Hello again, I'm back with a new story. Anyone following my other story Scars From Tomorrow I'm not finished but I know I've been neglectful and I'm sorry. I truly am writers blocked with that piece and I am 100% going to finish it but I need to get this one out of my head first.
Prologue
I could feel him watching me the whole time I sang the valley song. He made me feel shy and I tried not to look his way, but eventually our eyes would find each other. My eyes would dart away from his, but he just kept looking at me with those warm ice coloured eyes. His gaze made me twist one of my long braids around my fingers nervously while I sang. I don't think things like that are supposed to make sense when you are four years old, but somehow I knew that Peeta Mellark was special and maybe he thought I was, too. We didn't talk to each other directly until later in the week, the day I had brought one of my father's freshly shot squirrels to school. I ate slowly unconsciously I glanced at the cookie with an icing flower decorating the top. As special as Peeta Mellark may be I couldn't help but envy that he got to bring that cookie to school. I couldn't help but dream about how that cookie must taste, how lucky Peeta Mellark was to be born a merchant who can bring cookies to school everyday.
A thunk noise snaps me out of my day dreaming, and I realize Peeta Mellark moved from his seat with the rest of the merchant kids in our class. Even at the tender age of four years old the line between Seam and Merchant is drawn. "You Seam kids are so lucky when it comes to lunch. All I get are these cookies that are too old to sell at the bakery. I'll trade you my whole cookie for some of your meat." Peeta says with a kind smile.
"I don't need your handouts." I say stonily, the way I've seen my daddy say to merchants like the old man at the Apothecary. Daddy hates it, but sometimes he has no choice but to trade with him in the middle of winter when it's impossible to find the herbs my mother needs for her remedies. So many people in the Seam depend on her when they are sick.
"It's not a handout." Peeta's friendly gaze falters and he looks sad. I instantly regret my words as Peeta sadly begins to collect his lunch that he brought with him to my table. His cheeks are red and I realize I've embarrassed him. I look back to his table where I see a small group of merchants watching us and giggling. They probably warned him not to talk to me.
Quickly, before Peeta has a chance to actually stand up and head back to the merchant table I say, "All I mean is that a cookie for some squirrel meat is not a fair trade. My daddy always says that you need to make sure that when you are trading both people need to feel like the deal is fair." I leave out the part where he told me that I should always make sure that I come away with more that what I gave up for trading. Peeta's eyes light up when he realizes that he has not been totally rejected.
"Okay, what would be fair?" Peeta asks tentatively.
I laugh, "You're a terrible trader. You're not supposed to ask what you can give me in exchange. You just offer something that you think is equal to squirrel meat."
"But a cookie is worth squirrel meat. You see, I have two big brothers at home. As the littlest, when it comes to fighting for your food I never win. The meat that you have there is more than I've ever gotten to eat on my own by half. I get these stale cookies everyday. See, your squirrel lunch is worth more than my cookie." Peeta smiles brightly.
"You're still doing it wrong." I explain with a giggle. I glance toward the merchant table and find the kids there are still paying too much attention to me and Peeta. So I lean a little closer to him and speak quietly so that I know they won't over hear me when I tell Peeta, "You're not supposed to make what you have seem like it's worth less than what I have."
Peeta leans just as close to me, our faces so close that I can see exactly how long his eyelashes are. I look directly into those fire and ice eyes and it makes my heart thump a little harder causing my cheeks to turn red even though I know no one else can see the effect that this boy is starting to have on me. "Maybe you can teach me the right way to trade Katniss." Peeta suggests.
"Ok," I say a little breathlessly. "Maybe lets pull out everything we have and we can see how we can trade our lunches."
It turns out that between my meat and apple, and Peeta's stale rolls and cookies we manage to split our lunches completely in half. Once we do that we have a better lunch than any other kid in our class, maybe even the whole school. After that we sit next to each other for snack time and lunch time everyday, seeing what the other had to trade. After a month no one sits with either of us, we are the only kids mixing Seam with Merchant. It becomes so routine that one day I notice that both of our meals we just a mixture of sharing half of all of our food with the other, no trading or questions asked. This way I got dessert and Peeta got meat or berries or anything else that my father brought from beyond the fence and in the magical forest that kept us eating better than most of the district, even the lucky ones like the family of bakers that Peeta comes from.
