You know... when I look back, back to those dark days when I constantly stole to get by everyday, back to those days when I didn't go a day without feeling ill and getting a fever over the smallest days, back to those days when I could barely get up every morning from feeling so weak... I think to myself, "How had I done it? How had I lived?" Even now, I still don't know the answer. I remember I told myself that one day, things will get better... Over, and over, and over. Every day.
But they didn't.
Nothing got better.
Until... Until that one day... Those few moments I sang for the first time... All for a lost little boy I didn't know. And in just that minute of my life, everything changed.
Shining Saotome had heard me sing, and my life completely turned around.
It was in that small moment of my life that now I don't go countless nights hungry, wake up every other morning with high fevers, or pass out in parks and wake up not remembering how I got there in the first place. It was all because of this one little boy that I decided to sing too, that I'm healthier than I've ever been, that I actually live in a home where there's actually food in the fridge every day, lights on in almost every room, and hot water that I could soak in for as long as I wanted.
It was all because of that one moment that... I had a chance to fall in love.
Yes, I know. It sounds crazy. Me, the "red-eyed-she-devil", the ultimate trouble maker, the notorious red-eyed girl who held her middle finger to society and all of its laws. Me, Reinforce Yukimura, in love.
I bet you're wondering, "No way!" Or, "Is he human?!"
Yeah, I wouldn't blame you. I never thought it would happen either. But somehow it did. It makes me wonder, out of all the terrible things I did growing up, had I actually did something right to deserve this? All that comes to mind is singing to that lost little boy. That's all good I ever did. I mean... I saved a kitten once, but that's it. And I barely even remember it. I had a fever at the time and some boys were beating the poor thing. Funny thing is, I still kicked their asses into next Tuesday, and I couldn't even see straight that day. I miss that poor kitten... too bad it died of its injuries... and people say I'M a horrible person?
Hah, maybe I should ask Ai for a kitten. Think he'd say yes?
Oh Ai... I'm so in love with him it's ridiculous. You know, if you were wondering if he was human to love someone like me... congratulations. Go get yourself a gold star. You were right. He isn't human. Not a human, but a robot. A beautiful, once emotionless but now full of personality, robot.
It's funny, me and him are nothing alike. At first he was emotionless. So I guess it's good that I was there and decided to teach him, me being a huge ball of personality. Ai first asked me to teach him what love was after I was made his partner, and of course I agreed. And things slowly escalated from there. As he learned to feel, he fell in love with me. Me of all people!
And... I fell in love with him.
Let me tell you a few things about Ai.
He's a perfectionist. A HUGE perfectionist, and not to mention strict. If I do anything wrong, he always corrects me and tells me exactly how to do it. Compared to how I used to live, not caring how I did things or what people thought of me, I'm surprised I got used to it like I have.
Before I met him, my schedule went like this: Sleep, steal, sleep, sleep again, steal some more, maybe if I was lucky, eat, and sleep.
Now my schedule is: Wake up at fucking five in the morning (It's gotten to the damn point where I wake up before Ai even wakes me up, oh my God.), spend the day with Ai, work on songs here and there, and go to bed at nine at night.
On the bright side of waking up early, he makes me coffee. It's his way of being sweet because he only makes coffee for me and me only.
And damn does he make good coffee...
Seriously though, Ai can be freakishly adorable and sweet. He loves marine jelly, and now that I'm not poor as hell, I go and get it for him now and then. Every time I get it for him, he gives me a sweet smile, kisses my cheek and says, "Thank you".
Guess what? Last year on his birthday, I actually afforded to get him a present! (In case you haven't figured it out, I was so poor I could barely afford instant ramen, not that ever bought any anyway, it wasn't like I could cook it with the electricity shut off in my house, so getting him a silver bangle with his birth gem on it was a huge accomplishment for me.) He loved his present. He still wears it, and I never ever take off the white scarf he gave me for Christmas.
On his birthday, we had a surprise birthday party, and at first, he didn't even know what we were celebrating. After we told him, and showed him his marine jelly 'cake', (It wasn't cake at all. We didn't know what to call it and we literally just stuck candles in it and called it a cake.), he was really happy but because he never celebrated his birthday before, he didn't know what to do. It was adorable. Not that I'm any better off. I only recently started celebrating my birthday again after I met Ai and the rest of the group, like Otoya and Reiji.
I bet you're wondering where we went for our first date. We went to an amusement park. It was an exciting time for the both of us because neither of us had ever been to one.
