Note: All characters are mine, though the WoD isn't. Also, the last line of the poem on Amanda grave was written by Daigon, from silklantern.com. Many thanks. ^_^
~~~~
"Maibe Keeper of a Lonely Heart"
I... don't know why I'm writing this all down. Someone at the sept said I should, though. Said I should always remember what brought me here, why I experienced my First Change. I suppose it makes sense. Rick would've wanted it, would have thought it an interesting bit of history. Except... Never mind.
It was about six months ago, I guess. I was at school, I had a late class. I used to be a student at SDSU. Not anymore, of course. Rick was at home with Mandy. Mandy.. She was only about a year old. Dammit. Why the hell did they have to.. It doesn't matter now, though. I can't question the dead.
After class was over, I stopped by the store to pick up something for dinner. Rick probably would've fixed something, but knowing him, he'd gotten caught up in some book or was busy trying to convert our daughter into a computer geek at such a young age or something and had forgotten. I paid for the food and was on my way home. Home. Such as it was. A small house, just big enough for the three of us. Surrounded by crime scene tape, with police and TV crews and an ambulance. Neighbors were there, too, just watching. Nobody'd thought to call me. I parked the car on the other side of the street, walked slowly up to the nearest officer. I didn't know what had happened. I was still calm at this time. I think.
"Excuse me, Officer, but what's going on?" I remember asking that. She- I remember it was a woman- responded, "There's been a break-in, miss. We need you to stay back, please." Unfortunately for her, she said this just as they brought Rick out. He wasn't dead, not yet. The policewoman never expected my shove, and she stumbled out of the way as I ran. I vaulted the tape and was at my husband's side in an instant, ignoring paramedics and police officers telling me to stay back. Violently ignoring when one grabbed my arm, but his wrist healed eventually. I think. One of the neighbors finally told them who I was, and they left me alone. "Rick?" I said, softly. "Rick, what happened?"
"Not sure.. Some kid, broke in.." he said, struggling for breath. I looked into his eyes, those brown eyes I'd always loved. I think he saw an unasked question in my grey eyes, becaused his next words were, "Mandy.. The bastard... he killed.." I shushed him. Maybe out of denial. Maybe my mind was working to protect me. But he was dying, and I knew it. The paramedics knew it, knew he had no chance. I think he knew it, too, because he said then, "Andi.. Andi, I'm sorry.."
"It's not your fault.. I love you, Rick." I had yet to shed any tears, I don't know why. They'd come later, though.
"I love you, too.." His last words. I closed his eyes, wiping the tears that now flowed away from mine, and looked around for my daughter, my beautiful little Amanda Marit Langley. And then I saw her. I walked over there, looking down. Her eyes were closed, and she seemed just asleep, looking at her face. Her beautiful brown hair, so like her father's. I couldn't look below the face, though I could smell the blood. "Amanda.. My daughter.. So peaceful. Such a calm baby, even when she was alive. Never gave us any trouble." I held out my hand, stroked her cheek, then turned around at a tap on my shoulder.
"Mrs. Langley?" It was the policewoman I'd shoved aside earlier. "We need you to come down to the station, tell us what you know. Anything that can help us find who did this."
"I.. I..." The rage was building up inside of me. I was almost seeing red. If I'd stayed there, I may very well have changed right there. But something snapped inside of me. I back up, avoiding my daughter's body, and looked around. Later I was told it was with the appearance of a wild animal. I ran, though. I ran as if my life depended on it, and they couldn't keep up. It took them all by surprise, and they couldn't deal with me. I ran, my feet taking their own turns, as if they knew where they were going. I didn't, though, and I didn't care. I didn't realize I'd been followed, by a single police officer. The same woman, actually. She saw me stop in an alley. I looked around, still not seeing her, but I did see some kids. Teenagers, really. Three boys and a girl, and around them, my stuff. I knew it was from my house. Intuition, or something like it. I walked up, quivering with rage.
"It was you." My voice was cold, devoid of emotion. It startled them, but then the boys stood up. All they saw was a five and a half feet tall woman, thinly built, with murder in her grey eyes. Maybe they didn't see the murder, though. They thought they could take me, like they'd killed my husband and child. "You killed Rick. You killed Mandy. How the hell could you?!" I yelled this, tears now flowing from my eyes. Tears of rage as much as tears of grief.
"So you're the Andi chick that guy was yelling about. Hm. Stupid of you, following us. Why don't you just go home, pick up the pieces of your shattered life, and forget about us be fore I have to kill you, too?" He sounded cocky, and looked about eighteen with a smug grin on his face. He probably could have snapped me in two, since he was a foot taller than me and more thickly built, all muscle.
