Disclaimer: I do not own any parts of/rights to Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Wuthering Heights, "Star Wars," "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," "Moulin Rouge," "Colonel Wolodyjowski," Dante's Inferno, the Academy of the Holy Names, Heaven, Hell, or any other passing pop culture references made in this adventure of insanity. Heck, I don't even own myself.
If I did own any of these, I would most likely be fabulously wealthy… or publicly lynched if it was Wuthering Heights or the Academy of the Holy Names. But enough is enough. I am not attempting to push my religious preferences upon the readers (because, doubtless, they would be more confusing than this story itself,) nor am I trying to commit whatever blasphemy you believe exists. Everyone is a character. That includes Satan. Everyone else stays as true to form as possible. I must also stress one thing: I, the author, am not the narrator nor Emily the character. For the time that you are reading this, we are three separate entities. It's a rather Monty Python-esque set-up, if you will. Please r/r, flame, etc. to your heart's content.
Hell is an Emily Brontë Novel
In four different times…
In five different places…
Stuff happened.
The universe hung in the balance.
Six Catholic schoolgirls cut class.
Harry Potter decided to start his own school of witchcraft and wizardry.
Satan started to cry and, for the first time, admitted defeat.
Legolas shot an orc.
The relative importance of this last item is still being debated throughout the known universe, which is to say Earth.
But every story needs a beginning, and even though the beginning of this particular story just happens to be "Stuff happened," I suppose some elaboration is needed.
We'll start with the six Catholic schoolgirls.