We went on a lot of things, including the roller coasters. Ai seemed to enjoy them, but out of all the rides, I think I liked the ferris wheel the best. I didn't say I wanted to go on the ferris wheel, but apparently I had been staring at it, so before the park closed we ended up going on it, and were the only ones on it.
Of course with our luck, the park closed, and as we reached the top, they forgot about us and shut off the ferris wheel and we ended up stuck up there all night.
It was nice though, but at the same time, it was the middle of winter, so of course it didn't take me long to feel like I was about to freeze to death. Ai panicked when he noticed how cold I was and hugged me to keep me warm.
Have you ever noticed how boys always seem warmer than girls?
Yeah, well, at that moment, I decided to claim Ai as my personal fucking furnace 'cause damn was he fucking warm! In just a few minutes, I warmed back up to normal temperature, but I also noticed he just kept getting hotter... His breathing started getting fast too, like he was hyperventilating, so naturally I started to get worried.
He told me he was trying to understand what he was feeling, and that maybe he was trying to hard and it was giving him a headache. It didn't make much sense to me, and after I asked him if he was alright and stroked his cheek to comfort him, he told me he was a robot.
Lets get a few things straight. I'm stupid, but not that stupid. I know when someone is lying, and he definitely wasn't lying. And at that point, I knew I was already falling for him and him being a robot wasn't going to change that. If anything, I just kept liking him more and more, especially when he asked me not to be scared of him and hugged me again. I still wonder, "What blind dumbass would be scared of someone like him?" I'm the one he should be scared of if anything...
That night, he stayed with me the whole time and I fell asleep in his embrace. Never before had I had such a comfortable sleep.
Our second date consisted of the two of us going to an aquarium. That was really fun too, especially since neither of us had been to one before. The only thing that was different was that we were here for a legit reason. Ai was going to play in a 'The Little Mermaid' movie. I had only just learned about the story of 'The Little Mermaid' when he explained to me the story and his role in the movie. He was going to play the lead role, as the mermaid prince who fell in love with the human girl. Apparently this movie was going to be based on the original on how the mermaid died in the end, unlike the newer version. I don't know. I heard that the movie is gender switched too, but I'm not entirely sure what that means so moving on. (Tip for whoever reads this: I don't do big words. Fuck them. I'm going on a very small school education here. That's why I have Ai.)
Ai wanted to come to the aquarium to study up on the ocean, and learn for himself why the mermaid prince would want to leave the ocean for a human girl.
Lets just say the trip was funner than the both of us thought it would be. We saw so many animals, and Ai loved the penguins. When he saw them, he said to me, "Oh look, they're swimming. Or are they jumping inside the water?" And then he turned to me for the answer. "Which is it?" His question made me forever confused about penguins.
Nevertheless, Ai enjoyed himself. He dragged me around to all the different animals like an excited little kid. It made me happy to see him happy.
The best part about the whole thing is when we came to the glass tunnel with all the fishes swimming around it. Ai was awestruck... and I spent the first twenty minutes pressed up against the glass trying to figure out what the fuck a certain fish was that looked like it was attached to the glass of the tunnel. It was like a shark with a saw for a nose. It looked like a god damn alien.
After I finally gave up on the weird ass fish, Ai told me that the mermaid prince must have loved the girl a lot to leave such a beautiful place and that it must have hurt to leave his home.
He told me: "I think I'm starting to understand what these feelings are and what it feels to like someone. It's not just happiness that makes the feeling of love. There's also sadness and pain. Once you add up all these feelings, it makes up the shape of a heart."
I'll never forget it.
He asked me if I had these feelings in me too, and I realized I was really in love with him at that moment. I just wish that I owned a phone then and a family so I could call everyone and rub it in their faces. Yeah, that would have been nice.
There was another time too, when Natsuki invited us to go pray at some temple. I almost declined, and then I heard Ai was going too. So broke out the nice kimono that my mother left behind. I don't know how she could forget something like that, but she did, so I wore it there. I felt pretty accomplished of the stares I got from Natsuki, Syou, and especially Ai. He even blushed and told me I looked pretty. (I'll only say this once and probably wash out my mouth after, but thank you mom!)
That was pretty fun too. Natsuki and Syou were apparently praying wrong, and Ai made them do it correctly, saying: "You have to clap once, bow twice in a perfect ninety degree angle, and clap twice again." I'd expect nothing less from my adorable perfectionist robot.
