Rachel wishes she could just hate Cassandra July, she wishes she could tune out her insults and rise above the petty mind games, until every awful thing that comes out of her teacher's mouth sounds like background noise and her opinion stops meaning so much. She's endured the baiting for months now, but it isn't getting any easier to brush it off, and Miss July still seems hell-bent on making her life as miserable as possible. Case in point: Cassie teased her for weeks about "baring it all" for a student film and then, with a salacious wink, told her she'd be sure to order an advanced copy to send to the 'National Enquirer' in the unlikely event that Rachel ever made it big. As if that wasn't mortifying enough, she then publicly thanked Rachel for "chickening out and sparing everyone the trauma of bleaching their eyeballs." With the benefit of hindsight, Rachel probably shouldn't have retaliated by pointing out that at least she'd never turned up to class wearing a bra, because Cassie's thin-lipped smile started to look even more pinched.
Then Cassie positively exulted in her losing Midnight Madness to Kurt, and pointed out that she wasn't even the best singer from "Bumfuck, Iowa," let alone the best singer at NYADA (Rachel's retort of, "Then why did I win the Winter Showcase?' seemed to shut her up, though).
Rachel has no idea how Cassie seems to know every intimate detail about her private life – or why she even cares - but it seems like she's always looking for fresh ammunition. So yes, Rachel should despise her with a passion, but she can't, because in spite of her heinously inappropriate behaviour, Miss July still manages to be the best teacher she's ever had, and Rachel still feels dizzy with excitement every time she watches her perform, because there's no denying that she's amazing... and annoyingly attractive.
Her old ballet teacher may have likened Rachel to Margot Fonteyn, but Cassie's made her ten times better since she's been here, and sometimes, Rachel wonders if Cassie really was telling her the truth – that she isn't picking on her, she's motivating her. She takes as much pleasure in proving Cassie wrong as Cassie does in goading her, and she's constantly re-assessing her own limits and pushing herself to achieve more than she thought she was capable of, all in an attempt to impress a teacher who would rather crawl over broken glass than pay her a compliment. And then there's the fact that - every once in a while – there's a twinkle in Miss July's eyes and her 'abuse' seems more like good-natured teasing, intended to amuse instead of wound. It makes Rachel wonder if maybe Cassie doesn't find her nearly as contemptible as she pretends to.
Even still, she was terrified of turning up to class the morning after she found out about Brody, because she knew Miss July would delight in tormenting her about the demise of her relationship, and that she wouldn't be able to handle it with her usual aplomb. After all, it's not every day you find out that your boyfriend is paying for his tuition by sleeping with an endless parade of women. She didn't know what to expect, but there was never any question that it would be humiliating – perhaps some tasteless quip about her needing to take an urgent trip to a sexual health clinic, or an unflattering remark about her lack of experience in the bedroom. Rachel was all set to ask Cassie if she'd paid for Brody's services, too, even though she knew it was ridiculous, because women who look like timeless movie stars don't have to bribe guys to sleep with them. As it turned out, she didn't have to resort to using that comeback, because Cassie didn't say a word - even though the break-up took a noticeable toll on Rachel's technique. In fact, she gave Rachel a free pass for a few days, keeping the criticism to a bare minimum, and at some point, Rachel realised that Brody wasn't TA-ing for her anymore. When the other students asked about his whereabouts, Cassie made some glib remark about him pissing her off, and when their eyes locked across the room, she gave Rachel the barest hint of a smile.
The armistice didn't last for long, though. Now Cassie knows about her 'Funny Girl' callback (even though Rachel went to great pains to keep her from finding out), she's back to being a vengeful witch again. Considering what Cassie put her through the last time she auditioned for an off-Broadway play, Rachel knows her spur-of-the moment mid-term is going to be horrendous, and Cassie will probably fail her just because she can.
When Cassie ushers her into the studio and Rachel sees her entire class staring at her scornfully, she assumes Cassie's recruited them to heckle all the way through her performance - because changing the date of her exam to 6am and giving her less than 24 hours' notice to perfect the hardest ballet routine on record apparently wasn't enough of a challenge. She knows Cassie's probably hoping that she'll wilt under the pressure, that she'll finally give her an excuse to kick her out of Dance 101 for good, but she isn't about to fall at the final hurdle. Not when she's come this far. She may be running on less than three hours' sleep, but the adrenaline rush is keeping her from switching to autopilot, and she's determined to pass this test if it kills her.
When Cassie loops an arm around her shoulders, Rachel can't bring herself to shrink away, because as much as she wants to find her touch repugnant, there's no ignoring the way her pulse jumps against her throat and the rush of heat that settles somewhere it really shouldn't. Cassie's quite literally magnetising, and instead of wanting to pull away, Rachel has to fight the urge to move closer. The smell of Cassie's perfume is nearly as beguiling as she is, but Rachel tries her best to look unaffected. Cassie's saying something about crushing the competition and them being... family?, and Rachel's trying really hard to focus, but then she makes the mistake of turning towards Cassie and suddenly her eyes are level with her instructor's lips and she's incapable of forming a coherent thought. She wonders if Cassie can sense the effect that her proximity has on people, and maybe that's why she's tormenting her like this, encroaching on Rachel's personal space until her palms dampen and her stomach starts to flutter. It reminds her of yesterday, when Cassie cornered her in the studio and guided her to the mirror, pressing close against her back and gently rubbing her arms. It was enough to make Rachel completely forget that she'd just been threatening to ruin her life.
Now Cassie's pointing her cane at her (and Rachel doesn't know why, but it always seems so suggestive) and circling her like she fully intends to pounce, and Rachel tracks her with her eyes, and then with her body, because she can't help being sucked into the force field. The only word that registers is "fire," which seems unnervingly appropriate, because she's feeling pretty overheated right now.
