So a couple people mentioned me doing a multi chapter fic for Kensi and Deeks... I don't know about that. With school and work I don't know if I could keep up with something like that. And I would just be an ass if I did a couple chapters and then left you hanging for four months or something. So this is the closest thing I'm going to be doing to multi chapter. It's just a bunch of one shots though. So even if I stop for a long period of time you're not waiting on some cliff hanger lol
These are random one shots. They may follow the same time line or I may change things around. So if something happens in one chapter (like them getting together one way) another chapter might be different.
Also... please... for the love of God REVIEW! People favorite and favorite (which I love! Thank you, thank you!) but hardly ever review! So pleaseeeee review!
So... disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters related to NCIS: LA.
"Why do we keep hitting outselves with a hammer? Because it feels so good when we stop." -Grey's Anatomy
Beginning
Deeks isn't sure why he does it. He hates himself, every single time. Because watching her gather her clothes after, tell him she'll see him tomorrow and walk out of his house as though nothing had happened nearly kills him every time. The only thing that helps him survive is the fact that he knows she'll be back the next night.
He tries to draw up the courage to say something. Lays there, staring at the ceiling as she slips back into her clothes quietly. It's their pattern. Eat, sex, redress, leave, repeat. "Kensi..."
She turns, raising an eyebrow at his tone because it doesn't fit the forced banter they have before she leaves and says her 'I'll see you tomorrow'. "Yeah?"
He stares at her, watches her thin fingers buttom up her shirt slowly, waiting for him. "I..." He meets her mismatched eyes, sees the fear there. "I'll see you tomorrow. Your turn to bring coffee."
He pretends to not hear the sigh of relief from her. Smiles back at her when she grins widely at him. "Fine. Even though you still owe me for those donuts."
He laughs, hallow and fake as she grabs her purse. "Bye, Deeks."
Deeks. It's Marty when she's crying for him when their making love.
"Bye, Kens."
She slips out of the room, rubbing Monty's head as he follows her to the door, bouncing and his tail wagging. He comes back seconds after the door slams shut, giving a soft sigh and laying his head sadly on Deeks' lap. Looks up at him with the most depressing eyes. "I know boy... I miss her too."
She comes with burgers and beer, same as usual. He doesn't really care for the food at all anymore. All he wants is to get right to the sex now. Wants to kiss her, touch her, hold her for as long as he can. It's an addiction. A horrible, horrible addiction that he knows will end. He just didn't think it would be tonight.
He gathers her to him after she sets the food and beer down, presses soft kisses to the curve of her neck. Brushes his fingers along the bare skin of her stomach. "Deeks..." She breathes, her voice an octave higher as he nips at her earlobe, something he knows drives her completely wild. Her hands move to his chest, another gasp coming from her that excites him, encourages him to kiss up her neck, heading to find her lips until-
"Deeks, stop."
He jerks back, confused and impatient. What was she doing? This wasn't the routine that they had set in place. "Deeks..." She repeated, her hands moving to push him back, away and out of reach. "I... We need to talk."
His stomach flips and for a moment he feels overwhelming elation. She was going to do it. She was going to tell him she wanted more. She returned these crazy, insane feelings he had for her and he wanted more than sex and leaving and ignoring. She would stay tonight and he would wake up to her tomorrow and-
"I'm seeing someone."
Well, fuck. And Deeks thought her leaving every night killed him. That had been a paper cut next to this pain. A dull knife in his gut, twisting and twisting...
"Seeing someone." He repeats, taking a step back, staring at her in disbelief. "You don't... you don't go on second dates-"
"He's... it's different." She said, her dark eyes on his chest instead of meeting his eyes. He wants her to look at him, say it while staring into his eyes that this is real. But she won't look. "He's a good guy. Matt... he's a good guy. And it's going somewhere. So this... this needs to stop." She said softly, waving her hand between the two of them.
Deeks watched her for a long moment, his mind trying to work through the pain to decide exactly what he wanted to do. "Kensi..." He whispered, slipping for just a moment, longing and pain filling his voice. Her head jerked up, her eyes filled with something he couldn't quite place as they met his. "Kensi, I-"
"This wasn't anything more than sex, right?"
She stares again, her eyes watching him and waiting for whatever came next. They were hard, determined. Willing him to say yes and keep things clean and neat. So he does.
"Right." He agrees, his voice hallow, dead. He feels the knife twist again, nearly killing him. "Nothing more."
Kensi nods, breaking into a smile of relief. "Well... I'm sorry you're going to have to go back to your blow up doll." She said, her voice lighter, teasing. "But, it worked for you before."
