Hey guyssss! I am backkkk! I wrote a one shot :D It's hopefully super angsty and it was supposed to be for Shizuo's birthday but it got delayed because of reasons and homework. But here it is now! Late, but here.

Like I said, I tried writing angst, but I'm not sure how well it turned out. I kinda lost where I was going with this halfway and it felt kinda forced and quick in some areas, but yeah, I tried editing a bunch.

Let me know what you think of it! I'm not forcing you to, but comments are nice and friendly and I like them. So here we are, an angsty one shot. Have fun! Oh yeah, I ADDED BLOOPERS. Well, it's more of an extra thing at the end, but I'd say it's like bloopers. .-.

Shizuo stared at the note, rereading it to make sure he wasn't imagining this whole thing. Sadly, the blond didn't think he was dreaming.

'Happy birthday Shizuo! Sorry I couldn't give you your present in person, but something came up.

Izaya knows how to remove the collar, but he might be extremely hesitant to tell you. In the mean time, try giving him an order while calling him "flea"!

-Celty

P.S. I know I'm not a very good cook, but I hope you like the cake I made!'

The blond sighed, unsure what to do in this situation. There was a small white box on the ground, which must contain the cake Celty mentioned. Taped on top of the box was a black key, probably made of Celty's shadows.

Shizuo finally let his attention shift to the most prominent 'gift.' Izaya was currently glaring daggers at the blond, sitting cross-legged on the ground with his hands bound behind him to the railing of his apartment. There were black shadows covering his mouth, effectively gagging him. The collar around his neck and the handcuffs keeping him still also seemed to be made of them.

Upon closer inspection -much to Izaya's disapproval-, the shadowy substances all had a keyhole, probably meant for the key Celty had provided him with.

"Hold still for a minute." Shizuo grabbed the key from off the box and tried to reach over the raven.

It took a few tries to get the key in the lock thanks to the awkward position, but eventually Shizuo heard the 'click' of the lock. He unlatched them from Izaya's wrists and leaned back into a sitting position himself.

Izaya, to Shizuo's surprise, did not try to get up. The blond was almost sure that the informant was going to bolt the first chance he got, but Izaya just rubbed his sore wrists.

It was the kind of cold day where nobody should be outside, even if it wasn't snowing. Izaya had his trademark coat, which undoubtedly held knives, but his face was still flushed because off the chilly wind.

"Listen, I just want a peaceful birthday, so please try not to piss me off. Just today. We can go back to fighting tomorrow, but until this.. predicament.. is over, I'm calling a truce." Shizuo pinched the bridge of his nose, not ready to deal with whatever was going on here. He wanted peace and quiet, and the flea was messing it up again. It wasn't even his fault this time… probably.

Izaya slowly nodded, not in the position to do much else.

Shizuo picked up the box, stacking the handcuffs, note, and key on top of it, before opening the door. "Come on."

The raven slowly stood up, dusting off his pants before entering the apartment and closing the door behind him. Izaya was dying to explore the apartment, of course, but decided not to push his luck and instead sat down at the kitchen table. Shizuo had placed the box down on the table, but hadn't opened it yet. Izaya didn't even know what was in the box, nor did he really want to know at this point.

"Hold still again." Shizuo tried unlocking the Izaya-quieter device, cupping his face in one hand and the key in the other. Izaya had to admit, it felt weird having the blond touch him without murderous intent.

Soon, the shadows clicked open and fell off. Izaya stretched his jaw, but was intent on staying quiet. Shizuo didn't move away, now focusing on the collar on his neck. "There's no lock on the collar. Celty said you know how to take it off though. Consider it a present; I'll let you do whatever you need to do, and then you can leave."

"I'd really rather not." Izaya kept his words to a minimum, not daring to look Shizuo in the face.

The blond hummed. "So Celty was right. I'm not exactly sure what you need to do to get that thing unlocked," Shizuo pointed at the collar. "but did Celty tell you anything else?"

"She explained the 'flea' thing, yes." Izaya sighed. He was almost positive the blond was going to use that to his full advantage. It's what he would do, after all.

"And you'd rather stay here with that risk than do whatever thing you need to do? You're putting a lot of faith into me, louse. What do you need to do, anyways?" Shizuo finally decided to open the box. Inside was a cute-looking cake with blue swirls and a 'Happy Birthday!' written on top.

Izaya sighed, but answered truthfully. "I would need to tell you something."