After that, we did this weird luck thing where we'd pull a piece of paper out of a box and see what sort of luck we got. Surprisingly, I got 'best luck', Natsuki got 'fair luck', Syou got 'good luck', and Ai got... 'worst luck'. He wasn't too happy about that.
I did try to comfort him. (Take that, people who doubt my girlfriend skills!) I told him you'd have to be pretty lucky to get 'worst luck' since it's a very rare paper. No one ever gets those.
Yeah, apparently that didn't work out well and he tried again and got 'worst luck'. So he tried again, and again, and again, and again... The poor boy just kept getting 'worst luck'. By then, people had started to gather around, and when he finally got 'fair luck', everyone around us cheered, including me of course.
After that, we took a break and had amesake. At the time, we still hadn't figured out the lyrics of the song I had made him and he told me he wanted to sing a love song. I was kinda surprised, but then he told me he wanted to learn more about love and suddenly I wasn't so surprised anymore. So I just laughed and told him to leave it to me.
After these course of events, me and Ai started getting close. And I mean really close. After he found out I didn't have a phone, (I had to lie and say I broke mine and haven't gotten a new one yet.) he bought me one and to this day we still text each other constantly when we're away from each other.
But of course then I didn't live like I do now... Things were still secretly dark for me. And I kept it all from him, and I still feel terrible for hiding it from him as long as I had.
I still stole, but since I spent a lot of time at Ai's house, I didn't steal as much as I did. But it didn't matter because I still had to do it. One of those days my health took a turn for the worse... I broke out in a bad fever and didn't tell him. I happened to be texting him, and as I got up from my couch, my head started to spin and I fainted from the fever. When I woke up, I was in my bed and... Ai was at my side.
I've fought against gangs, police, people armed with guns and knives and I had never been so scared than when I saw Ai at that moment then any of those times.
But at the same time I felt stupid. I forgot that I told him where I lived. I just didn't think he'd actually stop by... He told me he got worried when I didn't reply to his texts, so he came and found me on the floor with a fever.
And I spilled everything to him.
How my parents left and never came back when I was eight, my life style, how I've been stealing all this time, my health, the real reason I didn't have a phone... Everything.
All it took was one tear, the first tear I shed in years and then I was in Ai's arms. He hugged me tightly and didn't say a word. Funny, after all the bullshit that had happened in my life, all it took was one embrace from Ai to realize how utterly lonely I had been.
And then I sobbed, something I hadn't done since my parents left, and then I felt light... Very light.
Ai nursed me back to health after that, even though I didn't feel so sick anymore. He took me home and called it, the "Nursing Project". I felt like it was the first time I truly laughed.
Ai even made me udon noodles, and if you know me at all, if you give me food, you are automatically my best friend. I got so happy that I tackled him in a hug. He was just overall really sweet that day. While he was making the udon noodles, he was humming the song I made him and it just made me feel warm inside and even happier that he truly liked the song.
He didn't let me go back home even after I was better. Anytime I'd so much as mention going back home, he'd grab my wrist and pull me into his lap. His silent way of telling me no. So I didn't go home. And I never did again.
He got me my own wardrobe, full of new clothes and all the food he knew I liked... I was so happy I think I actually cried again because he was suddenly kissing my cheeks, forehead, lips...
I owe him everything. He gave me a home. A home with him. I had never been so happy before, and it was because of him.
In case you're wondering, we already had our first kiss. The first time was a total accident. It was actually kinda funny. I was at his house and I had a tiny dizzy spell. I tripped on my own feet, (Dumb bitch move, I know.) and I fell on top of him and well... we accidentally kissed. He didn't care, he just took it as practice for his movie, and I lost my fucks for just about everything a long, long time ago so I could care less about it. It was one if those, "Whoops! My bad!", moments. The funny part was what came after.
Reiji stopped by, saying he forgot something. (Apparently he was there earlier before I arrived that day.) Reiji was wondering what I was doing there so late and reminded Ai that love was forbidden. (I had nearly forgotten that rule before he brought it up again.) Needless to say, Ai got angry saying nothing happened, all we did was kiss. So I face palmed, and Reiji was like, "Oh, okay. So nothing happened. All you did was ki―WAIT, KISS?!"
I still laugh at his slow reaction, but what happened next made me even more amused. Ai told him to get lost, that he never saw us, and just to go home. Reiji was like, "Okay! I"ll do that!" He walked away, and it was never mentioned again.
Have I mentioned that I love Ai?
