Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.

A/N: Hey, not sure how I feel about this one... but I'm trying to cover as few angles. I've got Jay regretting it and begging for forgiveness, I've started a story where Erin is kind letting Jay know she's there, now where she's forceful. Lastly, there will be a re write. Jay tells Abby he has someone and comes home to speak with Erin.

Figure it out with me

I raise my hand to knock loudly on the door, my eyes full of insecurity and hurt as Will opens the door.

"Erin… hey."

"Hey Will, I need to see Jay." It's a demand, not a request as my hazel eyes stare him down.

"Sorry Erin, that's not a good idea. He wants space." Will shrugs apologetic at me.

"I don't care Will." My eyes are fire.

"Erin…"

"He's the one keeping a big secret from me, any normal person would immediately react badly then maybe come around. Me? I tell him to stay and he walks out… just move Will. This is something I need to say to Jay. I deserve more than a vague explanation." My hands come up to rest on my hips.

"No, you need to give him time."

"Will, move out of the way and let her in." My eyes move past Will to see Nina smiling at me with sympathy.

"Thank you Nina." I nod at her with gratitude.

"Anytime, he's in the spare room. Down the hall to the left."

"What are you doing?" Will asks her shocked.

"He's the one with a secret marriage and he left her… she had right to kick his lying ass out. Let her give him a piece of her mind." Nina crosses her arms as she stares Will down.

"It's not as simple as that."

"You would know that how Will? You were there for him when he got back?" I raise an eyebrow at him, he bows his head and I walk past them both and down the hallway.

I open the bedroom door to see the bag open on the bed and Jay sitting next to it, head bowed over and staring at his phone.

I walk closer; an ache in my chest when I see a picture of us on his screen zoomed in so only I'm in frame.

Jay looks up with tears in his eyes, and I sigh down at him.

"Erin, what are you doing here?"

"What do you think? Let's go home." I move to repack the few items he's pulled out; he stands and reaches his hands out to stop me.

"I need time." His voice is soft.

"Too bad. I'm not letting you push me away."

"Erin, come on."

"Come on what? You walk out of our apartment for too long and we're done. That terrifies me. I had every right to kick you out Jay, you lied to me. Kept something so big… but I sensed more to the story and it seemed like you needed me so I asked you to stay, told you I could handle it. Just let me in and we would sort it out and you left."

"It's not like that."

"Like what? You see your ex… wife… whatever and suddenly your emotional baggage is too much and it's all coming up? So you push me away? I at least deserve more than a vague explanation about shame of your past and still being married…"

"You've pushed me away before."

"Yeah. And you fought your way back every time."

"Wasn't quick."

"No, but we also weren't living together. You made a commitment to me so we're going home."

"No."

"You tell me your married, I'm obviously insecure and you what? Reassure me by leaving? Without explaining how you are still married. I've know you four years and you never mentioned this."

"It's from a time of my life I'm ashamed with."

"We all have shame Jay… you know my ugly secrets. Even the illegal ones… from right back to when I was young. I can't tell you that getting hitched back then wasn't like you, cuz I don't know who you were then. But not telling me now? Walking out on me? That's not the Jay Halstead I know… the man I love."

"By the time I thought I should tell you I was too in love with you and I didn't want to see that look in your eyes… the look you got today. Didn't want you to have an excuse to pull away."

"You got the look anyway, the look was hurt that you never told me. You said you wanted to move in so I couldn't come and go? Well here you are… gone. Using your marriage as an excuse to pull away."

"It's not an excuse." He fires back frustrated.

"Don't go Jay, stay with me and work through it. I shouldn't have to explain this to you, I'm the one with screwed up relationship history… well I was. I guess you win that with your secret wife." I turn away from him with a shake of the head.

"You always take charge with this relationship, well now it's my turn. You can't expect to leave me and deal with all of this and then come back and be fine. That's not happening Jay. We need to work through it together. Whatever you're feeling, whatever you're pushing down let me help you."

"I don't know…"

"I can handle it." I insist again.

"That's something I need to figure out…"

"Figure it out with me… trust me to handle your baggage. You won't know until you start letting me in."

"Erin, I'm still married."

"You have been all this time, we can't take anything back."

"But I didn't know."

"You're not in love with her… are you?" My voice is insecure, my eyes dropping to the floor.

"No, I never was." He's serious, honestly in his eyes when I finally look back up.

"Then it's not an issue, we can figure that out together." He looks like he wants to say yes but finally he shakes his head, turning away from me.

"I'm going to bed."

"Well if you're not coming home, I'm staying here."

I lay down on the bed making myself comfortable, he sighs before laying down next to me.

"So how long ago did you get married?" After a few tense minutes of silence I ask the question I've been wondering.

"Eight years ago."

"How the hell are you married to someone for eight years and not know? You're a detective."