"And you'd rather risk your life than just tell me and get it over with?" Shizuo grabbed a knife from the counter before slicing the cake into a few big slices.

Izaya only nodded in response. He watched the blond's every move, no intention to do anything but watch. Trying to stab the brute would be a death wish. It wouldn't do any good to his situation, either.

Shizuo was a few bites into his cake before he broke the silence. "… You're being unusually quiet. Normally, you'd try to talk your way out of this."

"...The sound of my voice pisses you off." It was softly mumbled, almost as if Izaya didn't want the blond to know that.

Shizuo's eyes widened in sudden concern and shock. His fork stops halfway to his mouth, and he looks up to Izaya. He didn't actually think Shizuo was going to do anything while he couldn't fight back, did he?

"..Hey Shizu-chan, can I ask you a favor?"

Shizuo didn't realize that he'd bent the fork. He was more focused on the raven, who was refusing to look at him. Izaya had a sickeningly sweet smile compared to his usual smirks. It didn't suit him.

"Kill me."

Snap.

The fork in Shizuo's hand broke in half from the pressure, but his eyesight never left the informant, who was sadly smiling, avoiding Shizuo's gaze.

"What part of 'truce' do you not understand?! I'm not gonna kill you when you can't even fight back!" Shizuo growled. He bangs his hands on the table standing up, creating dents in it.

Izaya's smirk suddenly reappears, but the blond wasn't buying it. "I should have known that the one time I want you to, you suddenly decide not to listen to your brutish instincts~ We both know you're just a stupid monster, but I thought you'd at least be able to understand a simple task like that~ If you let me out of here alive, who knows what I might do? I might get you fired again, I might start another gang war, I might even hurt your brother as payback for this~ So many choices! I didn't know you were the type to take chances, Shizu-chan. I mean, who knows what could happen?!"

Shizuo sat down, bottling his irritation up and forcing himself to stay calm. "I know what you're trying to do, and it's not going to work." Izaya was trying to make him mad so he'd kill the raven in his fit of rage.

Izaya crossed his arms, clicking his tongue, immediately dropping the act. "Stupid brute." He paused, reaching into his sleeve. "Fine. If you won't kill me, then I'll do it myself."

The raven pulled out his signature pocket knife, flicking it open. Instead of pointing it at the Shizuo like usual, Izaya aimed the knife towards his chest. The stupid flea was planning on killing himself!

It was said in the spur of the moment, before Izaya did something really stupid. "You're not allowed to hurt yourself, Flea!" Shizuo didn't even realize he had said it until it was already said. He didn't even think he said it because of the note; it was just something he would've said anyways. Shizuo was never good at just asking people. It would always come out in a command.

The knife suddenly bounced off the informant's chest as he tried to plunge it in. Izaya's brows furrowed. Of course he had heard Shizuo's order, but that didn't, and wouldn't, stop him from trying. If he didn't acknowledge it, maybe he could still stab himself. End his suffering. He'd die with the secret, after all.

Izaya tried stabbing his chest twice, and his hand once more, just to make sure, before eventually giving up and slumping on the table. "You stupid brute!"

Shizuo was about to argue with the raven about how that was a stupid idea, but closed his mouth when tears started falling from Izaya's eyes and he started sobbing. Was the thing he had to tell him really that bad..?

Izaya tried to dry his tears with his sleeve, but he couldn't get them to stop. His voice cracked and he repeated a few words, as if he couldn't get them to form properly the first time. "I would- I would rather die than t-tell you the stupid information, and now- now I can't even do that! Just put me out of my misery already!"

"There's no way I'm letting you kill yourself over some stupid info you have!" Shizuo got up from the table, putting some water on the boil and his broken fork in the trash.

"..I must look pretty pathetic right now, huh?" Izaya slumped on the table again, covering his face from view. "I give up. Just do whatever you want. Not like I have any control over it anyways."

"Stop talking like that." Shizuo grabbed his phone out his pocket.

[Hey Celty, thanks for the cake! It was really good. Anyways, is it possible for you to take off that collar without Izaya telling me whatever he needs to?]

It took her a minute to respond.

[Sorry I couldn't be there with you to celebrate.]

[Nah, it's fine. You're a busy person, I understand.]

[I just feel really bad about it… So how's it going with Izaya? I'm guessing he hasn't told you yet.]

