(Kimura, Kaorin, and JBK2K1 are all standing in a room. Kaorin looks mortified)
JBK2K1: OK, so, I guess you read the description, and came to check out the fic. And yes, you read right. I'm putting Kimura and Kaorin together in a fanfic.
Kimura: (tears 'river'ing down his face in happiness) Finally! Kaorin and I are together in a fanfiction! Thank you so much, JBK2K1!
Kaorin: (Still mortified) How could you do this, JBK?!
JBK: Oh, it was actually quite easy. I actually got the idea sitting on the internet realizing that nobody wrote one about you two together.
Kimura: (turns toward Kaorin)Now you and I shall be together forever!!
(Kaorin begins to cry, as she falls to her knees)
Kaorin: BUT YOU PUT ME TOGETHER IN AZUMANGA DAIOH RETURNS WITH KAGURA SO NICELY!! WHY, JBK, WHY?!
Kimura: Oh, it's obvious I'm his favorite character.
JBK: No, Sakaki is.
Kimura: Oh. (moment of silence) Oh, well. Come, Kaorin, honey, let's get this fanfic under way.
Kaorin: (still crying on her knees) DON'T CALL ME HONEY!
(Sakaki, Chiyo, Kagura, Tomo, and Osaka all run in)
Tomo: Did I hear that right?! Kaorin is in a fanfiction with Kimura?!
JBK: You heard right.
Chiyo: Why would you do something so mean?! You were so nice when you gave boyfriends to everybody!
Tomo: Well, maybe not to me. I still hate mine for peeing on the seat.
Yomi: We are getting off the subject.
Osaka: Makes you wonder, how can you be on or off a subject? (looks under her feet) I don't see any 'subject' down there.
Chiyo: (Ignores Osaka) JBK, seriously, what would make you want to do something so evil as to put Kimura and Kaorin together?!
Tomo: (eyes narrowed evilly) Maybe he's planning on them having sex…
Sakaki: (face turns beat red in embarrasement) He…wouldn't…
Kimura: (glasses glint) I like that idea…
Kaorin: (first looks over at JBK in shock, then curls up and begins to cry heartfully) My life is over!! This is worse than everything Anime-Rebirth has done to me put together!! (cries harder)
(Nyamo, Yukari, and Chihiro now all run in)
Nyamo: (runs over to JBK) What the hell is wrong with you?! Putting Kaorin with Kimura! It's absolutely repulsive!
Tomo: And he plans on making them have sex!
Yukari: (smacks JBK's head) That is sick! Now, if anybody is going to have sex in a fanfic, it's going to be me, and it's going to be with some hot guy!
Kimura: (trying to get everybody's attention) Excuse me…
Nyamo: Oh, right. As if you and some hot guy could ever have sex.
Yukari: (glares evilly at Nyamo) I believe I've had better boyfriends than you have…
(That comment by Yukari instigates a verbal fight between her and Nyamo)
Chihiro: Hey, shouldn't we be focused on helping Kaorin here?
Kagura: Yeah, but seriously, what are we going to do? The only time any character has grabbed control of a fanfic was with Kaorin and Anime-Rebirth.
Osaka: We could always ask the aliens to help.
(The Azu-girls stare at Osaka ridiculously. Meanwhile, Yukari and Nyamo continue to fight)
Nyamo: And what about that boyfriend you had in high school?! He had zits all over his face!
Yukari: Better than the fattie you were dating!!
Yomi: Hey! I resent that remark!
Tomo: Hey, Yomi, if a fat guy can date a hottie like Nyamo, looks like you've got some hope!
Yomi: (karate chops Tomo's head) Shut up! At least I can get a boyfriend! You would probably annoy the heck out of the one you would have!!
Tomo: (rubbing her head) Well, at least I got a boyfriend in Azu-Daioh Returns!! What did you get?! Nothing but heartbreak!!
Chiyo: (now helping Chihiro try to calm everybody down) Could we please focus on Kaorin here?
Chihiro: C'mon guys! Quit fighting! Please!!
(Sakaki notices JBK talking to Kaorin, who has stopped crying. JBK now walks over to Kimura, and talks to him. Kimura nods his head, and JBK walks back to the group)
(JBK pulls a whistle out of his pocket and blows hard, which gets the attention of everybody in the group)
JBK: OK, now that I have your attention, could everybody please exit so that we may leave Kaorin and Kimura alone?
