NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: THESE SCARS WE BEAR

By: TEZZA1502

Summary: The first few days after EoE.

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of N.G.E., GAINAX and Anno does.

RATING: MA+ (for language and adult themes)

denotes thoughts

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DAY 1

"How disgusting"

Shinji looked around at this new world he had decided to return to with an equal mixture of fear and wonder. His eyes took in the bloody smear across the sky, the LCL that replaced the water. Finally, he noticed the giants spread around him in a loose circle, like a nightmarish Stonehenge, fully awakening in him the memories of just what he had lost and gained in the last few days.

After sitting there for a while, trying vainly to order his thoughts and make some sense of it all, he decided to put it all aside for the time being and focus on the other figure on the beach with him. Other than to touch his cheek and utter those two words, Asuka had not moved at all. This was surprising in itself, as after his last actions he expected at the very least to be verbally abused in three languages. But there she was, just staring off into the sky as if lost in her own memories. The idea of trying to engage her in a conversation briefly crossed his mind, but he decided against it. Better to wait until we have something to discuss Shinji decided. Besides, I already know how well she would respond to an apology.

After a time, he came to a decision. "Asuka I. . . I'm going for a walk around. To look for shelter and maybe see. . . see if there. . . if anyone else is alive. If I find any food, I'll bring you back some, okay?" Hearing no response and, truth to be told, not quite daring to look her in the eye just yet, Shinji stood up, brushed himself off and looked around again. Picking a direction, he started walking.

"I won't be gone long. I promise." He threw over his shoulder as he started to head for some buildings leaning at an alarming angle further down the shoreline.

As he walked, Shinji tried again to digest all that had transpired. I killed Kaoru. And then Misato was. . . shot, trying to get me to my EVA. So I guess she's dead now as well. The rest of the EVA series showed up and ATE Unit-2. So, I failed Asuka again! She should be dead but she's not. Why? How did she get a second chance? Did I do that? Drag her out of. . . wherever and back to this world with me? Does she hate me for it? Was she happier there? Was she with her mother? I heard her say something about that during the battle. Was her mother inside her EVA, just like mine? And Rei? and Kaoru? And my mother? Was this a part of my fathers plan, or did something go wrong. At that thought, Shinji gave himself a weary smile, and then slapped his forehead with his palm. "Yes, I think it can be safely said that something went pretty far fucking wrong with the Commanders scenario!" Still smiling slightly, he started walking again, falling back into his thoughts. Soon enough, he reached a line of buildings, most of which were no more than rubble. Others looked like a good sneeze would knock them over. Amongst all this, Shinji spotted a small general store that he recognised.

"My god, how much of a hole did we make this time?" He said in awe as he re-oriented himself.

Getting over his shock, he gingerly made his in through the shattered front window and started taking stock of what would be useful. Spying some bottled water down the back, he drained one completely before putting two more into a basket, along with some other items of food and two baseball caps. As he put one on, he briefly considered how to pay for the things he was taking, but sadly realised that there may be no one left to give the money to.

The walk back was all to brief for what was undoubtedly waiting for him. Soon, Asuka's form was in sight and in much the same position as how he had left her. As he got closer, he noticed she was sitting up and facing in his direction, her bandaged arm cradled in her lap. To his surprise, Shinji thought he saw the briefest flash of worry then relief dance across her face. But as he tried to focus his eyes there the, by now, all to familiar expression of weary contempt had settled back onto her features as if they had never left.

"Where have you been, Third Child! Leaving a wounded, defenceless woman out here all alone. What if something had happened to me? Did you care enough to think about that! Or were you hoping someone would get me! Do you hate me that much! What's in the basket?" Asuka's verbal barrage ended abruptly on a curious note.

It's as bad as I expected it would be. Shinji thought as he braced himself. Closing his eyes and counting off fingers, he answered her in a voice that only wavered slightly:

"1. I went to find some food and shelter. I wasn't gone that long.