[I don't really need to know, as long as nobody is in danger.]

[Nobody is in danger, but you really might want to know this. It's kind of important to you and him.]

[Look, can you take it off without him telling me? It's really not worth this, whatever it is.]

[What's happening?!]

Shizuo glanced over to the raven, who hadn't moved from his slump since he started texting Celty. [Nothing. I was just wondering.]

[Sorry, I don't think I can. The only way is for him to tell you. Oh- I have to go. Bye.]

[Ah, thanks. Bye.]

The blond sighed. So much for that plan. Whatever information Izaya has must be super important, but nobody's in danger, and it's apparently important to Shizuo. If he was able to live this long without it, Shizuo was sure it wasn't important to his daily life. Sadly, that didn't seem to be an option at this point.

The water was now steaming on the stove, snapping Shizuo out of his thoughts. He poured two cups, fixing both into a cheap, but still pretty good, tea.

"Oi, fl- 'zaya, here." Shizuo tapped the warm mug on the raven head before setting it down in front of him.

Izaya looked up after a moment, using his sleeve to dry the excess tears. "… What's this?"

"Tea."

"Why?"

"What do you mean 'why'? It's for you, louse." Shizuo realized Izaya was wrong. He never got angry at the sound of his voice, but more what the raven says. Everything usually coming out of his mouth was some sort of taunt to rile the blond up, and Shizuo let himself fall for it every time.

Izaya hummed for a moment, lifting the mug up to his mouth. It felt weird, him not asking if it was poisoned or making a big deal out of it. Shizuo almost… missed it. Anything would be better than this broken shell, even the flea who got on his nerves.

"Just calm down for a minute. I'm not gonna do anything to you. I told you, I'm calling a truce until this predicament is over." Shizuo sighed, blowing on his own cup to cool it down.

"I refuse to tell you." It was a simple fact that Izaya was determined to stick with.

Shizuo took a sip of his drink, feeling the warmth of it calm him immediately. "I texted Celty. She said the only way to get it off is to tell me, but I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Nobody's in danger, so I don't need to know. Simple as that."

"You wouldn't think like that if you knew what it was." Izaya was again, avoiding Shizuo's gaze, looking off to the side somewhere.

"What would happen if you told me anyways?"

Izaya took another sip before answering. "Depends on your reaction, really. You either kill me, or I make sure to never be seen by you again. Either option probably sounds pretty good to you though, huh?"

"What makes you think that?" The blond was genuinely curious.

Izaya gave Shizuo a deadpanned look. "Try the 'get out of Ikebukuro you gosh dang flea!' or the 'I hate you' part."

"I… I don't hate you."

It was only softly mumbled, and even Shizuo had to double check that he actually said that. Izaya looked equally as surprised, but quickly fixed his expression.

"I don't want your pity."

"It's not pity. It's just," Shizuo waved his hand around to emphasize his point. "a fact."

Izaya clicked his tongue again, muttering under his breath. He was not only avoiding the blond's gaze, but hiding his face as well. "Stupid brute. This is exactly why I'm stuck in this situation."

"Oh, uh, sorry. I didn't realize I did something wrong."

"You didn't do something wrong, and that's the problem. You never do anything wrong." Izaya's voice was still soft, but harsh.

Shizuo took another sip, emptying his cup. "That's not true. I make mistakes all the time. I'm only human, after all."

Surprisingly, Izaya let the human comment slip. "No, that's… that's not what I meant."

"..Oh." Shizuo paused, a new question forming in his head. "Who else knows about whatever this is?"

"Celty just found out today. She was originally planning on doing something else, but it backfired because of it." The raven set his finished cup on the table. "I think Shinra might have an idea, but if he knew, he'd never mention it. He'd be dead in a minute, tops."

Shizuo answered with a hum before Izaya continued.

"There's a good chance Kasuka knows. I was never very subtle." Izaya let out a fake laugh, looking at past mistakes that have now come to haunt him.

"Kasuka knows? He's never mentioned anything to me."

"It's not any of his business. I'd rather tell you myself then let anybody else tell you, anyways." The raven shrugged.

Shizuo sighed. He got up, grabbing the cups and putting them in the sink, along with the extra cake in the fridge. "… And you'd rather die than tell me."

"You could just force me to, you know."

Shizuo looked over his shoulder. "Do you really think I'm that bad of a person?"

"..No. You're not like me." Izaya crossed his arms and laid on them like a pillow.

