Holly J was working on the whole biggest bitch thing. She really was. Honestly. But watching Jane and Spinner all happy at his party based on a lie really set her off. No, she didn't care that Spinner was lying, she did it all the time, she had these strange feelings. Feelings that made her want to rip Jane's hair out…could this be jealousy?
Realization washes over her. No, this is impossible. Since when does Holly J like losers like Spinner? Well, there was Toby…her mind says. She quickly shakes her head, trying to forget that humiliating experience.
How can she like him? He's been nice to her, sure, but…isn't he supposed to be nice to people? The inner voice inside her head is battling against that; he gave her a job. Twice. He treats her as something more than Queen Bitch Holly J.
So when Jane comes over all happy about her perfect lying-about-getting-into-police-academy boyfriend, she decides to spill the beans.
As she does so, she tells herself that it's because she's Holly J Sinclair, and this is what she does, this is what Heather would do. Because it's fun to ruin other people's happiness, right? Right.
Wrong.
She sees how upset he is after, and she actually feels bad. This is all new for her, she doesn't feel bad when she hurts people. She likes it. Only this time, she doesn't like it.
She sees Jay dragging Spinner out into his car and drive off later; probably going out to get smashed. She frowns. Smashed because of what she did.
Later that night, as she's trying to get over the guilt and fall asleep, she hears a knock on her window, and she's very confused. She doesn't have any friends, who would be coming to see her?
She walks over to the window and opens the shades, revealing a very obviously drunk out of his mind Spinner. She's now more confused than ever. How the hell does he know where she lives?
Her heart skips a beat when she thinks about him looking up her address in a phone book. He's here. To see her. Because damn it, she's Holly J Sinclair, and who wouldn't want her?
Blue. Shut up, she tells herself and opens the window.
"Spinner! What the hell are you doing here, you freak?" She has to keep up appearances, of course. Even if it's just him.
"I cameee to seee youuu." He stumbles in through the window, knocking over some pictures on her desk, and if it were anybody else, Holly J would be furious.
She laughs, "Obviously…why?"
He frowns and sits down on her bed, and she's actually glad that she listened to her mother and cleaned her room today.
"I thinkkk Jane and I are done."
She fights jumping up and squealing right there. She has to play the supportive friend. Not the happy coworker in love with her boss.
Okay, so maybe not love, but a strong case of like!
"I'm sorry…" Except she's not.
"Youuu told her, didn't you?"
She doesn't expect that.
"Yeah, and I'm really so--" She's cut off by his lips crashing against hers.
Okay, so she really wasn't expecting that.
She kisses him back, because she wants this. The little voice in her head is yelling with everything it has to stop, but she doesn't. She wants to be selfish. At least for a little while.
She feels her back being pushed into the mattress as he climbs on top of her and starts kissing her neck.
This is all new to Holly J. Shocking. Holly J has never been this far with a boy. Of course, she'd never tell anybody that.
With shaking fingers she slowly reaches down and starts pulling his shirt up, and he breaks from kissing her neck for only a few seconds as she pulls it over his head.
He goes back to kissing her on the lips, and she wants to stop feeling so nervous. She's not a fucking baby, after all. She should be able to handle this.
Sex.
It's okay, it's her first time, but it's okay. She can do this. He's done this before, so it'll be okay.
Of course, this is what she's telling herself as his tongue probes her mouth and as she traces patterns on his bare back with her fingers.
She wishes she was wearing a bra when he moves down and pushes her tank top up slightly and starts kissing her stomach, but of course, nothing ever goes right for Holly J.
She tries not to be embarrassed as he pulls her tank top off the rest of the way, and she sees him staring down at her breasts, hunger in his eyes.
She's glad for the dark so he can't see her blushing, and brings a hand up and runs it through his short hair then gasps as she feels his mouth come down and take her breast in his mouth.
If she wasn't freaking out before, she's definitely freaking out now. Full fledged, heart beating like crazy, mind racing, freaking out.
But mixed in with the freak out is something new. It feels good. And as she feels herself getting wet she's glad that she's never done this before, because she really likes this boy, and if she could choose to give her virginity to anybody, it would be him.
