Title: Hidden Beneath
Author: Roguie/ SunSpecOps/ Danae Bowen
Fandom: Primeval
Pairing: Connor/ Abby
Rating: M
Summary: Something has altered Connor completely. He is angry. He is violent. He only wants one thing. Abby.
Warning: Sexual situations. Dub-con. Memories of child abuse, non-con - not graphic, but definitely there. Not at all appropriate for minors.
Disclaimer: Primeval obviously doesn't belong to me - I just borrow the characters and mutate their inner voices. Please don't sue, my house is small, my car is useless and my dogs are pains in the arse, but they're all I have.
A/N: Primeval? I know, right! Still, Connor and Abby wouldn't let me go, and my muse was determined, so, Conby it is! Of sorts.
~~~E~~~
He'd chased her for what had seemed like hours before finding himself facing the locked door. Blood dripped from his beaten fingers and smeared on the wood of the door as he pounded on it heavily, calling her name. He could hear her inside her room, if he closed his eyes he could almost see her on her bed, her knees pulled to her chin, her eyes wide and terrified, filled with tears as his voice echoed off the walls of their open flat.
A part of himself told him this was wrong, this wasn't how he behaved. Connor Temple was a good man, soft spoken, safe, emotions kept well in check while life passed him by. Connor Temple didn't frighten his best mate, didn't make her cry, didn't consider ripping the wooden barrier between them down splinter by splinter with his bare hands until nothing protected her from the dark will that had stripped him of his control.
The small part of his mind that remained rational screamed in the darkness that consumed his soul, pleaded and begged with him to stop as he drove his shoulder into the door, feeling the wood weaken and begin to give way under his assault. A cruel smile curved his lips, a demonic shine filling his eyes even as that last bit of rationality fled and hid from what was to come.
"Abby…." He called again, her name dripping off his lips with reverence and desire even as he pressed his hand to the wall, his cheek to her door. "Abby, there's nowhere to run. Gonna have to face me sometime." The grin grew wider as he heard her shift, and he drove his shoulder into the door again, over and over until she began to scream.
He laughed and screamed back, her name twisting from beautiful to horrible in a second. "Abby! Abby! Abby!"
In the darkness, she was all he knew.
~~~E~~~
18 Hours Earlier
"Connor, for the love of God, could you pick up in the lounge? Looks like we've got animals living in there, yeah?"
He flashed her his guiltiest puppy eyes, but his lips curved up in tease. "To be fair, Abby, we do have a good load of animals in there." His dimple flashed and her blue eyes responded in kind as she shook her head, laughing.
"Yeah, but non of 'em are gonna leave trousers on the table, I don't think, and is that a pizza box under your shorts?" She lifted an eyebrow, point made, watching as he blushed softly. She grinned. "Just tidy up, yeah? Before we leave."
It was with a heavy sigh that he laid down the Xbox controller and climbed dramatically to his feet. "Just because you asked so nicely." His dimple flashed again. "Could do with a thank you kiss, y'know?"
She laughed sharply, her cheeks flushing pink in the wake of an old tease. "Could do with a smack to the head."
She giggled and walked away, disappearing into her room to finish dressing for work, completely missing the strained look of heartbreak that suddenly clouded Connor's features. This time his sigh was heartfelt as he slowly set about righting the lounge.
~~~E~~~
12 Hours Earlier
"You need to take better care, Connor, that's all I'm saying. If you'd watch a bit of your surroundings instead of having your head stuck in that bloody computer all the time, then maybe Becker's men could do their jobs."
He wanted to whine, wanted to lay his head in her lap and ask her to stroke his hair until the throbbing stopped, but chose instead to stand miserably in the wake of her disapproval, the cut on his forehead bleeding slowly into his eye.
She softened under his look of misery, unable to stop herself from reaching out and wiping away the trail of blood from his skin. "Oh, Connor," she sighed. "Come on, then, let's get you cleaned up."
He followed her obediently to the med lab, his cheeks flushed and eyes on the ground, not for one second arguing with her. Abby always knew best, even when he mucked up everything around them.
At least this time no one had died.
~~~E~~~
She'd lost it just for a moment, hearing her name fall from his lips with such piercing venom. Memories of a childhood destroyed came unbidden to mind, flooding her senses, taking her away from herself as his shoulder connected with her door over and over until once again she was twelve years old and terrified.