The second time we kissed, Ai took us to the amusement park again and towards the end, we went on the ferris wheel. Ai held my hand, and told me he finally figured out what his emotions were. He told me more words I'd never forget: "You know... I finally understand the feeling of liking someone, of loving someone. It's not only just being together happily, but sometimes it has to be sad, painful, hard, but... just thinking of it, makes someone's chest warm and it turns into strength. Feeling that makes a person a bit prideful." He looked at me after those words.
"I love you, Rein. This feeling I finally understand is my treasure." Of course I told him I loved him, just how much he meant to me and how much I treasured those feelings. He hugged me and then asked for a request. He wanted to kiss me.
I'd give you permission to slap me if I said no, and I didn't so all is good.
It wasn't a deep, passionate first kiss. Nah, it was really fucking awkward. He asked me to close my eyes, so I did and when he leaned in to kiss me, our noses bumped. He didn't know what to do, so I only giggled (Can you imagine it? Me... GIGGLING? The things this boy does to me, I swear!) and told him to tilt his head. After that, he understood and kissed me. It was soft, light and awkward, but I don't think I would have had it any other way.
Our relationship wasn't all sunshine and roses then. Maybe now, but not then. When we weren't having fun, taking walks, going to the movies, or even shopping for God's sake, we were working on his song together. When the song was complete, he was really excited. He tried to get things done at the studio where they were filming so quickly so he could come home and hear the song that he nearly overheated because he was just that tired. But he wanted to hear the song despite my offer to listen to it the next day, so I played it for him. He loved it so much and told me that the song was like snow. Beautiful and pure. Makes me think why he wasn't created to be a poet.
Things took a turn for the worse when we took a trip to the beach. It was fun for the first while, with us just relaxing and playing in the water. Then Ai suddenly wanted to sing the completed song I made for him, and the fun turned into worry and downright horror.
When he tried to sing the song, something happened. Something that made me terrified for him. His voice suddenly changed and he sounded like a different person. He begged me to stop playing the song and why I would make him feel these things again and... that he was scared. I desperately called out his name, and he snapped out of it, but didn't remember what had happened to him.
Ai took me with him to get a check up, and that was the first time I met the professor, Ai's creator. He seemed... okay enough, if you minus the fact he looked creepy as hell. But if Ai trusted him, I decided I would too. Anyway, the professor found nothing wrong. Zip. Nada. Which I found complete and total bull.
For the first while of testing, the professor had me leave the room and when I was finally allowed back in, Ai was asleep, (Apparently he gave Ai something to put him into a deep sleep.) and as he continued to run tests that I could be in the room for, the professor talked to me. He asked me if I knew who someone named Aine was. I told him I didn't have any idea what he was talking about and asked just what in the hell that had to do with Ai.
He told me something that makes me angry just thinking about it. Aine was someone who used to be an idol, but started getting really stressed about work until he couldn't take it anymore and tried to commit suicide by drowning himself at sea. But, the professor saved him and has been in a coma ever since. So to bring him back, he created Ai and connected Ai's mind to Aine's mind. In hopes that by allowing Ai to see the world and learn positive feelings, those feelings would reach Aine's mind and make him want to wake up.
So basically... Ai was just created to make Aine wake up...
I was furious at the professor then. How dare they! They made him for only that reason and now Ai is suffering, and they didn't even care. They're just fixing him for Aine's sake? Did they even care about Ai's feelings?!
As angry as I was and no matter how much I wanted to kick the professor's ass, there was still one more thing that didn't make sense to me. So I pushed back my anger and asked him what I desperately wanted to know.
Why couldn't Ai sing the song I made for him?
The professor told me a lot of really confusing things that involved a lot of big words. God I hate big words...
Thankfully he managed to simplify it enough that even someone like me, who has little to no education, could understand.
The professor told me that he guessed it was because of Aine. Because Ai was trying to learn the feeling of love too fast, and that the feeling of love was too complicated, Aine started to get scared and disturbed his mind. Every time he tried to sing, and felt the emotions he did, Aine would interrupt him which caused Ai to pass out from an error in his system. I suggested just to cut off the link and let Ai live his own life, with his own feelings. To hell with Aine! He could wake up on his own damn time by his own choice, but the professor said no.
He said if he cut the connection, Ai's system would be damaged and might crash. At first, I didn't know what that meant, until the professor put it bluntly that it means Ai would die.
I remember that for a moment, I felt like I couldn't breathe when he said those words to me. He didn't even give me a chance to stutter out any words, and continued.
