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Thanks Phoenix, for all your help!!!!!!!!!
The Passage of Time
Chakotay walked into his darkened quarters and sat on the couch not bothering with turning on the lights. He preferred the dark nowadays, that's how felt, dark and lonely.
It had been 3 months since her death the only consolation he had was that it was quick and painless. She had been helping Belanna in engineering, problems with the warpcore were overwhelming Belanna, and the captain's expertise was just as much as Belanna's. He arrived in engineering in time to witness it. There was a surge in the warp core, the captain was standing right next to it. Then a light came out, that was the only way they could explain it still, she was engulfed, she screamed and then she was gone, must have completely disintegrated her.
He glanced towards the desk, his computer was closed. 'I never close it. Hmmm. must be alot more tired than I thought' He rubbed his face and decided to take a quick shower before he went to bed.
*****
He awoke to the sensation of someone touching him. "Computer lights 50%. " He looked around the illuminated room, nothing. Got up, checked the living area, nothing. So he climbed back into bed.
The sensation came back again, "Dammit, what is that. "He yelled subconsciously brushing his tattoo. He jumped out of bed, "well I'm obviously not going to get any sleep tonight, could work on those reports" he said to himself.
*****
Morning came slowly, he must've fallen asleep at his desk, his computer was off and closed once again. "I am really losing it." He was supposed to meet Tom and Belanna for breakfast he didn't want to be late.
He thought about telling them about his odd night but decided against it, probably just dreaming. They ate then proceeded to the bridge.
The rest of the day was business as usual, a little boring actually. It gave him too much time to think, to pour over all the information they had accumulated on the captain's death. The surge could not be explained any further than outside forces interfered with the warp core. The surge had unusual properties that were still under investigation; they did not want that happening again.
Her death had been so hard to deal with being, they had nothing left. Not even residual DNA. Everyone delt with it in there own way, and everyone continued on. She would want that. Chakotay tried, he really did, but it was so hard to at times.
He muddled through a few more reports, then proceeded to the bridge, one more hour and he can hide in the safety of his quarters.
*****
Upon entering his quarters, he didn't notice anything at first, but then he did notice, just a few things were different. Moved around, 'someone has got to be playing a joke on me' "computer, has anyone besides myself entered this room?"
"Negative"
"Go to sleep Chakotay," he told himself.
He took his own advice.
*****
The next couple of weeks passed much the same, he ignored the fact that things were rearranging themselves in his absence, they were insignificant. A coffee cup here, a picture there. All things that could be explained if he thought long enough about it.
The sensation of being touched in the night remained, and he really didn't mind that. They were always gentle touches, tracing his tattoo, touching his cheek. He wasn't sure if he was dreaming it or not, he knew he should at least talk to the doctor about all of this, but he wasn't sure if was ready too.
He took a water shower, a long hot one, and had just stepped out, grabbed a towel and dried off. He had the towel draped over his head to dry his hair and walked into his bedroom, not paying attention much.
The giggle caught him offgaurd, he flung his head up and nearly fell over, Kathryn was sitting on his bed.
"Nice view commander" she laughed.
He looked down, he was completely naked, "Kathryn" but when he looked back up she was gone.
"What the hell? Computer has anyone else been in this room besides me"
"Negative"
With the computers reply, he decided the visit to sickbay was definitely a priority, and NOW.
*****
"I'm telling you doctor, she was there on my bed, clear as day, She commented on my...." he wasn't going to finish that one.
"One your what captain?"
"Never mind. Am I losing my mind?"
"Captain, this has been a stressful time for you, you're not sleeping well, not eating well, and now your in charge of a starship due to the death of someone you care deeply about. An unexplained death at that, It's bound to have adverse effects on you. I recommend you take a sedative and try to get a decent night sleep, which alone could help you tremendously. Also, try to socialize a bit, you are becoming a recluse, get out of that room, go to the holodeck, visit friends."
"I'm not a recluse, I leave that room every time I go to the bridge" he was angry, none of this was explaining what he saw or was feeling.
"And as soon as your duty shift is over you go to your room. Try a change of pace, see if that helps. I want to see you in a couple of days to see if that helps."
"Fine Doctor" and with that he left.
*****
Time passed, and nothing changed. He was getting good sleep; thanks to the sedative, when he didn't the sensations came back. Things were still being rearranged but he tended to ignore that. He still didn't have another vision.
He hadn't yet told anyone about the things that have been happening, he had always been a very private man, and this was definitely under the category of private. His subsequent visits with the doctor proved nothing, any other influence, nothing wrong with his mind. Basically he was actually seeing it or as the doctor said you want to see and feel her so you do.
He had just finished his shift, was in his quarters waiting for Belanna, they were going to go over some reports. He went into his bedroom to change, changed and walked into the living area.