Her daddy had left them very early in her life, forcing her young mum to take whatever measures were necessary to provide a home for her and the baby brother that kept her awake most nights, squalling out his misery. When her mum met Dan, however, it all changed. At first everything seemed perfect, they had a nice home, food on the table, heat and electricity to stave off the winter's chill.
The first night he came to her room, she didn't understand. Gentle words were whispered in her ear as he pulled her tight to his body, warming her back with his heat. As she began to drift off, comforted by his strong presence, his hand began to move in time with his breath against her ear, jerky and uneven at first while his confidence built. Something inside her screamed that this was wrong, forcing her tiny heart to pound frantically, her breathing coming in gasps as a coil of nausea swelled in her stomach. Tears filled her pretty blue eyes and fell silently in the dark, a steady stream of sorrow until he climbed from her sheets endless moments later and smiled at her in the pale light of the moon.
"Shhh," he whispered, bringing his finger to his lips as he offered her a wink before returning to his place in her mother's bed.
In the beginning, his visits were infrequent, his touch always over her tiny nightgown, and he always returned to her mum, but as time went on, his confidence grew. At first, just her nightgown was taken from her, and then everything that was left. At first he touched her, until the night he moved her trembling fingers into a timid caress upon him. When the night came that he moved from behind her, settling over her, a hand on her mouth as she screamed and cried, the tiniest bit of innocence she'd held onto until that point died, and the life that once used to dance in her eyes faded, leaving her once shining blue orbs dull and unseeing.
She'd hid from him after that, forcing him to find her and drag her screaming back to her room, always with the same words upon his lips. "You make me so happy, Abby, and don't you want me to be happy? You owe me, y'know? Without me, you 'n your mummy'd be out on the streets, 'n just think what'd happen to a pretty little thing like you, then?"
The years passed with her mum looking the other way, clinging to the young Jack as a lifeline to normality. On her twelfth birthday, when he'd had the nerve to sit her on his lap in front of her friends, touching her without care, she'd run from him, locking herself in the bathroom with their cordless telephone, little fingers calling for help even as he drove his shoulder into the door repeatedly, screaming her name in rage and desperation as the wood shattered around him, granting him passage as the phone fell to the floor and shattered.
She woke up in hospital two days later.
Her mum never came for her, but she'd never seen Dan again, and it seemed a fair trade. It was hard to rebuild in foster care, but Abby knew, even at that young age, that she was and always would be a survivor.
Breaking was not an option.
~~~E~~~
6 Hours Earlier
"Abby?"
He was groggy and his head hurt worse than when he'd gone to med lab. He couldn't remember everything that had happened once the doors had hissed shut behind him and Abby and they both heard the unmistakeable sound of the electronic deadlocks engaging. He did, however, clearly remember the large, meaty fist that connected with his jaw a moment later, bringing stars to his eyes and the world faded away in a moment of blistering agony. Abby's short scream had followed him into the darkness.
"Abby?"
He heard her groan from not far away, listening as she shifted on the floor. "I'm here, Conn."
"You all right, then?" He sat upright, bringing a hand to his head, startled to find himself on a patient bed. "What?"
Abby picked herself up off the floor, moving to his side in a second. "What're you doing up there? What've they done to you?" Her hands flew to his chest, checking for any bruises beyond the obvious swelling of his face. His hands mimicked hers, a gentle thumb brushing over her swollen cheek, his dark eyes grieving as she hissed in pain.
A throat cleared behind them and they both jumped, turning to find Becker standing in the doorway. "Should I leave you two alone, or have you had enough time on your own to last?"
Abby furrowed her brow and Connor cocked his head to the side, both eying Becker in confusion. "I don't know if you noticed, mate, but I think your security team may be sorely lacking. Someone managed to knock us both out, which means another group of people got in here without your knowledge."
Becker nodded, the small smile that'd been threatening to curl his lips fading. "Quite right. We captured the three men that were running with her, but again Helen Cutter managed to slip through our security measures."
Connor blinked. "So, you knew they were here and yet you just left Abby lying on the floor? Nice, mate, really nice."
"Conn…"
"No, I mean what the hell, Abby? No one could be bothered putting you on a bed, or god forbid, get you an icepack or something for the swelling?" The sudden rush of anger flushed Connor's cheeks and beneath Abby's fingers he began to tremble. "I've seen people give more consideration to a dog laying on the street."
Abby blinked, stepping back. "Connor, what's wrong with you?"
He blinked three times before he focussed on her, her blue eyes pulling a confused smile to his lips. "'M fine, Abs, really. You?"