When Cassie finally moves away, it becomes easier to concentrate, except now Rachel's confused, because Cassie can't possibly be saying what she thinks she's saying. They're here to... celebrate her achievements? Rachel looks on in delighted disbelief as her classmates erupt into cheers and applause, pulling out banners in her honour, and her awe only intensifies when the music starts and she realises that they're intending to perform a whole routine just for her. She's stunned, and touched beyond belief, but it takes her a moment to accept that this isn't just some elaborate prank - that these people aren't going to toss aside their banners and throw eggs at her when she least expects it.
She turns to face Cassie, beaming with gratitude – because she knows this had to be her idea, as implausible as it seems - and the radiant smile on Cassie's face makes her heart swell to the point of bursting. Then Cassie's singing to her – calling her baby and telling her everything's going to be all right - and even though she ushers Rachel onto the dance floor and beckons for her to join in, Rachel's content just to hang back and clap along to the beat while she watches Cassie light up the room.
"I'm the envy of every single guy, since I'm the apple of my girl's eye," Cassie sings – directly to her, and Rachel's cheeks turn pink with pleasure. She wonders if Cassie refuses to change the pronouns on purpose, to make her think... well, she doesn't know what she's supposed to think, but being the focal point of Cassie July's attention is one of the best feelings in the world, and Cassie's still smiling at her like she's all that matters.
Rachel watches her dancing with different guys until the compulsion to intervene becomes too much to bear, and she approaches Cassie with a hopeful smile, holding out her arms. Cassie gamely twirls her around the room, and Rachel literally feels giddy with happiness. They're both laughing, and when Cassie taps her lightly on the chest and then chucks her affectionately under the chin, Rachel's grin gets so wide, her cheeks start to ache. This feels completely surreal – like those dreams she's never dared to tell anyone about – but if this is all a figment of her imagination, then she never wants to wake up. She thought landing the callback was the best moment of her life, but this is almost enough to make her re-consider.
She's so caught up in the joy of seeing Cassie perform like this – carefree and playful - that the significance of it all doesn't really hit her until afterwards, when she realises the effort that must have gone into putting this together. Cassie somehow managed to persuade all of these people – who aren't exactly what Rachel would call friends – to get up at the crack of dawn and throw a party for her, and not only that, she had to devise an entire dance routine and teach it to them first. Now everyone's fawning over her – and Rachel knows it's only because she's their current claim to fame - but it must be excruciating for Cassie to watch, considering she used to be sitting proudly on the same pedestal.
Rachel remembers how she felt when Kurt was short-listed for NYADA and she was still waiting for that fateful letter; she remembers how hard it was to be happy for him when her own future was hanging in the balance, and it must be every bit as difficult for Cassie to watch her take what was rightfully hers. It makes the selflessness of this gesture seem even more staggering, and Rachel realises, then, that Cassie doesn't hate her. She doesn't hate her at all.
Rachel's done fighting this; she's done trying to pretend that her feelings for Cassie boil down to pure, animal attraction, because this woman doesn't just antagonise, and fascinate, and overwhelm her; this woman makes her feel things that Finn never could.
Her eyes instinctively gravitate towards Cassie, and she sees her standing on the periphery of the room, smiling softly to herself. There isn't a trace of resentment there, but there's a nostalgia in her gaze that makes Rachel's heart ache. Rachel wants to run over to join her – to thank her for everything, even though she doesn't know how to communicate how much this means to her – but Cassie looks so different now that she's finally let her guard down, Rachel kind of just stops in her tracks and stares at her instead. Cassie moves to leave the room, but she glances back at her, and for one heart-stopping moment, Rachel wonders if it's some kind of unspoken invitation. It takes all of her self-restraint not to skip after her and find out.
She runs into Brody later on that afternoon, and she feels sick when he offers her a strained smile. She considers turning on her heel and walking in the opposite direction, but she's a bigger person than that, so she continues to head down the corridor, holding her head high. She's planning on walking straight past him, but he lays a hesitant hand on her forearm.
"I heard you got a callback for 'Funny Girl.' That's amazing, Rachel," he tells her, and she must look surprised, because he hastens to explain, "Everyone's talking about Cassie serenading you with some big song and dance number."
Rachel hopes her blush isn't as obvious as it feels. "It wasn't..." she trails off, because she's not even sure what she's trying to deny, "I mean, she does it for everyone who lands a Broadway audition, right?"
"Well, she didn't do it for me, and I actually made it all the way to the stage," he informs her, with a wry smile, "But I guess steel worker number three can't compare to Fanny Brice."
Rachel doesn't know how to respond to that, so she just ducks her head, staring at her feet.
"She likes you, you know?" Brody informs her conversationally, and Rachel's head snaps back up again.
"What?" she squeaks, and her voice sounds an octave higher than usual.
"She kept badgering me about what happened to my face, so I told her what went down between us. I always thought she was pretty liberal, but she just... lost it." He lets out an incredulous laugh. "I thought she was going to give me a bigger beating than your ex-boyfriend, but she settled for firing me and making me wear the equivalent of a dunce's cap in class."
Rachel can't bring herself to feel bad about that. In fact, she's struggling to hold back a smile.
"Well, if she cares so much about my feelings, then why did she sleep with you in the first place?" she asks, because that's still the one thing she can't reconcile.
Brody shrugs. "She asked if we were an item, and I said 'no.' I said you were still hung up on your ex-boyfriend - that you had his name painted on your wall with hearts and shit – and I told her you turned me down when I tried to take things further. So I guess she figured there wasn't really a conflict of interest."
Rachel's hands are starting to feel clammy, but all she can manage to say is, "Oh."