He works his face into a smile, hoping it will pass as real. She takes it, either ignoring his pain or really not seeing it. Usually she can read him so well, even when he never wanted her to. But he has fooled her before. He hopes to God he can again.
She leaves a little while later, stating something about paper work and an early morning. He walks her out, opens the door. "This Matt guy, he really makes you happy?"
He can't help it. He has to make sure. Because if he is going to walk away, let her walk into the arms of some other guy, he has to know. Kensi smiles softly, nodding as she meets his eyes.
"Yeah, he does."
Deeks nods, muttering something along the lines of good, that's good. Doesn't even register her voice as she bids him good night, shuts the door, leaves.
He stands at the door, Monty at his feet as he hears her door slam, her car start and take off down the street. Stands and just listens as she leaves, like all those other times. Walks back to the living room, stands for a long while and smells her all around him. But he's alone. Again.
"FUCK!"
The glass breaks from the picture frame he throws, the frame bending and leaving a dent in his wall. Monty yelps, cowering behind the couch.
"Fuck." He whispers, covering his face and falling into the chair. Yanks at his hair in hopes to dull the emotional pain.
A long whine draws him out of his own head, soft fur against his knee as Monty lay his head down. "She's gone, boy. I'm sorry." He rubs the sad dogs ears, scratches his stomach. "It's my fault. I'm sorry, boy. It's my fault."
"It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever..." -Grey's Anatomy
Middle
Ten months, three weeks and two days. That's how long Kensi and Matt last. That's how long he has to watch her come into work happy, smiling and cheery. She doesn't even eat as much junk food anymore. Actually passes on coffee sometimes. Deeks hates it. Those ten months, three weeks and two days... they are some of the worst of his life.
He fucked some dark burnette the night after she told him about her precious Matt. The girl snuggled up to him after, even when he called her Kensi in the middle of it all, muttering something about how cute he was and how they should go out tomorrow. Deeks just shoved her away and ordered her to get out.
She slapped him and stormed out. Monty didn't whine when she left.
He has a string of girls for a while, all dark and burnette and no where near as amazing as Kensi. He jokes about it at work, right in front of the real women he wants. She frowns, scoffing him and teases him about how gross he is. But it doesn't seem to bother her.
4 months and three days into the Kensi/Matt relationship Sam gives him some advice. "It isn't going to solve anything, trying to make her jealous with your nasty bar girls." Sam growls, giving him a long, hard glare.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Deeks snaps, his voice harsher than he intends. Sam stares him down though, his eyes knowing and understanding. Pity was there too, which made him even more angry.
"You two are rediculous." Sam muttered, folding his arms and looking past him to Kensi. "Grow up, Deeks. Fix this. I'm sick of your moppy, pissy attitude."
He was going to try to fix it. He really was. He was working out the plan in his head. He was going to buy her lots of chocolate, work out the best way to word his confession to her so she didn't run. He had it all in his head.
Until she came into work humming, giving him a bright smile and setting his favorite donut down on his desk. "Morning!" She said, her voice so obnoxiously happy it makes him wince.
"Morning..." He mutters, causious and fearful. "What, uh... what are you all annoyingly bouncy about?"
She frowned at him, but it was fake and teasing. "Nothing! Just a good morning, partner!"
He raises his eyebrows, glancing at Callen and Sam, who looking both amused and causious. "That's all, Kensi? A good morning?" Callen asked, giving her a grin as she seats herself in her desk.
"Yes!" She sighed, rolling her eyes at him.
"Liar." Deeks teased, leaning forward and watching her. "What happened?"
Kensi looked at him, smiling mockingly. "I'm just in a good mood, Deeks. You should try it!"
They tease her, push her, ask more questions. She doesn't give in. Deeks bugs her all day, almost to the point of really annoying her, but she doesn't say a word. Doesn't tell him why. But when she gets a call from Matt, he understands.
"Yeah. I'll text you when I get off. Ummm, yeah." She mutters. Stops, listens, blushes and then glances at him. Turns away slowly as she lowers her voice. "Yeah, love you too."
The words knock the wind out of him. He can't breathe, can't think as they drive through the streets and she closes her phone with a snap. He feels her eyes on him, waits and he knows what she expects. A joke, teasing, a smartass comment. But he can't. He just... can't. He doesn't have it in him.
She tries to joke with him later about their suspects asshole of a boss, but quickly pulls back when she sees something in his eyes. The pain maybe. She doesn't try to joke the rest of the day and when they get back to OPS she seems slightly less happy.
