For those of you still out there, I really don't know what to say except that I am sorry for the wait. I had no idea if I was even going to finish this story. I reread the three chapters so far and I saw a lot of mistakes. I am going to fix them and hopefully be able to finish this story. I have a three-hour wait between classes today so that is what I will be doing for three hours. Fixing my mistakes and hopefully adding a chapter or two in the next day.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters but they keep me happy when my day is rainy and sad.
Sinking my hands in the soapy water to clean the remaining dishes, I let my mind wander. He's late tonight, just like he has been every night for the last few weeks. He's been late before, but this time it just seems different. Maybe he finally gave up on us having a baby. Maybe someone new, a distraction caught his eye at work. Maybe I'm just crazy and the poor man really does have to work. Whatever the reason may be I miss him. My body aches for his and my heart seems to be losing its rhythm without his to follow. I love him, just like I've loved him my entire life, just like I will continue to love him until my last breath. He's my husband, my soul mate, my life.
I quickly finish washing the dishes and put his dinner away. I fix myself some warm tea and go into the living room and sit down on the couch. But my thoughts and insecurities worm their way into my head once again. Why is he acting like this? We haven't made love for more then a month now. He never lets us wait this long. Am I not enough for him anymore? As these questions take place in my head, tears effortlessly flow down my face.
I miss him.
I put the cup of tea on the table and lay down on the couch. I look at the clock in front of me and notice that it's ten at night. An hour later then when he said he would be home. Maybe I am not home anymore.
I find myself in a beautiful meadow surrounded by wildflowers of every color. Red, orange, violet, blue, and every other color in between. Its breathtaking yet humble at the same time. I feel small yet meaningful. I feel at peace. I sit down and just gaze at the view. The beauty that I see shatters me. A little boy and little girl hold hands and pick flowers. Their backs are facing me. The boy seems bigger than girl but by only a year or so. She breaks away from him and chases away a butterfly. She trips and falls and starts crying. The boy runs to her and hugs while whispering something in her ear. She looks up at him like he's her hero and kisses his check. The little boy helps her stand up and picks her some flowers. I feel tears running down my face. I want them. As if feeling my gaze on them they turn their attention towards me. They are beautiful. They look so much alike that it's scary. They are clearly brother and sister. The boy waves at me and says "don't worry mama, we're coming".
And with those words they disappear and I wake up with a startled cry with even more tears coming down.
I look at the clock once again and find it past midnight. I hear thunder and a flash of lighting sparks the air. The storm is raging both outside and in. I fall back down on the coach and try to catch my breath from my dream. I feel weird all of a sudden. The hairs on my arm stand up and shivers run down my spine. Someone is here and watching me. I turn my head to the other sofa and find him sitting down with his head in his hands staring at me. His green eyes stare into mine and sadden within seconds.
"Bad dream?" he asks in a voice so rich I melt.
"No, it was wonderful" I reply back. My voice is soft yet there is a hint of anger and frustration in it.
"Then why are you crying, love?" he asks. At the mention of his pet name for me, I break down.
"Be… bee... because I woke up.. pp" I choke while the dam breaks and my tears come flooding in. When he sees even more tears, he rushes over to me and takes me in his arms. I instantly feel better and I am angry with that because I know it's his touch that always calms me. Maybe I didn't want to be calm right now.
"Is reality really that bad that you want to escape to dreamland?" he questions with a hint of hurt in his voice.
"Yeah I guess it is when you have no one to share reality with. When you feel unwanted and like a heavy burden" I reply back. I am tired all of a sudden and just want to sleep. I don't want to talk about this because I couldn't help feeling that my reality became a nightmare.
I feel him tense up behind me and he lets out a shaky breath.
"You have me, love. You always have me", he whispers in my ear. He is also crying now. I hurt because he's hurt.
I turn in his arms and look up in his eyes. They are in pain and tears are freely running down. He seems lost.
"I haven't had you in a while now. I don't know where you went or if you still want me. I feel like I lost you somewhere. I miss you." I whisper back to him while the storm continues to rage on outside. His shaky hands come up to my face and cup my cheek. His slowly kisses my face everywhere. He is murmuring something, which I don't understand. When he reaches my ear, his " I'm so sorry, I love you, I love you" becomes clear and warms my heart. He lips reach my mouth slowly as if he's afraid.
He kisses me sweetly at first, but when I open my mouth to let him in his hunger becomes clear. His hand clamps down on my face and he devours me. I feel his frustration, his anger, his sadness, but most of all his love in his kiss. I return the kiss with everything that I am.
I don't realize that he has moved us from the couch until I am air born, and he is going up the stairs to our bedroom. He sets me down and breaks the kiss.
"My Bella, I know that I have been gone but know this. Everything that I do, I do for you". With those words he takes off my shirt and jeans, leaving me only in my underwear. He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra and than kneels before me. He slowly peels off my panties and carries me to bed. While I make myself comfortable he rushes to take off his clothes and comes back to lie on top on me. He moves in to kiss me again and I lose myself in him. As he pushes in me, I feel safe and loved. We have a lot to talk about but for now we let our bodies do the talking. He forces me to come so many times I fear that I might just fall asleep from exhaustion. He is prolonging this and I fear that he is punishing himself for being gone so long. I want him to come with me before we fall into oblivion so I say the one thing that I know will get the job done.
"I'm pregnant Edward."