Even when they weren't talking, the sex was amazing. As soon as Sam had come home and told Dean that Abbadon was harvesting souls, it was all hands and lips until they found themselves on Sam's bed, tangled together. It was bliss, not to think about their fight, even just for a little while. It had been over two years since they'd been together, since before Dean got sent to purgatory.
It was even better than Dean remembered, Sammy's full lips around his cock, taking turns pushing into one another and crying out the other's name as they came. It made all the crap with demons and the Mark of Cain seem insignificant. Here, he was whole, completed by his brother and first love. But it couldn't last forever.
Dean lay with his head on his baby brother's chest, revelling in the rhythm of heartbeat, when Sam spoke, "Dean... I've seen the empty space in your bed."
He froze, his breath catching in his throat, "What are you talking about?" He didn't look up. He didn't want Sam to see the tears beginning to well in his eyes.
"Youve been sleeping to one side, like you're saving room for someone," The room rang with the weight of Sam's words. When Dean didn't respond, Sam continued, his voice hushed, "It's for Cas, isn't it?"
He didn't sound upset, but his question hit Dean straight in the gut. He would rather that Sam had yelled. Still, he didn't answer, knowing that is stoic facade wouldn't hold if he did. This was not a conversation he wanted to have right now. Not only would it hurt him, but it would hurt Sammy. It was his job to keep Sam from getting hurt.
"It's ok, Dean," Sam said finally.
But he didn't want to hear this from his brother, "It's not, Sammy. It's not ok. I always thought... Thought that it'd be you and me forever. You are my first love and I can't-" he sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, "I just don't want anything to change. I love you, Sammy."
Sam held him tighter, "But you love Cas too. I know you do. And," Dean could hear the break in his baby brother's voice as he held back tears, "He loves you too. This, what we have... I think it's been done for a long time but we... We just couldn't move on."
Finally, a tear fell from Dean's eye, hitting Sam's chest, "I do love him, Sammy. Oh god, I am so sorry."
They looked at each other for the first time, willing their emotions to remain in check. Sam put his lips to Dean's, their tears making their kiss taste like salt. It was like their first tentative kiss. It seemed so long ago and they had been happy. But that was gone, it seemed. The kiss was chaste and sweet, and over too quickly. When they parted, Sam smiled sadly, his brown eyes gazing into the green of Dean's, "I love you, De. But it's all right. I always knew I'd have to let you go."