"There is no fixing it." He tells Sam later, watching the older agent raise his eyebrow, open his mouth to say something. But just like Kensi earlier, he stops, his eyes softening.
"You're an idiot, Deeks."
He smiles sadly, shrugging. "Yeah. I know."
Something has changed now that he heard those words from her. Shifted. It takes him a week to realize he's given up. Matt… won.
That's why he flirts with the cute little blonde girl in the coffee shop. Takes her number as she nervously gives it to him, calls her a day later and takes her on a date. Then another and another.
Izzett is sweet. That is the only word to describe the tiny, blonde florist. She always smiles, is always so happy to see him. She laughs at his jokes, never once has she punched his shoulder when he teases her. Her kisses are even sweet. Soft and gentle, tasting like cherry. Deeks likes her. He really does.
But he only likes her. He hates himself for it. But he stays with her, hoping maybe, just maybe that will change.
And then, ten months, three weeks, and two days to the dot, Kensi is on his doorstep with food and beer. But he doesn't answer, Izzy does.
He panics for a moment, realizing how bad it looks having another extremely beautiful women show up at his door with food and beer and panics even more about what on Earth Kensi is going to think. Why, why did she have to decide to start hanging out with him on a night Izzy was here?
He's told Izzy about Kensi, of course. He's gotten calls from his team mates and partner before in front of her. She's listened to him joke and tease Kensi on the phone. He explained she was a co-worker, good friend. He never quite got around to the ex-friends with benefits part or how he was pretty sure he was in love with her. Just didn't seem the right time…
Kensi stares between the two of them, something odd on her face as she stares at him. It passes to quickly for him to understand before she puts on a smile. "Sorry… I should have called."
"No, uh… it's alright." He said, standing behind Izzy's small form nervously. He glanced down at her pale, heart shaped face, long blonde curls and bright green eyes. "This is Izzy. My girlfriend."
Izzy smiles, pleased. It's a term they agreed upon just two months earlier and she always got so happy when they introduced each other to people. It only made him feel even more horrible. "You're Kensi right?" Izzy greets, smiling widely at Kensi. "It's so nice to meet you! Deeks always talks about you!"
That was a bit of an exaggeration. Deeks told her basics, mentioned her in passing, but never detail. It's not something he wants to discuss with a girl he is trying his hardest to be with. But yet again, Izzy was being kind.
Kensi smiles, glancing back up at him. "Um… yeah. I'm Kensi. It's… it's uh… nice to meet you." Her dark eyes travel between the two of them, searching for something before she takes a step back. "Sorry, I should go. You guys obviously have plans and stuff…"
"I'll talk to you tomorrow." Deeks said, quickly cutting Izzy off before she tried to invite Kensi in with them. He just wasn't ready for that right now. "I know Sam and Callen talked about going to the bar tomorrow. If you don't have plans with Matt…"
"No more Matt." She said, giving him a sad sort of smile. Deeks stopped, not sure what to say, what to do. He opened his mouth to ask, to try to know what happened but remembered as she shifted, looking nervously between the two, that Izzett was still there. "I'll just… I'll go. I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow Deeks."
Fingers smoothing down hair, pulling pants back on. "I'll see you tomorrow Deeks."
"See you tomorrow."
Kensi began to come to his apartment more often now, but there was always a call first. She never went into detail about her and Matt, instead avoided the subject at all cost. Deeks could never figure out why. If had ended badly, he was sure she would have been eating her junk food and chocolate, would have gone on some shopping spree. But nothing was different. She was a bit less happy, but nothing more than that.
They were friends again. Like before. Before Matt, before the sex. Just friends, just partners.
Whether Izzy saw past his flimsy excuse of 'hanging with friends' on the nights he would hang out with Kensi, he never knew. She always smiled, nodded and told him to have fun. Kiss him and taste like cherry. He felt horrible, but Kensi… she was his addiction after all.
He would bring her around the team sometimes out of guilt. She always talked about meeting them, wanting to get to know the people he was closest too. So he brought her and introduced her to Sam, Callen, Nell and Eric. And Kensi, you know Kensi.
Izzy was sweet and kind and fit right in. The whole night, he sat on the edge of his seat watching Izzy and Kensi nervously. It was so odd to see the two of them sitting right across the table from each other. It was even more surreal to watch Kensi engage her in conversation, smiled with her and talked about how they both had a mutual love of the Titanic.
"I like her. She's way better than some of those nurses or trashy girls you always go after." Kensi stated one night, giving him a teasing smile and nudging him with her elbow.
"Thanks." He muttered, rolling his eyes at her. Kensi laughed, sipping her beer.