Tomo: (points accusing finger at JBK) Why, so you can make them have sex in private?!
Osaka: Or implant alien eggs in their brains?! Or clone them?!
Chihiro: You won't! You can't!
Chiyo: (crosses her arms) We'll never leave! Not until you promise that nothing is going between those two!
Everybody else: Yeah!!
(JBK sighs. He puts the whistle back into his pocket, whispers "author control" and snaps his fingers. The girls immediately get a far-off look in their eyes)
JBK: Now please exit so that Kimura and Kaorin can have their peace.
All: (In an automated monotone) Yes, JBK.
(All the girls and JBK exit, leaving only Kimura and Kaorin in the room)
…
(Outside, JBK resnaps his fingers, and all the girls snap out of his control)
Chiyo: What was that for?!
JBK: You weren't leaving, so I had to control you. It was only for a few minutes, jeez.
(The girls all look at him, now shocked. Chihiro falls to her knees, crying)
Chihiro: Now Kaorin and Kimura are in a fanfiction by themselves, and there's nothing we can do about it!! (cries harder)
JBK: (acts like it's common knowledge) Well, yeah. Why are you guys so upset?
Chiyo: Everybody knows Kaorin hates Kimura!
Yomi: Yeah! Why would you put them together in a fanfiction?!
JBK: Oh, perhaps you misunderstood me. I'm putting those two together in this fanfic…and I'm giving Kaorin access to my weapon cabinet.
All: (surprised) Huh?!
…
Kimura: (watching JBK exit door with the girls) Well, Kaorin, looks like it's just you and me…
(He turns around to find Kaorin with bullets wrapped around her body like Rambo. She's holding guns in both hands, and there are too many other weapons to count behind her, to the left of her, to the right of her, and even above her)
Kaorin: (looking evilly happy) heh…heh…heh…heh…Reeeveeenge….
Kimura: (almost whimpering) Kaorin?
…
(JBK and all the girls hear guns firing, lasers going off, energy cannons fired, missiles exploding, tie-fighter shots, windows '. wav' noises, and many other sounds of chaos.)
(after about 5 minutes, the noises finally stop)
Chiyo: So…is it over?
(Kaorin walks out, looking happier than ever)
Kaorin: So, shall we go?
Chihiro: uh…sure, let's go!
Yukari: (Pump-fisting into the air) All right! Drinks on Nyamo!
Tomo: (Also pump fists into the air) All right!! Drinking!!
Nyamo: Hey! I never agreed to paying!!
(All the girls leave, not the least bit concerned about Kimura. Sakaki and JBK stay back.)
JBK: Well, I think that's a happy ending…
(Sakaki turns JBK's head, and lays a big kiss on his lips)
(Sakaki pulls back, leaving JBK standing there, stunned and blushing)
Sakaki: I think it's very nice what you did for Kaorin. Thank you.
(She bows, and then runs to catch up to the Azu-girls)
JBK: (slightly stunned) Wow…(pump-fists) THAT WAS AN AWESOME ENDING!!
(Kimura comes crawling out of the room. He is completely covered in soot)
Kimura: Ow….wait…ow…this isn't a happy ending for me…
JBK: You're the comic relief in this fic. You don't get a happy ending. And now we have to end it.
Kimura: No, wait…!
(JBK snaps his fingers, and the screen goes black)
Kimura: (still being heard) But what about the sex?!
…
Author's notes: Well, this is my first one-shot. Hope it worked out OK!
Chiyo: Hold it!!
JBK: What now, Chiyo? The fanfic is over…
Chiyo: I'm just wondering. I know that you probably told Kaorin that you were giving her the key to your weapon cabinet, but what did you tell Kimura? He didn't seem to know what Kaorin was doing…
JBK: I simply told him that I was going to move everybody else out of the room, so he and Kaorin could move on with the fanfic.
Chiyo: (thinks about it for a moment) And if you think about it, you're actually telling the truth that way…
JBK: Precisely.
Chiyo: OK, you can end it now
Thanks for reading and please review!!
JBK2K1
Kimura: And if you review badly, both Michael Jackson and I will show up at your house, and…
JBK: Quit threatening the readers, or I'll put you both in another fic just like this one.
Kimura: You are a spawn of evil.
JBK: (smiling evilly) hehe…and proud of it…