Author Notes:
AKA why I should go to bed sooner. Making fun of the fact Ezreal gets paired with a lot of people. Not supposed to be serious. Besides, I can't write purposely in character for the life of me.
Purple: Draven(adc), Janna(sup), Darius(jung), Malzahar(mid), and Riven(top)
Blue: Ezreal(adc), Lux(sup), Lee Sin(jung), Talon(mid), and Irelia(top)
This crackfic has draven/ezreal/malzahar/talon and hints at established elzreal/varus/taric and malzahar/talon. This is the not fully smut version and as such ends short. The full version is still in WIP and will not be posted to FF.
This has some inside jokes with friends.
NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Read at your own risk.
Ez gasped as he felt himself slam into the wall. Draven smirked, commenting, "Nice arcane shift Ezreal. Next time try to actually make it over the wall. Well well, your team abandoned you after that epic dragon teamfight throw by Lee Sin. Shall I kill you spectacularly, or let you go if you will have a little fun with me?"
"What?" was the only word Ezreal's muddled paniced mind could think to have him usher from his mouth.
The noxian's ensuing laugh gave the explorer a chill, "You know what. With a pretty face like yours; you must have many wanting in those tight pants of yours."
Ezreal shakes his head, "Sorry to disappoint you Draven, but I might go for the painful death and res timer. I'm pretty sure Varus and Taric are watching this match, and it would have to be a pretty good fuck to make up for ending up on the couch."
"You know I'm a pretty good lay Ezreal. Or if you prefer, maybe I could call Malzahar down from midlane for a threesome," Draven purrs confidently, pinning the smaller male to the wall of the dragon lair.
Draven continues, "I didn't know you were sleeping with both Varus and Taric. I bet after you get past Varus's brooding, those tentacles of his can be some fun. I'm sure Malz though wouldn't mind working with that tentacle fetish of yours."
Even with the cool of the wall against his back Ezreal couldn't help but become flustered. It was a good guess one Draven's part that Ezreal loved the feeling of tendrils exploring his body. He felt like Draven was a little too close. It was a saving grace for Ezreal that his belts covered his crotch area. If he was lucky Varus would murder Draven for this later.
He considered the offer carefully. Something was bothering Ezreal though, "What about the rest of the match? Even if the rest of my party has no map vision, my support or a jungler is bound to come into dragon to ward."
"I guess then we will have an audience. That makes things a little more exciting, doesn't it?" Dravens voice seemed dripping with enthusiasm. He mentally called Malzahar over as he knew Ezreal's will was weakening. "Besides, your team is so short sighted that with Malz out of mid, they're going to try and push. My team is in a position to hold for as long as /we/ need." To add emphasis to his offer Draven lightly tugs at one of the many belts the explorer wears.
That hand just had to be there. Ezreal couldn't shout 'NO' loud enough in his mind. In the back there was a little 'yes' becoming louder. He wasn't sure if this was from himself, or if it was encouragement from his fucking summoner. This perverted summoner seemed to love entertaining pairings in their matches. Why was this happening to him. His will alone about tore to shreds when he saw Malz waltz in from the river. Draven had made sure to tell Malzahar to put on a show. The void prophet had his hood pulled back and shirt spaced open just enough to give him a good view of his muscles. Seriously, how does a magic user get away with being that deliciously built?
"Hello Draven, Ezreal. I hear you have need of my services," that voice of Malzahar's wasn't helping either. But hey, wait a second...
Ezreal suddenly voiced his realization "Hey Malzahar, aren't you like, currently in a relationship right now? With Talon." On that last bit he pulled a bit of a poker face.
"This is going to be great, eh Ezreal? We got our very own orgy in this match," Draven mused. He turned back to Ez, starting to work undoing the belt he tugged on earlier. Ez was too far gone to contest the action. As soon as Talon reached the dragon enclosure, Malz made sure to tell him what's up. In his convincing Malz pulled off Talon's hood and devoured the other male's mouth. Draven used the distraction to work off these belts. Sooo many belts.
Ezreal moaned as Draven ran his leg against Ez's crotch. "I think he's ready. Talon, Malzahar, shall we discuss positions then?"
Talon broke a kiss to declare, "Well, we could put Ezreal riding you, Draven. And then, hmm. Well, I prefer to be dominated."
Malzahar added, "But I hear Ezreal has a bit of a tentacle fetish. Unless you have an idea how we can add that with you in between me and him, Talon."
Voice cracking Ezreal spoke up, "I think I'm ok now even with just watching you two while Draven fucks me. That had to be the hottest kiss I've seen in my life."
"I'm all for getting sandwitched with you, Ezreal," Talon adds with a wink.
"I never knew you were so keen into watching Ezreal. You sure are kinky for someone who seems to act completely uninterested most of the time," Draven smirks.
The events that were to follow were lost to the knowledge of the summoners. The magic that they normally use to connect to each champion was disrupted due to a 'network error' and took three hours to fix.
After the match is forfitted due to technical issues Taric has to keep Varus from outright murdering Draven. Varus states that if Draven, Malz, or Talon so much as brush up against ezreal, he will personally murder them in their sleep. Ezreal ends up sleeping on a couch for two days before Taric breaks down and lets Ez sleep in his bed. Varus takes longer to let up. It partly takes Ez baking a forgive me cake.
Bonus Section:
Darius chased Lee all the way to dragon. He was confused to why the monk stopped running and was "staring" into the empty pit. Dragon itself wouldn't be up until 21:30. Lee motioned for Darius to look for himself. What Darius saw he could only sum up as another one of his brother's exploits.
"Well, we are not going to be getting any true jungling experience now, Darius. Shall we go down, join the supports, and pretend to be melee carries?" stated Lee with a suggestion.
Darius grunted in reply, "And ruin the one good break these supports need? Ha. I have a better plan," he grinned, "I'll give you three seconds to run before I get my full combination attack off and use my ultimate on you."