FIRST OFF THIS IS WRITTEN BECAUSE I HAVE LOST A BET.

Welcome to this cracky AU.

Special thanks to Rebarbative for being my beta and helping me make this story not as crappy as it was before. :3

Eridan and Vriska are in a happy relationship, until…

Vriska Serket was actually pretty, in a threatening, mysterious kind of way. Her nose arched forward and the tip was pointed, but not to the point where she looked like a witch. Her lips were pouty and heart-shaped, and when she beamed, her teeth glistened in the light. Her hair, however, was her best feature –long, thick locks that fell to her hips in delicate waves.
None of this mattered to Eridan Ampora. His hate-struck eyes perceived her as the ugliest thing on Alternia. To him, their hate was something to be reckoned with –the most brooding storm out in the sea couldn't compare to the ill feelings they felt towards each other.

What did she think of their relationship?

Well, it was a safe. They'd always had mutual black feelings for each other, ever since their FLARPing days, and the imperial drones were due to come at any time. It would be clever to stay by his side, just for now.

Of course, there was a time when their hatred was mutual. Each slap and insult he dealt to her was returned equally brash and sharp. But as of late, she could feel the passion draining out and the lust ebbing away. Instead, a brand new feeling came into play: pity. It wasn't quite pale or red, but she felt sorry for Eridan. Every insult sent bouts of guilt boiling through her. That was when she knew –she didn't hate him like she used to. His irritating, wavy accent didn't infuriate her anymore. She didn't feel like tearing off his cape and ripping it to shreds with her teeth.
So, when they were both snug in her recupracoon and he called out, "I hate you," from behind his sharp teeth, she made herself mumble it back to him. Oblivious to the half-heartedness of it, he sank deeper into the violently green slime and succumbed to exhaustion.

She found that she was unable to sleep. There was a nagging feeling in her stomach, one she couldn't shake off. Sighing, she clambered out and dressed in whatever clothes were strewn on the floor. Captchalogging her dice, she walked out of the house. Her quadrants were a mess, and she knew someone who could help her sort everything out.

Luckily, she arrived in LOLAR fast enough to avoid the scorching rays of the Alternian sun. She knocked on her moirail's door and impatiently tapped her foot. A few seconds later, the jade-blooded troll swung the door open, her hair scruffy and knotted. It was obvious she hadn't taken a brush to it yet.

"Oh... hello, Vriska," she greeted. "I-"

"I know, I'm bothering you at a bad time. But look... I really - uh, I'm gonna sound so LAME –need a feelings jam."

Kanaya's eyes widened. Vriska never talked about her feelings –she'd begun to think that she didn't have them.

"By all means, come in!" She was ushered into her moirail's respiteblock, and Kanaya waited as Vriska took in the large panel windows that covered the walls.

An awkward silence ensued, until Vriska spoke. "It's Eridan. I... don't hate him anymore. I don't feel like scratching or–"

"Maybe you're finally getting morals." The comment was delivered with uttermost calmness, but the words stung nevertheless.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, go on."

The other troll, now flustered, complied. "Well... nothing ANGERS me anymore! Insulting him makes me feel guilty and–"

"I believe it's just you learning to act polite."

Was she being rude on purpose?...

"–and I don't even make fun of his fashion sense, even if he says I dress terribly every day–"

"I agree with him, wholeheartedly."

"WHAT IS UP WITH YOU?" A strange sensation bubbled inside of her, rising up to her face and making her grit her teeth.

What is that feeling called again?

Oh yeah… Anger.

"Nothing!" Smiling, the rainbow drinker folded her arms and savored the small triumph.

"Jegus, I come here to have a nice little feels jam, IN WHICH YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO CRADLE ME IN YOUR ARMS AND CALM ME DOWN, and you insult me?! I hate you!"
The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

She expected Kanaya to possibly start crying, perhaps be upset, or taken aback. Instead, she crossed her legs and said, "I do too..." After a pause, she added as an afterthought, "Although, not platonically."

Vriska was surprised to find she felt the same way.

… she leaves him for Kanaya.

The next part is coming soon. :33