apartment was expensive, but in her mind it was worth it. After all, if she and Colin were going to spend the rest of their lives together, they deserved to be living in the best apartment until they could afford to move into an actual house.
As she stepped onto the bus and began the ten minute buss ride, Ginny began to hum softly to herself. The morning had gone well. She had finished the story on that new actor, Julian Hart, whom she had actually met and interviewed.
Ginny thought back to when she had been hired by Lavender to write for a magazine for teen girls. She was to write about all the newest hot actors and actresses, write about the best hair products, and interview celebrities. Ginny had at first been a little reluctant. After all, she had never been the pretty girl who cared about her nails and her hair. She had changed with the job, however.
Ginny thought back, almost willing the memories to go away… She had changed. She was different now.
It had all started at the beginning of her sixth year. Her brother and his two friends, Harry and Hermione, all dropped out of school. And really, no one went to school that year. Harry Potter, the boy who lived. Ginny often marveled that her brother was best friends with him. Harry, with the help of Ron and Hermione, defeated the vilest wizard that ever lived. Voldemort was dead. The wizarding world had changed. People were happy. All of Voldemort followers were gone; they were either killed in the battle, or sent to Azkaban. Wizards all around the world celebrated for weeks.
The whole year was a blur to Ginny. Harry, Ron, and Hermione stealing away in the night, running away from Hogwarts soon after their seventh year started.
Ginny had been angry that she had been left behind, thought incompetent. She remembered going home, to the Burrow. She remembered the remorse over the new headmaster, because Dumbledore was dead. She remembered the tears she shed for her brother Ron, her best friend Hermione, and the boy she had always loved, Harry.
She remembered the tears more than anything. She remembered the darkness. She remembered the feeling of emptiness, of despair. She remembered hearing about the Battle. But she couldn't remember the festivals that came after. She couldn't remember the ceremonies that awarded the trio for their bravery. She couldn't remember any of the happiness. It was as if it wasn't there at all.
That was what depression did to her. She simply wasn't part of the happiness. She couldn't remember that it was there. It was gone. She was left behind.
A year soon passed, and she went back to Hogwarts to finish her last year of schooling, with a new Headmaster, several new teachers, and a weird feeling that she didn't belong anymore. A lot of her friends didn't return to Hogwarts, those older than her who didn't come back, those who were in her year who decided not to return. The atmosphere was unhappy, and she battled depression her entire seventh year, with no one to help her turn away from it.
She graduated with good marks, but there was no sense of accomplishment for her. She went back to the Burrow with no plan for her life. No goals. No wants, no needs. She just wanted to live in her mother's house until she grew old and finally died in her sleep.
Hermione and Ron tried everything they could to bring Ginny away from her self inflicted darkness, but nothing worked. She was hopeless. They were giving up slowly.
And then Lavender Brown entered Ginny's life again. They had always got along, but they had never been good friends. Lavender offered Ginny a job writing for the magazine she edited for. Ginny declined, but Molly threatened to kick her out of the house if she didn't do something.
And so Ginny began to work, writing small pieces for the magazine, that she didn't think were worth publishing. But apparently the people at "Be You" magazine thought otherwise, and Ginny slowly grew up her confidence.
With the help of Lavender, Ginny moved to London, and began to live a life on her own. Her depression was lifting, if slowly. She began to gain the weight she had lost, and she began to take pride in her appearance again.
And then she met Colin. Well, she had always known him. But now she actually met him. They soon began to date, and then only a few months later moved in together.
Ginny was still battling the dark demons in her head when she got together with Colin, but he was patient with her, and she was convinced that he was helping her.
Ginny Weasley changed drastically after she began dating Colin. Now that she had a good paying job, she began to wear expensive clothing and shoes, and get her hair done professionally. She was turning into a manicured woman, and sometimes that thought scared her.
What was happening to the little girl who liked to play in the mud? What happened to the teenager who wore a pair of jeans and a tank top most of the time and was comfortable? What happened to the girl who at fourteen didn't even know how to put on mascara without poking her eye?
