Disclaimer: I am NOT J.K. Rowling and as such I do NOT own the characters, places, products etc. used in this fic.
Warnings: This is a Harry/Draco fic, so it will contain slash. If you don't like that sort of thing I suggest you don't keep reading. Oh and this story won't be HBP compliant; meaning Dumbledore is still alive, Draco never joined the Death Eaters and so on...
A/N: Well the plot-bunnies were sort of running rampant in my head and I just had to get them out because they were messing with everything! They even made me unable to study, which has never happened before. So I decided I had to write a new story for the sake of my sanity and this is the result. Special thanks goes to my lovely friend Soffi who reads everything I write before I post it, even this though she is a huge fan of Ron and doesn't like me making him a bit of a bad guy. ;) But like I told her, I had to! You'll see later on why he's acting that way.
Enjoy!
Chapter one – Confusion and brooding
It was his last trip to Hogwarts and Harry had planned on enjoying every minute of it. He had planned on chatting away happily with Ron and Hermione. Thought he'd perhaps buy something from the trolley, preferably chocolate frogs and maybe even some Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans though they did come with a bit of a risk.
He had figured he'd occasionally look out the window as the landscape outside the window would change while they made their way through the country. He'd hardly notice as the morning turned into afternoon and finally into evening, that's how consumed he'd be with enjoying the beginning of his final chapter at Hogwarts. He'd revel in and savour every moment of it and as the train drew closer to the Hogsmeade station he'd change into his robes with the rest of them.
He'd leave the train and walk towards the carriages with their magnificent pullers. He'd cast a glance back at the Hogwarts Express and look around Hogsmeade with its pubs, shops and houses before seating himself with his friends in an empty carriage and being pulled to the castle.
As the castle came into view he'd sigh and feel something familiar stir in his heart. He'd be home, be at the place where he'd found peace, where he belonged. He, Hermione and Ron (but mostly Hermione) would try to analyze the sorting hat's song and then cheer for the new Gryffindors during the sorting. They'd catch up on everyone's summers while they enjoyed a spectacular welcoming feast before calling it a night and stumbling into bed.
Yes, that was how it should have been yet somehow it wasn't at the present and he had a distinct feeling it wouldn't turn out that way later either.
As he had stepped onto platform 9 ¾ he had felt all eyes on him, even more so than usual, and a sudden urge to just disappear the same way he'd come had got a hold of him. Still he had taken a step forward, as the brave Gryffindor he was, and found that although everyone kept staring at him openly they let him pass without assaulting him with harsh words and jeering shouts like he'd thought they would.
That was until he was merely a few metres away from the train itself. Then, out of nowhere, he was attacked by two girls who he, after they had released their vicelike holds (something that is apparently also known as hugs) on him, recognised as Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown. This, not being the kind of assault he had been expecting, threw him a bit out of the loop. He was quite unable to figure out why they had hugged him seeing as they weren't exactly close nor could he comprehend the odd, glazed look in their eyes.
"Hi Harry!" They both said smiling and batting their eyelashes seductively.
"Hello Parvati, hello Lavender" Harry answered their greeting and couldn't help but ask concernedly: "Is there something wrong with your eyes? You seem to have some sort of a twitch. You probably should visit Madam Pomfrey once we arrive at school, both of you."
"Oh, that's so funny Harry!" Lavender exclaimed as both she and Parvati giggled.
"You're just so… mouth-watering, that's all." Parvati continued while looking at Harry suggestively, something he failed to notice entirely.
"But how's that giving you a twitch?" Harry wondered confusedly as he furrowed his brow, clearly not catching on to what Parvati in fact was saying.
He was starting to feel somewhat unnerved by the way they were looking him up and down and decided to board the train in order to escape their and everybody else's gazes. He hadn't realized that everyone had kept ogling him until now and to be honest it was thoroughly unsettling him.
"I've got to go guys. Perhaps I'll see you later." He said as he turned away from them with a tentative smile.
"Bye!" they sighed dreamily. "We'll be keeping an eye out for you, that's for sure."
As Harry boarded the train they looked after his retreating form before rushing towards a group of girls, no doubt to discuss their encounter.
A bewildered Harry found himself an empty compartment where he first put down his luggage as well as Hedwig and then seated himself. As he sat there all thoughts of Parvati and Lavender's peculiar behaviour evaded his mind and he was left with a churning feeling in his stomach.
He needed to think but seemed to be incapable of doing so due to the compartment itself. It seemed so cold and void of comfort, almost hostile, much unlike it had in the past. The benches seemed harder, the air chillier, the colours darker, the windows dirtier. And the door, the door that had always seemed to shut others out of their little realm now appeared to close him in, incarcerate him in his fortress of solitude. He could almost feel the walls thicken in an effort to keep him from connecting with the outside world.
As the train set in motion he cast one last longing glance at the platform, wishing he wasn't currently being transported to the place that had once felt like his home. He longed for the love clearly displayed on the faces of parents waving their children goodbye and as he watched them he felt a pang in his heart. Never had he experienced such a need to be comforted, to have someone believe in him, care for him, love him. Not since the years before Hogwarts had he felt so alone, so exposed.
He couldn't help but wonder if it would have been better had he just kept his mouth shut. Simply kept on living a lie, then perhaps Ron wouldn't hate him and Ginny wouldn't be so mad at him. But he hadn't been able to keep his secret any longer, it had slowly been eating him up from inside. Making him miserable and afraid of someone catching on, Hermione certainly would have eventually. Besides it wouldn't have been fair to Ginny if he had just stayed in their relationship when all he truly felt for her was brotherly love. No, it had been the right decision to come clean, to tell them that he was gay.
He just hadn't expected the reaction to be so bad. Sure he'd figured Ginny would be mad at him; and she had every right to be, he had known about it for quite a long period of their relationship after all. What he hadn't expected was Ron's outright hatred towards him. Well he hadn't thought he'd be all that happy about it but never in his worst nightmares had he pictured it to be this bad. The blazing inferno that had been Ron's eyes had stumped him completely. He could still feel them burning holes in his flesh and he was quite happy he hadn't been burned at the stake, something that had appeared to be an option for a while.
Hermione had been more accepting of course and Harry believed it was only thanks to her that his preference hadn't been front page news of the Daily Prophet. For that he was incredibly thankful, however, he hadn't seen her at all since that dreadful day in the beginning of summer when he had come out of the closet. She had written but seeing as he stayed with the Dursleys during the remainder of the summer and she was fully occupied trying to make Ron see some reason they hadn't been able to meet. She had sent him a lovely birthday cake and present though.
He had thought that "coming clean" would be a relief but now he felt more trapped than ever and he was afraid. Afraid of what would happen if the rest of the wizarding world found out about his inclination. Would they shun him like Ron had? Afraid because Ron now held the power to make him an outcast and afraid of what such a faith might do to him.
As he sat there brooding while gazing out the window he saw the landscape change more clearly than ever before. He saw the large fields with their crops swaying in the gentle breeze turn into green forests with a rich wildlife. Slowly but surely he was lulled into a restless sleep by the train's rocking motion.