Author's note: all usual disclaimers apply. This one may be a little painful for some. I apologise for that in advance.

The knock on the drawing room door was tentative. Barbara frowned as she took off her reading glasses and looked up from the papers she was reading about the upcoming charity ball. Who knocks inside the house? "Come in."

"Mum?"

Barbara instantly saw the pain in her son's eyes. "James! What's wrong?"

Her son walked slowly into the room. Two weeks shy of eighteen, James Lynley was tall and lean. His school uniform was getting too short in the arms but with only seven weeks until his final A levels, Barbara had decided not to buy a new one. He did not look at her as he brushed a lock of dark, wavy hair from his face. "Mum, I have to tell you something."

Barbara stood and walked over to her eldest son. She wanted to embrace him but he had been resentful of that lately as he tested out his impending manhood. He had always been a sensitive boy with a much wider range of emotions than her second son, Matthew, who was always happy as long as he had food and his football team was winning, or young Eden who was irrepressibly happy most of the time. James was the academic one. He was a thinker, like his father, and wanted to follow him to read History at Oxford. He was consistently in the top three in all his classes and passionate about causes such as climate change and animal welfare. She had learnt to respect his decision to be a vegan because of his beliefs and was glad she had capitulated years ago to Tommy's suggestion to employ Mrs Sonners, their full-time housekeeper.

"You can tell me anything James, you know that." She smiled hoping it would help him relax.

"Not this," he said sadly. "Sit down Mum."

As Barbara sat she wondered what could be so bad. Her son was trying hard to appear manly and in control of the situation but she could see that whatever it was bothering him was tearing him apart. He had seemed content this morning when he had left for school. She was puzzled at what could have happened to change everything. She knew he had a girlfriend, Michaela, and suddenly thought maybe they had been careless. Well, it was not the end of the world even if it felt like that to a teenager. "What is it, James? Did something happen at school?"

"No…it's Dad."

Barbara felt the blood drain from her face until she realised the police and not her son would be delivering any bad news. "What about Dad?" she said as evenly as she could.

James sat next to her on the dark leather Chesterfield. "He's having an affair."

Barbara gasped. Her first instinct was denial. "No!"

James took her hand. "I saw him today when I was coming back from choir practice at St Pauls. I took photos."

"You took photos?" she asked vaguely.

"I had my phone out because we came past the theatre were Catherine and The Wombats are playing. I thought I might get a photo of them but then I saw Dad at the side of the theatre. I'm sorry Mum, but you need to know. He's been lying to us!"

Barbara took a deep breath. She could not believe Tommy would cheat on her. They had been happy together for nearly twenty years, or at least she had thought so. "Show me."

James fumbled with his phone. Barbara could see his hand shaking. He passed her the phone. "Flick forward from here. There are three of them."

The picture stabbed her heart. Tommy had his arm draped over the shoulder of a young, buxom brunette just the way he used to do with her. In the first photo, he was looking at her and away from the camera. Her thumb swiped the screen. His arm was still around Ms. Busty in the second and he was talking. Barbara could almost hear him. In the third she could see his eyes as he looked at the woman. She was relieved to see they were neutral. Tommy was not looking at the woman with that same loving expression he still had when he looked at her. If he was sleeping with her at least he did not seem to be in love with her. "This doesn't prove he's having an affair, James."

"He's got his arm around another woman. How can you say it's not an affair? To even touch someone else Mum! It's disloyal."

Barbara thought back to the many times Tommy had draped his arm around her while he had still been married to Helen. They had not been having an affair and it had not seemed disloyal but they had shared a bond, a form of unnamed love, even then. Tommy clearly had some relationship with this woman and Barbara could not help but feel betrayed. "There'll be a logical explanation," she said flatly.

"An excuse! A lie! How can you sit there and defend him?"

She looked up at her son. A tear ran down her cheek. It was more for his loss of innocence than Tommy's behaviour. She was angrier with her husband about what he was doing to their son than to her. Adolescence was hard enough without finding out the father he worshipped was really just a man. "Because we don't know the full story…and because I love him."

"You could forgive him? For having an affair? For betraying you?" James stood up and strode furiously across the room. He ran his hand despairing through his hair and tilted his head up to the ceiling. Watching James now was like watching a young Tommy. He had the same brooding temper and uncompromising view of the world. She almost expected him to walk to the cabinet and pour himself a large Scotch.

"James, don't torture yourself. I know this has hurt you but you have to be fair to your father. We have to hear his side."

"No, we don't. A picture is worth a thousand words. He was touching another woman! He's nothing but a hypocritical, self-aggrandising bastard!"

"James, enough! He's your father and he loves you, Matt and Eden, more than anything in the world."