She was disappearing.
She was being covered up by Ginny Weasley, proud, confident, beautiful and sophisticated woman.
Ginny realized this, and was sometimes bothered by the thought. But she ignored it. After all, people loved her now. People recognized her. People complimented her on her outfit.
Colin bought her things. Colin paid her attention. She didn't matter anymore. Ginny was too busy paying attention to what other people wanted.
The bus stopped at her stop, and Ginny almost forgot to get off. Suddenly realizing where she was, she rushed down the steps of the bus, pushing away her tears. No, that wasn't what it was like. She was who she was. Ginny told herself over and over again that she wasn't pretending to be anybody else. She was popular. She was pretty.
She needn't worry herself about these things.
She was just working herself up.
She told herself to stop it. She was past all of that. It was gone. She was here, now. She was alright.
This was her chant, and it ran through her head over and over. It was all in the past.
Shaking her head and brushing away a few tears that escaped, Ginny began the short walk to her building. Thankful that she had managed to calm down by the time she reached the building, she let her herself in. Charlie, the doorman, greeted her cheerfully.
'How's it going?' he asked, smiling. He was a young man who had dropped out of school because he wasn't very smart. But he was cheerful, friendly, and loved meeting people. His job suited him well, as far as Ginny was concerned.
'I'm alright… Had a bit of a rough morning. It was rather busy at work… And then I got reminiscing about the past. Dangerous.' She managed a smile, and Charlie gave her a sympathetic smile.
'You'll be fine,' he reassured her. 'And you'll be glad to know that Colin's at home. He can cheer you up.'
'Oh? I didn't know he was going to be home,' Ginny cheered up slightly.
'Yeah, he had a lady with him… His sister, I think.'
'Sister?'
Charlie shrugged. 'I could be wrong. Business partner, perhaps?' Suddenly looking embarrassed, he apologized. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't be guessing. Especially if it turns out I'm horribly wrong.'
'Oh, don't worry about it.' Ginny forced a smile. 'Thanks, and we'll see you later.'
Sister? What on earth would Rebecca be doing here? She lived in Germany with her husband, two kids, and three dogs. She was a first class house wife, and didn't get along with Colin very well, who was living with his girlfriend. Rebecca chose to state every time she saw them that sex before marriage was wrong. Ginny was thankful she only met her twice.
Ginny rode the elevator up to the sixth floor, and padded slowly down the thick carpeted hallway to the door with the lettering '6D'. Checking the doorknob, she found it locked. Slipping her keys into the lock, she let herself in.
The apartment had two bedrooms, one which served as an office. The living room was large, the dining room and kitchen spacious. They had big picture windows that truly didn't have much of a view, but she liked the sunlight anyways.
'Colin?' Ginny called, slipping out of her heels. 'I'm home for lunch; I forgot some photos at home.'
The stereo in their bedroom was on quiet loud, playing jazz music. This was no sister, that was for sure. Glancing down, Ginny looked through the shoes at the front door. The only ones that weren't hers or Colin's was a pair of strappy heels.
A feeling of dread came over Ginny, and she dropped her bag. She kept silent, and she moved down the hallway towards the office. Maybe they were just having a meeting in the office…
The office was empty. Swearing under her breath, Ginny turned around. The bedroom door was closed. She reached for the handle and the door swung open. It was worse than she had expected. Her hands automatically went to her mouth, and she frantically turned away, and ran down the hallway. Somehow she remembered the photos that she had left on the kitchen table that morning. She frantically threw on her heels, not noticing that they didn't match. Grabbing her bag, she left the apartment, slamming the door behind her.
She rode the elevator in silence, tears welling up in her eyes. Charlie spoke to her as she walked slowly out, but she didn't hear him. Her tears remained in her eyes as she boarded the bus, and didn't escape until she had managed to make her way back to her office building, walk past all of the people inquiring about her solemn face, and make her way to Lavender's office.