Eventually kids kept away from us. The Merchant kids don't want to risk having their parents find out they were playing with the kids from the Seam, Seam kids not wanting to play with those "stuck up" Merchant kids. Peeta and I would share lunches then play on the playground together or tag or hide and seek with each other, it was like at school we were allowed be in our own little world. At the end of the day Peeta would walk home with his brothers and go back to whatever Merchant friends he still had remaining, I would walk to the Seam usually with Momma and Hazelle Hawthorne and her son Gale who really didn't talk to me very much.
This continued for months, until the winter came and it was so cold outside. Our little house would allow the snow to blow in under the doorway. One day our music teacher started to keep me in for recesses once a week so that I could practice the Valley Song. I was so grateful to have an opportunity to stay inside the nice warm classroom. We were practicing for the Victory Tour for the new Victor of the Hunger Games. Other kids were brought in who had special talents to show so they could practice, one of the older girls could dance and I loved to just watch her and I wished that I could move as gracefully as she does.
"There she is, the girl who dances." I pointed her out to Peeta one day when we arrive at school before the entry bell rings. He glances up from my hands, he always insists his hands get too warm in these gloves that his mother the baker's mean wife insists he wears. Since he knows my hands are always cold he insists I wear them and helps me fit my fingers into the glove the correct way. I watch him as he looks at the dancer for a moment and push a few of his blond curls back from his eyes so he can see better.
"That's Gemma Tailorson, the seamstress' daughter. She's one of the prettiest girls around. She always gets to wear the nice dresses that her mommy and daddy make for her." Peeta says as he watches her for a moment. I look back at Gemma and then back to Peeta whose gaze follows her and hasn't stopped since I pointed her out. It makes my chest burn and I don't know why. I look at here again but I can feel the scowl on my face that momma has told me many times will stay there if I don't smile more often. "She's not as pretty as you though." Peeta states firmly and my attention goes back to him quickly, he's looking at me softly with a small crooked grin on his face that just shows the gap in his teeth where he just lost his first tooth.
The only time I didn't like going to practice was if a practice day happened to be on a day when Peeta would come to school sad and had a new bruise or some other injury from playing with his brothers, I didn't know why his momma and daddy don't make them play nicer. I mentioned that at home one day and momma looked so sad when she said, "I don't think it's his brothers causing those bruises." I asked what she meant but she didn't answer me, she does that sometimes, just not answer me and that's when I know that she's doing that because I won't like the answer she has to give so I just don't ask again. He's still holding my hand, the one he was putting the glove on even though there's not a reason to be holding my hand anymore. I've seen my daddy hold my momma's hand like this before, seen him look at my momma the way Peeta is looking at me. I remember my momma smiling at my daddy and kissing his cheek, so that's what I do. I step up to Peeta Mellark in the middle of the school yard, in front of all the other kids and any parents who are dropping their kids off for the day. I kiss his cold cheek and instantly his face turns red with blush, but I smile at him and he smiles back at me.
The Victory Tour arrived the next day, on a morning that was clear and calm. Daddy was just getting home from working all night and I ran outside and leapt into his arms. He kissed my momma on the cheek, "I don't know if we should send Katniss to school today. It's awfully calm, and look at those clouds coming in the distance. We're going to be buried in snow my day's end."
"You know the Peacekeepers will just come looking for her. Besides, it's Victory Tour day at the school. The train arrived this morning and Katniss has been practicing extra hard, she'll be so disappointed to stay home and not perform her song. Won't you, honey?" Momma asks me.
"Yeah Daddy, I get to sing for the Victor of the Hunger Games, Enobaria from District Two." I say excitedly and run ahead of momma in the direction of where I know we meet the Hawthornes to walk to school together. Gale may be a bore, but the new baby Rory is cute.
"Besides, I want to have a chance to talk to you alone. The mayor's wife mentioned seeing something happened yesterday morning before school between Katniss and her little friend, one of the baker's sons." Mother tries to whisper seriously, but I'm still close enough to hear and stop in my tracks immediately so that I can listen more.
"Is it good or bad?" Daddy asks with a furrowed brow.
"I'm not sure, it depends on how angry the baker's wife still is at us." Momma says.