"Yeah," she breathed softly, tossing a concerned glance to where Becker still stood.
He shrugged softly. "They drugged you both with something to keep you knocked out. We've had the clones in lockdown for the last five hours, but they'd deadlocked this door. Couldn't get around the coding so we had to wait out Helen's timer. Door released, I came in, you both were already awake." He offered them an unapologetic sigh. "Lester wants to see you when you're able. Said something about, "That bloody Cutter woman wants something, and you group of misfits need to bang your heads on desks, or whatever it is you people do, to figure it out, now. How does she continue breaching our security, and for the love of God, someone please tell me why we continue to allow it? Exactly how many soldiers am I paying to let anyone and their uncle just waltz into this facility?"…. or the like."
Connor couldn't help himself and chuckled at Becker's impersonation of Lester. "You do that really well," he muttered, shaking his head as he moved to his feet. "So, no idea why she wanted us, then?"
Becker lifted an eyebrow, turning to leave the room. "None whatsoever."
~~~E~~~
3 Hours Earlier
"Can you think of anything that'd set him off like this?" Becker kept Abby behind him, watching down the corridor of the ARC, checking for any sign of Connor before ushering her quickly into a vacant laboratory. The strobing red lights overhead high lit the danger in the seemingly calm building, silence before the storm, together in the wake of Connor Temple.
"Nothing!"
"He's your best mate, Abby, and disturbingly in love with you, if you ask me. If anyone'll know, it's you, now think!"
Abby's cheeks flushed red even as she straightened, Becker's ire raising her own as her blue eyes turned to steel. "I don't spend every waking moment with him, thank you, but I'm telling you, something is very wrong. Connor doesn't behave like this!"
"I'm sure..."
"You don't know him, Becker, I mean he *never* behaves like this. Not ever. He doesn't get angry, or raise his voice; he doesn't have tantrums. He doesn't even slam the bloody door when I've torn him open like the right bloody git I am!"
Becker nodded slowly, breathing deeply before turning and catching her eye, offering her a sorrowful half smile. "And yet, you're leaving a trail of blood from where he literally ripped skin off your arm because you wouldn't let him drive home?"
Abby swallowed softly, "That's my point. This isn't him, it's Helen, Becker, please believe me. She's cloned him, or drugged him, or put a chip in his brain! She's done something vile and twisted, 'n Connor can't help what he's doing. Don't you get it?"
A cold shiver ran down her spine as the unmistakeable sound of a door clicking open reverberated down the hallway. "Abby?" Her heart leapt and it took everything she had inside her to stop from rushing out into the corridor; he sounded hollow, broken, hurt in ways Connor should never be. "Abby, 'm sorry..." His voice broke, a choked sob escaping his lips as he moved closer. "'M so sorry, Abs. I promise if you come out, you can give me a proper beating, 'n I deserve it, but please don't hide."
She trembled, her will breaking as she heard him sniffle, moving down the corridor at a snail's pace, listening for any sign of weakness.
"Something's the matter with me, Abby," his voice lowered, almost a whisper outside the door, forcing her to strain to hear each word. "Something's really wrong, Abs... I think I need help." His whimper broke her resolve and she flung the door open, catching him as he fell forward into her arms.
"Shhh, Conn, shhh." She stroked his head softly as she pushed her shoulder under him, forcing him upright. "We'll get you back to med lab, yeah? Find out what she's done."
Connor groaned softly, leaning against her heavily. "Me head, it's killing me."
She chuckled wryly, bending under his weight as they moved. "Let me know when it's done, 'n I'll have a go, yeah?"
"Abby, maybe you should wait until..."
Connor's head snapped around, his eyes suddenly dark and vicious. "Piss off, Becker!"
To Becker's credit he showed no surprise, merely lifted an eyebrow as he raised his hands and backed away. He caught Abby's worried gaze as she stroked Connor's back lightly.
~~~E~~~
2 Hours Earlier
"What is it?"
Abby took her turn looking into the microscope as Sarah transferred the data onto the overhead screen. As the image came into focus, was zoomed and magnified to a D.N.A. level, each individual string showed a foreign contaminant secured to Connor's genetic code.
Sarah shrugged helplessly. "I honestly have no idea, I've never seen anything like this before. From what I can tell, the D.N.A. string is completely intact, but there seems to be mutant… something… all over it." She chewed her finger gently as she zoomed in further, directly onto the sequence in question. "Anyway, I know it's not much, but it doesn't seem to be permanent. It's degrading even as we speak."
