I know, there are already tons of fics about this ep. But I needed to get it off my chest. They are driving me nuts! I needed an outlet for my frustration. Being a TV show addict is sooo not healthy. Enjoy!

Chapter One

"Do you wanna know trauma? I was shot in the chest! And I remember every second of it!"

The smile that had appeared on Castle's face when he'd listened to Kate grilling the suspect, faltered slowly when his brain registered the meaning of her words. His eyes widened in surprise before the hurt settled into them.

"All this time?" Castle murmured defeated, staring through the two-way mirror at Kate. "You remembered?"

Castle couldn't believe it. She remembered everything? She'd just said that she remembered every single second and he knew her long enough, had been sitting beside her during countless interrogations to know that she hadn't lied just to get a reaction out of the suspect. She had told the truth, she didn't lie to the suspect. But she had lied to him. She had lied to him for months.

The observation room suddenly felt too small and he needed to get out of the precinct. He'd told her that he loved her and she had heard him. She had heard him confessing his love to her.

He could feel the anger bubbling up in his stomach but right in that moment all he could feel was hurt. She didn't love him. It was the only explanation he could come up with why she'd lied to him. She didn't love him and didn't know how she should deal with his confession. So she chose to just ignore it.

All these months she knew that he was in love with her. She knew. He couldn't get over the fact that she lied to him. That she apparently didn't value their friendship as much as he did. She took the coward's way out. She could have told him that she didn't love him. She should have told him. He had a right to know that she would never give them a chance. That he was the only one who lost his heart.

She didn't need time. She never needed time. She just didn't feel the same way.

~C&B~

"Was Castle here?" Kate asked Esposito when she spotted the coffee cup on her table.

"Yeah, earlier. But he said he had to go. Said there was somewhere he needed to be."

"He just came by to bring coffee?" Kate replied astonished, wondering why Castle didn't wait until she came out of the interrogation.

"He was disappointed that we caught a break in the case without him and rushed to the observation room to at least watch the interrogation." Esposito explained. "He must have heard something worth pursuing. He almost ran me over on his way out."

Kate suddenly felt dizzy and she reached for the back of her chair, digging her fingers into the leather until her knuckles went white. The blood rushed in her ears, almost drowning out Esposito's voice. He was in the observation room?

"Shit. Fucking hell." Esposito's eyes grew wide. He'd never heard Beckett curse like that before and he didn't want to be in Castle's shoes when Beckett found him. "Javi, I need to go. Cover for me, will you?"

"But Beckett ..." Esposito started, but Kate had already disappeared around the corner.

Esposito raised his eyebrows in confusion and looked at Ryan who only shrugged his shoulders. They never knew what was going on between Castle and Beckett. The relationship between those two was too complicated to even try to understand it.

~C&B~

Kate rushed through the doors of the morgue, her gaze searching for the one person who might know where Castle was. When her gaze fell on Alexis, she sighed in relief.

"Alexis?" Kate shouted over the room, not caring about the curious looks she got from the other people in the room.

"Yeah?" Alexis turned around, looking quizzically at the approaching detective.

"Do you know where your father is?"

"Yeah, he came down here about half an hour ago to tell me that he would meet with grandma at the bomb memorial." Alexis saw Kate's pale face, heard her uneven breathing and an uneasiness settled into her stomach. "Why? Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

"No, I mean yes, no." Kate took in a deep breath. "I just need to talk to him." When Alexis looked at her with still worried eyes, Kate reassured. "Your dad is fine. Nothing happened to him."

Kate shook her head inwardly. Nothing happened to him? That was the understatement of the century. She didn't even want to think about how hurt and furious he might feel right now.

Kate forced herself to give Alexis a reassuring smile, before she turned around on her heels and walked back out of the room.

"Kate?" Kate hadn't even noticed that her best friend had been in the morgue but she apparently followed her outside. Lanie put a hand on her shoulder to stop her and Kate turned around slowly.

"What happened?" Lanie asked softly. "Did you two have a fight?"

"Not yet." Kate whispered, closing her eyes.

"Not yet? What do you ..." Lanie started to speak but Kate's quiet voice interrupted her.

"He knows, Lanie." Kate bit her bottom lip, opening her eyes to look in the worried eyes of her best friend. "He knows that I remember everything."

"How did he find out?"

"He heard me telling a suspect. I didn't know that he was in the observation room."

"Obviously."

"Lanie?" Kate's voice trembled. The realization how much she screwed up was just settling in, making her want to break down in tears. "He is never gonna forgive me."

"I told you, that lying to him would bite you in the ass. I never understood why you've lied to him in the first place. It's not as if you don't reciprocate his feelings."

"I don't know if I really ..." Kate started to argue out of habit. Even now she was scared to voice her true feelings. She had told Lanie once when they had been insanely drunk after a girl's night out. But she only said it this one time. The actual words only came once over her lips.

"Katherine Beckett, stop it! Just stop it! No running away anymore. You have to face your feelings." Kate opened her mouth, feeling the urge to defend her actions but Lanie only raised her hand before she could utter one word. "You are in love with him, Kate. You are in love with Richard Castle for a very long time now. I know you are scared. But if you don't wanna lose him you have to tell him. You have to tell him how you feel. Now! Before it's too late. You hurt him with your lie. You know that. If you don't explain it to him than you are going to be right."

"Right about what?"

"That he is never gonna forgive you."

I actually never liked that Kate chose to lie to him. And don't get me started on Monday's episode. I find it completely out of character that Kate didn't ask Castle what's wrong with him. There is no way she would just let his mood change slide without probing him to tell her what happened that made him so angry. I hate when producers are changing their characters for the sole purpose to drag things out. Makes me furious!

Okay, I've got you. You've just read the 100th fic about this ep so you are apparently as desperate for them getting together as I am. :-) So please leave me a review on your way out. You can vent if you like. I love venting.