(Note: This is set roundabout Prisoner of Azkaban time... I think. Oh well. Let's shoot it anyway)
It was a new year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry and students, both old and new were piling into the great hall to begin the sorting ceremony. Harry, Ron and Hermione were busy avoiding people as per usual, only because they knew full well if you let a first near you, they would immediately either want an autograph with Harry or they would try and steal something. Whichever was thought as the most convenient at the time. Suddenly as they were half-way to the great hall, Ron stopped and gasped.
"What is it this time Ron?" Asked Hermione. Ron didn't really answer, instead he pointed forwards at a girl in the crowd. A first year but a very strange looking one at that, long platinum blonde hair and a face that looked almost plastic. Harry and Hermione both looked at each other and both said the same thing.
"Barbie doll" Ron looked at the two confused and after waiting for an explanation that never came, ran over to the girl.
"Zoe! Zoe Sutherland!" Ron yelled out. Zoe gave a shrill little girl laugh and walked over.
"Oh dear me, it seems I missed the proper place for the first year students. How silly of me" she gave another shrill little laugh that irritated Hermione greatly. "It's this way I think" she walked off leaving Harry and Hermione both irritated and confused. Harry turned to Ron who was waving goodbye frantically in the girls direction.
"Who was she?" Harry demanded. Ron sighed.
"Its only Zoe Sutherland! You know! Zoe Sutherland!" Both Hermione and Harry shook their heads. Before Ron could explain anymore, they were ushered into the great hall by the prefects.
Everyone was now sat down. Everyone that is except the new people and for some reason, Snape who had been grabbed by the blonde girl Zoe.
"Get off me girl..." Zoe didnt seem to hear him properly and looked up at him and grinned widely.
"Awww! Snape is emo!" and then she made a noise that suspiciously sounded like 'SQUEE!' followed by the words 'omigoshtheresmalfoyhessohawt'
Professor McGonagall stood up now and placed the fabled sorting hat down. This was confusing, usually Dumbledore would say something or Malfoy would do something or... just SOMETHING would usually happen before the sorting, this was strange. McGonagall then spoke.
"All right, we shall do this in alphabetical order... That means first is Adam, then Arlaith and then..." a small voice coughed in the line to try and attract attention, McGonagall ignored it "Then Bethram and..." this time the voice spoke up. Surprise surprise, it was Zoe... Again...
"Excuse me McGonagall! I should be first because im Dumbledores daughter" this stunned the whole great hall into silence, a very awkward silence. Snape shot a look at Dumbledore
"I thought you were gay" Dumbledore chortled a little.
"Indeed I am very happy dear Severus!" Snape rolled his eyes.
"No... I mean as in you enjoy the company of other men..." Dumbledore took a sip of something and thought for a moment.
"Oh yes... Thats right" McGonagall snapped at the two of them.
"Then how is she your daughter?" Dumbledore chortled.
"Well I got very tipsy if you recall" Snape rolled his eyes once more, yes they did recall, Dumbledore was always damned tipsy. "Well one night I found myself in bed with Professor Sprout after a party" Hagrid nodded.
"That she did... He did... er... whatever" Sprout was furious now.
"F*CK YOU!" The whole hall burst into gasps as Sprout, usually a kind mild woman burst into a string of expletives all aimed at Dumbledore and Hagrid. Ron was beaming ear to ear and the great hall was in chaos.
Suddenly a giant female voice boomed all around the great hall. "Who dares try and wreck my story!" a giant hand then phased through the ceiling of the hall and pointed directly at Zoe, Snape ducked quickly to avoid a large diamond ring on one of the female fingers. "Who are YOU?" Zoe stammed to get an answer out, the plastic-like face had been replaced by a face of shock and worry.
"Im...Im.. Zoe.. Zoe Sutherland"
"THERE IS NO ZOE SUTHERLAND IN MY BOOKS!" Harry blinked confused... Wait... Books? Huh? He looked over at both Ron and Hermione, both of whom were just as shocked. A little down the table Neville was slapping himself with a book... odd... The loud voice returned again "BEGONE YOU SILLY FANGIRL" Zoe shrieked as the hand picked her up and flung her out of a window. "Right! Now the rest of you stay in f*cking character! Right? Right!" the hand vanished suddenly and the window magically repaired itself.
Ron went back to talking to Neville again who had now stopped hitting himself. Everyone was acting as if nothing had occurred at all, Snape was back at his table, Sprout was happily reading a small book on herbology and the sorting hat was back on the staff table, ready to be used again. Harry blinked and turned to Hermione.
"Why is everyone acting like that didn't just happen?" Hermione sighed and shook her head.
"Look lets just pretend that nothing happened okay, thats probably better for all of us right?" Harry nodded... still confused but maybe this was for the best.