He told me that if I wished not to let him suffer, then it was best to stay away from him.
My mind went blank when I heard that.
Stay away from him...?
Before even I thought about it, my fist collided with his cheek and he was sent flying back into the floor. I remember how my knuckles stung for a moment from the impact, but at the time, I didn't care.
"STAY AWAY FROM HIM?" I remember roaring, my body hot with anger. At the back of my mind, I remembered Ai was sleeping, and I lowered my voice to a menacing hiss as I spoke my next words. It's funny how clearly I remember these scenes of events.
"How. Fucking. Dare you. Do you know how much that would hurt him to stay away from me? Are you stupid?! That'll only make things worse! What kind of a professor are you, not to think of that?" I don't even remember what I said after that. I faintly remember kissing Ai's forehead before storming out, slamming the door behind me thinking about how insanely angry I was at both the professor, and Aine for making my love suffer.
I went back to the studio after that after deciding to touch up on Ai's song, but that didn't go over well. I couldn't stop thinking about Ai, and how utterly helpless I felt. It was the first time I'd ever felt such a thing and I hated it. At the same time, I almost felt bad for blowing up on the professor, after all, he was the only one who could help Ai. All I could do is hope and pray for the best.
I still don't remember how I had fallen asleep, but I definitely remember clear as day waking up to Ai putting a blanket over me.
Apparently I had given a sad look, because Ai gave me such a sad expression that my heart hurts just remembering his face. I guess I made it obvious that I knew about his condition, because he asked me if I knew anything.
I did not want to tell him at all. In fact, if it were anyone other than Ai, I probably would have told him a bullshit story instead. But as scared as I was that he'd so something reckless... I didn't want to lie to him again. And I knew he was just as scared as I was. I could see it in his eyes, his voice, his words...
"It might be better for me not to know, but... I'm scared. I'm scared that I might not be able to sing again. These feelings of mine are supposed to be mine alone and yet when I try to have these feelings, something unknown interrupts. Am I not allowed to have a heart?" It felt like my heart suddenly stopped beating and tears sprang to my eyes as he said those words. "Rein, please answer me. The me who can't sing is not me anymore..."
Tears slipped down Ai's cheeks and suddenly just seeing him cry made tears slip down mine too. All I could do was hold him as we both cried.
I ended up telling him everything I knew, unable to take it anymore, minus the part where I punched the professor of course. I figured he'd probably end up figuring that part in his own.
I ended up being right about him doing something reckless. By the time I noticed Ai's warmth was gone, he was already out the door. I didn't have to think about it, I was already running after him. It was no secret where he was going. But just as fast as I ran after him, I lost him. I looked everywhere for him, and when I finally found him, it was too late...
I found Ai unconscious on the floor several blocks away from his house. He had already cut he and Aine's link. In a panic, I carried him the rest of the way to the lab, and the professor said that Ai just received the electrical shock as a result of cutting the link.
I don't know how long I stood there pacing in another room, on the verge of crying as the professor ran tests on Ai. Finally, he came back saying his system was already damaged and that he only had about a month left before his system shut down and all of those tears I desperately tried to hold back fell down.
The professor said he would try to fix him by trying to find a way to save his memories, but it would be hard because he can't access Ai's system and he wouldn't be able to fix Ai by putting in the same system again, or he wouldn't have his memories.
The professor stared at me for a little while as I furiously tried to wipe away the tears dripping down my face, biting down on lip in a desperate attempt not to cry loudly in front of him. Sighing, the professor then told me he would give the two of us a little while alone and left the room.
I hadn't noticed how shaky my legs were until they gave out on me, and I fell to my knees. Taking a few shaky breaths, I told myself again and again that I had to be strong for Ai and the seemingly endless tears came to a stop. Once I was 'presentable' I went back into the room Ai was in.
He was still asleep, so I just sat at his bedside. For many hours I sat there, thinking of what I could do for him. Then I realized if I played the song, it would make him at least a little happier...
So I played it, and before I knew it, Ai woke up smiling. Now that I had a chance to talk to him, I found I was a little angry with him. Accidentally harsher than I meant it to be, I asked why he would do such a thing.
But when he looked away sadly and said he just wanted to sing the song I made him, I instantly regretted it and held his hand tightly and apologized. He squeezed my hand back and told me that he knew the consequences for cutting the link, but he didn't want that to stop him from singing my song.