"You can just leave, you know. I mean, you'd still have the collar on but I'm sure you could find a way to hide it. You're Izaya Orihara, after all." Shizuo leaned against the kitchen counter, having the sudden urge to smoke. He refrained for the sake of Izaya, since he knew the flea didn't like the smell.

Izaya glanced up. "Do you realize how many times you say 'flea' in our fights?"

The blond blushed and messed with his hair, ruffling it a bit. "Oh, yeah, I guess you're right." Izaya started failing at hiding a blush of his own, covering his mouth with his hand. "Are… Are you okay? Your face is all red. Are you sick?"

Shizuo knew he should have checked Izaya's temperature when they came in! Who knows how long he was out there for?! He's probably got a cold!

"No.. I'm not sick." Shizuo glared. "Don't give me that look; I swear I'm fine." Izaya frowned when he realized the brute didn't believe him.

"Alright well," Shizuo scooped up Izaya in his arms before the raven could comprehend what was happening, "It's still cold outside and I don't want you getting sick because of me."

"Hey- What are you doing?! Put me down!" Izaya tried to flail, but it was useless in Shizuo's grasp.

The blond listened to Izaya's request (not really) and dropped him on the couch in the living room, a few feet away. Shizuo sat down next to the raven, pulling the blanket hanging over the back of the couch onto the duo.

"Stop being so depressed. I already said I'm not gonna do anything to you while you're like this." Shizuo shuffled in the blanket, bundling up in it while leaving enough for Izaya.

The raven slowly sunk into the blanket after realizing how cold he actually was. "I really wish you actually would… Give me a reason to hate you."

"You already have one, don't you?" The blanket wasn't big enough to fit both of them, so their bodies were slightly touching from opposite ends of the couch, but surprisingly, neither minded.

"It seems to have slipped from my mind."

Shizuo didn't seem offended saying it. "I'm a monster, aren't I?"

Izaya suddenly grew worried, but he couldn't tell why.

Shizuo continued. "You're always saying how much you hate monsters. Aren't I one?"

And then it clicked. "Are you accepting the fact that you're a monster?"

"I might be. I'll just have to be a monster that doesn't hurt people." The blond sighed, moderately content with his life right now, even with the flea next to him.

"And what if I said I was wrong?" Izaya mumbled it, barely detectable, even at their close proximity.

"Wrong about what?"

It was silent for a moment. "… Human. You're human."

Shizuo stared at the raven, though Izaya was intent on avoiding his gaze again. He didn't know how to respond to something like that, or even where to start.

It took a minute for a question to finally form. "Do you love me like you love all your humans?"

"… No."

Silence filled the air. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable… Shizuo supposed the correct word would be 'tense'.

"Do you call me a monster because you hate me, and that would mess up your 'loving humans' philosophy?" Shizuo hit the nail on the head, but broke the wall in the process.

"You're the most human human I've ever met. You can use the human's abilities to their full extent, plus your morality rate is higher than anyone else's." Izaya sighed, still avoiding the blond's gaze.

Shizuo hummed. "Well, if you hate me or not, I'm still… I'm sorry you got dragged into this mess…" The blond buried himself in the blanket more, covering his mouth and nose. "Are you sure you're not sick?"

"I'm fine." Izaya stated, emphasizing his point.

"Your face is all red again. You might've gotten a cold from when you were outside." Shizuo had a worried expression on his face; Izaya hated how it was directed at him.

The raven gave Shizuo a deadpanned look. This look better not become a habit. "Shizu-chan, have you ever heard the word 'blush'?"

The blond stretched, uncovering his face from the covers. He tilted his head, replying with a perturbed look. "Well, yeah, but why would you be blushing?"

"Oh my gosh- Just how clueless are you?!"

Izaya whipped the blanket off of him, uncovering the brute too. He stood up, looking frustrated. The raven's back was turned towards Shizuo as he stormed towards the door.

Shizuo didn't ask him where he was going. "About what?"

Izaya opened the door, but didn't step through. He turned around to meet Shizuo's face head on.

Shizuo swore the flea was about to cry.

The raven was glaring daggers at the blond, and he was having a hard time keeping his voice steady. "I hate you."

Izaya paused. He didn't speak until almost a minute later, letting the cold air in. Shizuo didn't mind. "… No, I never hated you. I hate what you do to me."