"Including you obviously. I always thought you two had something special; something unbreakable; something I aspired to when I get married. But what if I'm the same as him? You're always saying how alike we are. What if I can't love someone enough to be true to them? I don't want to be shallow and lonely Mum. I want what I thought you had."

"Oh James, come here."

Her son came and fell on his knees at her feet and buried his head in her lap. As she held him and stroked his head. She could feel him trying to stifle a sob. She remembered clearly the day when he had first understood that he would be the Ninth Earl of Asherton. His father had proudly shown him around Howenstowe and explained his responsibilities and James had stood proud until his father had gone outside. He had run to his room and cried until Barbara found him. She remembered the scared look in his eyes and his faltering five-year-old voice asking if his parents were going to die and leave him. She could have strangled Tommy then but tonight she wanted to kill him far more slowly and painfully for what he had done to her firstborn.

"I'm sorry," James said pulling himself up next to her. "I wanted to be strong for you and I end up blubbing like a seven-year-old."

She ruffled his hair and ran her thumb across his tear-stained cheek. "I hope you'll always need your mother. We'll be fine James. It took enormous courage to come and tell me. You're a fine young man and I'm very proud of you. We can speak to Dad when he gets back with the boys from football practice but you have to let me speak to him first. This is something between us primarily."

Her son nodded earnestly. "Yes, I understand. I should ring and apologise to Michaela. I was pretty rude to her."

"She was with you?" Barbara grimaced. She liked the girl but she was very quick to spread gossip. She imagined the story had probably gone right around the senior year of the Westminster School already.

"No, but we had a fight afterwards. Not about Dad. I told her I had been a fool to ever think I could have a meaningful relationship with her."

Barbara closed her eyes and searched for the right wisdom. "Oh, James. Words are hard to take back. They wound us more effectively than a gun at times and little slights can chip away at even the best relationships. Go and ring her and if she won't talk to you I'll drive you over to her place when your Dad gets home. Go on, and no matter how upset you are because of Dad, Michaela is innocent and didn't deserve to be the brunt of that. I think you've probably hurt her badly."

James nodded solemnly. "I know Mum; it only makes me feel worse."

"Then go and fix it."

"How can I make it up to her?"

"Start by being honest. If she loves you she'll understand but then you have to work hard to make her feel loved."

James kissed his mother then hurried from the room. Barbara put her elbows on her knees and ran her hands through her hair. Her simple life had suddenly become excruciatingly complicated.

"Grab your socks, Eden, there's the boy." Tommy shrugged at Matt while his youngest son rummaged in the bottom of the Range Rover for his missing sock. He missed his old car at times but the Rover was more practical for a family of three rambunctious teenage boys.

"Ta da!" his youngest said holding up the sock.

"Right you two showers then dinner." He watched the boys race up the stairs then took their dirty soccer gear through to the laundry. He grabbed two beers from the fridge on his way through the kitchen and went to find Barbara.

"Eden scored a goal tonight. You should have seen him weave in…Barbara? What's wrong?" His wife was sitting forlornly on the Chesterfield. She looked older and tired. He could tell instantly something was wrong. He put the beers on the coffee table and sat down next to her.

Barbara did not know how to broach the subject but when he put his arm around her shoulders she snapped. "Don't. Do. That!" She stood and walked to the window.

Tommy was confused. When he had left two hours ago she had kissed him lovingly and now she was clearly livid with him. "I don't understand. What's happened?"

"You were careless and James saw you. He's devastated and he broke up with Michaela because of it. His world has come crashing down around him and it's only a fortnight until his birthday and a few weeks until his exams. Your timing is perfectly selfish Lord Asherton."

"Barbara, slow down. I don't understand any of this."

Barbara tossed him James phone, still open at the pictures. Tommy looked and groaned. "James took these?"

"Yes. He was coming back from choir practice at St Pauls. You know how much he likes Catherine and those bloody Wombats! How could you Tommy? And there of all places?"

"Me? No, no Barbara it's not like that. I was just happy."

"I can see that."

"No, listen. The woman is Catherine's girlfriend. I had just got her to agree to the band playing at James' eighteenth birthday party. We talked about hiring a band and well, I decided to try for the band he likes most."

Barbara wanted to believe him. His eyes were open and had the same pain she had seen in her son's but even so she felt betrayed. "You kept that to yourself," she said bitterly. "I didn't think we had secrets. Seems I was wrong."

Tommy bristled under the accusation. "That's not fair Barbara. I wanted it to be a surprise for both of you." When the photo had been taken he had just arranged for Barbara and James to sing with the band onstage. They both had great voices and often sang the Wombat's songs together over breakfast. He thought it would be a lovely surprise for both of them.

