He felt free.
A feeling he hasn't been able to feel ever since he got in this ship, knowing he's in the territory of his father's former opponent. Whitebeard was strong, hell, he was more than strong. He fought against him? How much power did he hold? How powerful was he?
The phoenix, Marco, offered him a ride. He has never seen a mythical Zoan before; it is to be the rarest devil fruits to ever exist. He felt special for a moment when he realized he saw a mythical Zoan, but then again he realized he's the first mate. He realized everyone on the ship has probably seen him transform before.
He examined his flames, they were somehow similar to his, but his was definitely cooler and colder than his orange and red flames.
Out of nowhere, he decided to ask him, "Why do you call him as your father?"
The phoenix answered, "Because he calls us his sons," he paused. "The world despises us for being what we are. We know it's only a word, but it makes us feel loved and worthy. It makes us think we are a big family."
Ace was left in silence and tears, he didn't know. Maybe if he knew, it would have made him happier instead of feeling threatened just because he was in his father's old enemy. Why was he worried anyway? No one in the crew knows, maybe now it's just a natural instinct for him to be worried about it.
Worried because he carries the blood of who used to be the Pirate King. He was worried because he didn't want to be the same as his father. Because if he ever had a child, he wouldn't let himself die; instead he would do anything to see his child grow up.
He already took enough from his mother, not only her last name he took; but her life too. Sometimes, he wonders, what if he wasn't born. Would his mother still be alive? Would Luffy and Sabo meet? Would his father still be alive?
Garp told him about a conversation he and his father had once. His father believed Ace was innocent, that there was no need for him to be killed just because he was the Pirate King's son. His father believed he had a future ahead of him; that he had a life to carry on. That he had a will to carry on. Garp told Ace his father already believed in him before even he was born.
But sometimes, he doubts himself; maybe even more than his instincts. Sometimes, he doubts his worth too. Was he worth for his mother's life? Was he worth it when Dadan took care of him for seventeen years? Was he worth enough to be Luffy's and Sabo's brother? Was he even worth enough to live?
Ace felt the wind against his body and heard Marco say, "You alright, yoi?"
That very moment, he thinks about what Marco has done for him. He was always there whenever he needs him; he was always there whenever he feels like he can't contain everything in his head (even though he doesn't tell Marco anything). He thought about what Marco does for him; just to make him feel comfortable and feel welcomed.
He thought about the fact that he gave Ace a ride when he hated it when someone rode him in his phoenix form.
He realized it there, he loves Marco.
He loves him because of all his tiny effort to make him feel like he has a friend. He unknowingly (so clueless even Ace himself didn't know) fell in love with Marco because no one ever made him felt free this way. It was a different kind of feeling. It was like a thrill he felt whenever he would run away with his two other brothers from people they stole from. But it was different, it was inexplicable.
He decided to just tell him everything, everything from the very start. He didn't care anymore, because for some reason he felt equal to him and to everyone.
Because the world hates him either way, so he might as well have fun and fall in love because he knows he can't live forever. Because he knows he's going to die at one point despite the fact that he told Luffy he wasn't going to die.
He might as well live. He might as well feel alive.
Maybe for once, it will last this time; not like those temporary rush he felt whenever he did something adventurous. It's not the same feeling he had when he sailed out to the sea to find freedom.
Maybe because he already found his freedom. This is his freedom.
Marco lands carefully at one of the crow's nests. It was only the two of them and no one else. The blonde started the conversation, "You finally broke down. Took you a long time, what a strong person you are."
Ace stated bluntly, "I'm the Pirate King's son." There was silence and just silence. Marco looked at him like it was nothing. "Are you going to like—do something? Are you going to tell the marin—"
"You're a big idiot," Marco sighed, "We couldn't care less about who your father is. Here, everyone has a nasty past. Not everyone is proud of where they came from, but I think we all learned that this is what it matters now. The present is what matters the most now, we just learned a lot from our past." Marco gave Ace a smile.
And that was everything Ace remembered, how he and Marco got into a relationship. A relationship he thought would last forever, but well, he was wrong.
How did it go by so fast? He remembers everything like it was just yesterday, but because of his stupidity and anger towards Teach or should he say Blackbeard; he was getting executed publicly. Like his dad.
Maybe Ace and Roger was similar to each other after all. They both didn't care if they had to travel across the seas, as long as they take back what their enemy took.
He saw the Moby Dick, he saw Luffy, he saw Whitebeard, and he saw Marco. He saw everyone that made him feel special. And there, he saw everyone fight for him, for his freedom, for his life.
He felt guilty and worthless, but he felt loved too. He feels alive.
He knew he was going to die today, but maybe feeling alive once more will make him die in peace. Maybe seeing all his loved ones will make him happier. Maybe scolding at Luffy for being stupid and coming here will be one of his motivations to stay alive. Maybe thanking his crew mates for coming here can be one of his motivations too.
But he knew Marco was and always will be his motivation to stay alive. His presence was more than enough to support him and make him feel worthy.
He was the reason why he felt loved.
But too bad fate or life was in their side today, but death was.
Marco felt the thrill, the rush, and the love Ace made him feel. And he felt it again, but this time, he felt it when he saw his lover die.