"And… what kind of damage could that mutant… something… do to Connor in the meanwhile?" Abby's voice was sharp as she stared at the screen helplessly.
"Um, I don't know? I'm sorry, I'm not that kind of doctor. I study history, pictures on walls, patterns, dead things…" She shrugged helplessly.
Abby raised an eyebrow, moving to the secured window that separated their lab from the dark room that held Connor confined. She lifted a hand to the window, resting her head against it gently, watching Connor pace the room restlessly. "Just don't let him become one of your dead things, yeah?"
"Abby…"
Abby turned back from the window, facing the Egyptologist, tears making her blue eyes shine. "Sarah… please. This is Connor!"
Sarah sighed. "I'll see what I can figure out." She looked at the vials of Connor's blood on the table. "Hey, we have lab rats, right?"
The laugh that escaped Abby's lips came from a place far darker than humour. For a moment, Sarah wondered if either of them would come through this whole.
~~~E~~~
1 Hour Earlier
A warm hand upon her shoulder, a cup of coffee in her hand. "Go home, Abby," Jenny spoke softly, steering the girl away from the window where she watched her best mate slowly disintegrate. The third time he slammed his head off the viewing window, Abby finally turned away. "Seriously, go home."
"I can't leave him here." Abby whispered in return, her hands gripping the mug helplessly.
"So, you fancy watching him fall apart, then? Standing here, listening to him crying out for you, hurting himself trying to come through a wall for you? This is how you want to think of him tomorrow?" Jenny offered her a gentle smile, taking the venom from her words as she walked to the window, watching as Connor paced to the other side of the small room, screaming something no one could hear. "Sarah says the rate of disintegration suggests this should run it's course by morning, and Connor should be back to his old self, more or less."
Abby shook her head, pacing back to the window. "I should stay with him, he's calmer when I'm close."
"And you, would you be calmer here or at home?"
Abby shrugged quietly.
"Right, then, point's been made. Let's get you home and in bed. When you come back in the morning, Connor'll be back to as normal as Connor gets, and you two can get back to ignoring the giant neon signs flashing over each other's heads."
"Giant…what?"
Jenny smiled. "Never mind. Go home. Now."
Devoid of choice, Abby made her way to the motor pool, stopped for a bit of take away, and then made her way home. For the first time since she began her journey with the ARC and anomalies, she ignored her beloved animals as they greeted her at the door, put her food on the table and moved directly to her room. She didn't remember laying on her bed, but she was asleep almost instantly, fully clothed and uncomfortable.
~~~E~~~
Time
She didn't understand how he'd gotten home; she didn't understand how she missed his entrance to their flat in the state he was in, calling her name loudly, forcing the animals to scatter in terror as he tore across the lounge. She heard him fall on the stairs to the loft, sliding down them one by one, bringing her to her feet and to her door in a second. She jumped backwards in surprise as her door thumped heavily, holding firm as his body slammed into it. She thought quickly, turning the lock with a quiet click before backing away from the door, waiting in silence.
Now, as he slammed into her door over and over, the entire room shuddered. The hinges and wood groaned in protest, but had very little fight left in them. Another few minutes of this kind of treatment and the door would open, leaving nothing at all between her and the inexplicably altered Connor.
The way she saw it, the situation left her with three choices. One, she could do nothing. He would break down the door and do what it was he had in mind Of course, in the morning, when he came back to the Connor she'd always known, he'd awaken to her battered and abused body and know it had been his hands that had made those marks. When it hit him what he'd done, as bad things always tended to do in full and without mercy, Abby knew the gentle heart that beat in his chest would shatter and disintegrate, taking with it the best friend she'd ever known. She knew Connor Temple like he was an extension of her own self, there would be no forgiveness in the early morning light.
Option two was that she could contain him. Really, even as out of mind as he was behaving, Abby would have the upper hand. This room was her territory and he'd be slowed coming through the door. With her skill and the element of surprise, she could easily knock him out before he had a chance to harm her. Of course, he'd wake up in the morning, back to his old self, remember what he'd tried to do, and see option one.
That left Abby with option three: open the door and let whatever this was run it's course naturally.
