Written on Tue., Jan 11, 2000, 1:53am.
~ Collapsed. His body gave out after all the hours of fighting it, his walls
breaking down after all of his struggling against the searing pain of his
memories. Tears slowly ran down his cheeks, falling into the cool night wind to
be carried off into the sea below. Seated on a jutting rockface overlooking the
ocean, Cloud Strife tilted his head upward, deep sorrowful eyes watching the
sights of the heavens, beautiful blue and purple clouds mixing with endless
blackness, white lights twinkling through it all, blanketing the sky with it's
beauty. The sight was beheld by near blind eyes as tears blurred his vision,
taking in the image as only another detail in this endless world of loneliness
that he couldn't seem to escape.
Cloud Strife, the man that saved the Planet from Meteor; Cloud, no longer the
little boy who left Nibelheim, seeking strength in joining SOLDIER. His
childhood had been burned away like his hometown, not even whole memories
remaining of it in his mind. His mother was gone, but even through the agony of
the loss, he knew he could overcome that pain. What he couldn't put behind him
was his first loss, the one that he let gradually take place right before his
eyes. The one whom he admired most, a man who he, over time, grew to know as
more than a friend, someone who liked him, a boy who had always been rejected by
others. Out of the crowd his SOLDIER had stood out, some beacon that he reached
for constantly in an attempt to pull himself higher, striving to be greater than
he thought he could be and knew was possible. His Silver-haired warrior who
would stand by him, casting back the other soldiers who would've pushed him
around like the boys back in Nibelheim used to; the exotic, beautiful looking
man who had saved him in battle more than one time and who didn't ask anything
in return for it. Cloud had placed him on a pedestal, always turning to him
during a dark time, knowing he could find comfort in the thought of him if he
couldn't see the man himself personally. Admiration turned to obsession,
obsession to infatuation and infatuation blending with emotions that were
unexpectedly buried deep within himself, somehow resulting in a deep and
irreplaceable love.
Over a year passed while these feelings were harboured within the blonde boy,
assuming that they would never be accepted or returned, knowing that he was
never going to be good enough to be the lover of a man who stood in the eyes of
the world.
The man turned his head to the side, resting his cheek against his shoulder.
A hot tear trickled down the side of his face, falling in the dirt at his feet..
Breathing was difficult, his breath slow and heavy on a dry, sore throat. It
had only been a week since Lifestream had destroyed Meteor, but before that, in
his hands, Ultima Weapon was used to put an end to the life of a dark angel that
was supposedly the cause of the crisis the world was facing. Now, the Planet was
saved, but his world was empty. What was there now? Now that he understood?...
He'd put an end to his angel's life, making that strong heart bleed out of it's
skin, staining the beautiful face of the warrior, twisting deep emerald eyes
with pain. He'd watched his love die. He'd caused it, Cloud had, in a whirl of
rage and determined revenge. Jenova's influence was what formed the man that
burned down his town, summoned Meteor and killed Aeris. Jenova took the most
beautiful thing in his world and twisted it into something wicked and horrible,
and with his own blood-soiled hands, he had been forced to destroy an image of
the only person he had ever truly loved.. But what he had loved had died long
before that battle ever took place.
Gloved hands pounded at the ground, finally the sobs overwhelming him. "Why
did the stars choose me?" he cried out into the night, demanding some sort of
answer for the pain etched into his heart with the blade of his own sword. "Why
couldn't I have fallen in love with someone else? Why did the Gods turn against
me? Why did I lose my childhood so early..? I don't have my answers, I'll never
have them, because you're gone.. you always seemed to know everything. You gave
me all of the knowledge I have... I used it against you."
The night wind brushed his cheek, drying the streams of moisture left on his
flesh from his crying..