He told me that when he tried to cut the link, he met Aine. Aine told him that he's scared of those feelings but Ai said that he wanted those feelings and couldn't get enough of it. I smiled at this. Ai then told Aine that he says it's better to take care of those feelings. Ai promised Aine to let him listen to the song because Ai believed that it might change him a bit.
Ai kissed my hand as he continued to say things that had made me tear up again. He told me that even if he's born a robot without his free will, he finally found a dream and that dream was to sing my song. But to do that, he needed a free mind and now he was finally free... He smiled at me and said he was finally able to feel anything, to think anything. He said he could finally live as himself.
Holding back my tears, I shakily nodded and forced a small laugh, finally realizing there really was nothing I could do now. Nothing except make him happy.
A few days later, I joined Ai and Reiji in shooting one of the last scenes of the movie. I went to go buy them both something to eat, and I bumped into the professor. He apologized for the huge ruckus and for not thinking about Ai's feelings, and in return, I decided to forgive him and apologize for punching him.
After the movie shoot, I walked with Ai back home and since I was so concerned about him pushing himself, I decided that we should rest on a park bench for awhile.
For the first while, we just sat in comfortable silence, and my eyes were stuck on the stars. I never really did notice how pretty they were until then. But then Ai took my hand and started to speak, so I looked away from the sky and to Ai.
He said more words that I would probably never forget.
He told me: "Um... I don't want you to be sad over me. There's a lot happening, but I'm happy right now. And seeing you sad hurts me. It might be hard, but... will you stay smiling for me?"
When he said it like that, no matter how much I wanted to cry, I wanted to fulfill his request and managed a smile. But that only got harder as he said more.
"The truth is, it's also painful for me to leave you but I'll try not to make it sad. I also want you to remember my smile." He held out his pinky to me. "Pinky promise, you do it when you make a promise, right?"
I didn't even know the answer to that question. I had never really made a promise to someone before, but I nodded anyway, finding my smile was getting harder to force and my tears harder to keep away.
Not totally sure what to do, I awkwardly wrapped my pinky around his. He sang a little song that apparently you sing when you make a pinky promise, making me laugh a little. I still don't think he realizes how cute he was being.
After the song, Ai told me he wanted to see my smile a lot and fill the rest of his memory with my smiles.
Suddenly I felt like crying again.
So we spent the last few days together with me trying to push the thought of our parting far in my mind. I don't know if I could handle it if I thought about it all the time.
Honestly, to think, me, the "great" Reinforce Yukimura would be pushed down to such a sorry state. Never had I cried so much in my life as compared to these past two years. But I just couldn't help myself anymore.
On the last day of shooting, it was overall really freaking depressing. I just wanted to go crawl in a hole and die. In the last scene, the prince is praying for the happiness of the heroine who had grown into an adult with her lover. But an accident happened which caused her to lose her eyesight, so she couldn't see the voiceless prince anymore. This is where Ai sings a song and disappears with the waves.
While I was still trying to comprehend what just freaking happened, Reiji came over to me and told me Ai has matured. All I could think was, 'Ai wasn't mature in the first place?'
After that, the movie shooting finished.
Days later, Ai called me to the recording studio. He said there was something he wanted to record, and then he started recording. Like everything sweet he says, I remember his exact words.
"Good afternoon. I'm Ai Mikaze. I think I am able to sing the song the person I love had composed today. Please listen." To announce that on the radio made me surprised, but at the same time it made me happy too.
And so he sang the song I made for him, in which we decided to call 'Winter Blossom'.
I was left completely and utterly speechless when the song was finished. He sang it so perfectly and I felt like it touched everyone in the recording studio who listened, including myself. Ai was happy that he finally sang it too, which made me even happier.
When the recording finished, Ai said that special version of the song was a present for me and that the song was now complete.
No matter how much I hoped and prayed the day wouldn't come, or at least come slower, the Kayousai came. The day Ai would sing Winter Blossom on stage in front of an audience. The day he was due to shut down.
Syo and Natsuki came to visit Ai and me in his dressing room. They already knew about Ai's system. I figured they may as well have known so I explained to them everything sometime during the month.
They had watched Ai rehearse and Natsuki told him the song was beautifully made as Syou gave me a weird look as I furiously stuffed my face with chocolate chip cookies and chocolate in the corner. What? I had to have something to distract me so I wouldn't break down crying. Especially as Ai spoke to Natsuki.