Her heart beat heavily in her chest as the precipice of choice spanned out before her. No matter what direction she chose to take, she and Connor would never be the same, the dynamics of their relationship were about to be irrevocably altered. Her heart broke silently, and a thin tendril of hate for Helen Cutter wound it's way through her veins in a way not even the death of Nick Cutter brought on. This time, in this moment, Helen was taking away the single source of stability in Abby's life. When the smoke cleared, all Abby would have left is her freedom of choice and a tiny flicker of hope that this could be repaired.
She gathered herself together, moving towards the door once again. It was with a deep breath to calm her pounding heart that she reached her trembling fingers to the lock and with a quiet click released the small barrier keeping Connor away. She found her fingers had ceased shaking when they wrapped around the doorknob and pulled the door inwards.
The first thing to hit home was that he was injured. His hands dripped blood onto the floor in front of him, and tears sprang to her eyes as she saw the pain mirrored in his gaze.
It made sense to her as she stood in that doorway, her view filled with the broken, bloody man before her that had always been so filled with life, to reach for him and take his hand between her soft ones, allowing for a single moment of calm in all the horror of the night.
The calm lasted only a moment, however, Connor's dark eyes sparking immediately, his face contorted in a grim display of malice that once would have been desire. She quickly pulled a hand free, pressing it to his chest as he towered over her, backing her forcefully into her room, blocking her escape as her back met a wall, pulling a soft grunt from her lips.
"Connor, wait."
She didn't recognize the sound that escaped his lips, that mewling, drawn out vocalization that mimicked nothing she'd ever heard from him. Even Dan, as he pressed her into her mattress, his hand over her mouth to stop her screams, never made such a pitiful sound. Regret? Perhaps. Frustration? It could have been. Abby chose to believe quietly that it was the sound of a good man being forced by something unknown to perform an act of violence that would disgust him completely if he'd been in his right frame of mind. Believing that, knowing that, made it very simple for Abby to look up into Connor's dark, tortured eyes, and take a simple breath that calmed her tense body.
"Conn, you have to listen, just for a minute." She waited quietly while he struggled to focus his eyes on hers, his fingers on her shoulders clenching and releasing as he forced himself to listen to her words.
"Good," she whispered, relaxing the pressure of her palm against his chest. "Before this happens, there's something you need to understand, because I know you and you're a great git who'll blame yourself in the morning, yeah?"
"'M sorry, Abs," he whispered, his breath heavy as he leaned in closer, his fingers tightening painfully around her tiny bones.
"I know you are, idiot, that's why we're talking here. C'mon, Conn, focus for me." She nodded in satisfaction when he met her gaze again, holding it this time, the onyx in his eyes shifting back to swirling chocolate, if only for a moment. "This," she gestured between them with her free hand before lifting it to gently cup his cheek, her warm fingers against his cool flesh. "This was always gonna happen, Connor. One way or another, you 'n me? We'd always have ended up in bed, okay? In the morning when your big brain starts over analyzing everything, 'n you get it in your head that you've done wrong, if you remember anything at all, remember that. This was always going to happen."
She knew there would be nothing gentle about him when he finally lost control of that last little piece of him she'd forced him to hold onto, but rather than focus on that, she let her fingers trail softly over his cheek, relaxing the pressure she had against his chest, bringing him closer to her until her lips met his in a single warm, loving kiss. If she held onto nothing more from that night, she'd hold onto that one memory of his lips moving over hers, his hands gentling on her shoulders, her tongue begging entrance to his mouth to taste and tease him, convincing herself and him that they were making this decision, for one short moment in time.
She knew the second he was lost to the black tendrils in his mind, the second he lost hold of his humanity, the second Connor became the animal Helen demanded of him. His teeth closed over her lower lip, biting down hard enough that the pain caused a blistering shot of white light to flash behind the eyes she'd closed. She tasted the warm metal flavour of her blood just before she was lifted from her feet and crushed to his body, held aloft by the wall behind her and the pressure of him leaning into her. It took long moments for the shock of fear to pass through her, those moments spent convincing herself that even in this moment Connor would never hurt her badly, that this was different, and when she had, her heart calmed it's fluttering beats of panic and she let sensation take the place of terror.
She adjusted herself against the wall, bringing her legs up around his waist, fitting him to her as she found his lips once more, her hands finding hold in his short hair, holding his mouth to hers. His kiss was bruising and crushing, her own teeth cutting into the sensitive flesh ground against them, her gasps of pain and pleasure swallowed and lost by him when he dragged a hand up under her shirt, finding her breast with an unerring sense of direction. Rough fingers closed around her, soft flesh kneaded and squeezed as her nipple pebbled in response, her body instantly reacting, hips rising, flooding warmth grinding against the hardness pressing into her.