"You find killing helpless people amusing? A baby, or a man who wouldn't hurt a fly?! Not everyone's helpless, bastard." I snarled, but it was more of a growl. The growl surprised him, and he looked at me closer, before the Delirium took him. None of them could stand up to the sight of a Garou in Crinos, or so Fights-With-Fire tells me. My memory from that little period of time is extremely hazy. I remember the pain of changing, and I remember waking up in the alley covered with blood, with the shredded corpses of the four teens around me and the same officer looking down at me.
"Just as I thought. Need some help?" She held out a hand, unconcerned with the blood covering me. I took it, pulling myself up. She was a few inches shorter than me and much thinner, so I would have been surprised if she'd been able to pull me up on her own. Her orange hair was pulled up under her hat, out of her face. Her green eyes looked me over, and I could almost see her filing away details. "I always forget how bloody the First Change is. Hm. I suppose you're wondering who I am, what just happened, and all sorts of things like that, aren't you?" I nodded, watching her bend down, looking at a tattoo on the back of the girl's neck. "Odd. Anyway, I am Liadan Fights-With-Fire, a Glass Walker Ahroun. Oh, I know that means nothing to you now," she said at the look of confusion I gave her, "but it will. Trust me, it will."
And it does. She explained what being a Garou is, and what it means, and why I killed those kids. She told me what the Umbra is, and everything else. She brought me to the caern, and I learned more. And now it's time for my Rite of Passage. I won't be Andromeda Gwen Hunt-Langley anymore. I will officially be a Silent Strider Philodox, wandering the world. Maybe it will help ease this hole in my heart.
On another note, it turns out that Rick was Kinfolk to the Children of Gaia. It doesn't surprise me. His cousin, Kel Sound of Mercy, gave a nice eulogy at the funeral. She's a kind woman, and helped think of the poem on his gravestone. This is what his and Mandy's gravestones say:
Richard Nicholas Langley
August 7th, 1978 ~ September 2nd, 2002
Loving husband, loving father,
Gone before his time.
Never would he harm a soul,
Though his will always be with mine.
Amanda Marit Langley
June 5th, 2001 ~ September 2nd, 2002
Torn from my arms ere I would give her,
The loss of this child was ever so bitter.
Missed forever, never forgotten,
Always loved, sadly taken.
~~~~
"Maibe Keeper of a Lonely Heart"
I... don't know why I'm writing this all down. Someone at the sept said I should, though. Said I should always remember what brought me here, why I experienced my First Change. I suppose it makes sense. Rick would've wanted it, would have thought it an interesting bit of history. Except... Never mind.
It was about six months ago, I guess. I was at school, I had a late class. I used to be a student at SDSU. Not anymore, of course. Rick was at home with Mandy. Mandy.. She was only about a year old. Dammit. Why the hell did they have to.. It doesn't matter now, though. I can't question the dead.
After class was over, I stopped by the store to pick up something for dinner. Rick probably would've fixed something, but knowing him, he'd gotten caught up in some book or was busy trying to convert our daughter into a computer geek at such a young age or something and had forgotten. I paid for the food and was on my way home. Home. Such as it was. A small house, just big enough for the three of us. Surrounded by crime scene tape, with police and TV crews and an ambulance. Neighbors were there, too, just watching. Nobody'd thought to call me. I parked the car on the other side of the street, walked slowly up to the nearest officer. I didn't know what had happened. I was still calm at this time. I think.
"Excuse me, Officer, but what's going on?" I remember asking that. She- I remember it was a woman- responded, "There's been a break-in, miss. We need you to stay back, please." Unfortunately for her, she said this just as they brought Rick out. He wasn't dead, not yet. The policewoman never expected my shove, and she stumbled out of the way as I ran. I vaulted the tape and was at my husband's side in an instant, ignoring paramedics and police officers telling me to stay back. Violently ignoring when one grabbed my arm, but his wrist healed eventually. I think. One of the neighbors finally told them who I was, and they left me alone. "Rick?" I said, softly. "Rick, what happened?"
"Not sure.. Some kid, broke in.." he said, struggling for breath. I looked into his eyes, those brown eyes I'd always loved. I think he saw an unasked question in my grey eyes, becaused his next words were, "Mandy.. The bastard... he killed.." I shushed him. Maybe out of denial. Maybe my mind was working to protect me. But he was dying, and I knew it. The paramedics knew it, knew he had no chance. I think he knew it, too, because he said then, "Andi.. Andi, I'm sorry.."