"No, that was only okay." He told Natsuki and I remember I paused my chewing to listen. "I'm going one hundred percent on the real thing. I'm going to show the pureness and the pain and other different feelings in this song during the performance." He said, and I began wolfing down more food as tears sprang to my eyes again.
Though it was faint, I could hear Syou mumble that Ai really was human. 'Damn right he is!' Was all I could think. Ai is more human than some, no, most people I know.
But Ai then said that he'll never be completely human.
This time tears spilled down my cheeks and whatever cheerfulness I forced up went back down again.
Ai...
I was just thankful my back was turned to them and I stuffed a few more cookies in my mouth before I wiped my tears away with my sleeve.
Standing up, I ushered Natsuki and Syou out so Ai could change into the clothes he was going to wear on stage.
Once he came out, for the umpteenth time that day, I wanted to break down and cry. He looked like an angel with his white clothes and feathering around his left shoulder. Holding them back, I took his hand and right away noticed it was abnormally hot.
Hoping I wouldn't start crying, I asked him how much time he think he had left. Ai answered me honestly that it was soon and that it hurt to even stand up.
With my tears on the verge of falling, I asked if he wanted to call the professor, but he said no. He told me he wanted to be together with me until the very last second, and I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.
Suddenly I really wanted those cookies and chocolate again...
But instead, I supported Ai and helped him backstage, where I knew we would say goodbye.
As he began to wipe away my tears, Ai apologized for making me worry at the last moment. Forcing a smile and remembering my promise to him, I shook my head and told him it was nothing.
He told me he would sing with everything he had. He then apologized for not being there to see me debut, but he said it would surely go well. Ai said he wanted to be the one to sing my song and be the one to let me debut. He said this was his first dream and that he could finally turn those dreams into reality. As he wiped away more of my rapid falling tears, he told me he would open the door for me and to do my best.
I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't even bring myself to smile. All of my strength was put into not breaking down in front of him.
My voice sounded so ridiculously broken I nearly didn't even recognize myself. I apologized for not keeping our promise as I swallowed a sob.
He smiled, shook his head and told me it was alright. He said whether I smile or cried, he still loved me.
And then I broke. Sobbing loudly, I stepped back and his my eyes with my arm, not wanting to get his clothes wet. (See! I can be considerate!) Ai only brought me closer again, gently removed my arm and kissed my forehead, cheeks, and lips, saying he loved me in between every kiss.
Just when I thought I might have been able to calm down a little as he kissed me, he told me he didn't want to disappear. But, even just a little, if he could leave a memory inside me, it was okay. He told me he would leave the proof of my existence inside me and thanked me for everything.
It only made me cry harder. I could barely speak, but I forced out a few words and thanked him back for everything he ever did for me. Without him... who knows where I'd be, what I'd be doing, or if I'd even be alive...
At that point, I was growing exhausted and I could barely cry anymore. I could feel myself growing weak and tired.
Ai spoke his last few words to me. "If I am born again, even if I am changed into something else, I will for sure, one more time... find you again." And then more tears slipped out as I whispered my last words to him.
"...I'll wait for you."
Ai smiled at me, and told me he loved me before kissing me for the last time.
And then, Ai was called onto the stage. His smile growing sad, he told me he had to go now and I had to resist the urge to cling onto him and tell him not to go.
Ai walked past me and looked at me one last time, saying his last words.
"Bye-bye, Rein."
And then he left.
I fell to my knees, and cried, and cried... until I just couldn't cry anymore.
Ai went out and sang my song. After the performance, he passed out backstage and was taken by the professor, who spread the rumor that he went overseas to study. They both disappeared from the lab and I didn't know where they went.
For the next two months, I mostly moped around but because of Ai, I was doing fine as a composer. But at the same time, I barely ate, I lost my appetite, I probably lost weight, and avoided seeing anyone. But my career was looking good... because Ai had opened the doors for me.
...I went back home. I just couldn't stand staying in Ai's home, where everything reminded me of him. I couldn't even go out into town. Ever since he sang the song onstage and on the radio, they played his song on the speakers all the time. It hurt to listen.
I eventually started to get sick again, but I didn't care anymore. I ate sometimes, just to give myself a little energy. I thought about letting myself wither away, but I decided I refused to let myself go down to such a low state and let myself die.
I was laying in my old bed, just staring at my wall when I suddenly got a call from the movie staff. The movie was finished and they wanted me to watch the product of the movie with the other staff. I decided I might as well. Even I was curious to see how it turned out... so I went.