2. I'm not even sure there is anyone left on the planet, much less Tokyo-3.

3. I've never hated you, and

4. I brought back some water and some food you like."

Opening his eyes and placing the basket in front of her, he noticed the shocked look on her face.

He didn't apologise. He actually answered me back. Who is this impostor and where is my. . . the real Shinji?

Wondering at the thoughtful expression that was settling on Asuka's face, he continued. "I found a place where we can stay for tonight on my way back. It's close to where I got this food so when we are settled I'll go back and get us something for dinner. Oh, and I got you this to keep the sun off."

Offering her the other baseball cap, Shinji settled on his haunches in front of her to reach into the basket for one of the water bottles. As he opened it and drank some, Asuka started talking.

"That's all well and good Third Child, but how am I supposed to get there? I AM wounded, you know." She said as she rummaged through the basket for something to eat. Spotting a favoured snack, she tore into it and was halfway through it before she stopped and looked at the wrapping in a confused way. "How did you-"

"Know you liked them? I've been doing all our shopping since I moved in with Misato. You told me to get them once and I just. . . remembered."

As she slowly started eating again, Shinji enquired lightly, "So, can you walk?"

"What!"

"Can you walk. The place I found is only about twenty minutes up the shoreline."

"no" Asuka whispered.

"Pardon?"

"NO!" She screamed at him. Shinji's battle reflexes kicked in at this point and he dove for cover behind some nearby debris.

"I-CAN'T-WALK! The Great Asuka Langley Sohryu is unable to move under her own power. SATISIFIED!"

"Umm, okay." Shinji warily came out from behind his hiding place and continued his line of questioning. "So. . . are you paralysed or something? Were you hurt coming back? What's wrong?"

"I-don't-know!" She said through gritted teeth, all but spitting the words out. "I tried to walk before but I am too weak to do so at the moment. Having your EVA ripped apart and eaten while you are still in it will tend to knock the stuffing out of you, apparently." She ended sarcastically.

"Umm, okay." He said tentatively, knowing his next suggestion would go down like a lead balloon. "Well then, how do you feel about me carrying you?"

"You PERVERT! I'm back from the dead for ten minutes and your already trying to get your filthy paws on my beautiful body, you HENTAI!" She fumed as she threw the basket and anything else nearby that was empty at Shinji's head. Fortunately, for him, she was still too weak to put any force behind her throwing.

"Asuka, think about it. Most of the ground is either rubble or sand so I can't push or pull anything with you on it. It would be to rough. This way, you can be inside and on a soft bed within an hour at most. Please, think about it." He pleaded while easily avoiding the erratically launched objects in his direction.

Asuka soon gave up and fell to fuming and pouting as she turned over his suggestion in her mind. After a few minutes, she turned to him and, with a look of faint distaste, agreed with the proviso that he be very careful where he puts his hands.

"Remember Third Child, anything inappropriate happens and I will be well within striking distance."

"Don't worry, I know how dangerous you can be." Shinji said. And I have the bruises to prove it. He continued thinking.

With a look that said 'and don't you forget it', Asuka put the baseball cap on and pulled it down low on her face. She then bent her knees, raised her undamaged, left arm and waited. Kneeling at her side, Shinji put his left arm under her knees and his right arm almost around her waist. Waiting until she encircled his neck with her good arm, he lifted her up in one smooth motion and with only the smallest of grunts. Not small enough.

"What was that? Are you saying I'm too heavy for you? I'll have you know there isn't a gram of fat on me anywhere. You're just too weak to carry me. HEY, stop that." Asuka squealed that last as Shinji shifted her weight in his arms for a more secure grip.

"Is your right arm comfortable. Good. Hang on." Turning to the right direction, he started walking towards the rooms he had spotted on his previous trip, doing his best to block out the constant stream of complaints directed his way and concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.