He walked over and tried to embrace his wife. She stood rigidly. "Barbara, I'd never do anything like that to you. It was innocent, harmless. I don't want anyone else. I love you, more than I did when we were married. You and the boys mean everything to me."

"Really? You know what hurts most?"

"No."

"That I don't know anymore. I never thought you'd cheat but maybe...We used to be close. Even when I gave up work to bring up the boys, you used to come home and talk about cases, get my opinions, let me help you solve them. Lately, though you never talk about work. Our entire lives revolve around the boys but even so I thought we were happy but we've drifted apart haven't we?"

Tommy ran his hand through his hair. He needed a drink, something stronger than the beer on the table. "No, we haven't. We...just talk about different things."

"Yes, like school fees and charities and the estate and of course the boys. But when do we talk about things that matter?"

"The boys matter," he snapped.

"Yes, they do but so should we. We've become two friendly people living in the same house instead of a couple. Even in bed it's not the same."

Tommy started to feel he was been accused of far more than an affair. He tried hard to be successful at work and still make time for his family. He deliberately did not to burden Barbara with his troubles so he could be the husband she needed. He was exhausted and it had probably been apparent. He knew himself his libido had been nearly non-existent since he had been promoted to Assistant Commissioner. Now it felt as if she blamed him for feeling unfulfilled. He was too but not because of Barbara. He needed her and he loved her. "I need a drink!"

Barbara glared at him. "Ah yes, always the Scotch bottle when times get tough. That's never changed."

Tommy shot his angriest look at her. She was being unreasonable and he could sense a fight brewing, one he needed too but did not want. "That's unfair and you know it. I don't drink much and certainly not like that." He drained his glass and poured another.

"Instead of wallowing in self-pity you should be up talking to your son."

Tommy wheeled on her. "I'm not wallowing in self-pity. I'm trying to save my marriage because you seem to have a lot of resentments you've never mentioned." Tommy found it hard to stay angry when he wanted Barbara in his arms so they could console each other. "I'm sorry you're unhappy but we can work it all out. I love you, Barbara."

Barbara could hear the anguish in his voice. Part of her wanted to inflict more and it fought with the part of her who wanted to comfort him. "I know," she said in a conciliatory tone, "I wasn't unhappy but this made me see that our relationship is not what it was, not what either of us want but I can't even think about that knowing James is so upset. If you had seen how much it hurt him to see you like that. He was brave telling me but you've no idea how much it cost him. He idolised you and now he thinks everything about you is fraudulent. What are you going to tell him?"

"That he was wrong and I'm not having an affair."

"That's it? He won't believe you."

"He should accept my word as a gentleman."

"Oh for pity's sake Tommy! Your word means nothing to him now. He thinks you're a liar and a hypocrite. Do you think 'sorry you must have misunderstood' is going to cut it with an eighteen-year-old?"

"I can't tell him the truth. It'd spoil the surprise."

"Tommy, the way he feels now, he won't even go to his party."

"Of course, he will. This will blow over."

"Like it did with you and your mother?"

Tommy's anger flared. "Low blow Countess! That was different and you know it."

"How?" she yelled back.

"I haven't had an affair. I've done nothing wrong. And my wife isn't dying of cancer."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for my health to impede your conscience. I'll go out and try to die shall I? See if that makes you understand."

"Don't be stupid, Barbara!"

"Wake up, Tommy. How did you feel when you saw your mother in Trenarrow's arms? Yes, exactly. That's how James feels now. Only you can fix this. I am not going to have my son estranged from his family, from me for years. I'd rather never see you again than lose my son. Go up and talk to him."

"I see. You love the boys more than me." Tommy felt as if all the air in the room had suddenly been taken away. He loved his boys and would do anything to protect them but Barbara was his life. He could not survive without her love.

Barbara's eyes were brimmed with unshed tears. "No, not more, just differently. But don't force me to choose Tommy."

He shook his head. How quickly life could change. "I'll talk to him but I don't know what to say. Maybe I should try 'I know how you feel because Granny had an affair when I was your age'? That'd make him feel better wouldn't it!"

Barbara ignored his sarcasm. "If you have to, yes. The longer it goes the harder it is to repair. You have to connect with him and convince him, Tommy."

Tommy nodded. He knew she was right about that. He asked the question he dreaded having answered. "Do you believe me?"

Barbara took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I know you don't love her. I could see that in your eyes but did you sleep with her? I like to think you didn't...but...it hurt Tommy. It really hurt me to see you like that with someone else. I've never seen you do that to anyone but me or the boys. I thought...it meant something special."

Tommy walked over and put his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. One hand cradled her head. "I know. And with you, it does. It always did, going right back to the beginning. I'm so, so sorry. I love you, Barbara."

Barbara did not return his embrace. "Then go and make peace with our son."