That morning I got to school with nervous butterflies in my stomach, I didn't know which to be worried about more - the show or what my momma meant about the baker's wife being angry. I know how angry she can get, Peeta has told me about how he sometimes has to hide from his momma, that he wished he had a nice one like mine. The nervousness was heightened when Peeta wasn't in the school yard in the morning, he's always here to meet me in the morning. I found Peeta sitting in front of his cubby, hewas crying and holding his arm. "Peeta, what happened this time?" I asked. He held up his arm and it hung limply in a sickening way halfway between his elbow and wrist, as if there were another elbow in between that bent the opposite direction of the other one. "She used a rolling pin this time when I was reaching for a cookie to bring for lunch. Daddy always lets me take one, but she was angry about it today because they were supposed to be special for the people who are here for the Victory Tour. I had to hide how hurt I was or else I'd have to stay home and I don't like to be home when she's angry like that." Peeta whimpered. I ran right away to our teacher Mrs. Appleton and brought her to Peeta. She took Peeta to see the school nurse right away and he came back hours later wearing a sling that held his arm in place and was tied around his neck. He sat quietly and sadly for the rest of the day until the Victory Tour arrived and I had to go back stage to get ready to perform.
Turns out Daddy was right, in the middle of my Valley Song the blizzard swooped in with such force that the kids were kept indoors to play in the tiny auditorium when the show was over. Since there isn't much in the way of transportation in District Twelve the entire Victory Tour was stranded in our little school with the kids in the auditorium. I looked for Peeta but when I found him he and his two older brothers were talking to a man and woman who were obviously from the Capital. The man had picked Peeta up and had him sitting on his tall strong shoulders and Peeta was laughing giddily and not at all concerned with the pain in his arm or looking for me so I turned on my heel went to play with the Madge Undersee, the only other kid willing to play with me sometimes. Eventually they started sending kids home so that the people who were part of the Victory Tour didn't have to put up with the restless, screaming, and playful children of District Twelve.
Daddy came to get me from school and made arrangements for Mrs. Hawthorne to babysit me until momma got home. Just before the winter this year there was an opportunity for work for one lady to be the new receptionist at the Justice Building. Momma was very lucky to get the job out of everyone in the Seam. Daddy said it was because she was lucky enough to have been friends with the Mayor's wife a long time ago when they were kids. Now she works while I'm at school, "Why isn't momma coming home?" I asked glancing nervously at Mr. Hawthorne waiting to leave for work with daddy.
"Well, the bossy lady at momma's work says she has to stay late tonight, and I have to go to work soon. As soon as momma is done working she'll race right over here to pick you up. You can play with little Gale until momma gets here." Daddy says, Mr. Hawthorne laughed lightly when daddy called Ms. Cardew "that bossy lady".
"What is she doing at work?" I asked again, not understanding why momma is allowed to come home every other evening after work but not tonight.
"Well, the snow storm didn't stop the Victory Tour from heading out for District Eleven by train, but it seems that President Snow's daughter and her husband want to stay behind and see more of District Twelve. Momma is helping them get settled in for their stay and helping their guards to know what there is to District Twelve. This is a good thing, a very good thing for the District." Daddy says with a smile and kiss on my forehead before turning to leave to go to work with Mr. Hawthorne. Gale isn't any fun, he's just loud and noisy and likes to smash things together and I can't keep track of the things he's pretending to be. Mrs. Hawthorne just smiles at his playfulness and is busy making dinner and caring for their new baby. Mrs. Hawthorne insists I call her Hazelle and lets me help her with dinner which turns out to be really good. I fall asleep before momma comes to pick me up and I wake up in my own bed in the morning and I don't really even remember how I got here.
We are rushed in the morning, we have to be quiet in the mornings because Daddy is tired from getting home from work and he's trying to sleep. This morning Momma is short with me and insists I'm not moving fast enough and I keep dropping things and making the house very noisy. I get to school earlier than usual that day and I'm a little tired from staying up so late trying to wait for momma to get home from work. I'm angry when momma leaves me alone at the school. We didn't even wait for the Hawthornes this morning and I'm here so early that I have to wait out in the cold for so long until finally Peeta and his brothers arrive. Peeta is acting weird though and waits until the bell rings and we're allowed to go inside before acting normal around me. "Guess what I have for lunch today?" Peeta says from beside me as I'm hanging my jacket that is too thin for this weather on the hook in my cubby. His arm is still in the sling, but it is also wrapped in something hard, a large white thing.