Shizuo had never been this confused in his life. "What are you talking about?! What do I do to you?!"

Izaya looked away, another blush covering his face. It could have been the chilly breeze, though.

"… What if I told you… What if I told you I love you?"

The collar unlocked and fell on the floor with a clank.

Shizuo paused, unsure how to answer. That was fine (it really wasn't), because Izaya continued.

"You probably wouldn't believe me; probably get really mad and throw a vending machine at me."

Izaya smiled sadly.

"In best case scenario, you'd reject me."

Shizuo was frozen to the spot. Izaya was right in front of him, but he felt so far away. Everything was suddenly falling together, and it was crashing down right on Shizuo.

"Actually, you rejected me before I got to say a word. Back in high school, when we met."

Shizuo remembered that. When he met the flea back in high school, he had just said 'you piss me off' or something along those lines. Izaya had slashed his chest in return, which started their feud.

"Oh, right. Here." Izaya grabbed something out of his coat pocket and threw it at the blond.

Shizuo automatically caught it from years of experience. He looked down and was somehow not surprised at the small present in his hand. It was wrapped neatly despite its odd shape, and there was a bow twirling off the top.

Izaya looked away, outside the open door. "You know… I wasn't lying. I would've really liked being friends with you..."

And then he's gone. Izaya walked out the door, softly shutting it. Now, Shizuo was left alone to his thoughts.

The flea- Izaya just confessed to him.

Looking back on it, the raven was right. He never hid it that well. It was Shizuo who was the dumb one. Izaya would mess with him multiple times a week, just to get a reaction out of him. He would call Shizuo a monster because he can't actually love one of his humans, so obviously the brute couldn't be human. He had been so close to guessing, and it still flew right over his head.

Shizuo looked at the present in his hand. He wasn't really surprised at it. Every year a mysterious present would show up in the mail or in his home. He never really worried who it was from for some reason, because they had always smelled a bit like the flea.

The wrapping paper tore easily. Shizuo pocketed the bow, since it was still reusable. Inside, he found a small black case, which held an expensive-looking pair of sunglasses. Had Izaya noticed his old ones had cracked? Somebody threw a rock at his head a couple days ago, which missed and hit the pocket his glasses were in instead. Shizuo threw a slightly larger vending machine back at them.

As he was thinking about it, Shizuo realized he's never really hated the informant either. He didn't think it was as strong as love, but it definitely wasn't hate. Of course Izaya pisses him off, but so does everything else sometimes. Chasing the flea is how the blond lets off steam, how he calms down.

He's purposely missed the raven with projectiles sometimes, and has purposely let him slip through his grasp a couple times as well. Izaya would never let him live it down if he found out Shizuo liked their fights, nor that Shizuo was sparing him after almost a decade.

The blond tried on the new sunglasses, nodding to himself at his final decision. Izaya hadn't left Ikebukuro yet, which means he wasn't heading home right away, or was taking his time. Shizuo didn't know how he knew- he just did.

He takes a moment to put on his winter coat before slipping out his front door and into the cold bitterness of January. Izaya was probably a bit cold too. He had his infamous jacket on, but he has that jacket on in summers too, so it's obviously not that warm.

Shizuo stepped onto the barren street and tried to smell which way the flea went. Honestly, at this point, it was like a sixth sense, finding the informant. The blond doesn't question it, but does follow his nose into the less-crowded parts of the city.

After a bit of looking around, Shizuo was eventually led into an alleyway that felt almost twenty degrees colder. It's only dimly lit, but the blond could make out the outline of a person crouched against the wall, hidden from the public eye.

Shizuo walked closer and immediately recognized it as Izaya from the coat, hair, smell- well, basically everything about him. Except the fact that he had his face tucked between his knees and was sobbing.

Izaya must have sensed his presence, but didn't show his face. His voice was unsteady, ready to crack at anytime. "I'll leave in a few minutes. Just.. leave me alone."

Shizuo shifted to his other foot awkwardly. "I'm not here because of that..."

"Come to mock me then? Well, get it over with." His voice sounded defeated, and his words matched it.

"Actually, I, um..." Shizuo ruffled his hair again. It hit him that Izaya must have been blushing because of him earlier, when he was doing the same thing. Izaya must have a thing for it. "I came to give you my answer."

Izaya looked up. His face was covered in smeared tears and his eyes were puffy and red, but it looked like he didn't care. "You came all the way out here to reject me." It wasn't really a question as much as a statement.