"I thought she signed the papers." His voice is detached and I try for a calmer tone.

"Why didn't she sign the papers?"

"I don't know." I feel his shoulder move against mine in a shrug.

"Maybe she was in love with you."

"It was a twenty four hour thing, we hadn't even seen each other in a year." His tone sounds defensive and I wonder what he's keeping from me now.

"I was in love with you before we got together… it's possible. Although in saying that I would have divorced you if you asked."

He looks over me, unsure of how to respond.

"Why didn't you just get it annulled? It was Vegas after all."

"We weren't exactly thinking straight at that time in our life. It was a mistake and I wanted it over."

"And now? When you chose to not tell me for four years?"

"Just go to sleep." He huffs and turns over so his back is to me, I continue staring at the ceiling.

"Why'd she come back?"

"What?" I roll over so I'm facing his back.

"I assume there was a reason." I try again, knowing my question was simple enough.

"She told me she was getting married and needed me to sign the papers. I said I would but she said they weren't on her… I saw her tonight and…"

"You saw her tonight?" I interrupt confused.

"Yeah, we had a drink." Pain fills my heart knowing he saw her before coming home to pack his bag. Not even waiting for me to get home to talk it out first.

"Seems like alcohol got you into this mess." My voice is full of anger at the new information.

"And alcohol has never gotten you in a mess before?" His tone is hurtful and I narrow my eyes.

"Well I slept with men I'd later regret, can't say I've ever married one." Jay's back is tense when I speak of other men and I feel a small twinge of satisfaction, still yearning for comfort to quell my insecurities.

"I drank a lot back then. Don't remember too much of that time… just tried drinking away the pain and memories." It hits me that maybe he was so good to me when Nadia died, so understanding was because he's turned to alcohol before too.

He knows the temptation and allure it presents.

"I take it she didn't have the papers tonight?"

"No…"

"And?"

I roll my eyes when he doesn't reply; the room is tense until we finally drift off into a restless night of sleep.

I stir away the next morning, smiling when I feel warm arms wrapped around me and feel warmth in my chest when lips graze my forehead.

My eyes open when I feel him pull away, he slides from the bed and from the room without looking back at me.

I follow him out groggily and overhear Will.

"Sorry man, Nina let her in."

"It's fine." Jay shrugs as he sits next to Will.

"So she stayed over then…" Will tries for more information.

"It's not like that Will."

"I probably would have smothered you in your sleep… you know if it were me." Nina smiles over at him innocently, her eyes than flicking back to me.

"Erin, come join us for breakfast."

"I'm gonna get going." Jay makes a move for the door, in the rumbled clothes he slept in.

"Dude, don't leave me with both of them." Will complains, Jay gives in with a sigh as he sits back down. I sit across from him and next to Nina as she puts some food on my place.

"Thanks." She sends me a wink as I look over at Jay.

"So was Will at the wedding?"

"No, we weren't exactly speaking at that time." I raise my eyebrows, him confirming my next point for me.

"Yet he knew. You could tell him about it without the memories becoming too much, but you couldn't tell me? You never even really had to give me information on it, the earlier you mentioned it the less I would have asked." I shrug at him and he nods his head slowly.

"So why didn't she have the papers?" I ask again, knowing he has nowhere to run now.

"Erin."

"What? We can talk here or back home."

Jay pushes his chair back and storms back to the bedroom, the door shutting behind him.

"Sorry." I get up to follow him.

"Jay. Can you not see this is killing me?" I plead with tears in my eyes.

"What?"

"Wake up, I'm really struggling but I'm trying." Tears come to my eyes and Jay automatically pulls me into his chest.

"I'm sorry." He whispers into my hair.

"Stop apologizing and just come home." I'm begging but no longer care.

"Okay." He whispers into my hair.

"But I am sorry. I should have reassured you." He tilts my face back to look into my eyes.

"I do not have feelings for Abby, I care about her in the way you would for someone you use to be with. I've never been in love with her, you don't need to feel threatened that she's here or that I ever married her. I was a drunk mess and add the fact I was mourning another friend, I fucked up. I knew it as soon as I sobered up, I can't explain the emotions I was experiencing losing so many soldiers. I hate that I'll now be married twice in my life; I wish I could undo it and one day… think about having you as my wife."

"Thank you. I've been feeling insecure."

"You have no need to, you're beautiful and I love you. I'm in love with you, I've never felt this before." He promises me, his thumbs rubbing my cheeks.

"Please can we go home now?"

"Let's go home." He confirms.

A/N: There is a part 2, and I'll get the next part of 'Come Home, Jay' up soon.

After I finish writing my frustrations out (almost there) I can go back to my other stories, like the second chap of Regrets.

Now I realise you all probably want Jays List of Fantasies... it's hard writing happy Linstead right now lol

Please give me an idea that's just so good I have no choice but to write it. Please? lol

Leave a review :)