"Look, I'm glad she's going a little easier on you, but just... be careful, OK?" Brody warns her, "Don't do anything to feed the rumours."
"I'm sorry - I don't understand. What rumours?" Rachel demands, and her stomach is suddenly tied in knots.
"Well, you know, people are already saying that you practically get one-on-one tuition in every lesson - that all of her performances centre around you – and now she goes and pulls a stunt like this."
"She was just being nice!" Rachel protests, but she feels flustered; like her heart's going to pound out of her chest.
"Yeah, but Cassie doesn't really do 'nice.'" Brody lowers his voice and leans close, and Rachel tries not to recoil away from him. "I overheard some guy in your class saying that he doesn't appreciate being dragged out of bed at 4.30am to help Cassie get into your pants."
"That's ridiculous," Rachel informs him, but the panicky feeling in her chest is overshadowed by the realisation that if other people are picking up on the tension between them, then maybe it's not just wishful thinking on her part.
"Yeah, I know," Brody reassures her, "I know you're not... like that."
But he's looking at her curiously, like he doesn't recognise her anymore, and Rachel wonders if he ever really knew her at all.
That night, she rings Kurt to find out how his Dad's doing, and her day just keeps getting better, because Burt's been given the all-clear and hopefully she won't have to stop Kurt from buying all the powder blue socks in Target again. It doesn't feel right to keep Kurt on the phone for hours when he's spending quality time with his family, even though she's desperate to regale him with a breathless recount of everything that's happened to her today – not to mention asking for his advice about what it all means. Santana's still working late shifts at the bar, doing God only knows what, so Rachel just flops onto her bed and hugs her pillow to her chest, mentally replaying every glorious detail of Cassie's performance. Then she sits bolt upright, reaching for her laptop, and impulsively buys 'Uptight (Everything's All Right)' on iTunes so she can analyse every nuance of the lyrics.
A few moments later, her brow furrows, because Cassie can't honestly believe that she's unworthy; that Rachel's somehow out of her league. That's just insane. Cassie's like some kind of Goddess, and just being in the same room as her makes Rachel feel insecure about her own talent, because she's never met anyone that mesmerising before... which is why the prospect of Cassie thinking she's 'a pearl of a girl' makes her positively ecstatic.
By the time she's finished, she's overwhelmed with the need to do something for Cassie; something that might hint at her feelings without her having to spell them out. She spends the rest of the evening on Ebay, flicking through an assortment of Broadway memorabilia and playbills, but nothing seems to be quite the right fit, so she decides to take a shopping trip tomorrow in the hopes of finding something that is.
When she sees the cane, there's a flicker of recognition, and after speaking to the stall owner, he confirms her suspicions – it's the cane that Debbie Allen used in 'Fame.' Rachel breaks into a radiant smile that's tinged with a hint of mischief, and she doesn't care that it costs her a small fortune (apparently, flea markets in New York aren't the same as flea markets in Ohio), because she knows Cassie will get a kick out of it.
She buys some varnish and spends the rest of the afternoon making the cane look presentable again, washing off the accumulation of dust and touching up the paint where it's starting to chip off. She somehow manages to find a bow that compliments the colour scheme, and then she waits until Cassie's alone in the studio before she approaches her. She hovers in the doorway for a moment, watching the look of relief on Cassie's face when she pulls off her heels, and even though she always found Finn's feet repulsive, she can't help imagining what it would be like to give Cassie a foot rub at the end of a long day. Then she realises how mortifying it would be if Cassie looked up and caught her unabashedly ogling her legs, so she takes a deep breath and walks into the studio.
She cheekily bangs the cane against the floor, and then flexes her fingers around the handle, mimicking Cassie's trademark way of getting the class' attention. Cassie turns to face her, and Rachel's breath catches in her throat, because she's so beautiful, sometimes it's hard to look at her without staring.
"What's that?" Cassie asks, and Rachel wonders if she's imagining the flirtatious lilt to her tone.
She wills herself not to stutter, or babble, and fumbles her way through the speech that she's been rehearsing for hours.
"It's a gift. I got it at the Broadway flea market. It's Debbie Allen's original cane from 'Fame' – the movie," she hastens to clarify. "I wanted to thank you for what you did."
Cassie shrugs off her praise, claiming that she does the same for all of her students when they first get a foot on the ladder, but now Rachel knows that's not true. Cassie certainly wasn't rushing to congratulate her when she landed an audition for The Glass Menagerie, but then she remembers Cassie trying to warn her that she wasn't ready for Ivan - and she was right, because Rachel walked out of the theatre in disgust as soon as the ageing director leered at her and asked her to slip into something a little less Nun-like for her reading.
"I wanted to thank you for everything that you've done for me this year," she hastily amends, because she's not going to let Cassie brush this off. "So... thank you."
She holds out the cane to Cassie, and inwardly breathes a sigh of relief when Cassie reaches out to take it from her. She would have been crushed if she didn't.
"I busted your ass since September," Cassie reminds her, in a tone that seems to say 'so why the hell are you thanking me for it?', but Rachel gets it now, she understands exactly why Cassie does what she does.
"You made me a better dancer," she readily admits, even though it's becoming increasingly harder to get her words out now that Cassie's gazing up at her with eyes that are warm, and incisive, and a colour that's so captivating, Rachel wonders why she bothers to wear eye-shadow at all, "And that's why I came to NYADA - to learn, and to be challenged, and to work with the best of the best."
She gestures to Cassie when she says the last bit, just in case Cassie failed to pick up on the subtext, because even though she's watched her peers perform hundreds of songs in Glee club, even though they've moved her to tears and shaped who she is today, Cassie's still the best performer she's ever seen... up close and personal, anyway.