"It's not your fault.. I love you, Rick." I had yet to shed any tears, I don't know why. They'd come later, though.
"I love you, too.." His last words. I closed his eyes, wiping the tears that now flowed away from mine, and looked around for my daughter, my beautiful little Amanda Marit Langley. And then I saw her. I walked over there, looking down. Her eyes were closed, and she seemed just asleep, looking at her face. Her beautiful brown hair, so like her father's. I couldn't look below the face, though I could smell the blood. "Amanda.. My daughter.. So peaceful. Such a calm baby, even when she was alive. Never gave us any trouble." I held out my hand, stroked her cheek, then turned around at a tap on my shoulder.
"Mrs. Langley?" It was the policewoman I'd shoved aside earlier. "We need you to come down to the station, tell us what you know. Anything that can help us find who did this."
"I.. I..." The rage was building up inside of me. I was almost seeing red. If I'd stayed there, I may very well have changed right there. But something snapped inside of me. I back up, avoiding my daughter's body, and looked around. Later I was told it was with the appearance of a wild animal. I ran, though. I ran as if my life depended on it, and they couldn't keep up. It took them all by surprise, and they couldn't deal with me. I ran, my feet taking their own turns, as if they knew where they were going. I didn't, though, and I didn't care. I didn't realize I'd been followed, by a single police officer. The same woman, actually. She saw me stop in an alley. I looked around, still not seeing her, but I did see some kids. Teenagers, really. Three boys and a girl, and around them, my stuff. I knew it was from my house. Intuition, or something like it. I walked up, quivering with rage.
"It was you." My voice was cold, devoid of emotion. It startled them, but then the boys stood up. All they saw was a five and a half feet tall woman, thinly built, with murder in her grey eyes. Maybe they didn't see the murder, though. They thought they could take me, like they'd killed my husband and child. "You killed Rick. You killed Mandy. How the hell could you?!" I yelled this, tears now flowing from my eyes. Tears of rage as much as tears of grief.
"So you're the Andi chick that guy was yelling about. Hm. Stupid of you, following us. Why don't you just go home, pick up the pieces of your shattered life, and forget about us be fore I have to kill you, too?" He sounded cocky, and looked about eighteen with a smug grin on his face. He probably could have snapped me in two, since he was a foot taller than me and more thickly built, all muscle.
"You find killing helpless people amusing? A baby, or a man who wouldn't hurt a fly?! Not everyone's helpless, bastard." I snarled, but it was more of a growl. The growl surprised him, and he looked at me closer, before the Delirium took him. None of them could stand up to the sight of a Garou in Crinos, or so Fights-With-Fire tells me. My memory from that little period of time is extremely hazy. I remember the pain of changing, and I remember waking up in the alley covered with blood, with the shredded corpses of the four teens around me and the same officer looking down at me.
"Just as I thought. Need some help?" She held out a hand, unconcerned with the blood covering me. I took it, pulling myself up. She was a few inches shorter than me and much thinner, so I would have been surprised if she'd been able to pull me up on her own. Her orange hair was pulled up under her hat, out of her face. Her green eyes looked me over, and I could almost see her filing away details. "I always forget how bloody the First Change is. Hm. I suppose you're wondering who I am, what just happened, and all sorts of things like that, aren't you?" I nodded, watching her bend down, looking at a tattoo on the back of the girl's neck. "Odd. Anyway, I am Liadan Fights-With-Fire, a Glass Walker Ahroun. Oh, I know that means nothing to you now," she said at the look of confusion I gave her, "but it will. Trust me, it will."
And it does. She explained what being a Garou is, and what it means, and why I killed those kids. She told me what the Umbra is, and everything else. She brought me to the caern, and I learned more. And now it's time for my Rite of Passage. I won't be Andromeda Gwen Hunt-Langley anymore. I will officially be a Silent Strider Philodox, wandering the world. Maybe it will help ease this hole in my heart.
On another note, it turns out that Rick was Kinfolk to the Children of Gaia. It doesn't surprise me. His cousin, Kel Sound of Mercy, gave a nice eulogy at the funeral. She's a kind woman, and helped think of the poem on his gravestone. This is what his and Mandy's gravestones say:
Richard Nicholas Langley
August 7th, 1978 ~ September 2nd, 2002
Loving husband, loving father,
Gone before his time.
Never would he harm a soul,
Though his will always be with mine.
Amanda Marit Langley
June 5th, 2001 ~ September 2nd, 2002
Torn from my arms ere I would give her,
The loss of this child was ever so bitter.
Missed forever, never forgotten,
Always loved, sadly taken.