At first, I thought it was a big mistake. As I sat in the theatre and watched it, it made me recall all of the moments I had with Ai. All the happy moments, the sad moments, painful and fun moments...
If my body wasn't so tired from fatigue, dehydration and hunger, I probably would have cried. I'm surprised my body managed to slip out one tear.
Then the movie ended... or it should have. After the credits, a beach scene suddenly appeared on-screen. The sky was clear and blue, and the ocean looked clear and white flower pedals falling from the sky made it look like snow. A guy appeared on-screen saying, "I'm right here. Where are you?" Suddenly finding strength, I ran. I had never ran anywhere so fast in my life then when I ran after Ai before he cut the link between him and Aine.
When I arrived at the beach, I heard a familiar voice singing and saw Ai singing with the waves. I screamed out his name, and ran towards him as fast as my tired legs could. He held out both arms to me and caught me as I jumped into his arms. He spun me above him before he pulled me back into his arms and whispered that he was back.
That day, I cried not tears of sadness, but complete and utter joy as I realized everything would be good again. Ai had come back to me.
Sighing, I closed the small diary and put the pencil down, shaking my sore wrist.
Okay, I did NOT mean to write that much. That was probably the most I've written in my whole life.
As I gave my sore wrist a few more shakes, a small bright glimmer caught my eye and my attention was drawn to the diamond ring on my ring finger. Smiling, I stood up, grabbing a the few pieces of paper that were stacked on the desk and stretching my arms above my head.
Together, me and Ai have already made many songs and every one of them he sang. Ai told me to take a break, and I got bored, so I decided to write partly about my life and how I met Ai, our relationship and what happened while we were together.
That was all almost two years ago now. I've been living with Ai, naturally. And everything is good. Ai is his own person now, and he can freely love me and feel whatever he damn well pleases.
I'm nineteen now and Ai is eighteen. Yeah, he's a year younger. Not like it matters anyway. I mean, we're engaged, so who cares?
He proposed to me a few months ago, not too long after he turned eighteen. He took me to the same amusement park where we went on for our first date, and where we shared our first, actually, no, second kiss, and proposed to me on the same cart we went on both times we visited the amusement park. When I think back about it, I still get giddy.
Also, thanks to Ai, i'm a lot healthier now. After Ai noticed how sick and exhausted I looked when he came back, he made damn well sure I ate three meals a day and got plenty of water, so because of him, I regained the weight I lost and once again, I'm at a healthy weight.
Grabbing the hair tie off my wrist and tying back my long black hair, I went to the living room, placed the pieces of papers containing the songs I made so far on the coffee table and sat on the couch, leaning back against it. I glanced up at the clock and narrowed my eyes at it. I never could tell time properly. I was just starting to understand telling time, something I never learned the few years I was in school before my parents ditched me, and I think it was about nine. Ai should be back from his errands soon.
Just as I thought that, my face lite up in a smile as I heard a key insert itself in the door and the doorknob turn. Quickly, I ran into one of the rooms and hid behind the door as Ai came in. I heard a shuffle of clothes, and assumed Ai took off his jacket as he always did when he got home. Then I heard him shed his shoes and walk inside.
Once I saw him pass the door, I stepped out and jumped onto his back, squealing in joy.
"Welcome home, Ai!" I laughed and Ai, probably knowing it was coming, jumped slightly and hoisted me further up his back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he carried me over to the couch, dropping me on it.
I laughed as he sat next to me, and almost instantly I curled up next to him.
He smiled and kissed my hair, putting his arms around me.
"Someone was bored," he said, knowing I only ever greeted him like I did when I was bored.
I shrugged against him, wondering if I should tell him what I wrote. "Eh, kinda."
"So I heard from the professor today." He said, curling my hair in his fingers. Raising my eyebrow, I looked up at him.
"Oh? He hasn't called in a while. What did he say? Is he doing well?" I asked.
Ai nodded. "He's doing fine. He said he's planning on making us a kid."
I nodded, smiling. "That's goo―WAIT, WHAT?!"
Silver: Damn, that was long! o.o I've been watching Uta no Prince-sama, and I freaking adore Ai. I read the translation for his route on tumblr, and I just had to make this. Took me two days, but I did it! Hope you all enjoyed!
Now if you'll excuse me, I have other fanfictions to update.
Reviews would be appreciated!
*Most of these scenes were based of Ai's route in Utapri All Star and Winter Blossom is an actual song Ai sings in his route. It's such a beautiful song, I recommend you all look it up on google and watch the link it gives you on tumblr.