It was the day after Election Day. Eric Cartman turned on the TV.
"Oh man, oh man, I sure hope they all voted for me as a write-in candidate!" said Cartman. To Eric's horror, Gary Johnson was the president-elect.
Why? Let this bizzare newscast explain it...
Folks, we have never seen anything like this. This is unprecedented. The people, the powers that be, the Trump supporters,
the Hillary supporters, even the Jill Stein supporters have all gotten down on bended knee to honor their new leader
Gary Johnson. Yes, we had previously reported that it looked like maybe Trump or Clinton would win, but the people have
spoken. No votes necessary. Reporters say Gary Johnson walked up to a podium after either Trump or Clinton
had finished speaking and immediately gained the support of the masses. Even I myself am completely enraptured by
his incredible speaking ability and his uncanny resemblence to the fish man Mackeral Jordan.
"Woah, woah, this is bogus" said Cartman, turning off the TV. He came across his friends Kyle and Stan outside.
"Guys, guys, Gary Johnson is the antichrist!" said Cartman.
"No, no, it's Hillary!" said Kyle.
"No, it's Trump!" said Stan.
"Guys, it's clearly not Hillary or Trump. Gary Johnson won, without getting a single vote!" explained Eric.
"You mean he did what he said he would do?" asked Stan.
"Yeah, he just kinda...got on stage after someone else was done speaking and didn't say a thing and everyone just
sorta liked it, and he emerged as the leader or something!" said Eric.
"But Gary Johnson is mentally retarded" mumbled Kenny, who had a Jill Stein sticker attached to his ET coat.
"Guys, we need to figure out what's going on and make sure Gary Johnson doesn't try to make us all get the mark of
the beast, or worse the TNT superstation!" said Eric.
"Don't you mean the TPP bill?" asked Stan.
"Whatever. We gotta stop Gary" said Eric.
"Nah, I think Gary's a nice guy we just need to reach out to him!" said Kyle.
"I want a lemonade" mumbled Kenny.
"I kinda understand how this happened. You've got an evil witch, a health food store clerk, and a wild brash business giant with an orange puppy on his head, people naturally go for the deranged tongue-wielding fish man" said Kyle.
"Guys, I just came up with a nickname for him. Scary Gary! I'm gonna tweet it to Trump, it might cheer him up" said Cartman. Butters showed up.
"Hey, Butters, who did you vote for?" asked Eric.
"Ivanka Trump. I like her" said Butters.
"Dewd, isn't she like the same species as Kyle or something?" said Eric.
"Guys, let's focus on the mission here. We need to find out what's going on with Gary Johnson" said Stan.
To be continued...