Cloud felt it acutely: bits of his soul tearing away, being swallowed by the
abyss inside of his heart. His aquamarine eyes narrowed, feeling both burned and
chilled by the breeze. ~Let the world think what they want to about me...~
~I can be the hero they desire~
~In their eyes..~
~What really matters? I want to go and be with my hero.~
~My angel,~
~My Sephiroth.~
Bitterness, despair and sadness drained from his mind. The only thoughts he
focused on now, were of being with his seraphim again. After all, hadn't he done
his part?... Nothing he had done could have been regretted; if he hadn't been
born, then the world wouldn't exist now, it was accepted that he held his
crucial role in saving the planet. Slowly the man reached down, removing the
gloves from his hands, setting them aside on the rocks.. Bloodstained gloves. He
removed his boots, the ones he had worn that had taken him around the world and
to this final destination ... The sword on his back was removed, and with
knitted eyebrows yet no regret, it was tossed over the cliff's edge and into the
dark, freezing water below. That sword had delivered the final blow would live
on through time as something both horrible and unforgettable, yet it had brought
hope to a dying world...
Cloud removed his uniform next, the one Zack had given him on the way to
Midgar. The source of his illusions, what he had based everything on... He
sighed under his breath, murmured a brief apology and thank you, and laid it,
too, on the rocks by the cliff edge.
Cloud, as pure as one man can be to himself, on the edge of the cliff. He
raised his head, giving a final glance at the stars hanging in the heavens. He
called his thanks for them seeing him through his adventure, helping him do what
he needed to do, and now helping him return where he was always meant to go..
His tears sparkled as the wind carried them away. He was going to be whole
again, the young boy who held innocence, the Cloud who died so long ago, was
becoming one with the war-worn warrior again..
With certainty of his actions, a long awaited release was claimed as the man
faded out of the physical world, meeting on the other side the ones who he knew
waited for him.. one person in particular.
...~"It's nice to meet the real you."~...
~Owari~
Something I wrote on impulse at 12:30-1am. I was already in bed when I
got the feeling that I'd left something unfinished ...better to write when you
get the urge than to not write and never know what you would have been inspired
to create...
~
~
One night. One night together the two had shared, the feelings he had
finally becoming too much to contain. He remembered that night as a treasure, a
gift given to him that he probably never deserved. His lover was a lonely man
who kept to himself, something Cloud always admired about him. The enigmatic
ways of his beautiful koi; nothing could compare. He was like heaven on earth to
touch. The feeling and emotion of that night crashed down upon him again, the
memories stinging more tears out of his eyes until each tear could be felt,
burning his eyes so hot that it was a slow torture.
He remembered a day after the battle, asking Cid to take him back to the
Crater. Travelling down the steep cliffs to the center of the Crater had been a
numbing experience, his thoughts mostly dead until his eyes laid on what he
expected to see, though his heart cringed as he took in the sight.. His boots
made no sound as he padded across the snowy ground to where a still figure lay,
some parts of him covered with sparse flakes of snow, but still very much
visible to the naked eye. Cloud kneeled down beside the figure. He outlined the
pale white face with his index finger, still and serious looking as always, not
once had he seen a smile on that disciplined face.. The long elegantly pointed
nose, closed eyes with silvery eyelashes protecting the intense mako-tinted
green-blue orbs that were this lovely being's eyes. He looked angelic, lying in
the snow like this, his body completely unmarred. Silver hair shining like
moonbeams fell around his shoulders, some in his face.. Cloud gently pushed it
out of the way, clearing the beautiful sight. The cold numbness of outside began
seeping it's way into his heart, frosting over his insides. It became hard to
swallow, staring down at such a sight. But he looked at peace now... he wasn't
the monster that he had been presented as in Life; he depicted the true man that
he was, the true Sephiroth, now, though in Death.
"Cloud Strife, the boy who saved the Planet"- that
was just an image that he let the others make up. It was Lifestream who saved
the Planet, not them. Definitely not him. He had just managed to sacrifice the
one thing that had already been stolen from him before. That's what his role
was, to hold up his one valuable treasure for the world to see and then crush it
in the palm of his hand. He felt crushed himself; heh. Mentally, he laughed at
that analogy, a soft, bitter sound.
Fate was what brought him here; Fate was now taking mercy on him and would
deliver him at last from a mission he had been burdened with..