Ginny stood outside the office door after knocking. Lavender called for her to enter, and she shut the door gently behind her, the tears suddenly coming forth.
'You got the pictures, then?' Lavender asked. Ginny turned around at that moment, and held out the file folder, tears splashing down her face.
'Dear God, Ginny! What happened?' Lavender rushed to her friend's side, scooping her up in her arms. Ginny cried for a good ten minutes before she was able to speak.
'He was banging some big breasted blonde with child bearing hips!' she said, quite quickly, her voice cracking once.
'What?' Lavender withdrew slightly, eyeing her friend cautiously. 'That's horrible!'
Ginny just nodded.
'Aw, honey. You shouldn't have come to work.'
'Where else am I supposed to go? I have no life other than here and him!' She let out a sob. 'Somehow I knew. I knew it was going to happen… Maybe it's been happening for a long time already. Oh god. I'm so gullible!'
'There is nothing wrong with you. Now come on. We're going to call up Hermione and tell her that you're coming over this afternoon. Take a few days off of work. And this weekend we'll both go over to the apartment and collect your stuff.'
'But-'
'Nuh uh. No buts. I know what you're going to say. Give him a second chance. No bloody way in hell. He is not going to get away with treating you like shit.'
Ginny whimpered slightly, and buried her face in her friend's shoulder. 'I'm too gullible…'
--
'Oh, Ginny! I'm so sorry!' Hermione's arms wrapped around the thin red-head as soon as the door opened. 'You can stay here as long as you need to, alright?'
Ginny nodded, willing herself not to cry again. 'Thanks, Mi.'
'No problem. Now, let's go get you a cup of tea. You coming in, Lavender?'
'Sorry, I've got a meeting this afternoon that I cannot skip.' Lavender offered a weak smile, and gave Ginny a lopsided hug before making her exit. 'Call me if you need anything.'
Hermione shut the apartment door behind Lavender, and led Ginny through the living room and into the kitchen. 'Ron should be home soon. I called him and told him you were coming over, and he said he'd hurry home.'
'Oh,' Ginny groaned. 'He doesn't need to come home, just for me.'
'Of course he does. Besides, Harry can handle whatever problems arise in the office this afternoon. You need friends and family around you right now.'
Ginny nodded dumbly and accepted the cup of tea Hermione was offering her.
Hermione Granger, now Hermione Weasley, was a nurse at St. Mungo's, and loved her job. She loved her patients, and she loved the other staff members. She even loved the strange hours she often worked. She lived in a small but homey flat with her husband and Ginny's brother, Ron.
Harry Potter had gone on to play professional Quidditch, even though some people said he wasn't as good now as before he had defeated Voldemort. Ron was his advisor, his booker, his everything. Ron did everything concerned with paper work, booking, scheduling and Harry's career. Sometimes Ginny wondered if Ron disliked working under Harry, but then she realized that Harry depended on Ron; if Ron didn't organize things for him, Harry would be lost.
Which always amused her. Ron, using his organizational skills for a living? He didn't have any!
But, he proved them all wrong.
Good for him.
--
Ginny and Hermione were chatting about everything but relationships and a certain fellow, when Ron burst into the apartment. He hadn't changed much in Ginny's eyes. He still wore his hair messy, he still tried to rule her life, he still acted like he deserved to demand things of her.
He was still her big brother. 'Ginny?' Ron's head popped around the corner, and he looked upset. Ginny hoped he wouldn't bother her about it too much.
'How are you doing?' he sat himself down on the couch beside her, placing a hand on her leg.
'How do you think I'm doing?' she asked, scowling.
Ron frowned, shaking his head slightly. 'I'm sorry. But that little creep-'
'Cool it Ron, I'm fine.'
'No, you're not! He's just been messing with you, and-'
'Ron! Stop it!' Ginny shoved his arms away and stood up. 'I'm fine, alright. I can deal with this on my own. I just need a place to stay for a few days. I'll be fine. He hasn't bloody well ruined me, alright? I can still live on my own.'
