It was 10:00, and Lizzy had observed every face in the sterile waiting room, at least five times. The woman across from her had only caught her eyes once. Then, there was the strange man with a scarf that kept muttering to himself. A young mother with two infants glanced anxiously at each carrier in turn. Another parent, more hostile looking, and with prominent eyebrows, sat beside a beaming child, who swung his band-aided legs until his poor father seemed about to snap.

"Elizabeth?" a receptionist called. Elizaveta didn't even bother to correct the mispronunciation. Even she found it easier to introduce herself as "Elizabeth".

Several stacks of paperwork later, Lizzy felt the familiar "white coat syndrome" setting in. She thought that doctors must set their offices up to be as distant and comfortless as possible. Her room had no window, and the paneled lights glared and reflected off every plastic poster, each depicting a different malfunction of the interior body. She set the papers aside, and concentrated on the floor.

"Miss….Héderváry?" The Doctor stumbled across the last name, as he entered the room.

"Yes."

"You came off your depression medication last month didn't you? And this is the follow up we scheduled, correct?"

"Yes." Lizzy had the urge to shove the paperwork in his face, and demand that he read it through before asking another pointless question.

"Alright. So, how have you been feeling?" the doctor said. He had migrated over to the sink, and was typing on his small laptop.

"Better. I've felt much more like myself. And I'm really glad to be off meds."

After this, I've got to talk to the counselor and the psychiatrist. Ha, and I owe them both money.

"And have you experienced any pain, or strange urges, feelings? Any indicating withdrawal symptoms?"

"No."

"Very good." The typing had slowed to the beat of intermittent clicks. "I'm sorry I have to ask you all these questions." he said, without looking up at her, "Just procedure."

"It's okay." Lizzy said, "I had a question though."

"Mmm?" the Doctor let his professional speech slip for a moment.

"Well, would you say it's safe to stop going to my counselor? Unless I start feeling bad again."

"You probably want to talk to her about that. I would recommend sticking with it for a few more months; just to get it all out of your system, and readjust. "

"Okay. Thank you."

"I don't know Luddy, okay?! Sometimes people just get depressed for the heck of it. It's not...I don't think this is my fault."

Ludwig Beilschmidt had eyes like the sky, and now they were filled with pain that threatened to rain onto his angular face. "I never said it was your fault. Please, I just want to know if I can do anything to help you."

Gilbert felt all the support beams of his heart sever at once. "It's not that you don't help. You can't. No one can. Please don't cry."

"I can't help you?" Ludwig echoed. "Well maybe not. But we'll find someone who can." His voice was stern again.

Lizzy lived in a two story house, and it was here that everything started hurting again. She was unprepared for it. She had just canceled her psychiatrist appointment. And sitting on the steps of her apartment, outside, was a grey haired man, with startling red eyes.

"Excuse me, please." she said. The please was added because he was attractive. She hadn't kicked him because he looked innocent enough, but most people who loitered on her doorstep wouldn't have been so fortunate. .

He obliged. But before she could open the front door, he had his mouth open again, like he was going to say something.

"You- do you know where I could find the bus stop, around here. Sorry, I'm sort of lost."

Lizzy considered leaving him without an answer, but considered how desperate he looked. "It's down the road. You could probably walk there from here.

"Ok, thanks."

And that would have been it, if Lizzy hadn't felt extremely compassionate. "I could show you." she offered, noting that she had just broken at least 10 rules about interacting with strangers.

"Ah, sure. My name's Gilbert, by the way." He extended his hand. It wasn't too dirty, but it was soft when she took it. It was a hard patchwork of calluses, and very firm.

"My name's...Lizzy." She decided.

He nodded, as if expecting something else.

They walked along the sidewalk. It was a beautiful day, but something uneasy had settled in Lizzy's stomach. It wasn't Gilbert; but something that she felt was attached to him. Then she felt it too, and before her eyes, the colors of the trees seemed to fade, although they stayed the same. The street had blinders on either side; a rocky canal on one, and a cement sidewalk on the other. Lizzy would have smiled to see the hills that bejeweled with flowers leading down to the water's edge. She loved birdsong, and all the crowns of summer but now she felt something in her heart. It was a splinter of deep-down knowledge, but she hadn't pulled it out yet, and so she didn't know what it said yet.

"Where are you going?" she asked. Gilbert had been looking at the sidewalk too.

"The Doctor's Office in the city. I'm visiting my brother here, and he's at work." he explained.

"You know, I was just there this morning." Lizzy said, and the sense deepened.

"Really? Huh, that's funny."

The bus stop shelter was empty. Its glass was grimy and dull.

Lizzy pointed at it. "Well, that's it. Good luck, then."

"Thanks."

She called after him, "Why are you going to the Doctor?"

He stopped, right there next to the bus stop, and was still for a moment. Lizzy could see his neck sink as he bowed his head in thought.

"I'm kind of messed up. In my head, I think." he laughed, "Sorry, you probably think I'm crazy."

Lizzy couldn't see the sky with all the large tree tops around the bus stop, but she felt certain that it had suddenly filled with rain clouds. Gilbert smiled again, as if it was nothing.

And that might have been it, if Lizzy hadn't been so compassionate or so impulsive.

Because she saw herself, shouldering the pain in the way this man did. And even when the pain could be hidden, it would still eat out her insides. And so she blurted out her darkest secret to a stranger. "It's okay, I was depressed too."

Depression had been Lizzy's secret. No one knew, except for a handful of medical professionals. None of her family or friends had known. She had never told them, but it hurt that they couldn't see the pain she was in.

But Gilbert was a stranger, so she didn't have to worry about hurting him with her words. He didn't know her. But suddenly he had a look of strange sorrow across his face. "I'm sorry." he said gravely.

It felt like one of them should have done something, because they were so connected. It was a moment when two people would say something, and laugh. But through some irony, neither of them could remember the human response.

A bus pulled over a hill in the distance. Lizzy wanted to say something, but she didn't know what.

"Hey, I know you already did me a favor, but maybe you could call my brother and tell him where I'm going. We kind of just got into a fight, so I'm not ready to talk to him yet. I'll write it down for you."

That was the closest Lizzy figured he would get to giving her his number, but it was something. She took the paper, and stashed it in her skirt pocket.

With a mechanical wheeze, the red bus pulled alongside the bus stop.

Something sharp surged through Lizzy's whole body, but she felt it most in her head, like a quick throb of lightning. Then her heart skipped a beat, before galloping. She couldn't breath, but she wanted to cry.

"Thank you so much!" Gilbert said.

"You're welcome...and I'd just like to say, as someone who knows what you're going through with..." she couldn't bring herself to say the word, "your problem, it does get better. And the first step is talking to people who know."

He boarded the bus, and the door closed.

Coauthored by Depression

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