"What is that?" I ask as I poke and touch it gently.
Peeta holds his arm up slightly, "Mrs. Snow had her medical team look at it. It hurts much less now and they even gave me medicine for if it hurts too much." I look at it for another few seconds before Peeta says again excitedly, "So guess what I have for lunch."
"What?" I ask just as excited as he is now that I know he's not hurting anymore. I decide to wait to ask who Mrs. Snow is."
"Chocolates from the Capital." Peeta looks around before he continues in a whisper, "That nice lady from the Capital gave them to me and my brothers. They ate theirs right away; I saved mine so that we could share today."
"Oh," I say disappointed as I look down at my shoes. "I don't have anything good enough to trade for that." All I know I really have is a thick piece of ration bread that isn't nearly as good as the rolls that Peeta brings from the bakery, especially when he brings the ones that have cheese on them, even if they are a little stale. There's not even a piece of meat to go with my bread, daddy didn't get much this past Sunday when he went hunting in the woods.
"Trade?" Peeta says with a disagreeing tone in his voice as he shakes his head. "We don't trade, we share. It doesn't matter what you have, I share with you, you share with me. That way it doesn't matter whose lunch is better and we always get to eat together. That's the way we always do it, right?" Peeta points out and when he smiles at me I become less grumpy because Peeta has given me something to look forward to. I smile happily back at him knowing that my day will get infinitely better.
Then it doesn't, it gets worse. Just before snack time Peeta gets called out of the classroom and I sit by myself and eat my lump of ration bread. I wait for him to come back before lunch, but he doesn't return. When all the other kids are standing at their cubby's getting their lunches I have nothing and I stare guiltily at Peeta's brown paper bag that I know has his lunch in it. Quick as a flash I snatch it up and sit in our regular spot at the lunch table by myself. I decide to eat my half, but I'm so hungry and Peeta is still nowhere to be seen and I accidentally eat the whole thing, except the chocolates from the Capital but I can imagine that they would melt in my mouth and make me feel like such a lucky kid for even getting to taste this delicacy just this once. So no one steals them I put them in my jacket pocket at my cubby. I feel so guilty that the lunch seems to be tossing and turning in my stomach all day until the final bell rings and Peeta doesn't return. I'm just happy that he won't find out that I ate his whole lunch without waiting for it to be shared.
Daddy picks me up and takes me to the Hawthorne's again. The next morning is the same rush, rush, rush from mommy as the day before. Peeta meets me at my cubby in the morning, "Did you eat my lunch yesterday?" He asks.
I look down at my shoes that are soaking wet from the snow melting into them, "Yes."
"Good." He says and it makes me look up into his glowing blue eyes, "If I'm not back by snack time again today eat it again, in fact," He takes his brown paper bag and puts it in my cubby instead of his, "Keep it just in case. Mrs. Snow took me and my brothers for lunch in the Victor's Village yesterday. We had a lot of fun, she has a lot of toys even though she can't have children of her own."
"She can't have children of her own? Why not?" I ask, but Peeta just shrugs his shoulders and the teacher ushers us into class before I can ask another question about it.
The same routine of daddy walking me from school to the Hawthorne's, falling asleep there and waking at home, and Peeta giving me his lunch in the morning and being pulled out of class before snack time happens every day for the rest of the week. Every lunch that Peeta gives me has the same chocolates from the Capital, and I keep putting them in my jacket pocket, hoping to share them with Peeta the next time he stays at school all day.
Early Sunday morning I'm woken by the sound of my parents yelling at each other like I've never heard before. It's so early the sun isn't even up yet. It's scary and they are saying mean things to each other, before this morning I've never even heard them raise their voices toward one another before. I hear my momma say "You didn't tell me it was going to be this hard. Katniss deserves better than this, she deserves to wear proper clothes so she doesn't freeze every day while she's at school. She deserves proper meals, you can hardly provide ends meat!" and I don't want to listen anymore so I clamp my hands over my ears and hum the Valley Song to myself so that I can't hear what's going on. When I run out of song to hum just as daddy yells so loud that she "didn't need to spread her legs for the first man she met from the Capital just to escape this hell!" so I just start humming the song from the beginning and hum it over and over until my shoulder is being shaken and I realize I'm being woken up. I open my eyes and my hands have fallen from my ears but my eyes are crusty from falling asleep with tears in my eyes and its morning. Momma puts her hand over my mouth and a finger to her lips to indicate that I should be quiet. She silently helps me get dressed and we tiptoe through the house, daddy is asleep on the couch that isn't comfortable to sleep on at all because of how many springs poke through. Momma silently opens the door and I don't dare say anything until home is out of sight.
