Roomies Again

Part 1:

"I can't bloody well believe this!" I shout as loud as I could, not even caring what the neighbors would think or do. I was mad, and both Michael and Ray who was peeking his head out of a crack in his bedroom door, thinking we wouldn't notice him there could tell it. "We were just MARRIED Michael does that mean ANYTHING to you at all?" I demand, ignoring Ray for the time being.

"Of course it does Neela, it means everything to me…" Michael starts to protest before I cut him off again.

"No it damn well doesn't!" I continue to scream "Because if it did you wouldn't be doing this to me now! You selfish arrogant son of a…"

"Neela." He grabs my shoulders, attempting to calm me, to stop my rant before I embarrassed him or something, but I was beyond that now, there was no stopping me.

I shove him away, not caring if he fell and smashed his head off something. "Don't 'Neela' me Michael. You had no intention of staying here did you? No intention of being my fucking husband. All you care about are your stupid army buddies over in Iraq. I tried to understand, I tried to be what you wanted but you never really wanted me. I was just a toy to you, something for you to use up, to pretend you were all right, that you were normal. But you're not normal are you?"

He steps forward and opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off before he can even speak one syllable. "GO! If that's what you want. Go back to Iraq and get yourself killed I'm THROUGH caring for you because every once and a while, I'd like to get something back."

"It's not like that…" he begins before I cut him off yet again.

"Yes it bloody well is like that you pathetic git! You would rather be over there getting shot at and blown up treating people who you will see again in a week! I understand the need for medics over there I know there is a war and the soldiers need your help but what about me? I need your help too, your support but I don't matter because I'm not out in a god damn war zone getting shot at!"

"Neela you don't understand I know you need me and I do love you I just feel like I can do more good over there…" he protests

"Well that makes two of us. You don't seem to be doing any good here at all so just go." I scream back at him, an awkward silence following. He was just standing there, staring at me like an idiot. I knew he was going to go back, nothing I could say or do would change his mind so why should I bother? I had wasted 

enough time on him, now I needed to move on.

"Will you be here when I get back?" he asks quietly

"Yes." I answer looking back at him with rage still in my eyes and voice "Just I won't be waiting for you." I turn towards the bedrooms, spotting Ray duck back into his, closing the door enough so it wouldn't look like he was listening in. "Ray… get out here!" I demand angrily

Michael looks over at me, a confused look on his face as Ray's door slowly creaks open and he sheepishly steps out and towards us in the living room.

"I wasn't listening in…well ok I was but I blame the paper thin walls…" he says

"I don't care if you were listening Ray…come over here please." I ask anger still dripping off every word.

He obeys, shrugging at a look by Michael and moving to stand at my side.

I turn back to Michael and cross my arms. "Get the hell out of my apartment." I demand, and he gives me a dumbfounded look.

"Neela…" he starts

"I said get out Michael now please leave before I call the police." I respond, my tone never wagering. I didn't know why I had called Ray out, but it was a great comfort having him at my side at this moment, it made me feel stronger, and I really needed that at this moment.

"I love you Neela…" Michael starts taking a step forward reaching his arm out to touch me.

I back away, beyond angry now and make a split second decision. Moving quickly and catching both the men off guard, I grab Ray and kiss him, as passionately as I could, wrapping my arms around his neck, noticing that it only took him a couple of seconds to stop resisting. After a few moments, I let go and turn back to Michael, who was still standing there, an even dumber look on his face now.

"I don't love you anymore Michael, while you were busy pushing me away, putting your army buddies over me, I moved on…I love Ray now and I don't wish to be married to you anymore."

"You're lying." He says plainly "I can see it in your eyes, in the way he tried to push you away…Neela don't do this. Don't try to make me jealous so I will go away because it's not going to happen."

"But it is! It's already happened Michael you reenlisted! You are leaving me and going back to Iraq, and I SAID I loved him, not that he loved me because well I never bothered to tell him. Didn't want him to think he was what split us up when really it was you and your stupidity. So I will say it again, get the hell 

out of my apartment!"
He frowns and FINALLY turns and heads to the door, grabbing his green duffel bag, already pre packed by me when I got off shift that afternoon. He opens the door and turns back, opening his mouth to speak, but instead just shaking his head.

"I'll mail you the papers…" I call to him "Sign them and send them back and we can forget this ever happened."

He turns and leaves without another word, and I find myself letting out a sigh of relief, feeling as if a heavy weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I turn back to Ray, who looked as dumbfounded as Michael, maybe even slightly more. After a few moments of silence, he swallows, shrugs and puts on a smile.

"Wow…that was some kiss…you are very convincing ever think you were in the wrong career?" he says with a small laugh, obviously trying to keep the mood light.

"Ray…" I shake my head and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his shoulder, the tears starting to fall down my cheeks.

He holds me tight to his chest and runs a hand threw my hair. "Shh Neela…you did the right thing…it's going to be ok...look on the bright side, least now you don't have to leave the apartment. We can be Roomies again!"

I inhale sharply and pull away to look into his eyes, the concern there, and the kindness, the caring. That was what I always wanted, what I thought I had with Michael… "Make love to me…" I whisper softly

He frowns and backs away, shaking his head "Neela...I can't you just broke up with Michael and…well I'm flattered but your doing this out of grief and that's not something you need right now…not from me or anyone…"

"Please..." I whisper again "I just need to feel…I can't be this empty this hollow I need something real…"

"You have something Neela, you have me… as a friend, as a roomie I will be there for you but anything else would be taking advantage of you and I can't do that. I care about you far to much to ever even think about doing something like that…"

I lean upwards and kiss him again, this time softly, gently. I wanted him so bad at that moment, and I wasn't quite sure why. I knew he cared for me, I just needed to feel it…I felt so numb…I had to feel something.

He pushes me back again "Neela no…we can't."



"Please..." I beg "Ray I just need you to…you say you care I need to feel it…I need to know it's there…"

"So I will show you it's there, without needing to take off any clothing…besides maybe my sweater because it's getting quite warm in here…" he backs away and removed the hoodie he had been wearing.

I swallow again and lick my lips. "I need a drink…" I announce, heading into the kitchen and reaching for Ray's liquor stash, grabbing two glasses and filling them, handing one to him as he follows behind me. I would get what I wanted…one way or another.