"I saw something in you," Cassie tells her softly, and Rachel's heart stops beating for a second when Cassie stands up and moves towards her, "That first day. And I thought to myself, this one's special."
Rachel swallows audibly, because this is playing out so much better than she'd hoped, and she tries not to look too desperate or eager when Cassie moves even closer still, because she can smell her perfume now, as well as the enticing scent of her shampoo. Cassie's mane of hair is so lustrous, she looks like she's stepped straight out of a Loreal commercial, and with the light from the afternoon sun hitting her at a certain angle, she actually looks like she's glowing. Rachel can't help staring – again – and this is getting kind of embarrassing now.
When Cassie says she always knew she would make it, Rachel can barely believe what she's hearing, because Miss July has spent the whole year telling her she doesn't have what it takes, and now she's admitting that it was all a lie… but why? To keep her humble? To make her fight harder than she ever has before?
"And that's why I'm so relentless," Cassie informs her, confirming her suspicions, and now she's finally being honest about her motives, Rachel can't resist exploring them a little further.
"Even the whole Brody thing?" she ventures, hoping she's not towing an invisible line. She needs to know that Cassie didn't set out to deliberately hurt her.
"That... was because of his abs," Cassie informs her wryly, and Rachel watches her pull on a sweater, fixating on the spot where Cassie's tank top doesn't quite meet her scandalously short hot pants. It's not quite the affirmation she's hoping for, but it's close enough.
"But yours are so much better," she blurts out, and then she inwardly cringes, because she can't believe she just said that out loud. She hopes Cassie realises that she was being sincere, and not sycophantic, but Cassie looks completely unperturbed, like Rachel just made a statement of fact and not some kind of faintly-veiled declaration of sexual desire. Rachel doesn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed by her lack of a response, but when she sees Cassie pick up the cane and move to leave the room, she says the only thing she can think of to make her stay.
"I am so nervous, Miss July. I've never wanted anything more in my whole life," she confesses, and she doesn't know why she's telling Cassie this, when Cassie thrives on exploiting her weaknesses. She doesn't know why she trusts her not to make fun of her this time around.
"You're going to get it," Cassie tells her with utmost conviction, and Rachel stares at her in shock for a minute, "I know you will, Rachel," she reiterates, and Rachel's heart starts thudding against her chest, because it's the first time she's ever really allowed herself to believe it. If Cassie thinks she can do it, then maybe... maybe, she can. It's the first time Cassie's ever called her by her given name, and she's so happy right now, she has to try not to burst into tears.
Then she stops thinking altogether, because Cassie leans in to give her a hug, and it's warm, and tender, and all the things Rachel never thought she would associate with Cassandra July. Cassie even makes a little noise of contentment as they sink into each other, and Rachel clings to her, squeezing her eyes shut as she savours the moment. She can't help but smile, because Cassie's heart feels like it's racing every bit as fast as her own, and this is rapidly turning into some kind of fairy tale. Then her smile fades, because she realises Cassie's eventually going to pull away from her, and she isn't going to get that life-changing kiss and the keys to the kingdom.
Cassie gives her a melancholy smile, and Rachel tries her best to return it. Then she watches Cassie leave the room, gazing longingly after her, and wishes she'd had the courage to say so much more than 'thank you.'
She's going to be sick. She left the theatre to get some fresh air, but it isn't helping her to get a grip, and what if Cassie's right? What if she really does have the tendency to choke under pressure? She felt like NYADA was her destiny, that nothing could stand in her way, but then she botched up her audition when it really mattered, and she practically had to stalk Carmen Tibideaux and beg her for another chance. There are no second chances on Broadway – that's another lesson Cassie taught her - but what if she messes up again? What if she forgets her lyrics, or fluffs her lines? If this was the role she was born to play, then why does she feel like running in the opposite direction?
"You OK there, Schwimmer? You're looking a little green around the gills."
Rachel's agitated pacing comes to an abrupt halt, because no, she can't deal with this right now. She feels like she has a swarm of killer bees waging war on her stomach – butterflies just aren't going to cut it today – and seeing Cassie standing in front of her, looking stunning in a pair of skin-tight jeans and a low-cut sweater, is not helping.
"Miss July," she manages to croak out, and she leans against the wall for support. The weather's still balmy, but she feels like she's burning up. "What are you doing here?"
"Don't worry, I'm not planning on coming in and cramping your style," Cassie hastens to reassure her, holding up her hands in a gesture of goodwill, "Not if you don't want me to. And you'll be pleased to know, Barbra had to back out at the last minute, too," she teases, and Rachel isn't in the mood for this, so she just glares at her.
"OK, you need to relax," Cassie says, and her tone is laced with amusement, "I just wanted to swing by and wish you luck, that's all."
"Well, that's really nice of you," Rachel says weakly, and she lets out a startled gasp when Cassie catches hold of her shoulders. Her grip is firm, and it's enough to ground Rachel in the moment.
"Look at me," Cassie compels her, and Rachel meets her penetrating gaze, feeling a little overawed by the intensity behind it. "You can do this," Cassie informs her resolutely. "You're going to go in there, and you're going to blow away the competition - just like you did at the Winter Showcase. Those producers aren't going to know what's hit them, all right?"
Rachel dumbly nods her agreement, but apparently it isn't convincing enough for Cassie, because she suddenly finds her cheeks being cupped by strong, but gentle hands. It's like someone's waved a magic wand, because the tumultuous thoughts churning through her head instantly evaporate, and now all she's aware of is the softness of Cassie's touch.
"I mean it, Rachel. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. This role was practically written for you, and they're going to love you." Cassie looks distracted for a moment, and Rachel feels a pang of yearning as she watches her moisten her lips with her tongue.