"Where are we going, momma?" I ask.
"We're going to a new and better place; we're going to the Capital with momma's new friend." She answers me too cheerfully.
"Will daddy come to the Capital later, like after work?" I ask slightly out of breath from running to keep up with momma's quick walk. She must not have heard me though because she doesn't answer. We just keep walking quickly until I can see the train station and there's a commotion drawing a crowd of people on their way to open their businesses for the morning.
I recognize Mr. and Mrs. Mellark, Peeta's parents from the bakery. Mrs. Mellark is kissing her sons on the forehead and saying goodbye. Mr. Mellark looks sad, like he's fighting the tears from falling from his eyes. Peeta looks sad too, but his brothers look like their mother, like their going on a trip and aren't afraid and happy to be leaving. When Peeta sees me his eyes brighten and he looks somewhat relieved. There is a four Peacekeeper formation around the man and woman who are smiling and patiently waiting for the Mellarks to finish saying their goodbyes to each other. It's the same man and woman who were talking to the boys on Victory Tour day, the man who had Peeta on his shoulders, the ones who are from the Capital who have been taking Peeta and his brothers from school all week. One Peacekeeper taps the other on the shoulder and points to momma and I, the Peacekeeper breaks the formation and the remaining three make up for the one man who walks toward us and removes his helmet. He looks a lot like daddy but older and he smiles at momma, I look at momma and she smiles back at him. It's not until they kiss each other like I've only seen momma kiss daddy that I know something here is so wrong, so very wrong.
"So it's true!" Daddy yells with such an angry voice from behind us as he pushes his way through the crowd that it makes me jump. My knees feel like they are knocking against each other and my stomach fills with dread at the confrontation that is about to take place. I know momma's aren't supposed to kiss people who they aren't married to. Daddy's face is so angry. The three Peacekeepers begin to rush the man and woman and the Mellark boys onto the train. Daddy makes it to us in a few long intimidating steps, "If you're planning on leaving then go, I don't want to be with a woman willing to do the things that you have done just to escape this place that was her home, but you're not taking Katniss." Daddy says as he scoops me up into his arms and hugs me as if protecting me from danger.
"Like hell she's staying here. There's nothing here for her. Just a life of hardship and struggle until she's old enough to be in the reaping, and then what if she makes it past that? She just has to continue the life of hardship and struggle until she can marry some miner? No, I won't let her make the same mistake I did." Momma reaches out for me but my arms wrap themselves around daddy's neck and daddy steps back protectively. "Come Katniss, you're coming with me." Momma says in a voice that is meant to be calming, but with her angry expression sounds more like a threat.
"No!" I yell. "I want to stay with daddy, I want to go home!" I shout at her before I openly start to cry and bury my head in daddy's shoulder. The train blows its horn so loud that it scares me and I cry harder, "Don't make me go!" I yell desperately.
"The train is going to leave, we can send for her later. A train will be here next week, we'll fight for her from the Capital, we have to go, and it's now or never." The evil Peacekeeper who is taking my momma with him says as he takes some steps toward the train.
I look up from daddy's shoulder and at momma, she looks sad and like she's going to change her mind. I reach my hand out to her, "Stay momma, stay with us." I beg.
Momma takes my hand and I smile, thinking this means that she's staying, but instead she kisses my hand before placing a hand over her stomach. "I'll send for you, I have to go Katniss. Be a good girl, ok?"
I watch as she turns and takes the Peacekeeper's hand, they run for the train as it's about to pull away from the station and board it. In one of the windows a pair of familiar blue eyes watch me, "No, Peeta! You need to stay too!" I wave my hands desperately in the air. He places a hand against the window and I see he is shouting something too but I don't get to hear it. Daddy and I watch as the train takes our favourite people from our lives, not caring about the crowd watching as our hearts break.