When his mouth left hers to nip at the sensitive flesh along her jaw, she gasped loudly for air, sliding her hands down the wide expanse of his shoulders, down his back to take hold of his torn shirt, trying desperately to pull it from his body, whimpering as she found it caught between them.
"Conn," she gasped heavily, her eyes rolling back as he found the pulse point in her throat, his teeth closing around it, biting into the soft skin. It amazed her the shock of arousal that shot through her, her body stiffening, her movements barely controlled. It took every ounce of will power she possessed to push him back, to catch his gaze with her glazed blue eyes, to force him to pause when everything inside her was screaming for him to take her against that wall and screw the consequences. She watched silently as he forced himself to meet her gaze, nodding slowly as his jaw twitched with restraint. "We'll move to the bed, yeah? Easier then."
So they moved, almost as one, Connor pulling his shirt from his body as they walked, the button to his jeans falling easily open, fly half down by the time they completed the short distance. Abby wasted no time herself, her shirt coming over her head, assisted in part by Connor's impatient fingers, catching the fabric as it blinded her, pulling it away, tossing it far from reach. Her own jeans were gone in a flash, the small scrap of silk she wore beneath them torn from her body, the fragile fabric dangling in shreds from fingers that paused a mere moment before finding home in the warmth between her legs. It was fast from there, a gasp from her lips wrung a groan from his, his nails cutting into her arms, her nails scraping down his back. Their growing arousal was mutual, driven higher by the scent and sound of each other, skin sliding against skin, the dance of teeth and tongues a prelude only long enough for Connor to shift his body against hers, hard flesh separating soft folds, sheathing himself without apology in the tight heat she offered him wordlessly.
Her eyes closed tightly as he drove himself into her body without mercy, her teeth finding her lip and biting down to keep from crying out as he filled her past her capacity, stretching her, pulling tiny aching moans from her throat as he lowered his head to her throat, growling with pleasure. It took long moments for her body to adjust, muscles long ignored forced back into action with no warning, no warm up, but inside she was burning hot and when he growled a low, guttural exclamation past her ear, the warmth of his breath curling past the lobe and into her hair, her teeth moved from her lip to his shoulder and her body arched beneath his in blinding pleasure.
They easily found a rhythm that suited them both, hard, fast, blood drawn by teeth and nails, marks left on soft, pale flesh, illuminated by the sheen of sweat that slickened their skin, the only sounds their soft cries, sometimes smothered by flesh, sometimes free to echo around the small room, sounds that once would bring a flush of red to Connor's cheeks, that now drove him harder, faster towards the precipice that imprisoned every nuance of his attention.
Each thrust of his body into hers, his body against hers sent sensation after sensation that burned through her blood, heating every nerve ending in her body. She arched and cried out beneath him, welcoming him as his rhythm grew faster, a steady, pounding motion driving her higher and higher. Her breathing came in harsh gasps, matching his own erratic groans; her heart thumped fiercely in her chest, pounding so painfully that for a single moment all she heard was its screaming beat, and all else fell to silence.
Time seemed to stop for Abby, a single elongated moment of pure silence where there was nothing but Connor in her arms, in her body, filling her in ways no man ever had, in ways nobody ever could again, but the moment could only last so long and her blue eyes fluttered closed, shattering the spell even as her body shattered around his and silence burst into a piercing cry that arched her body, white light exploding behind her eyelids, her nails scarring the flesh on his shoulders as surely as the whimpering keen escaping his lips scarred her very soul.
Connor couldn't stay together any longer, fighting as her heated walls clenched tightly around him, sucking him almost painfully into her deepest point, and when she screamed his name with all the power of love and need behind it, his own body exploded magnificently. He emptied into her all of his lust and desperation even as his lips sought out her own, burying his cries into her mouth as he sealed them in one last, loving point of contact.
Abby lay panting beneath Connor, her body crushed heavily into the mattress as he closed his eyes, every limb trembling as he struggled to regain control. It was funny, she thought, how quickly her flesh cooled after how hot it had burned only seconds before. Still, she raised her hands to his shoulders, gentle now as he trembled against her, fingers slipping through trails of sweat and blood as the tension flowed from his muscles and his body finally began to relax, the darkness that had driven him to such drastic heights fading, and when he opened his eyes, she was met with the warm chocolate gaze she'd long committed to memory.