"Just... take it from me, you don't want to go in there wound tighter than a two-dollar watch, so you need to stop freaking out and just... enjoy every second of making me look like an idiot for saying all of those awful things to you, OK?"
Rachel can't help but laugh a little at that, and she doesn't even stop to think, she just throws her arms around Cassie's neck and hugs her like her life depends on it. Cassie seems a little taken aback at first, but then her arms settle securely around Rachel's waist, and she gives her a reassuring squeeze. Rachel buries her face in the crook of Cassie's neck, drawing strength from her fortifying embrace, and she can feel the tension ebbing away when Cassie starts gently rubbing her back. Cassie's arms tighten around her, until there's barely a hair's breadth between them, and even though Rachel's hyper-aware of the way her body stirs in response, it's still strangely soothing. Rachel knows she should probably let go – that she's inching dangerously close to a line that she's not supposed to cross, but it feels like they're frozen in time, and Cassie doesn't exactly seem in a hurry to pull back, either.
When Rachel finally summons the willpower to step away from her sanctuary, her breathing doesn't feel shallow and laboured anymore, and she's filled with a new-found sense of purpose.
"You can watch... if you want to, I mean," she tells Cassie, suddenly feeling shy, and Cassie's expression softens into a smile.
"Are you sure I won't be too much of a... distraction?" she teases, and Rachel's cheeks turn crimson.
"Well, you always seem to bring out the best in me, and I could really use some of that right now," Rachel tells her matter-of-factly, and then she reaches for Cassie's hand, tugging her inside. She breaks into a cheek-splitting smile when Cassie doesn't make any attempt to pull away from her.
Her reading goes better than she expected. She takes Shelby's advice and tries not to inadvertently mimic Barbra's original interpretation - at least not to the point where it becomes some kind of parody - and although the casting director asks her to change her intonation a couple of times, she listens to his guidance and tries to give him exactly what he wants. She chances a glance at Cassie when she's finished, and feels a thrill of excitement when she sees her proud smile. Cassie uses one hand to give her a thumbs-up, and the other to make a 'perfect' sign with her thumb and forefinger, and Rachel has to fight to conceal a giddy grin. She knows her acting is weaker than her voice, so if she can nail her final number, maybe she has a real shot at this.
When Cassie first told her she was planning to come to her callback, Rachel's reaction was one of unmitigated horror, but knowing Cassie's in the room actually rooting for her makes her feel invincible. She doesn't need to imagine that everyone in Glee club is singing alongside her this time around, because Cassie makes her believe she can do it all on her own.
She takes a deep breath, and launches into the song she only selected a few days ago, right after Cassie risked her reputation as the resident hard-ass to give her a much-needed boost before her audition. The first verse is always the most nerve-racking, but it doesn't take long before she loses herself in the melody, and she's determined to put Bette Midler's vocals to shame.
"So I was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name - for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain."
It takes her another chorus before she finally works up the courage to seek out Cassie's attentive gaze, but she nearly looks away again when she sees the unfettered emotions playing across her teacher's face.
"It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth - of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you."
She offers Cassie a tremulous smile, fighting back tears, and Cassie ducks her head, before hesitantly returning it.
"Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings."
And then she really does have to look away, because Cassie's face kind of crumples, and Rachel knows she won't be able to hold it together if she acknowledges the gravity of what's happening between them right now. She closes her eyes, and her voice really does soar through the rafters, reverberating around the empty theatre and filling the space. It's one of the best performances she's ever given, and when she opens her eyes again, the producers look suitably impressed.
"Thank you, Rachel. That was very moving," one of the panel members informs her, "You'll be hearing from us shortly."
Apparently, being offered the role on the spot was too much to hope for.
"Well, it was wonderful to meet you all, and regardless of the outcome, I really appreciate the opportunity," she says graciously, and she manages not to look at Cassie until they meet in the foyer downstairs.
She stops in her tracks when she sees her teacher frantically swiping at her eyes, and her stomach twists into a painful knot. She wishes she could close the distance between them and kiss away the tear that's hovering just above Cassie's lips, but she manages to control herself - barely.
"Don't tell me I finally managed to move the Great and Powerful Cassandra July to tears?" she teases instead, and even though she's sniffling into a tissue, Cassie manages to look affronted at the mere suggestion.
"Don't flatter yourself. Those mouldy old seats are riddled with dust, and I have allergies," she says, but she's smiling as she loops an arm around Rachel's shoulders. "You were phenomenal," she enthuses, and there's no doubting her sincerity, "And I am so, so proud of you, Rachel."
"That's, like, three times in the past few days you've called me by my real name," Rachel observes, because apparently they're not going to address her song choice or what just transpired between them. "Is this going to become a regular occurrence, or should I just... enjoy it while it lasts?"
"Well, that depends. Are you going to stop wearing that awful necklace to my class?" Cassie retorts, and Rachel can't help but suck in a sharp breath when Cassie delicately fingers the silver 'Rachel' that's hanging around her neck. Cassie's fingers brush against her bare skin, and she's glad she's wearing a padded bra, otherwise her visceral reaction might be a little too obvious.
"You've got a deal, Miss July," she says affably, and Cassie grins at her.
"You can call me Cassie outside of class."
They lapse into a companionable silence, and Rachel knows Cassie's probably about to make her excuses and leave, so she comes up with the only stalling tactic she can think of.
"Do you want to maybe grab some dinner - " she starts to ask, at the exact same moment Cassie says:
"How about I take you out to celebrate? My treat."
Then they both start laughing.
"I'd like that," Rachel says shyly, even though the thought of being alone with Cassie and having to make conversation is sort of scary and exhilarating at the same time. When Cassie's eyes crinkle at the corners and she levels her with that heart-stopping smile, the excitable churning in Rachel's stomach only gets worse.
