Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from The OC. I'm just a fan writing a fanfic. Please don't sue me.
Sequel to Secret No More
PG-13 – R (Just to be Safe)
Part I
Alex got down of her car and walked towards a club. But before she could reach the door, the ocean has caught her attention. She could hear the waves crashing nearby. Alex turned and watched people come in and out of the club with happy faces. She smiled herself. She turned her heels and walked towards the pier. She let the wind breathe to her. She let the ocean roar for her. She looked up to the moon lit sky with awe. The stars were shining so bright, ever so clear in a cold, lonely night. Alex sighed and turned her gaze to the dark horizon in front of her. It had been two year since she had been to this place.
She smiled as she remembered the last time she set foot in California. There was a beautiful brunette beside her, who owned those bright green eyes she longed to see. But Alex didn't know where she was. She didn't dare ask. Marissa Cooper would have forgotten about her. Or she could be wrong.
Alex played with her ring finger as she stared at the ocean. Then her hand rested on her neck. She rubbed the back of her neck and brought something out from under her shirt: The necklace that she bought for herself. The same kind of necklace the she gave to Marissa: The necklace with a heart pendant.
How are you Marissa? Are you doing alright? Hope graduation was a blast for you. It was semi for me. Mom and dad weren't there. Seth… Couldn't make it either. They offered me a job there. But I didn't take it. I wanted to find you. But I don't know where to start.
Do you miss me? Because I do... Every minute of every passing day that I spent in England all ended up with me missing you. I studied hard. I tried hard. And I passed. I wanted to do it for us. So at least you'll be proud of me.
I still got lost you know. It was just a big school… I made new friends. But I couldn't love anyone else. I still love you. I said I'll always will. Because my heart only beats for you Marissa. No matter how long we have been apart. I love you.
Do you still love me? Do you think of me? I wish you could just pop up in front and tell me. Julie said you left after graduation. You told them you want to stay here, in California. But you never told them where you will be. Or where you're going to work. You just told them you'll be in Newport. That you'll come back when you're ready.
You were always like that. You always wanted to handle things on your own. But you don't have to. There are people who care about you. You don't have to face things alone.
Alex smiled and started to shiver. The cold breeze gave the chills in her spine. But she didn't move from where she was standing. She just stared and thought of Marissa.
You were always hard-headed. You know that? You never listen. If you did listen, maybe we could have been drinking coffee now. I could have held you. I could have told you I love you. Tell you I missed you. I could have told you that not a day goes by that I haven't thought about you.
And then…
You'll just say I grew up to be cheesy. That graduating for that English University didn't make me mature. You can say I haven't grown up that fast. I'm still talking to myself. Just like what I'm doing now.
"I need a drink." Alex muttered to herself.
She slowly walked towards the club that she was supposed to go to in the first place. She was meeting up with Jodie and Summer who were helping her find Marissa. Alex closed her eyes as she stopped walking. She stared at the two golden rings on her ring fingers.
I've learned to drink while we were apart. I drink when I feel bad. When I couldn't take missing you anymore. But I don't drink and drive. I can't kill myself. I know you'll hate me for that. I know you care. Somehow. I know.
Alex shook her head then started to walk again. It was the start of another long journey. The journey of growing up, and finding Marissa once more.
----
Marissa tossed and turned on her bed. She had skipped work because of the back pains she had been experiencing. She had been working in the Bait Shop for the last three months. It paid well enough to support Marissa. The salary was enough for the simple but decent apartment she was living in. Some appliances, some clothes, and she had a few more to save for a rainy day. Marissa wanted to leave Boston. She wanted to forget her mistakes and start fresh. She lay on her side and hugged her pillow tight. She knew her attempts were futile. She held out her hand and reached for an object that was always on her nightstand.
The necklace.
The necklace with the heart pendant that Alex gave prior to their California trip. Marissa sat up and held onto the necklace. She slowly stood up and looked out the window. She stared sadly at the moon lit sky.
How do I start Alex? Are you coming back to Boston? Or Oklahoma? You didn't send me letters. You didn't even attend Ryan and Lindsay's wedding. Do you hate me that much?
Marissa grasped the necklace tightly. It hurt but the pain wasn't as much as the pain she was feeling in her heart.
Would you look for me? Would you still want to be with me? Or does someone else love you? Did someone else capture your heart? Am I too late?
Alex…
I miss you.
I miss you so much.
I wanted to hear your voice so badly. I recorded your interviews on TV. You were amazing. I wish I was there and cheered you on. I know. I wanted you to quit the team, a basketball team. Even though I knew it was what you love. I wanted to keep you safe. I was selfish.
I'm sorry.
It seems so easy when I say that. But in truth, it's so hard. Because I can't show you how much I really am. How much I regret hurting you… How much I regret losing you. Not a day goes by that I wished I could turn back time. It's silly. I know.
Working keeps me sane. Although, it's helping out in a bar. It pays good. And at least it's a decent job.
You remember telling me, when we get enough money, we'll have a club of our own so you can practice mixing drinks. That's one reason I took this job. At least it's closer to what we wanted. What we dreamed of.
My apartment… It's small but it's near the beach. Just like the house we thought of building here, in California. It's a smaller version though. I wish you could see this. At least just smile to the memory.
A smile is all that matters to me. Doesn't matter if you're with someone else. I just want to see you smile at me…
I love you.
I pray that you hear me.
I love you.
"So much…" Marissa said out loud.
She then moved back to bed and fell back to sleep. As she did, she gripped the necklace tight. Hoping that even just in her dreams, she would be with Alex again.