Asuka soon wound down and fell into introspection. Why am I so weak, damnit! The Third Child came back okay, so why not me? I thought if you came back you were reborn or something. So why do I still have those injuries from that damn lance? Or do I? Hmmmm. . . My arm was split in two, I remember that much. She shudders at the memory. But it doesn't feel that way. My fingers move normally and there is no pain for an injury that's only supposed to be a few hours old. I can also feel something moving under the bandage over my eye. Could that mean. . . Not wanting to get her hopes up too much just yet, she leaves that thought to dangle as exhaustion overtakes her and she begins to doze lightly in Shinji's arms.

As he was concentrating on walking and providing as smooth a ride as possible, their journey was almost half over before Shinji noticed the lack of noise and focused on his passenger. To his surprise, she was sleeping with a small smile gracing her features. Wow, she really is beautiful when she relaxes. And she has a nice smile, too. It's just a pity that it is harder to get an honest one out of her than it is out of Rei. He sighed, mentally. I hope Rei made it back somehow. If Asuka could, she might too. Sighing out loud, he turned his thoughts back to more practical matters. The rest of the journey passed quietly.

Presently, they arrived at Shinji's chosen destination. It had once been a four level block of units, but at one point during the day's events, a shockwave had neatly sheared off the top two floors. On the plus side, the remaining levels were still sound, structurally speaking. In any event, it was safe, secure and in better shape than anything else in sight. Plus, it was within five minutes walk of the general store. Reaching the bottom of the stairs leading up, Shinji stopped and gently lowered Asuka on to the first step but did not let go.

"Asuka, wake up. We're here." He said as he shook her softly.

"What? 'Here' where? Let me go back to sleep."

"Asuka, I need you to be awake for a little while. I am going upstairs to find us a room."

"So? What do I need to be awake for? Tokyo-3 was abandoned even before Third Impact happened."

"Yes, but I remember hearing reports about scavengers picking through the ruins. And if we came back, others might have done the same. So I need you to be a lookout for me while I check those units." He said while pointing to what was now the top row of doors. "Please?"

"Alright. Stop pleading. I'll be your damn watchdog. Get going before the sun goes down." She said, trying to get comfortable on the concrete step. "And make sure you pick one with two bedrooms. Just because we're the last people here, doesn't mean your getting into my bed!" She shouted as an afterthought as he let her go and started up the stairs. Shinji waved in the affirmative over his shoulder.

"Damn, what has gotten into him. He used to be easier to tease than this." Asuka fumed to herself after he went out of earshot, then snorted. "Maybe THAT was Third Impact, Shinji getting a spine rammed up his ass!" Giggling at the thought of an EVA-assisted spinal insertion, Asuka settled in to wait for Shinji's return.

Upon reaching the second floor, the boy in question first looked to see if any doors were open. Seeing one at the other end, he walked towards it and cautiously peeked into a dimly lit room. I wish I'd thought to bring some sort of weapon with me, just in case was what went through his mind as he slowly went inside. As his eyes slowly adjusted, he noted in quick order that it was a single bedroom unit, it was uninhabited and that it was messier than Misato's room, if that was at all possible. Nope

Returning to the walkway, the next two doors he checked were locked but the third one opened easily.

"HURRY UP, BAKA! My butts getting sore." Came an impatient demand from downstairs.

"Your not the only one with a pain in the arse to deal with, y'know." Shinji said to himself softly as he walked into the unit. Once again, he had to wait until his eyes adapted to the soft gloom. Much better he decided as he went deeper into the apartment. Stepping into the living room, he stopped in the centre and turned on his heel in a slow circle, checking an internal list as he did so. Satisfied with what he saw, he completed the circle and walked back out, wedging the door open as he passed it.

"What took you so long."

Stepping down passed Asuka he answered absently, "Just making sure I found one with the basics. Ready for another lift?"

"Not yet. Does it have two separate bedrooms."

"Yes Asuka. And a bath. And some food in the kitchen. It has the basics. Anything it doesn't have, I will go and get tomorrow. Now, can I take you up there and get you comfortable or would you rather spend the night down here." He said in a voice that made it clear that he was leaning towards the latter option.