"I'm serious. She's really nice." Kensi said, pausing to scratch Monty's ear. "You and her are really serious though?"
There was something in her tone that made him turn and meet her eyes. He felt suddenly nervous, like this question would make or break something. What, he wasn't sure. He wanted to lie for a moment… but after a long pause he nodded. "Yeah. She's… good, ya know?"
Kensi smiles, nodding her head slowly. "Yeah." She mutters, turning away from him. "That's good."
"Yeah… good."
He feels even more horrible after that conversation for some reason. Lying to Kensi seemed almost worse than lying to Izzy. Which made him feel even more horrible. It was a never ending cycle and after another month, he knew it had to end. A girl as good as Izzy didn't deserve a guy stuck in love with his best friend. So he would end it.
But to his surprise, Izzy got there first.
They were at the very coffee shop, sitting at the table she loved by the window. She seemed nervous, shifting in her seat and biting her lip as she lay her hands out on the table, meeting his eyes. "Marty, we need to talk." Her voice wasn't shaky like he expected, but quite formal. Business like.
"Those aren't good words." He mumbled, taking a sip of his coffee and watching her.
"I think they are though, in this situation." She said, giving him a sad little smile. "Marty… I think… I just…" She sighed, tugging on one of her curls like she did when she was nervous. "I think we need to end this. I think we need to end this and you need to tell Kensi that you want to be with her."
Deeks blinked at her, nearly choking on his coffee as the words leave her mouth. He feels the guilt well up, filling him as he meets her eyes. "Izzy… I-"
She holds up a hand, tilting her head and smiling at him sadly. "It's okay, Marty. If you were an asshole, I would be a bit madder about this… but…" She sighs, folding her hands. "You tried to put your heart in this. I can see that. You're such a good guy and you tried. So… it hurts… but it's alright."
He sighed, running his hand through his hair slowly. God, he was an asshole. Izzy, sweet Izzy, was all but shoving him at Kensi. And worst of all, she was telling him it was okay after months of stringing her along. "I'm sorry." He said softly, meeting her eyes. "I'm sorry Iz."
She smiles at him, her red lips bright against her pale skin. "She's lucky. You really care about her."
He dips his head, running his thumb over his coffee. He had never told anyone exactly about his feelings for Kensi Blye. The exchange between him and Sam was as close as he had ever gotten. "I tried with this. I didn't want to feel that way about Kensi anymore… but-"
Izzy smiles sadly, reaching out to take his hand. "The only way I'll be mad about this, the only way I'll think you're a real jackass is if you don't tell her. I'm being a pretty big person and telling you to go get with another girl. I'm being very mature, so you owe me." Deeks looks at her, grinning as she gives him her best stern, serious look. So he nods, pays for her coffee and hugs her to him to apologize yet again. She just shoves him with surprising strength for someone so small and tells him to go get Kensi.
It doesn't happen right off. He doesn't run to work and make some dramatic speech and declare his undying love in front of the team, like one of her cheesy chick flicks. Instead he eases into it, pulls her back slowly. Tells her him and Izzy broke up. Hangs out with her. Tells her he missed her. Begins to flirt with her again. Buys her favorite chocolate bar in the mornings. Then one night he kisses her, slow and soft. It's not hurried like when they had sex, but filled with everything he wanted her to know.
And she didn't run. She didn't try to jump in bed with him like all those months before. Instead she smiled at him, taking his hand and telling him the food is getting cold. He smiles, because he knows she's alright because she stays, snuggles close to him that night during the movie and then kisses his when she leaves. More kisses are exchanged in the next few weeks, more hand holding and flirting. And then one night she leans back after another kiss between movies, lays her hands on his chest and says, "We're doing this aren't we? Me and you, together? Us?"
He smiles, laying his forehead against hers. "Yeah. We're doing this. Us."
"Us." She repeats, kissing his lips again. "Good. Good."
"And I think we're one of those couples who'll have a long story when people ask how we found each other. I will see her every now and then, and maybe one year she'll be with somebody and the next year I'll be with somebody and it's gonna take a long time… and then it's perfect. I'm in no rush." -Michael Scott, The Office
Ending
Deeks knows something is off the minute he walks through the door and is greeted by silence. It was Kensi's week to leave from work early, picking Kynsley up and taking her home for the few hours Deeks stayed to work later. It was a system Hetty had set up herself, handing them both a neat, colored calendar schedule to each of them the week Kensi had come back from maternity leave. They stuck to it when they could, enjoying the time they had with their daughter after hard cases.