Ron stared up at his sister, his eyes cold, and his face set in a frown. 'I'm sorry, Ginny. I'm just concerned about you, that's all.'
Ginny gave him a bleak glance, and then turned to Hermione. 'You mind if I use the shower?'
'Of course not. There's towels in the cupboard, and you can use the guest room after that to rest if you want.'
'Thanks.'
--
A few hours later, Ginny lay on the bed in the guest room in nothing but her underwear. A newspaper lay in front of her, and she was reading the classifieds.
'I need to get out of London,' she muttered. 'Yes. That's what I need to do. I'll move somewhere else. Get a life of my own back.'
Writers Needed For Local Paper
Paris Quotidien
English and French Reporters Needed
'Paris Daily,' Ginny muttered, continuing to talk to herself. 'That's where I should go. Paris.'
She decided not to tell Ron or Hermione yet, though. Work out the details and then talk to them.
--
'You want to go where?' Lavender asked, incredulous.
'Paris.'
'Why?'
'Because I need to get out of London.' Ginny sipped her coffee, giving Lavender a weak smile. 'I might go work for a local paper, or something.'
'You will do no such thing!' Lavender protested. Ginny expected her to continue with a reason why she was forbidden to move to France. 'You know "YouBoi", our sister magazine? Well, they're looking for writers right now. A couple of theirs left for some reason. Anyways. They're looking for writers, and their main offices are in Paris. I'll call up Meg and see if you could get in.'
'Oh, Lav! Would you?'
'Of course I would.'
'That's fantastic. Thanks so much,' Ginny beamed.
'I'm glad you've decided to strike out on your own.'
'I know, me too.' Ginny paused thoughtfully. 'I wasn't myself when I was with Colin. I was constantly acting the life of someone else. P'hraps in Paris I can find myself again.'
Lavender reached out for her friend's hand. 'You will.'
--
Molly Weasley eyed her youngest child carefully. The girl had just suffered a horrible thing, after all. She looked too relaxed. She was obviously hiding something. The last time something even slightly drastic had happened the girl had gone into hysterics, gotten angry, kicked, screamed, and then gone into depression. So far, Molly hadn't witnessed any of that. She was mighty calm for what had just happened.
'Ginny?'
'Hmm?' Ginny sat at the kitchen table of the Burrow, a cup of coffee in one hand. She was staring thoughtfully out of the window, and Molly was trying to get her to talk about Colin.
'Are you sure you're going to be alright going and getting your things alone?'
'I already told you, mum. I'm not going alone. Lav's coming with me…'
'Are you sure you don't want Fred or George to come? They could-'
'No, thanks. I'd rather do this as quick and easiest as possible.'
'He deserves someone making him uncomfortable!'
Ginny gave her a funny glance, and Molly shut her mouth. But that boy. Doing that to her daughter! Unthinkable.
--
A few days later, Ginny was still staying with Hermione and Ron. Ron had eased off of Ginny about Colin, and Ginny was relieved she had somewhere to stay in London. She and Lavender had gone to pick up her things when they knew Colin was going to be out, and all her furniture, boxes of clothing, and such were stored in her old room at the Burrow.
Ginny was currently sitting on the couch in her pajama's, which consisted of a pair of boxer shorts, and a tank top, eating ice cream and watching cartoons. She'd always had a soft spot for little kid cartoons, and now that she was constantly feeling a little down, she felt she could waste some time with her tub of chocolate fudge ice cream and Winnie the Pooh.
She was smiling faintly at the TV when the phone rang. She looked to her left, and at the cordless phone sitting beside her. She considered letting the machine pick it up. Who would be calling Hermione and Ron in the daytime anyways, when they were both at work?
After two rings, she flicked the mute button on the remote, and picked up the phone. 'Hello?'
'Hi, Gin,' came Lavender's voice.