"Allright, already. No need for that tone of voice. Just get me up there and into Châteaux Sohryu. I'm ready to go to sleep again." Reaching out as he crouched down to pick her up, he froze as he heard a loud growl.

"What was that?" He asked as he looked around worriedly.

"That was me." Shinji turned his head back to a slightly pink Asuka.

"Why did you growl at me, Asuka?" He asked, slowly backing away.

"I didn't! It was my stomach." Another growl emanated from her mid-section, as if punctuating her statement.

Moving in warily as if expecting some part of her anatomy to detach and try and bite him, Shinji bent down to lift up a still pink Asuka.

"In that case, you had better have something to eat before you go to bed. I'll get dinner started as soon as you're comfortable."

Without a grunt this time, he picked her up and carried her up the stairs and into the apartment he had chosen.

LATER

"Not up to your usual standard Shinji, but it certainly filled up a few holes." Punctuating that statement with a small belch of contentment, Asuka re-arranged herself into a more comfortable position on the large bed she had claimed for herself as Shinji cleared away the evidence of a small but filling meal of instant noodles. Re-entering the room with a glass of water in one hand and a large pot in the other, he walked over to the side of the bed.

"Just in case." He said as he put the glass on the small table beside the bed and the pot within easy reach on the floor.

"In case of what, Third Child?"

"In case you need to. . . go. . . during the night. Or can you walk now." Slightly red and bracing himself for an explosion, he was surprised when all she said was "Thank you Shinji. That was very thoughtful."

"Um, okay. Well I'm going to lock up and go to bed myself now. Call if you need anything else." Stopping at the doorway and turning back into the room, he said quietly "Goodnight Asuka. Sweet dreams."

"You too, Shinji. And. . . thank you for everything you've done for me since we came back." She said softly as sleep claimed her.

Shinji stayed at the doorway a little longer, staring at her sleeping form and thinking to himself, she's different. Like she laid some of her demons to rest during today. I mean, she's still the same old Asuka. That sharp tongue of hers still works when she wants it to. But, she's also been nice to me today. And she said thank you.

Heading towards his own room after locking up, he continued along that line of thought. I'll have to figure out what I'm doing right and keep doing it. Tomorrow. For now, all I want to do is sleep. Crawling between the sheets and blowing out the candle near his head, Shinji got comfortable enough for slumber to overtake him with ease. What a day!

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The rest of the world was still. It was not a quiet, peaceful stillness. More of a 'Lets see how long we can hold our breath' kind of stillness. It couldn't last.

And it didn't.

As two children drifted off after what was arguably the longest day of either of their short lives, the rest of the world's population awoke from their individual part of instrumentality.

Some would come to terms with the choice they made to return.

Others would deny that they even came back by choice.

But EVERYONE that returned would wonder why he or she had the image of a young boy stuck in his or her mind.

END OF DAY ONE

NOTES: Well, there it is. Day One, in all its sad, pathetic glory. My plan is to have five days, broken up into two or three chapters per day, depending how long they run after I've converted them from longhand. You may notice the pace is a bit slow and steady. Bear with me, I'm still learning and this just seems to be the way I write (I like to read WAFFY, funny stuff and THIS is all that comes out of my pencil. Go figure.) On the plus side, I have two and a half days written and all five in my head so, barring acts of god or life, this will be completed. Touch wood. Anyway, I hope you get some enjoyment out of it. Comments and constructive criticism will be treasured, flames will be fed to my salamander, Spanky.

P.S.: MAJOR thanks goes to my soulmate for her kind words and plot bunnies when I got stuck at the odd turn of plot. I would truly be lost without her. KISS KISS

P.P.S.: Much thanks also to Joan Milligan and Incognito Girl for taking the time to read and review 'Small Choices'. BIG HUGS all round!

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Day 2, Part 1, preview: SHINJI: "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

ASUKA: "I don't know. But I want to do it anyway."

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