"The Other Lorelai"
by darthelwig
A young Rory's thoughts on her father.
I don't own them. I only wish I did.
Rory tried really hard to overlook her father's faults.
She had accepted his failure to be there for her while she was growing up. What was done was done, and if she wanted to build a real relationship with him, she needed to be able to put that behind her. Nothing could change what had happened before. All she could do was focus on the future she wanted to have with him.
That wasn't an easy thing, by any means. He was just so irresponsible. They couldn't be more different in that way. To Rory, responsibility was a sacred trust. To her father, it was a burden- a weight hanging around his neck, dragging him down. She had always known this about him. It had just taken her a while to realize she was included among those things.
Oh, she didn't blame him for not wanting to be saddled with a wife and child when he was just a teenager. He had tried to do what everyone thought was best. When her mother refused to marry him, though, he must've been so relieved. Rory didn't blame him for feeling that way. It was only natural. It was his refusal to step up in the years since that really bothered her.
Her father had been absent most of the time while she was growing up. His visits with her were sporadic at best. His calls, not much better. And it seemed like every time she spoke to her father, he was less interested in her than he was in her mother.
She was definitely not the most important Lorelai in Christopher's life.
Rory adored her mom, and tried her best not to be jealous of the attention her father bestowed upon her, but it wasn't always an easy thing. Their conversations always went something along the lines of a brief "Hey, Rory! What's up, kid?", followed closely by a more involved, "Hey, Lor. How you doing? I miss you. How have you been? What's new?" And then her dad would spend most of the rest of the time digging into Lorelai's life and flirting with her.
Her mom was well aware of this behavior. Not much slipped by her. She tried her best to keep Christopher on track with Rory, but she could only do so much.
And all Rory could do was wish her dad would notice her again.
How much time had she spent waiting for him? How many times had he promised to be there for her, and then failed? It felt like she had spent her entire life waiting for him to show up, so when he finally did, he could at least be there for HER, couldn't he?
This was the thing she found it hardest to forgive. She was never his priority. She could accept that, as a teenager, he would have a hard time putting her first. Her mom did it, but her mom was different. There could be no comparison.
As he got older, though, he should've become more of a father to her. Years came and went, and her dad remained a near-stranger. Their common ground was her mother. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? She had read enough to know that, normally, the two parents were connected through their child. That was definitely not the dynamic in their relationship. Without her mother, they would have no relationship at all. It was a sore point that Rory couldn't make go away, no matter how many times she told herself it was okay.
But still, no matter how much he hurt her, he was still her dad, and that mattered to her. She couldn't hate him. She would keep waiting for him to change, kind of like her mom. They were both waiting to see if he would ever grow up. She would keep holding out hope that one day her dad would want her just for her. It was a good dream to have.