"You're vegan, right?" Cassie asks her, and Rachel regards her in surprise.
"How do you even know that?" she demands, but Cassie just winks at her.
"I have my sources," she drawls, with a mischievous smile, "And I know just the place."
Rachel forces herself not to start hyperventilating when Cassie's hand settles against her lower back, and she tries not to trip down the steps as they make their way onto the street.
When the waitress asks them what they'd like to drink, Rachel hesitates, glancing questioningly at Cassie. She doesn't seem like the type to protest about her ordering alcohol, but Rachel doesn't have her fake ID with her, and she would die if they got thrown out of the restaurant. She's about to ask for a Diet Coke, but Cassie cuts her off with:
"We'll take a bottle of Dom Perignon, please."
Rachel glances at her menu, and her eyes widen when she sees the price of the champagne in question.
"Cassie - "
"Hey - your parents pay my rent, remember?" Cassie reminds her, before she can even voice her protests.
"But isn't this a little pre-emptive? I mean, I haven't even got the part yet," Rachel reminds her, "And I don't want to jinx it."
"I didn't have you pegged for the superstitious type, Schw... Rachel," Cassie hastily amends, with a self-deprecating smile, "And trust me, those producers would have to be crazy not to hire you after today."
Rachel's rendered speechless for a moment, and she can't help but bask in Cassie's heartfelt praise, even though it's going to take some getting used to.
"Well... thank you," she finally concedes, and Cassie levels her with a warm grin.
"You're welcome," she practically purrs, and Rachel's mouth goes dry.
Rachel talks a lot when she's nervous, and the two glasses of champagne make her verbal diarrhoea even worse, but Cassie looks more entertained than exasperated, and at least they're managing to keep the conversation flowing. It's kind of effortless, actually, and they have a lot more in common than Rachel ever imagined. She finds herself opening up more and more as the evening progresses, and Cassie laughs at her anecdotes and shares some of her own. Rachel isn't sure if the heady buzz she's feeling is alcohol-induced, or the result of something else entirely, but it's nice, to feel like she's floating on thin air instead of skating on thin ice.
Cassie doesn't even have to try to be charming, and even though she's largely oblivious to the attention she's attracting, Rachel isn't. She's fully aware that she's sitting opposite the most beautiful woman in the room. In fact, Cassie's probably the most beautiful woman in the entire city, and Rachel has no idea how they got to this point, or exactly what she did to earn Cassie's respect, but she hopes she never does anything to jeopardise it.
She's beyond grateful that Cassie's fully-clothed right now, though, because the movement of her lips as she daintily chews her food – even the way her long, graceful fingers curl around the cutlery – is already enough of a distraction. Couple that with the way Cassie keeps glancing at her and breaking into an easy smile, and Rachel's starting to feel that kind of transcendental happiness – the type that's so rare, it feels like someone's inevitably going to come along and snatch it away from her. She tries not to get too tactile, even though the alcohol's wreaking havoc with her self-restraint, but she can't resist touching Cassie's arm to punctuate her point every once in a while, and she lets their legs brush under the table so often, it probably stopped seeming like an accident an hour ago.
Cassie asks her if she wants dessert, and Rachel shoots her a look that says, "well, duh," but then she feels bad, because Cassie doesn't order anything and she's sitting there with a giant slab of vegan chocolate cake.
"You have to indulge every once in a while," she coaxes, and she's fully aware that she's flirting shamelessly as she spoons up some of her cake and waves it under Cassie's nose. "Just try some. It's amazing."
Cassie rolls her eyes, before obligingly leaning forward and licking Rachel's spoon clean. The little hum of satisfaction she makes leaves Rachel feeling hot all over, but she smirks triumphantly.
"Told you," she teases, and the fact that the spoon she's about to use was just inside Cassie's mouth seems way more erotic than it should. "We can share, if you want?"
"No, I'm good, thanks," Cassie says, in a tone that suggests she knows exactly what Rachel's thinking, but Rachel's officially too drunk to care.
When her cell phone starts ringing, she fumbles around in her purse, expecting to see Kurt or Santana's name lighting up the display (she already spoke to her Dads in the bathroom), but when she sees who's calling, it's the quickest she's ever sobered up in her life.
"Oh my God," she says quietly, and Cassie regards her with concern. "I think... I think this might be one of the producers. But it can't be, right? It's too soon."
"Well, why don't you answer it and find out?" Cassie urges, but Rachel's paralysed with fear, because this is the moment she's either going to gain - or lose - everything, and right now, the latter seems far more likely.
"Rachel," Cassie says sharply, but the hand that covers her own is soft and reassuring. "Pick up the damn phone."
"H...hello," Rachel stutters, and she squeezes her eyes shut. She can barely hear the person on the other end of the line, because her heartbeat is clamouring so loudly in her ears, and the only thing keeping her from losing it completely is the motion of Cassie's thumb stroking over her knuckles.
"OK. OK, thank you. Thank you so much," she manages to choke out, and when she hangs up the phone, she sits there in stunned silence for a moment. Then the wave of emotion is just too hard to contain, and she bursts into tears.
"Those are happy tears, right?" Cassie demands, and she's by her side in an instant, kneeling down in front of her and clutching her knee. "Rachel?"
Rachel nods vigorously. Her hand flies to her mouth, and suddenly she's laughing and crying at the same time.
"Oh my God, you did it!" Cassie exclaims, and she lets out a jubilant whoop that sends everyone's cutlery clattering to their plates. She pulls Rachel to her feet, kind of hugging and shaking her at the same time, "You're Fanny Fucking Brice."