"Hey," she whispered softly, ignoring the sharp ache of her body as she lifted her fingers to his face, trailing across his cheek, her thumb lightly brushing his lips as she held his eyes calmly.
"Abby?"
His confusion cut into her soul, the knowledge that he'd been acting without conscious decision painful, but still her fingers traced over him gently. She quickly smothered any uncertainty that could show through her gaze, curving her lips into a soft smile filled with sympathy and understanding.
"Expecting someone else, then, were you?" she murmured quietly, but she tipped her forehead to his, offering her comfort silently as he worked through whatever cycled through his mind.
She wasn't sure what she expected from him, whether she expected anything at all, but his next words wrung a sharp bark of laughter from her lips, and she twisted her aching body carefully to help cocoon him into her bed.
"'M tired, Abs."
"I'd expect so after that," she grinned cheekily, but her warm arms wrapped around him as he settled against her, his face buried in her neck as they held each other close.
She let him drift away, murmuring soft words to him as he whimpered in his sleep, comforting him even as her own abused muscles began to stiffen, scratches and bites that in the moment were arousing now offered nothing but sharp points of pain in her normally fit body. When she was positive he was completely unconscious, she carefully stretched out from under his grasp, replacing the warmth of her body with the pillow she slept against every night, praying her scent was enough to keep him comfortable as he dreamed away whatever was left of what Helen had planted in his brain.
The stinging spray of the shower brought a groan to her lips as her muscles began to relax and crusting blood washed out of her variety of small wounds. When the tears started, they took her by surprise, mixing away with the water streaming through her hair and over her face, leaving behind only a tiny trace of salt on her kiss swollen lips. She cried silently, not for what had happened between her and Connor, not ever for sharing with him everything she could to keep him with her, but for what she'd lost, tonight, and every night since she'd been a child. Her life had been a string of innocence lost, from the moment Dan had stepped into her room to the moment Helen took away the tender firsts to which she and Connor had been entitled. Someone, somewhere was always stripping away her ability to enjoy the simple things life offered so many other people in the world, so many other people in her life, and it hurt.
Tonight she cried for a little girl locked in a bathroom, for a boy curled up in his best friend's bed, and for chocolate brown eyes that would likely never look at her the same way again.
Yeats was right.
The center never holds.
~~~E~~~
Sunlight was not his friend. As a matter of fact, sunlight was perhaps the furthest thing from a friend that Connor could imagine as he cracked open a single gummy eyelid and the beams of light shining through the window became the catalyst for what was hands down the worst migraine he'd yet to experience.
The pain was the first thing to register as the last tendrils of darkness freed his mind from their grasp, puffing away at first light, leaving a very groggy man to stumble off the side of an unfamiliar mattress, peering around the too familiar room in confusion.
The morning chill in the flat was the second thing to register as very exposed parts of his anatomy reacted poorly, bringing to light the instant realization that he was completely naked, forcing away the last bit of fog as his eyes came to rest upon the not entirely naked form of his best friend, wrapped securely in the sheets he'd just escaped.
Something resembling a squawk escaped his lips as he stumbled backwards towards the door, hushing himself as sudden panic replaced pain and confusion at the thought of Abby opening those beautiful blue eyes and finding him in her bedroom, naked and chilled to the bone. He wasn't sure what horrified him most, the fact he was without a stitch of clothing, or the fact that the overly bitter air had his bits trying to crawl back up inside him, and that was not the impression he wanted Abby to have.
He'd made it all the way to the bedroom door before she shifted, cracking open one beautiful blue eye to the sight of his pale arse trying to escape without notice. She almost giggled. Almost.
She watched the flush rise up his body, starting at his lower back, rising up over his shoulders and neck, the tips of his ears nearly maroon before he cleared his throat uncomfortably, feeling her gaze on him unerringly.
"Look, Abby, I can explain…" he started pathetically, not daring to turn back and face what he was sure to be the embodiment of fury.
It was with great trepidation that she voiced her next words, perhaps meant in jest, but truth rang through clearly. "I'd love to hear it, Conn, since no one else in the entire ARC could explain a thing about you last night, yeah?"
Somewhere Connor had heard it said that when abandoned memories return, they often don't trickle in like they show in amnesiac films, but instead bombard their owners with the force of an atomic explosion. As his body rocked into the doorframe, an uncontrollable tremble shaking him from head to foot, scene after scene of the night before came flooding back in unmerciful droves until he was left gaping in horror, desperately attempting to put images in order. When they all came together with his teeth closing on Abby's throat, the thin taste of copper still lingering on his tongue, her pained cry ringing in his ears, his heart stopped beating in his chest. Whether it missed one beat or ten, he couldn't say, but he could tell you the exact moment it shattered, eviscerating him from the inside out with shrapnel built from sudden self loathing.