Ah, it wasn't for Ron or Hermione.
'Hey there.'
'How's it going?'
'Good. I'm eating ice cream and watching little kid shows.'
Lavender let out a chuckle. 'Whatever you need, doll. Whatever you need.' Ginny could picture her friend's grin. 'So,' she started, pausing somewhat dramatically. 'Guess who I talked to?'
'Santa Clause.'
'No, silly. Meg Bryans.'
'Who?'
'The lady at 'YouBoi'.'
'Ooh! What did she say?' Ginny set down her spoon, and put her feet up on the coffee table.
'She wanted to know why on earth we were letting you go.'
'And did you tell her?'
'I did. And guess what you've been hired to write?'
'Not sports articles, I hope. I can't even keep track of a cricket game.'
'Nope, an advice column. On relationships.'
'On relationships? God! I'm the worst person for it. Are you sure?'
'Of course. You'll be writing for teenage boys, so it's different than relationships you're going through. Besides. You'll be teaching them how to respect us women.'
'Mmhn.'
'And guess what I've done?'
'Dyed your hair pink?'
There was a pause, and Lavender snorted. 'Glad to hear you're feeling better, then. And, no. I haven't dyed my hair pink. I've got you an apartment. In Paris.'
Ginny was silent for a moment. 'Wow. You're amazing, Lav.'
'I know.'
'Yeah, we're modest. So, with who?'
'I know a girl in Paris, who's looking for a roommate. Her name is Julia Munv. She's a freelance photographer from Canada.'
'I could so kiss you.'
Lavender chuckled. 'I love you too.'
'So have you got the number for Julia, and Meg at 'YouBoi'?'
'Yep. Right here.'
'A relationship column… Whoo boy.'
--
'Mum? Dad? I've got something to tell you.'
Both Arthur and Molly Weasley looked up, alarmed looks on their faces. They'd been concerned about their daughter, after all. She'd gone through a hard break-up and hardly batted an eye. They both expected her to announce she was engaged and had been having an affair while still with Colin. Or at least slip into deep depression again.
'What is it, dear?' Molly set down her fork and looked her daughter in the eye.
'I'm moving.'
'Moving? You mean you've found an apartment?' Molly asked, relieved. 'You know Hermione and Ron will have you as long as you need.'
'I know, mum… And no, that's not exactly what I meant. I've got a job in France. I'll be moving to Paris by the end of the month.'
There was a stunned silence. A few moments later, Molly managed to splutter, 'What!'
Ginny was silent, also. She was eyeing her mother, getting more uncomfortable by the moment. What if this all was a bad idea? At least here she knew someone loved her, and would take care of her.
But, no.
No.
She needed to go. She needed a life of her own. She needed to be free.
'But- Paris?' Molly asked, her face slowly going red. Ginny wished her father would say something, instead of just looking at her.
'What's so bad with Paris?'
'You'll be so far away!'
Ginny snorted lightly, shaking her head. 'Mum. It's called apparition, no? Takes no time at all. I'll come visit you as often as I need.'
'As you need? You'll never come home! I can see it now. You get yourself a high class boy, and never come and visit your family, who's too lowly for you!'
'That is not going to happen.' Ginny said, calmly, which was quite contrary to the feelings welling up inside.
Molly put a hand to her forehead. 'She's leaving us.'
Finally, Arthur spoke up. 'She is hardly going very far, dear.' Ginny looked up at her father, suddenly very relieved for his presence. 'She will come and visit us. And I think that this moving will do her some good. She has hardly been very cheery, or herself, these past few years.'
Ginny smiled weakly at her father, and Molly sniffled. 'Well, when do you leave?'
'The end of the month.'
---
Authoress' Note: Howdy. I hope this is going to be a fic that you enjoy reading.
Please review, if you like this first chapter. Hopefully the next couple chapters will be better than the first. (And, -gasp-, I have a plot). Review even if you don't like the chapter. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.