"Where am I Chakotay?"
The voice was soft, almost sounded frightened, "Kathryn"
"I don't understand this" she was actually talking with him. "Am I dead?"
"Well, up until now I thought so, god, Kathryn I don't know" Chakotay was definitely confused.
"I think I might be, I must be." she smiled at him.
The door chime interrupted them, and he turned for the door, it would be Belanna, if she saw Kathryn... He opened the door and Belanna walked in. "Chakotay, are you alright, you look like you saw a ghost."
"Well I... I mean, Kathryn..."she wasn't there anymore.
"Chakotay, your scaring me, come on, lets get to sick bay."
"Sick bay won't help, I've already talked to the doctor, but maybe I need to talk to you."
He explained everything that had been going on for the past few weeks. "I think I'm going crazy, we both know she's dead but god, she was right there, talking with me."
"Chakotay we'll get an answer, there has to be one. But I might need some help." She didn't want to tell anyone about this without his permission.
"Get what ever help you need. I don't know if she is alive or dead. It' possible she could be alive... I don't know Belanna, just get me an answer."
*******
With the help of seven, Joe Carrey, vorick and anyone else she could trust wouldn't spread this around she began looking for an explanation. Going with both ideas, one where Kathryn was a ghost and the other with the fact that she could be trapped somewhere the split into two teams, each team focusing on the single idea. The fact that the captain would only appear in Chakotays room had Belanna wondering.
********
The crew worked hard trying to find an explanation, but in the end they found none. After repeatedly going over the accident that took their captain, there was no doubt in their mind that she was simply gone. They still had no explanation as to why she couldn't be seen all over the ship. They all believed him, there was no reason not to. He wasn't acting crazy, and he firmly believed Kathryn was visiting him. They had all witnessed the items moving around. Not them actually moving but Belanna would put a padd down, turn her head, and it would end up somewhere else. But only Chakotay saw her and felt her.
Chakotay was taking it all ok. He began to joke that only Kathryn would come back to haunt him. He was feeling much better about all of this; he found her 'visits' actually comforting. He was beginning to be able to tell when she would show up, a 'feeling' he would get.
Once again he was stepping out of the shower, he wrapped the towel around his waist, and proceeded to the bedroom, "Hmmm, I like the other view better, drop the towel mister."
"Excuse me, you're daring in the afterlife Kathryn."
"I can be, no protocol." She laughed.
"OH yes protocol. Must be nice to now live without it"
"Tuvok to Chakotay, You're needed on the bridge"
Shit "I'll be right there" turning towards Kathryn he saw she was already gone.
*********
"Report" he yelled as he stepped onto the bridge.
"Sir, there is a wormhole off the port bow, I took the liberty of sending a probe through it, 5 minutes ago, we should be getting data back any minute now." There was almost excitement in the Vulcan's voice.
"Getting it sir, it's the alpha quadrant."
"Send another probe, I want to be sure before we head into that thing" ordered Chakotay.
The second probe confirmed what the first one found; it headed directly to the alpha quadrant.
"All hands, this is the Captain secure all stations, we are entering the wormhole in 5 minutes." Chakotay sat in the center chair, to wait her chair.
The trip through the wormhole was uneventful, Starfleet immediately contacted them and they set course for earth. Chakotay spent the rest of the day going over reports, compiling data; there was so much to do.
After mulling over reports for hours, he headed for his quarters; they would be in orbit of earth by tomorrow morning. Everyone was to beam down to headquarters, and Voyager would be towed to the shipyards. Most likely they wouldn't see her again, she was long ago replaced by much better ships. Plus her years of service were showing her wear.
Upon entering his quarters he was overtaken by a sense of foreboding, time to say goodbye. He quickly packed the few belongings he had, making sure he grabbed the picture of him and Kathryn, taken at new earth. He took a shower hoping for the now familiar vision he usually saw, there was nothing. He claimed into bed where sleep immediately claimed him.
"The time is 0500 hours, the time is 0500 hours."
"Computer reset alarm, 24 hours." It was an automatic response.
"Captain Chakotay to the bridge, we are now in orbit of earth." He gulped. He got dressed and grabbed his bags, setting them just outside his door for pickup. He looked back in the room, "Goodbye Kathryn."
He proceeded out the door, only vaguely hearing, "Chakotay, don't leave me."
He didn't look back, he couldn't.
**********
Over the next two years Tom and Belanna watched their friend deteriorate before their eyes. At first Chakotay tried to move on with life, he had even gone on a couple of dates. But in the end he sat by himself plagued with guilt. He felt that he abandoned Kathryn, that she was all alone on her empty ship. No matter how many times they talked with him, the conversation always ended the same. "I left her, how could I do that, her last words to me were to not leave, and I did, I just left her there."