He was through the door before Abby could reach him, taking what refuge could be found in his own room, allowing himself the small measure of humility in pulling on a pair of clean shorts before letting gravity take over and dropping him to his knees. A minute could have passed, or an hour, perhaps a full day as he knelt on his bedroom floor, staring at nothing, drowning in the violent memories of the previous day.
He wasn't sure when she'd come into his room, but the warmth of her arms around him brought him back, and tears filled his eyes as he shrugged her away.
"How… how could I? How can you even look at me?"
Broken words formed by a broken heart, his eyes focussed on his hands, on the mingled stains of their blood under his nails. Her arms tightened around him, her lips pressed to his shoulder even as he tried to shrug her away.
"You remember it all, do you?" she asked quietly, waiting as he nodded miserably, fighting the urge to take comfort in her touch. "Then you remember what I said before it went too far."
If you remember anything at all, remember that. This was always going to happen.
He swallowed thickly, some of the tension easing from his frame as he dared to look up at her, dared to believe the honesty in her gaze.
"Yeah?" she whispered softly, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips.
He shrugged lightly, swallowing as he cocked his head to the side, allowing a small glimmer of life to shine in those soft brown eyes that never failed to melt her heart. "I remember you calling me an idiot."
She chuckled quietly, shaking her head. "That'd be most days, yeah?"
He bit his lip, lifting a hand to scratch at the back of his neck as he struggled to find words that didn't sound blasé. "Abby, what you said, did you mean it? We'd always have happened?"
She shifted to touch her forehead to his, holding his gaze as she nodded. "We never had a chance, you 'n me, not from the moment I let you in the bloody flat." She shrugged, settling against him, sighing when his arms came around her. "Helen may have forced our hand, Conn, but my feelings were never in question." She waited a long moment before raising her head, her gaze dark when he didn't say a word. She swatted his shoulder lightly, grinning from ear to ear at the confusion that lingered in his dark eyes, and she shook her head. "I love you, idiot, always have."
"Yeah?"
Abby figured that some women would be offended, hurt that I love you didn't tumble freely from his lips, but she saw the stunned look of awe glaze over his eyes and felt the stutter of his heart as he struggled to pick his jaw up from where he'd dropped it. The magnificent grin that crossed his features, straightening his shoulders, told her enough. The fact that she was pulled forward a moment later, her own heart stalling when his lips met hers in the gentlest kiss full of more reverence than she'd experienced in her entire life, confirmed what she'd suspected all along. When he pulled back long enough to capture her gaze, still grinning from ear to ear, she couldn't stop her own joy from radiating through her blue eyes.
"Loved you since the day I met you," he whispered finally, his arms holding her tight to his chest.
"Really?" Her lips twitched, her eyes shone. "You hid it well."
His tone was disbelieving as he watched her carefully. "Abby, I was a proper fool."
"Yeah." she agreed softly. "But you're my fool."
His eyes darkened and he lifted his finger to her cheek, brushing over her skin gently. "And you're me entire heart, yeah?"
Some day she'd tell him, tell him how broken she was when he came to her, how it was his innocence that gave her hope, his love that helped her put the pieces back together. She'd share her pain, her terror, her tears and it would be okay because it was Connor and he never judged her.
But first things first.
"C'mon, then. Let's get you to the ARC 'n make sure all of Helen's goop is out of your brain before you go and do something soppy like suggesting we elope." She meant it as a joke, but her cheeks flushed instantly as the suggestion flew past her lips.
To his credit Connor said nothing, merely climbing to his feet to clothe himself as Abby sat on the floor, silently studying her reaction to her own joke. She'd just managed to shrug off the strange feeling wrapping around her heart when she looked up to find Connor grinning down at her, and she felt the flush darken her cheeks once more.
"Shut up," she muttered quietly, taking his hand and letting him pull her to her feet.
"I didn't say anything."
"Don't think it either."
He winked. "Too late."
Neither of them were strangers to the dark. Lives spent in struggle, everything leading up to this point. When Connor pulled her into his arms, kissing her soundly before they left the flat, Abby slowly started to wonder if maybe, just maybe, it had all been worth it.
~~~Fin~~~