Rachel's whole body is trembling, and she giggles hysterically into Cassie's shoulder when Cassie spins her around the cramped space, lifting her clean off the floor. They nearly collide with the dessert tray, and now everyone in the restaurant is staring at them, because Rachel's squealing with joy and Cassie's pounding the table triumphantly, and it isn't any real surprise when a waiter approaches them and asks them to leave because they're causing a disturbance. Cassie looks like she's about to punch him, so Rachel reaches for her arm, shaking her head.
"Let's go," she urges, because she really can't afford the bad publicity right now, and Cassie glances at her, before nodding her agreement. She hands the waiter a wad of bills and tells him to keep the change, and then they tumble into the cool evening air.
"I can't believe this," Rachel murmurs, and she's still laughing uncontrollably. "This whole week feels like a dream."
"Well, you obviously impressed the hell out of them," Cassie informs her with a bitter-sweet smile, "Because they usually make you sweat it out for days."
Rachel realises, then, that Cassie's speaking from experience, and she feels terrible, because she's still bouncing around like Tigger after landing the role of a lifetime, and Cassie's career was over before it really began.
"Cassie, I'm so sorry," she hastens to apologise, because she didn't mean to rub salt into a raw wound.
Cassie just looks at her like she's lost her mind. "For what?"
"Because you never got the opportunity to show the world what you could do; even though you're the most talented person I've ever met," Rachel laments, reaching for her hand.
"Look, I had my chance, and I screwed it up," Cassie informs her bluntly. "That's my cross to bear, but it doesn't mean I can't be happy for someone else when their hard work pays off." Her gaze noticeably softens. "Especially if that someone is you."
Rachel's heart hasn't been full to the point of bursting for a long time, but after everything that's happened this week, it feels like it's going to explode, and she has to stop herself from launching herself at Cassie then and there.
"You know I'll have to take a leave of absence from NYADA, right?" Rachel informs her intently, "And if everything goes well, there's no guarantee that I'll be coming back. So I guess... I guess that means you're not my teacher anymore," she pointedly concludes, but she doesn't sound very cut up about it.
"What exactly are you trying to say, Schwimmer?" Cassie asks her, and Rachel gets tunnel vision when she starts moving closer. Maybe it's the alcohol, or maybe it's the fact that she feels like she might never come down from this high, but either way, verbalising her response suddenly seems much less appealing than demonstrating it.
And then, for once, Rachel takes the lead and catches Cassie off guard. She closes the distance between them, cupping Cassie's face in her hands, but then she hesitates for a fraction of a second, giving her the opportunity to pull away in case she's completely misread the signals... even though the signals Cassie's been sending her haven't exactly been discreet. Rachel's never been very good at reading the subtleties of people's body language, but she's pretty sure someone spreading their legs right in front of you and smirking suggestively constitutes foreplay. Still, there's a part of her that still can't believe this is actually happening, because this is Cassandra July, the most formidable woman she's ever met... only she doesn't seem all that intimidating anymore.
When Cassie meets her covetous gaze, there's a tenderness amidst the desire that Rachel really wasn't expecting. She leans forwards, doing what she's been longing to do for the past eight months, and Cassie's lips melt into hers without any reservations, like she's been waiting a lifetime for this moment, too. She's every bit as good at kissing as Rachel imagined. In fact, she's even better, and when Cassie's tongue slides into her mouth, Rachel has no idea how she's going to make it through the subway ride home without jumping her, because it should be illegal for someone to get her this worked up, this quickly.
They barely relinquish eye contact during the journey back to Cassie's loft, and every time the train grinds to a standstill, Cassie makes a point of leaning into her. She's so close, Rachel can feel Cassie's breath against her cheek and see how dilated her pupils are, and when Cassie's hand skims over her hip, she nearly loses it completely. As soon as a seat becomes available, she sinks onto it, because her knees feel like they're about to buckle. She crosses her legs together, acutely aware of the dampness between her thighs, and Cassie smirks at her from across the carriage, like she knows exactly how torturous this is.
They barely make it through the door before Cassie pins her up against the wall, kissing her with a renewed vigour, and even though Rachel's never done anything like this before, she's so turned on right now, she's pretty sure she'll let Cassie do whatever the hell she wants to her. Like rip open her vintage blouse, for example. The buttons scatter across the floor and Rachel tries her best to look annoyed, but then Cassie's tongue starts working its magic again and her little noise of protest turns into a wanton moan.
"Do you have any idea how crazy you make me?" Cassie asks her between breathless kisses, and even though Rachel doesn't want to disrupt their rhythm, she can't help but grin.
"I think I'm starting to get the message," she retorts, fisting her hands in Cassie's hair as Cassie's hands find purchase on her ass, squeezing it possessively.
Cassie laughs, and then she sucks licentiously on Rachel's tongue, in a way that suggests she knows exactly what she's doing. Rachel's whole body is thrumming, aching for more, and she lets out a whimper of disapproval when Cassie starts to pull away.
"If you stop now, I will actually kill you," Rachel says, and she grasps Cassie's neck, deepening the kiss. Her legs instinctively spread to accommodate Cassie's thigh, and she moans when her skirt becomes bunched around her waist, because now all that's standing between them is a sliver of cotton. Cassie presses into her, rolling her hips with the practised ease of a professional dancer, and of course she manages to hit exactly the right spot. Rachel grinds against her with a little less finesse, but Cassie still growls in response.
"God, you're soaked," Cassie rasps, with a maddening smirk, and she looks far too smug about it, so Rachel boldly reaches out, cupping Cassie through the fabric of her jeans. Cassie throws her head back and grunts her approval, and Rachel rejoices in the damp heat that's warming her hand. She catches Cassie's eye, and smirks right back at her.
"So are you," she observes, and Cassie's eyes get even darker.