She feels his mouth leave her and once again she's staring up into his eyes, and he's looking down into hers, one hand brushing the hair out of her face.
"You're beautiful."
She almost dies right there.
Beautiful? Her?
She puts a hand on the back of his neck and pulls him to her once again in a fierce kiss, and the contact of her breasts coming in contact with his bare chest is enough to make her moan into his mouth.
She stops at once, mortified. She's sure that he's going to pull away and laugh at her. Maybe even leave.
But he doesn't.
"It's okay," He murmurs in between kissing her, and she decides to stop being so worried about everything.
She's going to have sex.
For the first time.
Ever.
Okay, now she's a little afraid. Does she tell him? He's obviously going to be able to figure it out…
She shuts her mind off for the moment, because he's now untying the drawstring of her pajama pants and is pulling them down.
She breathes a mental sigh of relief that she's wearing relatively sexy underwear, because there's no way she'd be able to get over the embarrassment if she were wearing her pink Hello Kitty ones.
She feels pretty exposed laying in her bed in only underwear as she gets her pajama pants off fully. The nerves are back. What if her mom comes in? What if she does it wrong? What if he doesn't talk to her after?
"Spinner I--" Her breath catches as he kisses her inner thighs, his hands tracing circles right above the waistline of her underwear.
She catches her breath and quickly finds the strength to push him over so that she's now lying over him and smiles what she hopes is a sexy smile down at him, and it's then that she remembers that she's topless but holds her ground and decides not to let him know that that bothers her.
She straddles him and slowly grinds against him, the contact of his jeans pushing against her thin cotton panties causing her to let out a small moan, and a small grunt from him.
She starts unbutton his jeans and gets off of him long enough to pull them down and drop them on the ground, then starts kissing him from his ankles up to his thighs and stops suddenly when she hears him let out a sound resembling a moan.
She looks up and blushes again when she sees that he's obviously ready for sex. She's never seen anything like this up close before, and curiosity gets the best of her as she grips the waistline of his boxers and slowly pulls them down, revealing him to her.
She can't help but stare for a few seconds before looking back at his face, where he's smiling at her in the funny way he does.
She smiles back and brings herself back up and kisses him again, and yells at her brain to stop hyperventilating as she feels him against her thigh.
As she's once again flipped over and under him as he pulls down her underwear, she knows that its only fair to let him know that she's a virgin.
"Spinner…I'm…" She's having trouble concentrating on telling him as he starts kissing her stomach and runs his fingers over her folds.
"What's wrong?" He breathes against her stomach, which tickles and would have made her laugh if she was in any other situation but this one.
"I'm a…virgin…"
As soon as she says it, he stops, and she wants to throw herself out of a window, but then he looks up at her, and her heart melts at the sweet look on his face.
"Are you sure that you want to, then…?"
She nods way too quickly to be considered cool, but as he comes up and places a light kiss on her lips, she knows it's okay.
"Don't worry, I won't hurt you."
She trusts him, and nods again, letting him know that she's ready.
He slowly enters her, and she bites her lip as the pain comes, but only for a minute before it starts feeling good.
So, this is what everyone is talking about, eh? She decides that this is much better than the things she's heard about it.
He's kissing her and thrusting into her and she decides that life can't be any more perfect than it is right now.
She can feel something building up inside of her, and she has a feeling of what's about to happen and as she climaxes she moans out slightly and looks at him, and his expression.
She can tell that he's close and when he does she decides that this is the best thing that's ever happened to her.
That is broken however, when he breathes out a name as he comes, and the name is not hers.
"Jane."
She frowns as he pulls out, and when he rolls over and passes out quickly after, either from being drunk or being tired, she doesn't have the strength to correct him or push him out of her bed.
He lied.
He told her that he wouldn't hurt her. But he did.
He hurts her again the next day when he woke up, swore quietly under his breath and collected his clothes, and left without even a kiss on the forehead or a note. She was always a good fake sleeper.
And he hurts her again two weeks later when he makes out with Jane in The Dot right in front of her face, never once mentioning to her anything about the night that they shared.
He hurts her once again six weeks later as she stares down at the positive pregnancy test in her hand.
She knew it was a bad idea to trust her emotions.