"Just- Just be quiet for one minute. Just one." Shizuo gestured his hands for Izaya to tone down his voice into nonexistent.

Surprisingly, Izaya listened. He had a newly formed frown on his face after trying to dry off the tears with his sleeve.

"I… I don't love you.. but.. I don't definitely don't hate you." Shizuo paused in favor of steadying his breathing. "I'm willing to try being with you though, and maybe even grow to love you."

Izaya seemed intent on glaring at a bag of trash to his right. "Don't patronize me. Why would you ever choose to be with me?"

"Well, I suppose.. it's because we're both monsters, once you think about it."

Izaya hummed a response, but didn't say anything.

"'Shizuo and Izaya,'" Shizuo flailed his hands in the air. "When do you not hear our names together?"

"That's because we're always fighting."

The blond ignored him. "I actually can't imagine myself with anyone else, really. Who's name would be paired with mine as well as yours?"

It took Izaya a moment to register that that was basically a love confession. It seemed Shizuo didn't realize either. The raven stayed quiet to keep the mood, even just for a little bit more.

"I mean, of course you piss me off, but what doesn't? I think I'd be able to work on my rage if you stopped sending stupid gangs after me all the time!" Shizuo cleared his throat. "I'm kidding.. I think."

Just from the lower pitch of his voice, Izaya's veins filled with adrenaline from the years of fighting the brute.

Shizuo continued. "Anyways, what I'm saying is… Wait shoot. This feeling is love, isn't it. Crap."

The blond suddenly held a flustered look, which Izaya found incredibly amusing. His face probably didn't look much better, since he actually did just get confessed to, after all. "Ah, screw it."

Shizuo leaned in and closed the distance between himself and Izaya. And next thing the raven knew, he was kissing the monster of Ikebukuro.

And enjoying it. Definitely enjoying it.

Izaya had to physically restrain himself from lunging at the blond, though it wasn't so hard since he was being crushed into the wall. How romantic. He still found a way to lean in, deepening the kiss as much as he could.

In the back of Izaya's mind, he wondered if this was Shizuo's first.

Their kiss broke after a few moments, shorter than it should have been. But they could continue later, so it was okay.

Shizuo stood up again, backing away in favor of grabbing something from his pocket. He pulled out the small bow; Izaya recognized it from his present.

"You're… You're okay with having me, right?" Shizuo tilted his head. The blond's honey-colored eyes were almost glowing in the dark alleyway, and Izaya loved everything about them.

The raven only nodded, not trusting his voice to work at the moment.

"Good." Shizuo stuck the bow into his hair before picking the informant up bridal-style.

"H-Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" Izaya shrieked, gripping onto the blond's shirt so he wouldn't fall. It's funny how fast his voice could come back.

Shizuo laughed. He held onto the raven tighter, clearly enjoying himself. "I'm going home. I never got to enjoy the present Celty got me, after all."

Izaya's whole face reddened thinking about what Shizuo meant by that. His thoughts were interrupted by the blond's cheek nuzzling against him, mumbling under his breath, "I finally caught you."

Bonus Scene: The Walk Home

"But seriously though, no gangs."

"Aw, you're no fun. I like watching you use your strength."

"And I like when you don't send gangs after me."

"… So, was that your first?"

"First what?"

"Kiss."

"Hm? Ah, yeah. It was. You?"

"You think I've never been kissed before with my good looks? I'm not surprised a monster like you hasn't though."

"Izaya."

"Yeah, it was my first too..."

"So what was Celty's original plan?"

"Birthday plan?"

"Yeah."

"A love potion. She was going to make me fall in love with you for a day, thinking you'd get a kick out of it."

"I don't think I would've. I don't like people suffering for my sake, even you Flea."

"Could've fooled me."

"So it didn't work because you were already in love?"

"Well, that's putting it bluntly, but yes."

"How else would I put it?"

"I don't know! Be like me and move around the subject!"

"Why would I ever want to be like you? You're a terrible person."

"True. Did you know the correct way to pronounce my name is actually 'Trash Lord'?"

"I'd believe that. You are a piece of trash, after all."

"A single piece of trash? I'm at least worth two."

"I'm not so sure about that- Oh, shoot- Ah, h-hey Tom!"

"Shizuo? Why are you holding Izaya?!"

"Shizu-chan, run!"