Now Belanna had an idea, one that would hopefully save her friends sanity. She had come across a piece of equipment that some poor engineer thought would detect a 'presence'. This man swore his ship was haunted! Of course he was laughed out of Starfleet, but this thing held merit. It just may detect the differences in atmosphere that takes place during supposed 'hauntings'. But what fascinated Belanna was it's ability to detect beyond our space, with some work, it could end up being a hand held scanner for subspace. She began working on it and believed she now had it working, she had run every known diagnostic on it, now to test to see if it really worked.
She and Tom had already asked for permission to board Voyager, and she had just received the response, it simply read " permission granted."
They figured they would take Chakotay to Voyager, run scans on his old quarters and once and for all put Kathryn to rest.
**********
The trip to Voyager was a short one, once in view, no one said a word. There she hung, dead in space, no life. It was sad to see her like that, but despite her decommission Starfleet didn't have the heart to scrap her for parts. They pulled up beside her and prepared to be beamed over.
Walking through her was like walking through a ghost ship, the atmosphere was still breathable, but there was no lighting, the hand held beacons made it look even more eerie. Chakotay still had not said a word, as they walked he ran his hand over the walls, as if worshipping her. For him it had been tough, he had explained what he saw, what he felt, but after Starfleet examined the records of the accident, they agreed she was dead. They couldn't explain the accident either, but they carefully scanned the ship and poured over the data, they found nothing. In the end the determined that his visions of Kathryn were his imagination. There explanation for what the crew saw was just that a distraught crew will many times try to hold onto their fallen captain, especially when the person leading them was pushing the whole hallucination. They basically laughed him off; it didn't help him in any way. He was secretly hoping this would bring him the peace he needed.
They stood back and let him wander his quarters for a while, this was for him, and he needed peace. Belanna pulled out the scanner and entered the room. She began waving it all over the living room area. "What's up big guy? Feel anything."
"No." he said quietly.
They continued to scan for the next 15 minutes when out of nowhere there was a soft breeze. Chakotay immediately left her side and walked into the bedroom. Tom and Belanna ran after him when they heard his gasp. When they came up behind him, they couldn't believe their eyes, She was sitting on the bed, and it almost looked as if she was crying.
"You didn't come back, oh Chakotay, I've missed you so." She whispered.
"Kathryn, I'm sorry. It's been so hard to not be here, if they would've let me I would have stayed."
"Belanna, the scanner." He said nudging his wife.
Belanna turned it on and pointed it towards the bed. Her eyes grew wide when it showed a very tiny subspace pocket, one that would be undetectable with conventional scanners. This one even had a tough time picking it up.
"Oh god, Tom, look." She said showing Tom.
"What does this mean?"
"I'm not sure. Kathryn, can you see me, us?" she asked.
"Yes, of course. It's been a long time." Kathryn answered.
" Where are you, when you're not here?"
"I don't know really, I don't think I'm aware of anywhere else but here."
"Are you aware of the passage of time?" Belanna asked her next.
"Hmmm. Yes and no. I return here often, just like this. But only then am I aware of anything. Just how long has it been." She asked concerned.
"Almost three years." Answered Chakotay.
"That long." And she was suddenly gone.
Belanna blinked once and then glanced at the scanner. She punched a few buttons and smiled, "It was real, it was ALL real. We need to get a team up here right away. If I'm reading this right, the Captain just may be alive."
**********
They quickly presented their findings to Starfleet, who was a little more than surprised. Some were a bit skeptical, but were easily convinced to get to work. In less than 24 hours voyager was being directed toward deep space 3, all the while more scanners were being made. Some were working on the idea of how to get her out if she truly is alive. It wasn't long before everything was ready, and all were aboard voyager separating into teams.
Admiral Paris had boarded voyager; curious about the way everything was beginning to unfold. He followed team A, as they were called as they headed for Chakotay's quarters, they rang for entrance knowing he had not left since the last sighting. It was obvious that most of the men in this group thought this to be a wasted effort.
Chakotay quietly let the group and went back over to the couch.
"Mr. Chakotay, it's good to see you." Commented Admiral Paris.
"Like wise, sir." He was looking at the floor.
"Has she reappeared yet?" the Admiral asked.
"No, but I think she'll be coming soon." He sounded very sure.
"Just how do you know that?" asked one of the men, who were scanning the room.
He laughed slightly, "It's just a feeling, a sensation I get. Almost like the atmosphere changes." He tried to explain.
A voice startled the entire group, " that would be my electric personality."
They all turned toward the bedroom to see Kathryn Janeway standing in the doorway; Chakotay made the first move towards her. "Hello Kathryn, we have to make this quick incase you disappear."
She pouted, "I don't even get a kiss?" she asked.
He looked stunned, "What? I…I…"
"Relax Chakotay, just trying to lighten up this stuffy atmosphere. It gets boring like this." She laughed.