Kynsley usually greeted him at the door on Kensi's weeks, running to him and hugging him around the legs before he gathered her up and kissed her cheek. It was a ritual he enjoyed more than anything and even after the worst cases, the most horrible murders, he was completely happy when he saw his little girl running to him.
Monty greeted him this time, sniffing at his feet and watching him with his tongue out. "Nobody home, Monty?" He asked, scratching the old dog's ears. "Where is everybody?"
That's when he heard it, a high giggle to his left. He recognized his daughter's laughter immediately, turning toward the sound quickly. "Hmm, did everybody leave us, boy?" He said, heading toward the noise, glancing around. "Mommy and Kynsley sneak out of here?"
Another giggle, louder this time. He turned, smiling as he heard something shift in the closet, a whisper coming from inside. "Guess we'll have to go look for them, won't we?" He sighed, gently wrapping his fingers around the knob. He jerked it open, laughing as Kynsley gave a scream of excitement and Kensi's laughter joined his. "Well, what do we have here?"
Kynsley giggled, hugging a wrapped box to her chest and standing quickly. "Daddy!" She squealed, delighted and as she greeted him, shoving the box at him. "Happy Birfday, daddy!"
He smiled, glancing at Kensi as he took the box gently. She smiled at him, standing and dusting herself off. "Surprise." She smiled, gathering Kynsley in her arms.
"I told you I didn't need anything…" He started, but she shook her head, smiling.
"Kynsley made it all. Well… almost everything." She said, smoothing their daughters wild curls down. She squirmed impatiently, patting the box.
"Open, daddy." She ordered, blue eyes hard and impatient. Oh, she was Kensi's daughter…
"Alright, alright." He said, moving to the couch and tearing away the wrapping paper. He took the blue bow, setting it on Kynsley's head and earning another laugh from her. The box held a few things. The first he saw was a picture with sloppily drawn stick figures in front of a house. He identified himself from the mop of blonde hair and a surf board, Kensi right next to him and a little Kynsley next to the stick figure Monty. "Did you do this?" He asked Kynsley, smiling at her as she nodded proudly. "No way. Look at that Kens, looks just like you!" Kynsley giggled, pleased as he pressed a kiss to her hair. The next was a crown, the words Happy Birthday! written in Kensi's neat writing with jewels drawn by Kynsley. He shoved it on his head, wearing it to the side since it didn't quite fit.
He thanked Kynsley, hugging her to him and pressing a kiss to her hair. She hugged him back, smiling widely and slipping off his lap to pull him into the kitchen. "Cake, daddy!" She said, opening the fridge and pointing to the round iced cake in the fridge.
They ate cake, went to the beach for a late night walk with Monty, the birthday crown tilted on his head as they walked. Kensi took a picture of the three of them, smiling and happy, before they headed home for Kynsley's bed time. He kissed her good night, thanking her again and tucked her into bed tightly.
"You really do look so good in that." Kensi smiled, taking the crown from him and setting it on top of their night stand.
"It compliments my eyes, I think." He said, grinning as she laughed. He leaned forward, pressing a lingering kiss to her lips as he moved into bed. "Thank you, Kens."
"You haven't even got my present yet." She smiled, her lips curved into a seductive smile. He stopped, watching her as she lifted her shirt slowly, shimmied out of her jeans.
"God, Kensi…" He moaned, grinning as she moved to straddle him in the sexy black lingerie he had admired at the mall a few weeks before. Kensi had scoffed him, slapping him and pulling him along toward Kohl's. She had paid attention though…
She kissed his neck, his jaw, his ear. "Happy Birthday." She purred, her fingers unbuttoning his jeans quickly.
"You gonna call me daddy too?" He asked, laughing when she pinched his arm and snorted.
"Marty!" She laughed, pressing another quick kiss to his lips before laying her forehead against his. "I love you."
He closed his eyes as he heard these three words, ran his hands gently over her arms and enjoyed the feel of her body against his. Thought over everything this amazing woman was to him. Partner, friend, lover, mother, wife.
Here, in this moment, all he could think about how long it took to get here. Here, they were together, their child in the next room. Everything was how it was supposed to be. Even with Matt, with Izzy, with their fights…. They had made it here.
"I love you, Kens. More than anything."
They made love, slow and incredible. After, she lay her head on his chest, muttered another 'I love you' and quickly fell asleep. But Deeks lay awake, smiling and listening to her even breathing. Because this moment, right here, was perfect.
Review please! I'll get the next chapter out a bit sooner if you do ;)
Hope you like it. It was a bit depressing at places, but it got a happy ending! :)