Cassie stops doing unholy things to Rachel's mouth and turns her attention to her neck instead. Her kisses are gentle at first, just a teasing graze of lips against skin, but then she sucks aggressively on Rachel's pulse point, and Rachel can barely manage to stay upright when she feels the answering throbbing between her thighs. She reaches out, hastily yanking off Cassie's sweater, until they're both clad in just their bras. She squeezes her eyes shut when she feels the warmth of Cassie's bare skin seeping into her, but she can't bear to keep them closed for long, because she wants to watch Cassie ravish her, she wants to remember every little detail. She traces her fingers over Cassie's awe-inspiring abs, watching her muscles flutter and contract in response, and then her bra's being deftly unfastened and Cassie's latching onto her breasts; sucking and licking and flicking at her nipples until Rachel starts to see stars.
"Now I know why that girl was so intent on you going topless for her film," Cassie mumbles against her chest, "She was obviously hoping for a box-office hit."
Rachel bursts out laughing.
"What?" Cassie asks her, unrepentantly. "You have an awesome pair of tits, Schwimmer."
"Oh, so that's why you wanted an advanced preview?" Rachel teases, and Cassie's shoulders start shaking with mirth.
"You may have occasionally crossed my mind while I was getting my rocks off," she admits, and Rachel blushes a little at that, because the thought of Cassie touching herself while she's thinking about her is just... enough to make her brain short circuit.
Cassie's peppering her stomach with kisses now, moving progressively lower, and Rachel clutches feebly at her shoulders.
"Oh, God," she gasps, because her legs are shaking so much they're literally incapable of supporting her, "Cassie, I can't - "
But she doesn't even have to finish the sentence, because Cassie scoops her up and effortlessly carries her over to the plush leather couch, like they're newly-weds coming back from their honeymoon. Cassie deposits her gently onto the cushions, and Rachel casts a fleeting glance around her living room, eager to get more of an insight into Cassie's life from the stylish décor. But then Cassie crawls on top of her, and her body weight is pressing against her in all the right places, and suddenly Rachel couldn't care less about her surroundings.
Rachel fumbles with Cassie's bra, sliding it over her shoulders, and her eyes widen appreciatively when she gets her first glimpse of Cassie's pert breasts. She tentatively toys with her nipples, and Cassie's eyelids flutter shut as she licks her lips and then presses them tightly together. Rachel watches the emotions play across Cassie's face as she continues her exploration, and the guttural moans coming from Cassie's mouth leave her underwear positively sodden.
Then Cassie closes the distance between them, drawing her into another heated kiss, and they're pressed so tightly together, it feels like nothing could come between them. Rachel drags her fingernails bluntly over Cassie's back, eliciting a shiver, and they undulate against each other until Rachel's on the verge of coming apart. Their skin is slick with sweat, and the friction is delectable, and when Cassie's nipples collide with her own, Rachel can't take it anymore.
She sucks in a ragged gasp as the waves of pleasure wash over her, and Cassie's breathing is starting to sound every bit as laboured as her own. Rachel reaches for the buttons of Cassie's jeans, desperate to remove the final barrier between them, but Cassie gently grasps her hand, briefly twining their fingers together.
"Oh no, you don't." Cassie teases her, "I haven't finished with you yet."
Then Cassie removes her skirt inch by inch, and then peels off her underwear painstakingly slowly, and Rachel groans with frustration.
"Please stop torturing me," she beseeches, and she doesn't even care that she's begging. Cassie hesitates, regarding her searchingly, and Rachel meets her gaze, whimpering when she sees the heat behind it.
"Cassie, please," she pleads, "I need... I need you."
The expression on Cassie's face elicits an entirely different kind of ache inside of her, because she looks like she'll never tire of hearing those words.
"You've got me," Cassie says softly, and then she sinks to her knees by the side of the sofa, settling between Rachel's legs. Rachel's stomach coils with anticipation, because no-one's ever done this to her before – she made Finn wait a year before she even let him touch her breasts, and they never really progressed beyond the missionary position – but now she's about to let Cassie do something so intimate to her, and she's so aroused, she doesn't even feel self-conscious about it.
Her hips nearly buck off the sofa when Cassie licks a molten pathway over her inner thighs, and then she's writhing and panting and chanting Cassie's name, because she never thought anything could feel this good. She tries to savour it for as long as possible, but when Cassie's fingers curl inside of her, matching the rhythm of her tongue, she can't draw it out for any longer. She opens her eyes, sees Cassie's head buried between her legs, and comes apart with a stuttering gasp. It's the most powerful orgasm she's ever had, and when she eventually manages to collect herself, she realises Cassie's looking at her like she can't bear to tear her eyes away. She sees the wonderment mixed with the desire, feels the love behind Cassie's soothing caresses, and she launches herself at her teacher with the kind of determination she usually only reserves for dance class.
Seconds later, Cassie's stripped down to her underwear, and Rachel sets out to prove - once and for all - that enthusiasm is every bit as valuable as experience. Cassie's the consummate teacher, as always, and Rachel's still intent on being the best she's ever seen... or had, as the case may be, and judging from the increasingly explicit profanities coming out of Cassie's mouth, she's succeeding.
Hearing Cassie sob against her shoulder as she comes apart in her arms should give her some sense of satisfaction; feeling tears pool in her clavicle as Cassie clings to afterwards should give her a taste of victory, but it doesn't. It just makes her want to hold Cassie and never let go.
Their kisses are different after that, slow and sensuous instead of desperate and insatiable, and they manage to make it to the bedroom before they start round two. Later on that night, when Cassie curls into her side and sighs contentedly, Rachel realises this isn't just a one-time thing. This is something special, something worth fighting for, and she was right all along - New York really is the city of her dreams.