"Ma'am, are you aware of anything when you leave here?" asked one of the workers.
"I don't like being referred to as ma'am, you can call me Captain, and no, as I said before, I'm not aware of anything when I'm not here in this room."
"But ma'am, Captain, you said it was boring." Questioned that man.
"We'll I've shown up on this empty ship for almost 2 years. That has been truly boring."
"Yes Captain, I suppose it has. We have to thoroughly scan this room; the other team is scanning engineering, where the accident happened. We will hopefully have an answer shortly."
"So if she is trapped, how do you intend to get her out." Asked Chakotay.
"Well we have a few ideas, but it will all depend on the scan. A modified transporter beam would be the most likely idea. Don't worry sir, we'll let you know."
"Yes Chakotay, let the young men work, we have to talk about what we are going to do when I get out of here."
"I'm going to hold you, forever. I'm never going to let you go."
"So I'll go from being trapped here to being trapped out there." It was supposed to be a joke but the hurt look on Chakotay's face told her it wasn't very funny. "I'm sorry, I guess I should watch how I say things. I wasn't very good at this stuff before, and I sure am not now."
"It's ok, I guess it's been hard, I've been criticized for so long now that I take things too literally. I know you didn't mean it like that."
She reached for him and disappeared.
**********
As they progressed towards returning Kathryn Janeway questions began to arise about her health. How could she live for so long, without any nourishment? It was believed that most likely time did not pass for her except for the brief times when she appeared here. She wasn't aware of the passage of time, she was simply aware that for a period, when she arrived, no one was there to great her.
The plan was made, it seemed that a similar subspace pocket was found in engineering, and there was definitely a bio signature of some sort within it. The plan was to send in a modified transporter beam and let it grab what ever it could, in theory that should be Kathryn Janeway.
It was set up; all's they had to do was do it. They locked on to the bio signature, and energized, it seemed to take forever. After a few seconds, something began to slowly materialize. It began to take on form, the form of Kathryn Janeway. Once transport was complete, Kathryn collapsed to the floor, the medical team, along with Chakotay was immediately at her side.
"She's alive, but barely, get her to sickbay."
**********
The next couple of weeks were a blur for Chakotay. Kathryn was in critical condition. Her body weak from lack of nourishment' among other things. Yes living in the pocket sustains her; time did not pass normally for her, only when she appeared on voyager did it pass normally for her. That was the good news, the bad news was she still had not regained consciousness. They were hoping she would suffer no permanent damage. The doctors were confident she would physically be ok, it took a while, but her organs had now returned to normal functions. Now it was up to her to wake up; would she realize all the time that passed. They even wondered if she realized that they were now home on earth.
There was a flurry of reporters around Starfleet headquarters, all wanting in to see the long missing Kathryn Janeway. The admirals held a couple interviews informing them of her progress and encouraging them to give them all a little peace, of course, like typical reporters, they did not listen.
Chakotay had not left her side, except to shower and occasionally eat, despite his worry for her, he could not help the huge grin permanently plastered to his face, his Kathryn came back to him. He would now stay by her side what ever her condition was.
It was a couple days later when her eyes first fluttered open, "Hi there, you had us all worried." Said Chakotay concerned.
She looked at him a little confused, and tried to speak, she couldn't.
"Take it easy, let's do this simple, can you understand me, blink twice if you do."
She hesitated a moment, then did as instructed.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked.
She half smiled and once again blinked her answer.
The doctor approached him; "ah I see she's awake. How do you feel Mrs. Janeway?"
Chakotay answered for her; "she's having difficulty speaking."
"Don't worry, that's to be expected, it will come back in time." The doctor performed a few scans, then ordered her to rest. Kathryn had no trouble doing that, she was back asleep in no time at all.
***********
Kathryn Janeway did remarkably well, a few weeks later and she was back home at her mother's house. Gretchen Janeway invited Chakotay to come stay with them during this time, knowing it would be impossible to pull him away. By now Kathryn could walk with little assistance and her voice was slowly coming back. Other than a bit of confusion from time to time, she was doing fine, and would last no permanent effect from her ordeal. She was not fully aware of much that went on, and did not remember much from her visits to voyager. Last she remembered was the accident, nothing else.
She was quite surprised to wake up and find out she was on earth. Her family from Voyager was slowly all paying her visits, they were so happy to see her alive and well. She also seemed to thoroughly enjoy Chakotay being around so much. Despite the fact that before the accident there was no relationship, she seemed to have a change of feelings now. She insisted they shared a bed, she didn't want to be alone anymore, and even though they had done nothing but an occasional small kiss, there was definitely a promise of more to come. From what could have been an extreme loss for everyone, came a new and stronger beginning, one that the passage of time could not stop.
End
10/08/2000